RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

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Trippy flashbacks

This is going to be the fastest rantview ever, because 4th to last episode or not, "The Case of the Franks" was a supremely uninteresting episode.  Most of the time, I didn’t have any coherent thoughts.  I just wanted to puff up like a furious cat and hiss, spit, and scream at the screen for all the effing STUPIDITY I saw there.  In fact, I think I did actually smack the screen a time or two, unable to believe my eyes and ears.  And I still ended up swearing and taking the Lord’s name in vain a lot.  Sorry about that.

  1. I haven’t seen this much plastic, fake-sounding dialogue since the first episode of CSI Miami this year.  Hercules thinks all of his problems can be solved by a random teenage girl he’s met once before in his life?  And he doesn’t think it just the slightest bit creepy that she wants to do so?
  2. BULLIT + KAITLIN = so freakin’ adorable it makes look like crap.  “Hey, Squirt!” And with the ping-pong…oh my God, so cute.
  3. I hate the psychic already.  She’s boring, and irritating, and so is this scene.
  4. I may hate her even more than Hercules, if that’s possible.  And I really hate every scene with Frank.  In fact, I am fast-forwarding right through them!  Whee!
  5. KIRSTEN STOP BEING DOOM-PREDICTING.  You do remember that Summer is dating your son, right?  You want them to stay together forever. 
  6. Also, please no more recycling Che’s “if it’s meant to be” speeches.
  7. Am I supposed to feel sorry for Frank and/or Julie?  Because, not happening.
  8. And his hanging around with teenagers, even if one of them is his estranged son, IS WEIRD.  Namely when he starts behaving like a teenager himself. 
  9. Weekly Commercial Hate: “The 3-Day.”  I do not care about weepy women with towels around their heads crying tears of joy because They Have Overcome.  Breast cancer sucks.  I get it.  No, I am not going to pay you tons of money to reward your effort of spending three days walking with a giant pack of people. 
  10. “I know Julie isn’t perfect.  I also know my dad.  She deserves better.” YES! GO RYAN!  Do not let your lunatic girlfriend sway you with her lunatic talk.
  11. Please do not make me go into mourning for the Jimmy/Kirsten ship.  Because these memories are making me really sad…poor luckless Jimmy.
  12. “It was the spring of 1998,” Seth muses.  He makes it sound so long ago.  I was in 6th grade!  And frankly, grade 6 still kind of feels like yesterday. 
  13. Okay – right now, looking at their elementary school selves, I suddenly understand why Summer shunned Seth, and why Marissa dated Luke.  Young Luke = way cute.  Young Seth = plain old dork.  No curls at all. 
  14. And holy flip, Young Summer is cute.  No, she’s better than cute.  She’s a blossoming beauty. 
  15. *nauseated look as Taylor goes on and on about how Julie will get to spend now until eternity making love to Bullit* Taylor, in about two seconds I am going to stuff your hair in that blender Julie is using to make her smoothie.  YOU DO NOT TALK TO ADULTS LIKE THIS. 
  16. Why are these stupid adults letting Taylor manipulate them like this, anyway? 
  17. …hold the phone, “fifth grade?” ONCE AGAIN THIS SHOW SCREWS UP TIMELINES.  Honest to fucking God, how difficult is it for these writers to count backwards?  You graduate in spring 06, then spring of ’98 puts you in grade FOUR, not five. 
  18. And for GOD’S sakes, why couldn’t we have shown Young Marissa?  That was just cruel; there was no point not to including her.  Summer was best friends with Marissa.  NOT HOLLY.  This has been established more times than I can count. 
  19. Ew, what a nerdy nerd.  I’d put out a Taylor Townsend alert too.  Not that I didn’t have friends in elementary school who looked a lot like that, I’m just saying I understand why everyone would have made fun of her back then.
  20. And frankly, she and Seth should have bonded over that experience of being ostracized.
  21. Overall, though, I have to say that the elementary school setting is a whole lot more realistic than their attempts to represent band kids.  Unlike everything else on this show, that classroom actually reminds me of my own experiences.
  22. What teacher would let kids throw paper balls at her without even reprimanding them?
  23. Oops…got that one wrong.  Way back when spoilers hit, for some reason I thought Seth would turn out to have written the poem for Summer.  But that’s probably because I don’t actually know what this “famous” mermaid poem even is, as I can’t remember ever having heard of it.
