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Watching the ever-dying-of-boredom "I'm a Celebrity" contestants get "art therapy" last night, i.e. a self-portrait assignment to draw their favorite moment in the jungle so far, I realized something: this show is actually run by the aliens in charge of Hulu, and our fearless celebs are on exhibition in an intergalactic zoo. 

Just like zoo animals, they are confined to a relatively small area, and must be provided with toys, activities and entertainment outlets lest they become listless and depressed (some of them do anyway - luckily, they're set free before they actually die of homesickness/broken hearts).  Sometimes they have perform to earn their supper ("food trials"), which is also one of the highlights of their day.  There's even an experimental mating program in place!  And Lou keeps saying how they're a microcosm of society... Frankly I don't know how it took me this long to draw these connections.
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Because I was busy over on NBC, I only got to watch the second half of SYTYCD live.  And I only did it so I could get the voting numbers, but when I tried to call, I kept getting "the number you have dialed does not exist" messages, even though I triple and quadruple checked it and was well within the voting window, so I don't know what that's about.  Stupid voting system thwarting me at every turn...and I was all excited this week too, because not having a particular favorite couple, I was free to spread my votes around to all the ones I kinda liked and hope it would have the blanket effect of voting down ones I didn't.  

-So You Think You Can Dance: Top 18

General Observations:
-Cat could come out wearing a burlap sack and still look good.  I know this because she essentially wrapped herself up in red bedsheets last night and bunched all the extra material up over one shoulder, and I still instinctively wanted to fawn over her outfit.

-I legitimately wanted to fawn all over Mary's gorgeous green shirt & matching necklace.  Woman!  Stop wearing such amazing tops; I should not be this jealous of you!

-Good to see Sonya is still the freakiest creature ever pulled out of a swamp.  Because I worried she might have classed her looks up a little since we last saw her.

-OMG BRIAN WHAT.  I don't want you without your trademark poufy curls, but I especially don't want you without any hair at all.  Go away.

-Stacey Tookey?  You're awesome.  And so shockingly, refreshingly normal-looking!  Memo to producers: poach choreographers off the Canadian edition more often.

Fluctuating Opinions of Dancers:
--Jason and Jonathon are interchangeably on my Hate List right above Phillip now.  The both of them remind me of dumb, boisterous, overeager Labs.  And not the cute kind.  Just the stupid kind who chew on your shoes and dig up the yard.

-(Jason?  Jonathon?) has simultaneously knocked my opinion of Very Pretty Karla down a peg or two; I'm not nearly as fond of her as I was last week.

-Real reason I don't like Caitlin:
-After that charming little projectile-vomiting story, I've soured on Ashley permanently and forevermore.  Nice job oversharing, you twit.  I was poised to give you a chance and everything.

--I've figured out several reasons as to why I dislike Kupono: one, turns out he's the guy with the obnoxious to-do list he insists on shoving at the camera all the time. Two, his voice is irritating and kind of immature.  Three, both of the previous reasons in combination with the fact that he has really short, unattractive, buzzcut hair.

--I also have several new reasons to dislike Phillip: today it's because his ears stick out and his lips are too big, in combination with the fact that he too has really short, unattractive, buzz-cut hair.

-I'm starting to not be able to think anything but "skank" when I look at Melissa.  Sigh.

-Dmitry was hot.  Pasha was really hot.  Max is not hot.  I don't think I can appreciate him, although he seems nice enough.

+Kayla, on the other hand?  I think I can appreciate her.  She's much less obnoxious than I initially feared, despite being only 18.  Kinda cute, even.  OMG I CAN BE POSITIVE SOMETIMES.

++Randi's going up in my estimation.  I don't even know why.  Possibly related to the internet pitching a fit because she dared to claim it was hard to act sexy with someone besides her husband.   [Edit: OR BECAUSE SHE HAS A CUTE DOG AND LOVES IT TO DEATH.  OMG.] 

