I just had to get that out there; now we can move on to the fun.
Glee, 1x07, "Throwdown"
This is my favorite episode ever. EVER. It blows the rest of the series out of the water and is a strong candidate for one of my all-time favorite episodes across the time-space continuum of television. I could not possibly list everything I liked about it, but here is a valiant attempt, in no particular order:
1. NO EMMA. Reporting zero-percent levels of Emma here. No unpleasantly fumbling Ken, either. But mostly, NO EMMA.
2. Ultrasound! (legitimate version) With Finn holding/kissing Quinn's hand, and trying to tell her it'll be fine. And she's having a girl. Wait, it just keeps getting better:
3. Why hello there, WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE BOUNDARY CROSSING. Please continue. Like, my brain didn't even think it was allowed to ponder stuff like this, and bam! He's driving his pregnant student and her boyfriend to a doctor's appointment. TV teachers who get overly involved in their students personal lives are my favorite thing in the world, so this + his few allocated seconds of lending a concerned ear to Finn are my dream come true.
[Oh, and when you really want to go for a mindspin, put yourself in Quinn's position and try to imagine looking at Mr. Schuester as the guy who's going to raise your daughter, albeit unknowingly. I can't help wondering if and how this perspective influences the way she reacts to him. They've only referred to this once or twice, but I find myself fascinated by this dynamic.]
4. Will's wistful smile upon seeing the nauseatingly cute young couple in the waiting room. Who were adorable, BTW.
5. EVERY SINGLE BATTLE between Schuester & Sylvester. I held my breath every time so as not to miss a word. I mean, mostly I was held captive by the former's passionate anger, vindictive jabs, repeated mention of the students' welfare, and other things, but the epic music backing Sue made me laugh. I have no words because it was all that good. Storming after her down the hallway! Stairwell confrontation! Squabbling voiceover! Glowering warnings in the auditorium before THROWING DOWN THE CLIPBOARD and squaring off in one last tstand!
6. Feel free to admire this work of art:
7. DRIZZLE. Finn is such a moron that it's almost cute, like a really homely dog. In fact, love the entire hissed conversation during the test, including Will telling him in nicer words to shut up and face front, and Quinn testily refusing to let one of her friends cheat. (Brittany: "I just don't understand anything." LMAO.)
8. FORCED HUG-IT-OUT SESSION.
9. It's kind of nice to watch at least a partial episode where Sue makes an attempt at being nice to people (in this case, minority kids). She smiles at them and is understanding and such. I accept the lie.
10. "And that's how Sue 'C's it." LMAO LMAO LMAO!!!!!!!!!! That was so random and unexpected, yet AWESOME, and I laugh every time it happens. Santana clearly has the most evil potential of any person on this show, which no one seems to be acknowledging. I can practically see devil horns on her head. It's right there in the name - oh sure, the baby sites tell you it means "saintly," but chop out a couple letters and you get "Satan." Haven't you noticed the way her eyes gleam in the background every time there's a hint of strife? She loves conflict.
11. Question - during "Hate on Me," what the hell was Kurt doing when he laid on that chair and started kicking his legs in the air? In that fuzzy sweater, he looked like some sort of flailing chicken. Was he emulating another ridiculous part in a music video? Am confused.
12. Nameless Piano Player lends his vocals to the background on "No Air." Is that allowed? I still love it.
13. One of my favorite parts about this show is studying the extras, who all look astonishly normal/average and are much more realistic depictions of teenagers. This week, my favorite person is the girl on keyboard for Schue's group. Can I be her? Then I could hang out with the club despite my lack of singing ability.
14. Will hanging up on Kendra, and her yelling "I HATE YOU!" at the phone. Hahahaha! I need a minute to imagine all the dsyfunctional Thanksgivings and Christmases they must have had over the years. (Relatedly: have I mentioned that Kendra cracks me up? "Tell that Quinn girl not to vaccinate in the hospital. I'm pretty sure those shots made m' kids stupid." She says, with wine glass in hand.)
15. T: That was rude! Don't take the stress of your work day out on me.
W: I don't want to take it out on you, Terri, I just don't want to feel as powerless in my own home as I do at school.
I'm in love with this whole entire scene. Her offense, his frustration...just, all of it.
16. "My point is that I am the father of that baby." See? All this hot devotion. *purr*
17. Sue warning Will not to touch her - to which he responds by poking her and running off. HEE.
18. COVERT JAM SESSION. Another of my favorite aspects of this show is how it takes rap music and makes it sound non-horrible, even cute and innocent. I racked my brains trying to remember why "Hey, must be the money!" sounded so familiar, but I was quite flabbergasted when the internet told me it was Nelly. I have watched this more times than I can count, because it's full of such SHINY, HAPPY JOY.
Actually, it's kind of surreal; it feels more like I'm watching the tight-knit cast on set between breaks. I'm not entirely convinced it's not a dream sequence in Rachel's mind, because they seem WAY too chummy for a group that's been together less than two months and whose members were previously split into predator/prey factions within the social straosphere. I'd believe this more in, say, spring.
