O.C.: The Shake-Up
I have a feeling that this episode will be yet another piece of filler, with nothing worth watching until the last five minutes. Which means I’m not looking forward to tonight at all. I mean, rantviewing is always a fun activity, but the actual content of the show this week? I’ve heard nothing compelling.
[A/N:However, after looking over this completed rantview…well, my initial thoughts are in fact justified, but I also ended up doing a record amount of hug-distributing.
- Whoa, wait, earthquake time already?? Oh…you’re doing the flash-back-to-earlier thing again. You know I hate that.
- “I want Ryan to ask me to go to Berkeley with him next year,” says Taylor, all starry-eyed about her birthday wishes. To which I say, WHAT? Why have these people not learned their lesson about going to college with boyfriends? Who in the real world actually makes their college decision based upon their significant other?
- And because I’m not letting this rant go…you know, there *are* good schools closer to Berkeley/CA in general than the East Coast.
- Did you see that? Taylor flirted with the coffee guy. Clearly not good enough for Ryan.
- There’s such a thing as earthquake weather? What? How does the weather have any effect on tectonic plates?
- “Planning your birthday party is not easy; I expect something in return. I expect to have my way with you.” Ew. You couldn’t have gone with a cute “I expect you to have fun”? GROSS, PR0NY RYAN.
- “So you’re good? You don’t have a need to just let something explode out of you, consequences be damned?” Um. STILL SOUNDS GROSS, PR0NY TAYLOR.
- By the way, if you’re wondering why Ryan has absolutely no curiosity about what prompted your desire to be wild and impulsive, that’s because this is how you are all the time, and he has learned to tune most of it out.
- Frank and Julie are making out in the kitchen. GROSS. Observe:
K: I’m seriously never going to stop barfing.
J: Kaitlin, don’t be gross.
--Kaitlin is my sounding board this episode. *loves her*
- Mm, I like how Kaitlin is eyeing the bag that Frank conveniently forgot to take with him for no reason. I hope she’s going to stuff it full of their valuables and make it look like he’s just a thieving con artist.
- Kirsten in the pre-natal yoga class: Oh, poooooor thing. :( I’m in pain, seeing her try to comprehend the evil young bitches of Newport. I don’t even want to watch this.
- Also, Holl, you’re 19 yes? Where even do you get off claiming to have the high horse here.
- Am I imagining things, or have Summer and Ryan had more friendly interaction in this season than in the series to date? Lovin’ that.
- S: “Why wouldn’t you have said I love you?” Because they’re not at the love stage, damn it.
- Also, being told “I love you” for the first time versus receiving a hand-selected book of poems? I’d rather have the latter.
- Kaitlin’s 15. She doesn’t have to be fair to Frank. And in two days she went from being on cloud 9, ready to enter into a happy family situation, to being stuck with YOU hanging around the house.
- …I do not want to know where Kaitlin found clown porn. I don’t want to know that clown porn EXISTS. That magazine is going to give me nightmares.
- Summer, don’t make Seth go to this place. He’s bored. Hell, much as I love nature programs, I’m bored. Seth doesn’t need a cause. He dotes on you, and he’s going to art school. Isn’t that enough? He’s not an activist, and you need to accept that.
- “I’m gonna go watch the penguins again and don’t you dare say anything.” Hee. I do kind of like it when Summer bosses him around, though.
- Kirsten, it’s not the people…it’s the young people. The ‘young women’ you met yesterday were in high school this time last year. You remember that, right? And also, if you’re worried that your baby will grow up with peers like that, HAVE YOU NOT SEEN WHAT YOUR SONS HAVE ALREADY GONE THROUGH?
- The Hunchback of Notre Dame. (non-animated version) Totally hawt romance movie. Not. Ryan agrees with me, as far as I can interpret from his unenthused facial expression.
- HAAAAAAAAAAAA!! Well, at least he knows how to handle her. *glomps Ryan again* I can’t stay mad at him. (Translation: Taylor babbles about true love or something, staring very wide-eyed at Ryan. Ryan stares back, and finally says “Taylor, I…” They gaze into each others’ eyes for a million years, Taylor quivering like a dog waiting for its owner to say ‘walk,’ before Ryan, hilariously nonchalant, goes, “missed the last part of the movie. Would you mind rewinding it a little?” and turns away.
