Marshall: Barney, don't do this. Not with Jesus.
Barney: Seriously. Jesus started the whole wait-three-days thing. He waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he'd have only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn’t have even heard that he died! They’d be all, 'Hey, Jesus, what up?’ And Jesus would probably be like, ‘What up? I died yesterday.' And then they’d be all, ‘Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude.’ And then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected. And how it was a miracle. And then, the dude would be like, ‘Uh, okay, whatever you say, bro.'
Robin: Wow, ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now.
Barney: And he’s not going to come back on a Saturday! Everybody’s busy -- doing chores, working the loom, trimming their beards -- no. He waits the exact right number of days: three.
Ted: Okay, I promise, I’ll wait three days, just please stop talking.
Barney: Plus, it’s Sunday, so everyone’s in church already. They’re all in there, ‘Ohhhhhh no. Jesus is dead.' Then, bam! He bursts through the back door. Runs up the aisle. Everyone’s totally psyched (and, FYI, that’s when he invented the high-five). Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call a woman because that’s how long Jesus wants us to wait.
In other news, sound the alarms and bells and whistles, because I have found a drink I like - nay, love and adore: mimosas. They are delicious! Is there even alcohol in these? I have my doubts! And it's weird, because I'm not even really that big a fan of orange juice (it is deeply inferior to all other juices), but the flavor winds up tasting basically like pineapple juice with no burn at all. I am pretty sure that if I am ever left to my own devices, entire bottles of sparkling wine will disappear in 12-hour periods without hesitation. So good. And they even have a cute name to go with it, double score!