CSI: Miami: We've all heard about the s.8 premiere flashing back to 1997, as in 5 years before the series premiere, right? Oh good. Then you also know it has somehow eclipsed Kyle as the most horrible crackrabbit ever to enter the writer's room. There is no way this can end within a mile of "well," since I assume they won't be using a time machine to go back to a place when everyone could act and the writers believed in realism.
lieueitak has handily compiled a short list of things that will go terribly wrong in Project RetCon, which can be summed up with "ignore anything and everything you learned in the pilot/season 1." (I think I'll have to watch that season in early September, just so I can get angrier at the new episode with original canon fresh in my brain) I would add something about how Ray and Yelina fit into all of this, but that would most likely make my head explode. I'm just going to focus on how hey, at least this means I'll get a break from Natalia*. At the expense of Ryan too, but I can handle that if it nets me Alexx.
[*Edit: Screw that fanciful hope! "Horatio, Delko, Calleigh, even Ryan and possibly Natalia are involved in the flashbacks." *punches desk*]
I think the worst part is how much potential this idea has, if they did everything right. If they actually tried to flesh out the origins of the team, paying strict attention to canon rather than shoehorning it in to align with their current storyline, it could be quite possibly the greatest thing they'd ever done. But since they clearly aren't, it'll just be an exercise in horror. ...I'm almost looking forward to seeing how awful it is. Ten bucks says Eric & Calleigh make really obvious goo-goo eyes at each other, thereby helping the writers establish their own lie about how this love story has been simmering since day 1.
CSI: NY: On the new character (who is obviously working for free since "budget cuts" mandated the killing of Dt. Angell): [Kaye] is described as a sexy and funny risk taker whose bookish knowledge and eagerness makes her a fit for the job.
Really, all I needed to hear is that she's an overeager young thing, and all my settings rolled to "hate." Dear show, look around; when has casting an eager young newbie EVER gone right for the franchise? Lindsay Monroe (half the fandom wants her dead). Natalia Boa Vista (arguably not so young or eager; whatever). Ronnie Lake. Super Speshul Riley Adams. Tara the Pill Poppin' Coroner. OK, so Ryan Wolfe worked out, but that was a fluke/exception that proves the rule. Go for the seasoned people more, please.
As for D/L: Look for both of them to face major obstacles, some of which, a show rep promises, will be their toughest yet. (We're thinking something worse than diapers.) Really, was anyone expecting domestic bliss?
OK, that I'm actually looking forward to. Fight! Fight! Divorce! Come on! I have money riding on this! (not really. but it's fun to say.)
Numb3rs: In the season opener, an assassin targets a political activist in a series of attacks that hide a mysterious agenda. But here's what you really want to know: Don will deal with the fallout from being stabbed (preview: "Ouch!"), and Amita will weigh Charlie's marriage proposal.
Don news: ZOMG YEY!!
Charmita news: Aw, crap. So now I have to watch Charlie's poor little heart get crushed when she initially needs time to think about it? You had better come up with a really spectacular scene at the end in which she does accept, otherwise I will be destroyed and cease to exist as a person. I'm willing to admit a certain grace period before I cease to exist as a person, but it's only 55 minutes past the start of the premiere.
I'm still being bold and optimistic enough to believe that the acceptance IS forthcoming, and sooner rather than later, but every minute you make me wait is a minute I get grouchier for finally declaring you my #1 fandom only to have you promptly bite the hand that praises you.
Torchwood, Children of Earth: Day Four
*eyebrow arch* Seriously?
(RS promptly ignores her opening statement and continues on as if nothing has happened yet)
This whole rational thoughts-after-the-fact thing isn't cutting it for me. I need a running commentary of double the length, starting now!
1. Wow. So your "good excuse" is a vaccine for one of the Super Deadly Flus that supposedly are on the brink of exploding every 3 years or so, but never materialize? Lame. Even for the low, low price of 12 kids, that's lame. [In a statement I may later retract,] I advocate risking mass dying! Maybe then people will shut up about global warming and other assorted dangers of a huge human population.
2. Or whatever; ugh, it's just really gross watching Jack lead metaphorical lambs to the slaughter. Did you have to specifically pick twelve of the most adorable children ever, by the way? (That redhead is like a young Amy Adams!) Surely there were ugly and/or mean-tempered orphans who would pull at my heartstrings less.
3. Well, thank God one person listened to my demands to have Jack shot as a scolding! First useful thing Clem's done all week.
4. Which of course leads to Ianto cradling Jack in his arms and waiting for him to come to back to life. I swear, Ianto is carrying the Checklist of Cute around in his front pocket, waiting to check stuff off. He's organized & on the ball like that. (It is still a bit weird to watch this kind of thing taking place with two guys and being expected to feel shippy about it. Will this ruin close guy friends for me on all my other shows? Hope not. Would be too sad.)
5. Am kind of loving Ianto's Hurt Face of Vague Betrayal, though. Is he getting cuter? This is strange.
6. Correction: they only want prepubescent kids? So teenagers aren't affected? RTD, PLEASE JUST ADDRESS MY QUESTIONS ABOUT SARAH JANE'S KIDS AND I WILL STOP RAILING ABOUT IT. Because if they're not directly affected, then I could understand her playing the "this is too big for us" card and trusting Torchwood/UNIT/The Doctor to handle it, and just hunkering down with Luke & Mr. Smith in the attic, waiting for the storm to pass.