But I will not argue with Finn rocking the drumset, or Puck strumming away on guitar in the middle of the group like a summer camp counselor, or everyone just loving on each other and being cute and playful. For the second time on this show, I feel a weird desire to throw off my disdainful inhibitions and start dancing around like a fool. Even Kurt is temporarily someone I'd like to befriend.
19. Artie: "Bye, white people!" (Yes, this gets its own number)
20. Quinn singing "Keep Me Hanging On"! It's kind of a bizarre choice, as I'm still not sure who she's singing it to - she doesn't want Finn to get out of her life, does she? - but nevertheless, her voice is pretty and the choreography is fantastic. It doesn't really fit into the episode, but I like its existence all the same.
(Even if I am partial to the choreography performed by the seniors at my 1997 dance recital, which exists only in my memory and on a videotape so precious that I am afraid to play it again until I have a way to transfer it to DVD. Seriously, I cannot hear the song in any other context.)
21. I appreciate Finn finally breaking up the Sue/Schue fight in the theater, but I am still only 95% on board with the mass flounce-out. SSure, Will needed a wake-up call to break through his obsessive MUST TAKE SUE DOWN AT ALL COSTS and get back on track, but at the same time, her relentless low-grade needling and incessant stream of snide remarks and insults needed to get nipped in the bud, too.
5% of me was sorry that not even one student sided with him. I get that constant fighting is counterproductive, but Sue is an horrible, unpleasant person round the clock; surely one week of sweet-talking did not completely convince them of her reform? Don't tell me the kids aren't aware of what she's like. Personally, I think I would enjoy it if my favorite teacher exploded at a teacher I didn't much care for.
22. COUCH SQUEE!
"Listen, honey. I've been a really crummy wife lately --"
"Terri, you're carrying my baby. I have no right to expect anything more than that from you."
"No. That is my sister's marriage, and I don't want it."
NOTED, as proof in my file that she can too be self-aware and not entirely selfish. But the squeeing specifically comes from his legs stretched across her lap on the couch. I am such a sucker for anything domestic ike that.
23. Also, his very cute dismissal of how the last time she tried to help him at school, "didn't go over very well." UNDERSTATEMENT. I seem to recall a lot of yelling; now he just smiles and taps her shoulder with the pen for emphasis. I could argue that this is another example of him pushing stuff down and pretending it doesn't bother him, but instead I choose to call it "letting stuff go" and being forgiving. Plus she's not entirely wrong when she says he needs to be more aggressive.
24. "Your psycho-sexual derangement would be fascinating if it weren't so TERRIFYING!" I love that Sue just makes up random, illogical crap and gets away with saying it based on her authoritative attitude & tone of voice. I'm going to use this quote in the future. I don't know when or where, but I will use it.
25. Finn: Hey, this is happening to me too.
Quinn: No it's not!
God, I love everything she says in this whole entire scene. I am 100% Team Quinn. Everything she says is right and perfect and good, or at the very least, it's spot-on from the perspective of pregnant teenager. It's NOT happening to Finn. He should shut up and not have an opinion. And bringing up baby names IS insensitive - hey, I watched Secret Life of the American Teenager along with a plethora of medical dramas; I know that if you do not focus 105% at all times on the endgame of adoption, your willpower will crumble as soon as you give birth.
I do understand why Finn blurts out "Sometimes I wish you were more like Rachel" without ever realizing why that's a dumb thing to say, but I also fully support Quinn's right to rage at him for not getting it. If you didn't feel something in your heart between the tears on her cheeks and the savage tone of "I know some guys cheat on their wives or pregnant girlfriends - just don't do it with her," said heart is clearly a lump of granite.
26. And now back to Sue's Quotes: "Wheels! Gay Kid! Asian! Other Asian! Aretha! And Shaft." Really, it's the Other Asian bit that cracks me so consistently up. (Not to mention, "cross over to my side of this black shiny thing." "That's called a piano, Sue.")
27. I like Mercedes, but even she cannot rescue an R&B song. "Hate On Me" is boring even when sung by Glee. Fortunately, I can ignore the sound of it and just enjoy how nice everybody looks while singing it. Plus Kurt's weird-ass leg flailing, which is just funny. (Oh, and Will, I see you back there making sad faces through the window. I sympathize, but now you know how Rachel felt)
28. I love Jordin Sparks, but "No Air" is also terrible. I don't understand why people think it's poignant and moving, rather than DYING OF TEH LULZ because it sounds like the kind of melodramatic song a lovesick middle schooler would write. "Omigod, I love him so much I can't even BREATHE without him!!" Grounded For Life made a whole episode out of mocking Lilly for claiming Dean was like her oxygen.
That being said, it was better than Hate On Me, but mostly I got through it by appreciating everything about Quinn swaying in the background like a prop, being super unenthusiastic about her backing vocals and generally killing Finn & Rachel with her eyes. Choosing this song and giving the leads to these two is quite possibly the dumbest idea Will has ever had.
29. It's about damn time someone recognized the oppression Dutch people suffer in this country! XD
30. TEAM KENDRA/TERRI VS. DR. WU. I am now a few pounds lighter because my ass has been completely laughed off. However...