  24. I kind of love how Taylor’s eyes light up when Summer says she’ll invite her to her birthday party, when obviously she has no intention of doing anything of the sort.  Poor Taylor.  She was actually likable when she was little…honestly, I probably would have been her friend.  Okay, flashback over.  I still hate Current Taylor.
  25. Kaitlin V. Taylor!  Team Frank v. Team Bullit!  Hahaha, and I am TOTALLY on Kaitlin’s side.  “It’s war, bitch.”  Suddenly, I love Kaitlin with unprecedented amounts of unconditional love.  And by unconditional I mean on the condition that she’s done whoring herself around like she was last season/beginning of this one.  Otherwise, I adore her to pieces.
  26. Flashback! Kirsten going into a women’s clinic?  Meaning…abortion??  Was this previously confirmed?  I thought we were supposed to assume that when she talked to Theresa when she was pregnant, but don't know if it was ever mentioned again...I've missed about half the episodes of this show over the years.
  27. Now, they didn’t really explain that very well, but that’s the real reason she broke up with Jimmy, right?  Not just to go to a different college, but because she got pregnant and had an abortion, realized she didn’t want to be suddenly tied down with him forever?  I did interpret that correctly, right? 
  28. Ryan, stop being an asshat!  You and Taylor are being real jerks right now, with your fake limo and everything…YOU MADE KAITLIN CRY.  I know she’s only faking, but still -
  29. Ryan are you falling for Kaitlin’s fake tears?!  You really are dumb.  All the same, when he smirks, “That’s war, bitch,” [*gasp* RYAN!  You never swear, and certainly not at pretty females!] and she whimpers “God, Ryan!  How could you be so mean?  I’m only 15,” I love the way he suddenly looks horrified with himself and lays a hand on her shoulder.  “Oh – oh, I’m sorry…I don’t know what I was thinking…” *loves Ryan, in spite of his continued asshattery concerning Julie and his father*
  30. How did Taylor even get a hold of a limo, anyway?
  31. Oh for God’s sake Julie, stop being all weepy and melodramatic.  “I have one daughter left.  And she loves Bullit.  Even if I don’t.”  I am so sick of her crap.
  32. Young Sandy was kinda hot…wow!
  33. I just realized I didn’t mention Seth and Summer once.  Okay, well, I am in love with Seth’s romantic speech.  Especially the part that goes “over the last 950 days we’ve been dating – yes, I’ve counted, and yes I counted the Zach era, because really, who were we kidding?”  HAHA even though I thought Zach was a pretty awesome substitute if she wasn’t with Seth – best alternative love interest this show has ever had, second to Johnny - I still love that quote. 
  34. But show - why are you still resisting letting Summer go to college? Why must you constantly test the boundaries of this couple?  Why must you piss me off like that, mmm?  See, the words are optimistic, but the actions are hesitant.  Why the sudden drop-off in Seth/Summer cuddling, anyway?  You swore the actors’ breakup wouldn’t make a difference!  YOU LIED TO ME.
  35. Kaitlin, don’t be getting all sympathetic NOW!!!  Oh, but she is.  Fuck it, I’m rewriting canon in my head so Frank only makes one appearance and never returns, and Julie falls for Bullit after all.  If she managed to marry Cold Creepy Evil Caleb, she can surely get along fine with Dopey Sweet Lovesick Bullit.
  36. Aw, that’s kind of cute.  Kaitlin’s looking absolutely miserable as she comes up to break the news to the poor man.  “I know I asked you to be my stepdad,” she says in a very small, unhappy voice, “but would you mind being my friend?” If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to retreat to my corner and cry my heart out.
  37. See, the problem is, it looks a little creepy to most people for old man to hang around with young girl for no other reason than to be with her…
  38. Oh well.  Bullit is totally writing Kaitlin into his will.  That little girl is going to end up very rich one day, I’m sure of it.  Yay!  :)
  39. But still…are you kidding me?  Is this a joke?  I was so sure you were going to get rid of Frank and have her end up falling for one of Bullit’s grandiose romantic gestures.  And/or have Frank’s temper come out to play and make her realize he hadn’t changed after all.  I honestly thought that was what was going to happen, and that’s why I…can’t even believe my eyes.  Dear God.  Frank and Julie, EW!
  40. I want to smack that smug, self-satisfied smirk off Taylor’s face so badly right now…
  41. I’m done.  I don’t ever want to think about this episode again; in fact I’d like to wipe most of it from memory.  It was just that irritating.
Tags: o.c., rantviews

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