B. Apparently So You Think You Can Dance had an opportunity to get rid of Phillip, but they cut two of my favorites(Karla & VITOLIO!)instead. This is why we're through, show! THIS IS WHY.
C. Torchwood Radio Plays, 2009: Apparently I can cram this much nonsense into my head at once.
Even before I listened to this, I saw PC Andy in the summary. AND SUDDENLY THIS FANDOM GOT TWICE AS FUN. After listening to it, I'm practically ready to forgive them for "Exit Wounds." Yep, Andy is just that great. He reminded me that I am capable of having emotions besides hate and annoyance about this show!
I figured he'd be relegated to just the first scene, but no, despite all the threats of Retconning, he was there the whole way through! Being awesome! Sticking up in defense of a poor scared teenage girl all the way! *ignores his minor alien/monster freak-out* Staying with her while she slept! (not like that)
Add that to the part where I'm pretty sure Rhys wasn't even mentioned, and my little Gwen/Andy shippin' heart was freeeeee to run wild with abandon! Better yet, Gwen & Andy, I'd venture to say, made up the majority of the scenes, so that whenever Jack and Ianto dared to butt their unwelcome voices in, they were more like mere annoyances of flies, easily waved off and ignored as irrelevant. Other things:
* Sorry, I'm still really very enchanted by Andy's endearing attempts to pronounce & use Frieda's strange words. And the soothing sound of his voice reassuring her at the end. And I think I'd kill Gwen myself if I could have had a visual of him talking Frieda down and helping her back to the proper side of the bridge...
* Speaking of reassurances, I've decided that Gwen needs to be a mom. But I cannot picture her with a baby, despite having actually seen her 9 months pregnant, so I think I really just want to see her adopt a young teenager at some point. It worked for Sarah Jane!
* I should stop beating around the bush and just admit that I want Frieda to join the cast permanently. Isn't it amazing how many people I want to join Torchwood, and yet the the one person I could reasonably demand to be killed off keeps on being totally fine
* I really liked the way they'd have the background voices dim, but not vanish entirely, when Frieda retreated into one of her memories. Cool effect.
* Although I really need to look up the voice actors on IMDB before I do anything else, as I kept picturing her as a slightly more grown up Madison from "Harper's Island." Even though she's decidedly American and the actress is 12, and playing younger.
* The ending to this was kind of weirdly abrupt and/or completely lacking in resolution, wasn't it? Like they just noticed they'd run out of time. I still say we cut out the pre-credits scenes from the radio plays; they're unnecessary and way too confusing without a visual.
* I just realized that with first Martha, then Andy...they're really trying desperately to keep people from noticing the gigantic void left by Tosh and Owen, aren't they? Thinking about the stupidity of your decision there, TPTB? (shut up, I want to believe this)
* I love this story, by the way - I kept thinking there was going to be some sort of reasonably explicable conclusion, but it was really pretty bloodchilling. (even if it did keep up the theme of "whenever future!England is confronted by something different, they revert to 18th century racism and brutality," which I'm starting to find really obnoxious)
Bottom line: this is at LEAST in my top 10 Torchwood scripts of all time. No wait, top 5. Small Worlds, From Out of the Rain, A Day in the Death, Out of Time...ASYLUM. There it is, just edging out Fragments. Woohoo!
2. "Golden Age"
By contrast, this was a big fat letdown. Which I fully expected, based on the summary, because that hideous Capstone class instilled an anti-India bias in me that I'm STILL not over.
The Duchess and her refusal to let go of the brilliant British empire was kinda awesome, though. I sympathize with her anti-change, turn-back-the-clock attitude.
3. "The Dead Line"
The first one was SO GREAT. The second one was SO TERRIBLE. And the third one was...adequate. By which I mean, I feel like it was written for the shippers. Not being one of them, I had no real use for it.
I mean, first, tons of Gwen/Rhys, which I reject on principle (the principle of "Andy is way cuter").
Second, it's official: no matter what jokes I crack while watching Harper's Island, I can never actually slash-ship anybody. I know this because "Dead Line" tempted me with one of the holiest of shippy grails (possibly THE holiest in an audio-exclusive world), and I felt NOTHING. There was a hospital vigil with a coma (fine, "trance") patient and an emotional monologue, and all I wanted to do was roll my eyes and choke on the saccharine nature of it all.
You know on How I Met Your Mother, where Ted goes on some long, boring ramble and Barney mimes various ways of killing himself, like hanging? THAT IS WHAT I WAS DOING. THE WHOLE TIME. I even spent about 5 seconds trying to remix it as Doctor/Rose in my head, but the fantasy broke immediately under the weight of its own stupidity.
Thanks to that, I pretty much gave up on the rest of the play, switching from lying in bed with my eyes closed and no other distractions for optimum visualizing, to jumping on the internet and doing 7 other things at once. I still don't really know how the plot ended up or why the phones were ringing lethally in the first place. Ex-plain! Ex-plaaaaain! (Yes. I'm going to do my Dalek voice from here to eternity.)
I did hear the Holy Shippy Grail strike one last time, though - a downright sentimental acknowledgement of the emotional monologue, in a way that I expect to see splashed across fandom banners in cursive handwriting. STILL NOTHING.
One thing I did like was Gwen stepping up and taking charge for a while. Even with Rhys in tow, Gwen + anyone else > Jack & Ianto. More of her, ALWAYS MORE OF HER. My favorite scene by far was the pair of them stepping into the old abandoned office building, because even without a visual, spooky old quasi-haunted places will never not be my FAVORITE SETTING IN THE WORLD, second only to creepy forests. That was all really nice.
Understand, I'm not saying it was bad - it was a good plot, just not my cup of tea. Frankly I probably would have liked it better if Asylum hadn't been so great, but now I am doomed to judge everything with terrible harshness. On a related note, I am so glad I am a desperately fluffy romantic 98% of the time, because otherwise I do not know how I would ever watch television. Not being a canon shipper is terrible! How do you LIVE?
D. Saw "Away we Go" yesterday. Have a lot of things to say about it, but the most pressing thing right now is how royally it's screwing with my daydreams. Jim blends into Burt, Verona to Pam - the couples keep mixing themselves up as soon as I try to zero in on one. Mostly, I am having a devil of a time keeping Jim beardless in my head. It's very distressing! Stupid Office and its stupid worst possible timing for that little plot twist...