- Oh, Taylor, don’t sulk. And don’t be melodramatic. And don’t reject Berkeley because your boyfriend didn’t say ‘I love you’ while watching Hunchback of Notre Dame. Besides, you don’t have to decide on your school of choice until, like, April.
- Summer, please don’t encourage Taylor’s half-baked schemes.
- Sandy-Ryan bonding! And…ugh. Ryan, you don’t have to be SCARED. You can just be plain old unsure. You don’t love her yet. She fell in love with you before you were even attracted to her. She has a tendency to rush things.
- You know, even though Julie is quite right to suspect Kaitlin, you have to admit that she doesn’t know Frank well at all. The porn could very well have belonged to him after all, and he could have simply been taking advantage of Kaitlin’s obvious resentment of him to divert suspicion onto her. That’s the argument Kaitlin should use, anyway.
- I mean, Julie says it herself – “Where would she get her hands on clown porn?” Hm. Actually, I’m thinking from Clown Ward.
- Seth (to Summer, as she bitches at him for being lazy about filmmaking): You feel like you’re overreacting a little bit?
--Good Seth. Your girl seems a little crazy this week; I blame PMS. Just wait it out. And by wait it out, I mean “wait for the earthquake to make this problem seem trivial.”
- Haha…hello there,
Detective Cavaliere Guy who pops up on all my crime showsCarrie’s husband. You got shot to death on Numb3rs just a week ago, didn’t you?
- I will admit that some of the women in this town (*cough Julie*) are nearly as bad as the teens, but…surely no adult ends a phone conversation with “Love you, bitch.” NO ADULT OVER 30 TALKS LIKE THIS.
- ...there are no words to describe this woman. It hurts my brain just to watch.
- Scene: R/T dinner. I was going to yell at the show for promoting alcohol consumption among minors again, but then I realized it’s been an entire [half] season and none of the main characters have gone binge drinking at parties. Pot’s still running rampant, but the beer-guzzling seems to have died out alongside Marissa. Wine seems tame by comparison.
- …I HATE THIS WOMAN, who thinks that neither alcoholism nor PREGNANCY are good reasons to avoid slamming some tequila shots. Do the schools in this town have health classes? Have the people heard of fetal alcohol syndrome? Seriously.
- Carrie: “Oh, tell me you’re not bailing because you’re pregnant. No offense, but that is LAME.” I absolutely love Kirsten’s look of barely restrained horror when she hears that. *hugs her*
- Carrie: (as a baby wails at a table nearby) “Oh, God, can you just take that thing outside??” Another shocked look, at which Carrie smiles and tells her not to freak – the baby belongs to her. They just like to have the nanny bring the baby whenever they go out. I applaud Carrie’s request, as well as use of the word ‘thing’ because babies are ick and the sound of a baby crying puts me into a blind rage. But it’s still very disconcerting to hear her speak that way about her own child, at least for Kirsten, who is clearly rattled to the core by this woman’s callousness.
- Wow, I like Taylor when she’s drunk! She’s almost cute, all pouty and running herself down. She should be drunk all the time.
- AW with Ryan chuckling bemusedly at drunk Taylor…
- WHOA. *stares in shock* Oh my God, that was…adorable. Perfect. Beautiful. Look at his face!
Ryan tenderly brushes a strand of hair off her forehead as drunk Taylor whines, “It’s hard dating someone who doesn’t tell you how they feel, and always having to interpret hand squeezes, and--”
“I love you,” he says softly. SQUEE!
- …and then she mentions Berkeley. How can Taylor manage to ruin even “I love you”?
- Guys, I really thought I was going to go without a commercial hate this week, but I can’t. I HATE: the already endless previews for Wedding Bells. A profoundly stupid new midseason comedy that is one of the reasons I have to get my weekly Ron Livingston fix from cell phone commercials (and possibly repeat viewings of Little Black Book) until the end of March.
- Seth, making a film: “Tell us, Ryan, how does it feel to have Dean Hess’s sloppy seconds?” *jumps up and down* Thank you, someone, for finally remembering and pointing out that fact!
- I do not like hung-over Taylor. Go have another drink and stop bitching and fretting over what was or wasn’t said.
