Turns out that my plan to catch up on Grey's Anatomy for tomorrow is useless until I catch up on Private Practice too, since they're crossing over again. Which I was not aware of until today, because I don't watch anything else on ABC, and I've been tuning out all the news on Shondaland stuff. Still, I finally wrote this, so out it goes.
6x09, "New History"
Disclaimer: apparently, I wrote 2/3 of this back when the episode aired; as such, it all preserves my opinions from back in early November, without even taking 6x10 into account.
1. Oh, come on, Izzie can't be back already! It's like she hasn't been gone at all. On bright side, her hair has grown back enough to look normal/real now. That's a relief. Plus Meredith's first response is to start hitting her, which is awesome. Hit her harder, Meredith!
I would care more about the story with her former teacher if I could actually, you know, stand her. Things were not always this way! I ran across part of a season 2 rerun recently, where she and Denny were playing
As I was saying, I like stories about teachers who believe in you, so for that reason alone I should have enjoyed this. Instead I just started thinking "Boy, I sure hope she knows who's going to pay for all these expensive tests. I know in Izzie's world you just skip town on the bills, but..."
2. In other news, Izzie & Alex are both such thoroughly unlikable human beings that I can't decide if they deserve each other, or if their combined whining is enough to explode my screen with the intensity of the bad vibes. Bitches, I say! Throw your fits elsewhere. The truth is, you're both wrong. And you both suck.
3. As for my first impressions about
Let's just say that I'm still on the fence. She could definitely be worse, but I also don't love her on sight, and that might just be because this actress is unlikable. I don't know? I think I will let Cristina tell me how to feel, as she is an excellent judge of character, particularly about veterans. Let's observe my unfolding thoughts.
4. I do like this amusing note I jotted down at the very beginning: Oh, my God. STOP HIRING FEMALE CARDIO GODS. They all hate Cristina and she hates them back! We need MALE cardio gods. Black gods, mostly.* Hey, you know who could fit that bill? Sam Bennett! POACH HIM. POACH HIM NOW. It would solve so many problems!
* failed attempt to quasi-quote Kelly Kapoor's taunt to ex-boyfriend Ryan, "I am dating a lot of guys. Black guys, mostly."
4.5. From here on out, let's just assume that I am getting a hilarious kick out of every short-sighted insult and/or general mockery Cristina has to say. Including the moment where she gets put in her place and realizes Desert Storm Barbie can actually kick a fair amount of ass.
5. I really, really like the scene at lunch, where
a) Cristina divides her time between muttering at Barbie's back and smoothly insulting Alex without even trying. (Seriously, she gets under his skin about three times before he stomps off in a temper tantrum, leaving her going "What?" *cannot stop giggling*)
b) At the grown-up table, Teddy offers up unsolicited praise for Cristina, which in turn makes Owen all delighted and glowing, and prompts hilarious reactions from Mark, Callie, and Arizona (TAKE NOTES: this may be the first and only time in history that all three of them have been watchable and amusing at once. It may never happen again). Followed by Owen fessing up to the fact that yes, yes he did dangle this job offer as a present for his girlfriend, is that a problem? Excellent.
6. The way Callie talks to Mark in this episode is kinda lovely. I think I would like Mark better if, instead of being some super-stud, he was kind of a loser that everyone mocked and picked on. And maybe was a good guy at heart. Oh, I know! He should be more like Cooper in Addison's practice. Only minus the total sexual deviant of a girlfriend.
7. Bailey being MORTALLY OFFENDED by the notion that she is having an affair with the Chief = ace. Loved this whole subplot.
8. McDreamy: "The nurses love me. They're my spies." Hee! True on multiple levels! And as much as that line made me have fierce pangs of nostalgia for Rose, I am even more fond of the way he takes five seconds to bestow five perfect kisses (plus one for good luck) on Meredith, to recreate a moment in time that was free of stress and anxiety. Aw, don't you wish they were married? I do. Times like this, I almost can't remember that they spent a good four years in an infuriating quasi-relationship. Weren't they always this perfect and in sync?
10. Skipping over #9 for now, can we talk about how much I love when Cristina comes literally skipping up to Own, all beaming and happy and "Thank you for my present"? SUCH LOVE. It is one of the cutest scenes they've ever had, with her head on his shoulder and hand on his chest. Yes, I am ignoring the fact that Owen's non-Cristina-centric thoughts are so loud I can hear them. For example, I would really like that bittersweet explanation for the birds on Teddy's scrub cap, without those lousy extra thoughts rattling around his expression.
