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Brief Lessons on TV Death:

Killing off cast members on Harper's Island: EXCELLENT!  And SHOULD HAPPEN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

-Needs more Cal & Chloe.

-Catatonic.Trish (note the lack of exclamation point) is the best, particularly when Henry is nearby, being woeful and useless.  And then I found myself unexpectedly upset when she tried to call off her engagement, which sucked and was greatly at odds with my pro-Henry/Abby feelings.  Damn it, show!  Stop making me feel guilty and root for the engaged couple!  It's a dirty Casanova, trying to seduce me with "look, they were childhood friends too!" and "LOOK, they were high school sweethearts who went to separate colleges but still made it work!" (<--- happens in fiction approximately .02% of the time)

At this rate I think I almost need Henry to be the murderer or something, just to get out of the shippy mess my head is in.  I cannot handle Trish & Abby becoming island BFFs!

-I also cannot handle Abby/Jimmy.  By the way, when someone is covered in fish guts, I do not care how hot or sweet you find them in that moment, that means you wait until they are no longer covered in fish guts to make out with them.

-OMGWTF MADISON.  Apparently she's being held hostage by the killer now?  It's bad that I was looking forward to the child sociopath's death, right?

-Speaking of death, most unsatisfying murder payoff ever.  I appreciate you not waiting until the last minute this time, but -- a shot of Malcolm's bloody fingers gripping the door?  Really?  I'm not even that invested or interested in his murder, he's so dull.

-Hey, you know what else was dull, the endless flashbacks to what I could have sworn were the early 90's even though it was only 2002.  I know it explained a lot of things, particularly who Burn Face is and the reason for the (well-deserved) hatred she's harboring for her dad, but sweet holy Lord, I do not need to think about Abby and Jimmy "camping."  Also?  Teenage!Abby was a seriously obnoxious brat.  I was sick of her after one scene.  (Nice job on the parenting, too, Mrs. Mills.  Way to make a stand and really stick to your disapproving guns.)

-As soon as Henry started angsting about how he should have done more to take care of JD, I may have zoned out for a few minutes and started thinking up Numb3rs-related scenarios instead, and how things might play out if Alan or Don were to die.  Oops.  Did I miss anything significant about their backstory?

-I wish I could quit this show and store it up to watch all at once, because the wait is always si INTERMINABLY LONG.  But, haha, I most certainly cannot do any such thing, so six more weeks of horrific suspense it shall be.
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Killing off cast members on Primeval: VERY, VERY BAD.  And SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN EVER.

