My college had a koi pond. It was, bar none, the prettiest thing on campus (despite the fact that unless you were on campus over the summer, it was only warm enough outside for them to be in there for about the first and last month of every school year), and I spent many calming hours watching those beautiful fish. And that...is where I'm going to be mentally retreating in lieu of thinking about this painful, painful episode.
I also debated opening this review with a reference to the koi pond on Numb3rs, but I figured fewer people would relate to that. Which is a shame, because Charlie & Amita are at least as cute as Jim and Pam. /unsubtle pimping.
Things That Were Worth Watching This Week
Mmmmm...ZERO. ZERO THINGS WERE WORTH WATCHING.
That is a lie; some things were moderately enjoyable:
-The haunted [ware]house - all five seconds of it - was the episode's highlight. Especially Darryl not knowing who anybody was. Seriously, I thought Jim was a "nose in a book," due to the key placement of two letters on either side of said nose, but fine. Facebook was a clever reference.
(just kidding; the subtle brilliance of Jim's inspiringly underwhelming costume choices are my favorite part of Halloween every year. It's better than candy. Well, certain kinds of candy. Not chocolate. But way better than those Smarties people cheap out on. What was I talking about? Costumes. Right.)
-Apparently Pam was dressed like the character in "Rosemary's Baby." The first thing that came to my mind when I read that was "Wow, this is not at ALL going to dissuade dollsome from her suspicions that Pam's baby might be the antichrist."
In fact, per usual, let's comment on everyone's costumes:
Meredith (Hobo): love it! Though, have to say, she rocked the Wendy's costume on The Jay Leno Show even better.
Dwight (??): I can't remember whatever mask he wore, though it looked familiar, but it doesn't matter because he was FRICKIN' TERRIFYING. As usual.
Angela (black widow spider): Hah! I think there is some black humor going on in reference to the fiance she chewed up and spat out.
Michael: [censored for good taste] = FAIL
Erin (Princess Fiona): What a coincidence! I also hate Princess Fiona (DON'T ASK WHY. I promise you'll disapprove of my answer, and you're happier not knowing). I further hate Erin and her empty head of air for thinking Shrek is cool enough to use for costume ideas. Shrek is awful.
Kelly (??): I...don't really know what The Fifth Element is, but she always looks snazzy by default.
Ryan (Edward Cullen): Um, BEST! BEST EVER.
Creed (real vampire): ALSO BEST EVER. I wish we lived in times when people understood that vampires are meant to be legitimately scary, not hot and seductive. Or sparkly.
Kevin (Paul Blart: Mall Cop): I'm proud of myself that I guessed this one right, because he and Creed are the only ones I didn't have to look up online. Damn these writers and their complicated pop-culture-commentary costumes!
Apparently Oscar was dressed as a certain political figure, with a twist, but as I really don't need any more reasons to dislike him - or raise my blood pressure - I'm going to ignore his existence.
Also, after popping briefly over to see Parks and Recreation, I like to pretend that was Karen dressed as Raggedy Ann. In which case she would win this year's unofficial costume contest by a landslide.
**Quick question: why is it that they made an entire episode out of "Mafia," a joke that should have been confined to a cold open, yet when they have something that could carry an episode, they cram it into the cold open? I don't like these backward notions flying around the writers room.
-Back to things I enjoyed: Jim doing his job, hotly
-The many, many fish puns actually made me LOL
-I can almost tell Pam is pregnant now! (Except not really. The cut on those jackets she wears so effectively shield her bump most of the time that if I didn't know better I'd swear they were trying to hide Jenna's pregnancy instead)
-Kevin threatening to kill Erin is the first time I've truly appreciated his existence
-Best part: Pam's immediate "oh gross/blow my brains out" reaction to the idea that she and Andy were together.
[at least, that's what I imagine was running through her head. Andy should be grateful he got off with laughter.]
I mean, not only is the idea of Andy being your baby's father awful enough on its own, but on top of that, she's actually married to Jim. Jim > most random guys > Andy. Being that far off from the truth is an appalling notion, and one you'd hasten to correct, immediately, beyond all shadow of a doubt, before you even remembered that the guy was standing next to you.
I mostly wanted to shoot myself in the face. Erin continuing to be a brainless and simpering freak (go back to deleting all of her scenes! I liked it when she was muzzled!), Andy and his disgustingly ostentatious belly kisses (GROSS), the episode ramming Pam's new job down my throat...and it's still too depressing for words when Jim connects with Michael and/or has no other friends in the office.
I can't remember the last time an episode left me feeling that devoid of any sort of positivity. I'm all flattened and mopey. And in desperate need of post-ep Jim/Pam fic to reassure me that, in spite of how work has lately turned into the fifth circle of hell for them, they can still seek refuge at home. I need to see it in black and white. Or black and purple, as the MTT site were.
P.S. Can I just point out, when someone is flailing and about to fall into the water, my first reaction would ALSO be to lean away? The odds are that Jim wouldn't have caught him in time to compensate for the force of Michael's fall, so rather than saving him, it just would have resulted in TWO soaking wet, incompetent-looking salesmen. If he hadn't leaned, he probably would have grabbed him and achieved the same result. Self-preservation is not a bad thing when you're with Michael Scott, okay?