7. I think we should give serious props to the camera guy's bravery (the fictional character, not the one behind the scenes). He's just an observer, not an evil player in/pawn of top-secret government! This is not in his job description!
8. Ianto has tears in his eyes seeing that kid. Never mind the Checklist of Cute, he's simultaneously reading "The Lowly Character's Guide to Overcoming RS's Bias Against You." While trying to save the world. His powers of multitasking are many and impressive.
9. I feel like this problem could get solved much more expediently if we brought the Doctor in to talk to the 4-5-6, rather than Frobisher. Give that man ten minutes of grandstanding and they'll either be eating out of his hand, or he'll have stalled long enough to come up with a plan that works. Can we clone him again?
10. WHAT! Don't be understanding, Coffee Boy! You have to spit some vitriol first! THEN you can get to the makeup se - EH HEH HEH that is not a place my brain can go. No. Absolutely not. Oh, never mind, he's still wearing the Face of Disappointment even as he empathizes.
11. Yeah, no. A reduction in the population will not ever been seen as good by anyone who is or has been a parent or friend/relative of a parent. And least this is making the green movement look extra stupid. What's up with that, RTD? Aren't you super liberal about everything?
12. *contradicts previous statements several times until she is very confused about her own position* Hey, sure, dumb kids as canon fodder! Being of the bright class myself, and having spent my school years generally looking down my nose at the people whom I can imagine would get shafted here, this is the best argument so far. Whats-her-name and I are mind twins!
RS is not to be taken entirely seriously on this point, since this is, after all, fiction.
13. OK, it's
14. So...Ianto might die for real. Huh. [I mean, people had been openly fretting about it for a while, but I figured their fear was making them paranoid, and anyway, the worst case scenario was that it would actually happen, and I was not diametrically opposed to this. In fact, just the other week when I was watching Torchwood: Declassified and they mentioned how since we knew Jack was never in danger, they had to Shock And Awe by killing people close to him, I distinctly remember snarking "Then why the hell don't you kill Ianto? Nobody's closer to Jack than him!" Ergo, when it started to seem very imminent, I was too baffled to believe my eyes. Thought for sure they'd find a way to wriggle out of it.]
15. Hoooooly crap. I don't believe this. He is dying! He is like, actually legitimately dying FOR REAL! Man, now that I know there are a finite number of moments, I am gonna have to go back and hardcore ship Mr. Jones & Mr. Jack.
16. *is distracted* There goes Clem! HARPER'S ISLAND STYLE BLOODBATH, YEAH! Now back to your regularly scheduled mourning:
17. The hell. I think this is...getting to me? Ianto's tiny little "I love you" just made me all wibbly. And also, Jack is crying but more importantly his voice has gotten distinctly breaky, and what shocks and awes me is when Jack has emotions. Somehow the broken voice is more emotional than the tears themselves.
18. Ianto: *dies and is dead*
On second thought, I am sad, but mostly Past Me is yelling in vindication at all the fangirls, "HAH! NOW YOU KNOW IT FEELS!" Past Me is running around the yard, hootin' and hollerin' and shooting off fireworks and cap pistols in the most obnoxious display of unsporting conduct ever seen outside of sports. I would apologize, but, 2x13 happened and a lot of people just rolled over and accepted it. Besides, I've been waiting on this death for a really long time.
Let's get one thing straight: I very much agree with this choice and am DAMN IMPRESSED by the balls of steel it takes to kill off fandom's fave character. Usually I hate people who are impressed by the "boldness" of such a move, as I disagree with the principle that unpredictability is important, but in this case I'm not emotionally invested so it's all right. He gets a pass because if it hadn't happened I would resent Ianto even more than I already do, or did before I got all confused up in my shippy logic center, or...whatever! He died and it was good!
Because this is the kind of death you can appreciate. Or I can appreciate. I am perfectly willing to watch this five times in a row and feel my heart break as Jack holds him and begs him not to go. "Don't leave me." And maybe screw up my face and whimper a little at Ianto's tragic little assessment, "In a thousand years' time...you won't remember me." ("Yes I will.")
But mostly I am stuck on that terrifically gutting way his face crumples before "I love you," upon which my heart shatters into one thousand pieces every single time. That is like the prettiest and most tragic thing I have ever heard. After that I think I have to go dig "The Dead Line" out of the trash just so I can transcribe Ianto's whole sad monologue and, I don't know, have shippy daydreams about it. THIS IS SO CONFLICTING.
20. Fact: I didn't cry, not even a little wetness in the eyes. But I did desperately want to give Jack a hug at the end, which just shows you what a fallen woman I've become in the last ten minutes. And I'm feeling a little more hollow than I thought I would. It's just...they're so few now. I unexpectedly grew to love this ragtag band of renegades over the course of a few days, and losing one leaves a hole no matter what.
21. *grumbles* Stupid Jack/Ianto going from sex and innuendo to 98% pure epic romance. Dirty cheap tricks, y'all!
22. Wow, that kind of took over the whole end of this post, didn't it? In other news, the creepy storyline is humming along nicely and I want to extend continued congratulations on some MASTERFUL WRITING, and be really proud of how far this show has come from its horrid roots (the roots of 1x01, I mean. Not its awesome Doctor Who predecessor.)
23. Whew, I'm exhausted. Is there really a whole 'nother hour left after this? I'm going to bed before the howls of mourning ringing through the internet deafen me.