But I don't want to discuss that quite yet:
~~~~~~~~~
2x05: For the record, despite the lack of awesome beasties - they are more like ugly sand scorpions - this is my new favorite episode of all time.  I mean, considering that there's a cute dog (who lives) and most of the episode is spent featuring Cutter & Stephen's Rescue Mission with a fantastically snarky preteen tomboy, that's a given.  I think the whole series should be reduced to this, just Nick & Stephen & Taylor fighting their way through strange uninhabited-by-humans landscapes.  Maybe to make it perfect we could throw Abby in there too, along with pets/mascots/animal helpers Rex & Sprat (after she goes through doggy obedience school).

Anyway.  She screams a bit much, but for the most part she is the best guest star ever, and I think I'm irrationally jealous of the actress.  The point is that Taylor is awesome, aside from foolishly not allowing Stephen to carry her.  She does let him hold her hand while walking along rocks, and grab/shield her while a guy's dying in front of them, though, so my "hot men hotly protecting children" scene quota is nicely fulfilled.  And I just love how both guys interact with her, trying to balance that awkward line between "kid" and "young adult."   

Also, I don't know if I've mentioned this yet, but I love how guns are the answer to everything on this show.  And not just tranq guns, either!  Machine-gun bullets solve a lot of problems.  It's sort of refreshing after a long run of pacifist!Law & Order. 

On an unrelated note: setting aside the fact that Connor has enabled Rex to nearly die yet again, by way of dating a cold-hearted, lizard-smashing bitch, WHY do they keep letting Caroline hang out in the apartment by herself?  Even the first time they met her, they were pretty much like "lock up on your way out, kthnxbai."  Isn't at least one of them supposed to be a genius?  I am not a genius, but I generally don't trust strangers I've just met to hang around alone in my house, no matter how nice/cute/pretty they are. 

Important notes: NICK + TAYLOR + STEPHEN FOREVER.  (And yes.  I did get all mushy and gooey at the end, because I am a sucker for stepfather-stepdaughter interaction.  Blame ER & Tony Gates.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2x06/2x07 (not really bothering to differentiate, since it's a 2-parter)

-MAMMOTHS.  Even when they are not woolly mammoths and there is only one of them, MAMMOTHS ARE THE GREATEST THING EVER.  I just wanted to state that, for the record.  They even beat raptors, and I was of this opinion before this one awesomely speared a tusk through future-ape, who is my least favorite vertebrate on this show to date. 

-Apparently Paul Cornell wrote this awesomeness.  I knew there was a reason I liked that guy.

-I've been noticing that this show has a tendency to open with horrible hip-hop music, in the manner of CSI: Miami.  Stop that.  Although I've also been noticing how they never kill the cute young kids, and that's something of a relief.

-OMG EXOTIC ZOO OF SCARINESS.  While that is a super-cool/terrifying shot, it doesn't take a genius to know that you should always back up laser bars with reinforced iron ones.  Have you never seen Jurassic Park?  SHIT HAPPENS when you rely completely on electricity!  I do not know why I keep swearing, as I have no excuse for it, and yet.  It looks right.

-Um, I object!  I object hardcore to Jenny losing her fiance thanks to his unwarranted jealousy over her stupid secretive job!  IF GWEN COOPER CAN KEEP HER MAN AFTER CHEATING ON HIM MULTIPLE TIMES AT WORK, IT'S JUST NOT FAIR. 

-Lester's snark really started to grow on me in ep 6.  I think I almost like him now, grudgingly.  As a trade-off...

-OK, yeah, you're right.  That tenuous hold of liking I had for Helen is...gone.  It's no longer just buried beneath layers of annoyance, it is gone.  It was gone even before the end of 2x06, even before I was screaming in horror and yelling at Gullible Stephen to "think with the head that has a brain, dammit!", but now it is really, really, super-duper gone.  I'm at a point where I really need someone to shoot her between the eyes, or at least have the presence of mind to handcuff her to something.  And gag her, because the only person whose words are more dangerous than hers is Benjamin Linus.

*is now having horrible Lost crossover thoughts of Ben/Helen*

-Me near the end of 2x07, especially after I'd finally convinced myself that all that worry about character death was unwarranted:
OMGWTF NO.  :'(

Noooooooooooooooooooo not Stephennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!  GOD I hate the lame locking-myself-in-a-room-with-certain-death-to-save-y'all sacrifice!  I hate it more than anything in this world!  It sucked on The X-Files, it sucked on Lost, and it sucks here!  Nick was perfectly willing to kill himself; let him do it!  I know you boys have an unofficial contest about who can cheat death more times each year, but that was more extreme than you needed to take it.

*shakes fist threateningly*  I know you have a loophole!  Fix this!  Fix iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!  The fact that I can go straight into season 3 is pretty much the only reason I am not freaking out more right now (yes.  even more than this), and it still took me like thirty minutes of ranting and raving to remember this fact.  And I can still only assume he's not permanently dead, because if I allow myself to go back to believing otherwise, someone is going to get hurt.

Hey, by the way, if we're gonna mess with universes again, can Stephen/Abby happen now?  (What.  I need something good to come out of this, and if he somehow comes back and I have to watch him kiss Helen one more time, I will actually lose whatever meal I ate last)

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P.S. Flist!  Do you like voting in polls?  Did you enjoy Fandom March Madness and/or taking any excuse to support ships that are awesome?  Then you should come click away at ship_manifesto !  Come cheer for things like Hyde/Jackie, Mulder/Scully, Simba/Nala and more!

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