For starters, here are some generalized and possibly never-before-shared thoughts about the Monday lineup:
~Everything about Accidentally on Purpose that could be good - Jenna Elfman, Baby Daddy being sort of cute despite not having grown into his full maturity potential yet, and the amusing woman with the accent so heavy it's almost hard to understand - is canceled out by her boss (indistinguishable from his turn as Addison's jackass brother on "Private Practice") and the hirsute pothead roommate. Swing and a miss! Although having Michael Rapaport guest star is always fun.
~Two and a Half Men has never made me laugh less, and the bar was set pretty low already. How is it WORSE when Charlie's engaged?
~This is the second week in a row I've watched Big Bang Theory the whole way through. It mostly makes me roll my eyes, 60% due to the fact that I can't stand Sheldon, but I'd like to state for the record that my initial assumption was correct: Leonard/Penny seems delightful, while the notion of Sheldon/Penny grosses me out. And no, I have not mixed up the names of the two guys. Yay, unpopular fandom opinions!
~Next, How I Met Your Mother, "The Rough Pach"
Oh, HIMYM. The first few minutes of this episode were hilarious! There were a lot of things that made me laugh, especially Lily's master plan. And Barney's hurt reaction to Robin mocking the Stormpooper. And Crazy Meg, whom I love. But as for what everyone really wants to talk about...
I don't know if I'm more annoyed that Barney & Robin broke up for the most pointless non-reason since Angela & Hodgins, or if I'm annoyed that they made them both look so disgusting that I really didn't care when they did. It's a good thing I didn't have a whole lot of emotional investment riding on them. If I did, I'm sure it would look more like this alternate response I prepared:
"Well, this sucks. This is why I don't ship couples unless they have '100% soulmate' stamped all over them! My Soulmate Ships are reliable and generous and rarely steer me wrong. Why do people even bother with ships designed to screw them over?"
Mostly I'm just confused. Was I supposed to care? Or not? Are people happy about this development? Because it seems like they wrote this whole relationship to appease the type of viewers who want people to hook up, and want people to hook up, and just GO CRAZY waiting for their favorite characters to hook up, and then immediately get bored when it happens.
Was the breakup supposed to keep those fans placated by not giving it time to grow "stagnant"? (I use quotes, because this an unknown phenomenon to me in the world of fictional romance. Uninterrupted happiness never gets boring.) Seriously, UST-only fans, help me out here. Is this the kind of thing you wish shows would do more often, or what?
I honestly don't think I care whether or not they get back together. A little part of me thinks this is because I subconsciously assume they will, and this is fake drama ("Fake drama!"), but if I consider the possibility that this is really all they want to do with couple!Barney/Robin, my response is still a shrug.
So yes, network, I'm watching your special trilogy crossover event for CSI. I'm curious to see how I'll respond to each series when I just jump in, having skipped half a dozen episodes in between and not being fully aware of what's going on with the characters. I'm actually still not sure if I want to finish it, because by Wednesday night I might have better things to do, but let me share some of the thoughts I had while watching CSI: Miami.
-Man, wouldn't it be so much cooler if Catherine had come back to Miami? I'd love to see how she, Horatio and Calleigh interacted 7 years after they first met. Stupid Langston. Also, stupid Miami only having two people left from their original team.
-Oh, right, I forgot...Warrick came down with her that first time. :'(
Although, haha, way to be A YEAR AND A HALF LATE sending your condolences, Horatio.
-Who is this dopey lumbering giant mucking things up? Why is Ryan shepherding him around like some sort of Big Brother/Exceptionally Incompetent Little Brother program?
-Where's Frank Tripp?
-OH GOD, I FORGOT ABOUT MIAMI'S NEW CORONER. It's that stupid purring freak from "Boston Legal." I hate this guy's face, and based on this episode, his character may not purr but he is every bit as annoying. So far I count three strikes against New Miami, and I haven't even factored in Sleazy Cibrian yet.
-Awesome Ponytail Dave! I love this tech. OK, he might make up for Dopey, but there's a lot of ground to cover yet.
-Good to see Natalia still dresses in all-white. I love how dust, blood, grime and dirt just rebound away from her at all times.
-I'm actually a little freaked out by how realistic that video conference with Langston was. It was like his head was in the same room as them. Like speaking through fires in Harry Potter.
-Horatio seems less annoying in small doses. He didn't particularly do anything to offend my sensibilities. Despite being in every other scene, I pretty much ignored him.
-Except for his insistence on coining "Dr. Ray." Really? No one calls him Dr. Ray in Vegas, do they? Why is everyone following Horatio's dumbass lead on this? Why isn't Ray telling him to shove it?
-Okay, seriously, WHAT ARE ALL THESE RANDOM BEARS RUNNING AROUND THE EVERGLADES. Hot, humid Miami is not grizzly bear country! It's not! Damn it, it is not.
-Let it be known that I can't stand smug Mr. Jesse (I can do it too, Horatio). Also, how does any kind of gun instantly stop a charging bear dead in its tracks? Maybe if it was the gun that VAPORIZES YOU, I'd believe it, but that looked like a tiny little handgun.
I know realism hasn't been a strong suit for this show in quite some time, but now it's like they're deliberately not trying.
Conclusion: I am so completely turned off by everything in this episode that starting now, Calleigh and Ryan are not enough to outweigh all the negative changes they've introduced to the series. I held out longer than a lot of fans, but they've undergone one mutation further than even I can take. Most of the shows I'm skipping, I plan to catch up on in full at some point, but not this one. Nope. Miami and I are done. Other than catching up on a few Eric-inclusive episodes, I'm out.
OMG GLEE IS BACK TOMORROW. *runs around in circles* I'd almost kind of forgoten it existed, to be honest. The thought of going back into that world of insanely loud color and hyperactive pacing with regular infusions of singing is an overwhelming and a little bit frightening prospect.