- Taylor chasing the mailman and going on a 35-second rant about how she needs her letter back, until he gives in? Not that funny. A much funnier response would have been if he said “Uh. Still no.” And then drove off.
- Frank is the whiniest guy ever. You’re not imagining things; yes, he’s coming to Ryan exactly like Ryan went to Sandy. ACT YOUR AGE, FRANK. By which I mean, stop seeking approval from teenagers. It’s pathetic.
- “But when Ryan and Seth come home for the holidays, I want them to come home to that house.” THANK YOU KIRSTEN. I’m falling on my knees thanking you for pointing that out. It is so stupid when parents move away as soon as their kids go to college. *cough Dr. Roberts.* THEY ARE NOT GROWN-UPS YET. Living away from home for a few months (for the first time in their lives) does not make them ready to sever all ties with childhood. Especially if you are (basically) an only child with wealthy parents. Children get homesick at college. And even if they don’t feel it acutely, they will want a familiar haven to return to for extended breaks. Go with me on this. It would be hard on Seth.
- *keels over laughing* Kaitlin is awesome. Who else would stick up flyers of Frank’s mug shot with “THIS GUY LOVES CLOWN Porn!!” written on them? *hugs her again* Moderately libelous plus I neglected to think about how they might make Ryan feel…but still funny.
- Why does Julie always go right to asking if it’s about money? I know this is hard to comprehend, but while Julie is a gold digger, Kaitlin is honestly not.
- *hugs Kaitlin harder* The following exchange illustrates why I love her, as well as why the Frank/Julie thing ticks me off.
K: Mom, look at us. In the past year we’ve lost Dad, we’ve lost Marissa? We had Dr. Roberts and we lost him! Then we got the Bullet, lost him. WHAT makes you think this guy’s gonna stick around any longer?
J: Kaitlin. Am I crazy, or did you say that it was okay for me to date Frank?
K: YES! Date him. But it’s been a week and he’s practically living at our house. Like he’s family. HE is not family. You and I are! Why can’t we just act like that for a little while?
--And there you go. TWoP pointed out that she was ready to accept Bullit as family mighty quick, so I have to explain further – Bullit felt like family to her, but Frank does not and I’m sure Neil didn’t either. Julie has spent the whole year apologizing for her behavior and promising Kaitlin she’ll be a better mother, and then running off with a man instead. So yeah. I think this near-tears rant is justified.
- *goes back to being ticked off* R: “I just think us going to college together, it’s…it’s a big decision.” No, no it’s not. You go to college for yourself. It might be nice if you go to the same one as your boyfriend/girlfriend, but Taylor, if you want to go, it doesn’t matter what Ryan’s thoughts on the matter are. Shut up, Ryan.
- Never mind, you’re welcome to talk to Kaitlin! Especially when you say things like “I promise you, I will always be your brother. In a completely uncreepy way.” Cool! I didn’t know they were that close, but I’m not about to argue. *hugs him to pieces* They. Are. Adorable.
- Oh! I totally wasn’t even paying attention, did Julie just break up with Frank? Excellent.
- Props You Can Buy For My Birthday: the book of poetry. That is a darned gorgeous book.
- A creepy song begins playing in the background, phasing out the dialogue as the world starts to look like it’s being hit by the Apocalypse: yon earthquake is upon us.
- This is what it looks like:
Kaitlin and Julie freak out, drop their ice cream over the balcony they’re standing on, and run back into the relative safety of the store.
- And that, people, is precisely why I’ll never live in California. I’ll sit right here and take my chances with tornadoes, thanks. Unlike other natural disasters, a twister doesn’t have a true blanket effect. It simply cuts a path, and you can hope it blows past without hitting your house.
- By the way, the previews look awesome. I don’t know about other people, but I think this show is best when it goes for the heavy drama angle instead of the fluffy romance
or the foolish campy antics of the last six episodes, and I have high hopes this will be not just the best episode of the season, but one of the best ever.
- Won’t even do too much whining about how this would be a great scenario to terminate the Cohen baby. I’m just happy that it’ll be on the table as a possibility, giving me the opportunity to see Sandy’s worry and Kirsten’s despair. That’s all I really wanted, anyway.