31. Ultrasound 2! (fake version) = *squeeeeeee!*
First, give me a minute to be amused by the doctor's hilariously deadpan, unenthusiastic demeanor. XD
I have watched teary!Will like fifteen times at this point and it still chokes me up. Even though all of us are aware of its big damn fakeiness, he is not; he is incredibly sincere and the resulting sentimentality is so gorgeous I can't stand it.
"I didn't know having a boy was so important to you!"
"It isn't. I don't care what she is...she's all ours."
DON'T YOU WANT HIM TO BE A FATHER IMMEDIATELY? I DO. Preferably to her baby/baby she purports to be hers that is actually Quinn's. I stopped caring about the logistics and details a long time ago; this needs to happen. I think I could even deal with them splitting up as long as they were forever connected by a child.
Also, this is where I feel heartbroken for Terri, again:
"No matter what happens - I want you to remember, at this moment, that we love each other."
Anguish! Anguish in the pit of my soul! She can see the writing on the wall, in the 5% of the time she lets herself acknowledge the fact that she is never going to pull this off, and she turns into this utterly tragic creature desperate to hold on to her emotional connection.
And of course, he has no idea of the weight behind what she just said, but he affirms it with another kiss anyway, and my flappy wrists promptly begin resembling a MIss America contestant. On a tape being fastforwarded at 16x. Honestly, how does anyone spare two thoughts for Emma when you already have this?
My heart belongs to them forever, end of story.
32. Surprise, surprise - I have no love for "Keep Holding On, "either. I've always thought it was one of Avril's most boring songs, and ever since they commandeered it for use in the promos for "K-Ville," its saccharine Hallmark nature makes me gag. But then the final scene brought tears to my eyes, with its massive outpourong of love and support, and Quinn's such a tragic, pretty, innocent little dove at the center of it all.
I once put an extra-sappy line in a creative writing assignment about Christina Rossetti, having her compare "fallen women" to "fallen angels," which was so lame that I can't even bring myself to pull up the paper and instead just Googled to remind myself why I was writing about fallen women in the first place, but -- that's what I thought of the instant I saw Quinn. This is the face of a fallen angel.
33. If I have one quibble, it's that I'm a little uncomfortable with the way Rachel keeps locking eyes with Finn, as if this is some sort of profound tragedy thrust upon her to separate them forever. Some perspective, please - he was never with you, he was always with her, he's still with her even if he's recently been tempted otherwise. They've set it up like it's Adam and Joan (of Arcadia), if Bonnie had gotten pregnant on top of everything else, and it's just...not.
I still love Rach, I'm just saying. And other than that, I love the sweet little moments like Kurt's smile during their turn together, or when everyone joins hands and Finn is between both girls.
34. Oh! Also loved Quinn weeping in Finn's arms in the hallway, while he just keeps repeating that everything will be okay. *ignores the obnoxious Finn/Rachel staring* You know, I think that's why I like this episode; it seems to revolve entirely around either anger or tears. These are a few of my fav-or-ite things...
35. Everything else that I didn't mention, because there's a lot more, like "why do I feel like I'm about to fall through a trapdoor?"
36. Only one thing I didn't like: Rachel's creepy perve stalker, the scenes of which I have to vigorously scrub from my brain after every viewing because he makes me want to vomit.
Relatedly, a) do teenagers still have the attention span for blogs? I thought they could only focus on Twitter nowadays, and b) speaking of hard-to-believe stereotypes, why would a freak like him be able to influence the opinions of the school, while attractive people like Rachel and presumably-intelligent people with charming personalities like Artie get completely ostracized? This makes no sense.
Up Next: I am pretty sure that I need to deny episode 8's existence, because everything in the preview looks HORRIBLE, and the Canadian promo made it worse. And that was before I heard whispers about "The Thong Song." Bleh.
Edit: Um. Except for this one Sneak Peek of "Bust a Move." I generally don't like to see the musical clips ahead of time, but I make exceptions when they takes place in the music room rather than the theater. Allow me to flail about it at length.
"I am shocked by the lack of leading man ambition in this room right now."
"That's okay, Rachel. I guess I'm gonna have to show these guys how it's done."
OH DEAR GOD. Not helping me convince myself that Rachel should not fall for her teacher/vice versa.
Also, if you're going to grab a female student by the face (especially if she isn't Rachel, booo), probably the ideal time to do it is NOT right after the line "a chick walks by, wish you could sex her." I'M JUST SAYING. I felt harassed on Quinn's behalf.
But generally speaking, that was a cute move; I like when he's playful. I mean that in as non-creepy a way as possible. Other things I enjoy here:
+ Rachel cracking up at Mr. Schue's antics!
+ Kurt, teehee! He's like, "Excuse me? Don't drag me into this. I disapprove of your explicitly heterosexual music and will not take part in this display. Hmph!" And then later he ends up tentatively coming back in with the tambourine anyway, so long as Brittany doesn't get too close. Heh.
Yeah, I definitely don't want to see the rest of this episode. I'll just continue sailing on my 1x07 + Bonus Scene high.