-Brandon is similarly going down.  He is working his way under my skin like a splinter - not enough to really be a problem, but aggravating all the same.  I don't know why at all.

++Janette still looks ridiculously like Helen Cutter to me.  But for some reason, I've decided to latch onto her and make her my new second-favorite girl, with an additional option to move up in the world if Philip ruins Jeanine for me.

The Dances:
I really like this method of single/double plus and minus signs.  Perhaps I shall keep it up to judge the dances themselves.

+Randi/Evan/Jive ("Shake Your Tail Feathers"): Wheeeeeeeee!  That was so much fun; loved the jump over her head!  I already feel like this week is going to be a 500% improvement over the last one.  That took me back to my 4th Street days, yes it did.

+Melissa/Ade/Jazz ("24 Hours"): However I feel about her, they still come across as by far the most professional couple of the group.  It amazes me, like I'm watching the show between numbers rather than actual contestants.  I don't think he needed to be shirtless, but this was still a great, high-energy number.

--Caitlin/Jason/Hip-Hop ("Missing You") BY SHANE SPARKS, OMG THRILLING: [OK, apparently 9 dances is still too many to hold my interest.  Because I'm watching this out of order, I've already had my bubble burst by the other Shane Sparks dance and I'm too impatient with this dullness to even finish watching the routine.]

+Brandon/Janette/Disco ("Loving Is Really My Game"): Doriana is always claiming this is the "fastest dance ever."  I'm starting to not believe her anymore.  However, like all disco, that was SUPER EXTRA FUN - amazing split-leg spin; I didn't know human legs could make an obtuse angle like that - and I loved it. I'm still waiting for a breakout hit that leaves me speechlessly amazed, though.   

+Asuka/Vitolio/Waltz ("Dreams Are More Precious"): Hey show, what did I tell you about shutting up about his tragic backstory?  I'll give it a pass this week, because I liked the dance anyway.  Breaking out the Enya is always a good choice, even if this is a song I don't know.  Very flowy and pretty like contemporary, and I enjoyed her blue dress.  Open back and somewhat sheer material on the torso, but otherwise she was completely covered up and it was lovely.

++Max/Kayla/Pop ("Hot Like Wow", or "Stupid Like Whoa"): In spite of the idiotic song title, and her crazy clown-peacock costume and inexplicably long blue eyelashes, I really liked this!  Lousy Brian and his sneaky magical choreography.

-Karla/Jonathon/Contemporary ("Falling Slowly"): Kind of boring.  And the song is bugging me, because it wants to get into my brain, and I am very determinedly not letting it, because although it got better I hated the way it began.

--Phillip/Jeanine/Tango: Well golly, that was dull.

-Ashley/Kupono/Hip-Hop ("Imma Be") BY SHANE SPARKS OMG STILL SO THRILLING: See, there the Black-Eyed Peas are again.  Do they have a contract with this show?  The choreographers?  Did someone sign a deal with the devil, and is the devil one of the band members?  (Taboo, maybe?  WHY DO I KNOW ALL THEIR NAMES).  I'm just saying.

Another thing I am saying: remember when I had the luxury of not having to love everything by Shane Sparks just because it was his work?  I hope to recapture that feeling again soon.  Because I was very flaily until about halfway through this dance, and then I realized it actually wasn't good, so much.  (And then I got flaily again because I love when the closing numbers suck, as it's starting to feel like going last is the equivalent of winning immunity, and that's not right).

Final Feelings: Caitlin and Jason are still on my chopping block.  So is Phillip, but the judges won't send him home in a million years so it's best not to risk it while they still have the power.  
Current Favorites: Jeanine, Janette, Evan, Vitolio, Ade, Kayla, Randi.  Boy, that changed a lot.

P.S. As you may have noticed, in protest of not really liking any of the dancers, I am going back to my season 3 happy place with my icon.  I meant to go find one of Cat, honestly, but then I got distracted by Neil & Lauren and how nobody has won my heart quite like the pair of them since.  *sigh*


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