(also, of note: the haunting song in the background that you think you want? You don't. It's called "Poison and Wine" by The Civil Wars, and the lyrics are tragic and pretty depressing! It might make a good Jack/Kate video on Lost, actually. Or is that Kate/Sawyer? THIS SONG IS COMPLEX. But mostly upsetting, for reasons you can't quite put your finger on, as you hum I don't love you, but I always will for hours afterward.)
9. Teddy appears to come with a serious inability to shut up, which would have merely been a mild annoyance, if Owen hadn't subsequently looked all ~*conflicted*~ by her confession of Feelings. At which point, despite the reassurances, I puffed up like a pufferfish and issued my warning: "Owen. Please don't take a step back. You have already overcome two massive obstacles to win my heart, I don't think you have enough tears in you to come back from a third."
11. Overall? I'm...pretty pleased with this one. I've watched it an alarming number of times while struggling to define my enjoyment in words.
Originally, I was planning a running commentary, but then I...took two months to write this post, so I scrapped that plan. After-the-fact it is!
1. Somebody once wrote a fic, set in season 2 or 3, where it turned out Derek & Addison had a daughter in college. May I just say, that surprise daughter is far more interesting than Mark's canon!surprise daughter. I'm really not interested in the dynamics of how Lexie deals with a girl only a few years younger than she is, because THAT RELATIONSHIP ALREADY SQUICKS ME. Solution: ignore!
2. So Teddy is here for good, as in a permanent full-time cast member. I'm...not really ready to endorse that fact. I like her as a surgeon, but as a person I'm still fence-sitting - and on the slightly negative side at that, even though as previously mentioned, I cannot afford to hate any more doctors on this show - especially after Owen's decidedly pathetic "OF COURSE I WAS!" rant. DUDE. What did I say about you and backward steps?
I only agreed to let you off the hook about poor Beth because I believed this was the After and Cristina so thoroughly turned your head and saved you or whatever. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO THINK ABOUT CHEATING ON BETH IN THE BEFORE. *blithely ignores first time he kissed Cristina*
3. And it still would have been worth it, maybe, if that final C/O scene had been satisfying, but it was not. On paper, "I'm with you because I love you" probably sounded thrilling. In practice, it was just a vehicle for me to remember that they have the unprettiest kissing in the history of ever. Seriously, every time he grabs her it is like a random assault. Very unpleasant. I mean, the sleep-strangling was less disturbing to watch.
4. The sentiment behind it was nice. Let's cling to that and leave out all the rest.
5. According to my old reviews, I used to believe that I understood how Bailey & Tucker could wind up getting divorced. I wrote something to the effect of them functioning pretty well as co-parents with separate lives. That must have stopped somewhere along the way, because I spent the whole episode thinking about how awesome William Bailey was and how I was cheering on every word out of his mouth. Whoops.
Alex: Maybe that's my problem - I'm nobody's bitch.
Cristina: Well, you were Izzie's bitch.
Alex: You're the bitch!
BWAHAHAHA! Cristina is turning casual Alex-insults into an art form. Like she needed more reasons to be my hero.
7. "Mark, your kids are bickering."
BEST. Also, hallelujah! That is how I can deal with all those obnoxious scenes of him with his arm around her or kissing her hair or whatever. I will pretend Lexie is his daughter too. And be doubly sure that I avoid any...other, scenes between them. Or words that suggest otherwise.
8. Best part of the episode: the girl with no heart, who would have been the best part of the episode even if she hadn't been played by Danielle Panabakar, who is a glorious charm of an actress. And despite the fact that she looks somewhere between 13 and 18, which didn't really help the plausibility of the already improbable-marriage proposal at the end, this whole story was amazing.
9. There was something with the Chief that I don't really care about, because really, isn't one alcoholic father figure enough for Meredith?
10. Didn't really care about the little boy with nosebleeds, either. Sure, I get them so often that I can handle them without being sick to my stomach, but I still prefer not to deal with them in other people. It's easier when it's happening to you.
11. Long story short, I hated this episode. A large part of that was due to the super-duper-extra-annoying Christmas carols, being sung louder than they needed to be, in way too many scenes. The worst offender was "Silent Night." Wretched! Probably because that awful dinner scene went on for freaking ever, and having that unending warble just drove me up the wall.
...I am four episodes behind on Private Practice. Will I catch up on them by tomorrow? PROBABLY NOT, since my season 3 Numb3rs DVDs just got to the library, and I'll be a little busy mainlining nostalgia. But at least I've made a tiny dent in my backlog.