-I haven't written in 3 days because every time I open LJ and think about writing the following section, I find myself punching the screen over and over. Here goes nothing.
Bones, Episode #100, "The Showrunner in the Doghouse" (my journal, my title)
That was cute, show. Now, into the basement of discontinuity with "Double Death of the Dearly Departed" with you, because I am STRIKING YOU FROM THE RECORD. That's right. You monster! You don't exist!
I felt like that last shot should have come with a caption for anyone who was channel-surfing and happened to catch the tail end by itself, especially after all those suggestive promos. Something like this:.
HINT: It's not what you think...
Honestly, I had like seventeen different ways to open this writeup, and none of them are working because I am still just this crazy ball of eleventy-five separate emotions. Which are abruptly cycling into regular periods where I shut down and have no emotion at all. Then it's back to emotions that quiver and simmer under the surface, with that weird quasi-tension where my feelings are staying under wraps, but just barely, because I'm afraid that if the tiniest thread snaps, I will explode. That opening sentence was a prime example of smiling through gritted teeth.
Oh, my God, I actually cannot deal with this.
It's like, part of me wants to be angry and/or sulk harder than Sweets that you have built my show, and in fact my entire ship, on a lie. The rest of me can't actually believe they decided to go in such a stupid, unnecessary-roadblock direction. *throws up hands* I don't know what else to call it. STUPID.
Fine, we're going to go all stream-of-consciousness style about my reactions to the last scene.
But first let's backtrack to how much I hate with a fiery passion the Backstory of Attraction - complete with making out - that they cooked up for them. I just. No. I cannot believe they already had a first non-manipulated, this-universe kiss and then they just buried that somewhere along the way.
I don't care that we're supposed to feel like Sweets does upon finding out, I don't care that it's clever and amusing to watch Sweets literally stand in for the audience. That doesn't justify sporking everything we have ever assumed about their interactions. Frankly, it kinda ruins the whole mystique of watching Booth gradually fall in love with her as they progressed from friends. DO YOU REMEMBER HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO EVEN SHIP THIS? DO YOU? GOOD. BECAUSE YOU JUST ERASED ALL THAT PROGRESS, I HOPE YOU ARE PROUD OF YOURSELF.
(holy crap, for a second there, I almost wanted to cry! I mean, in a way where I deliberately choose to indulge myself in tears, because I like crying, not because I am totally crazy and these characters are as important as real people, but still, that's how you know I am feeling deeply betrayed)
Perhaps you would like to observe my actual horrified reaction to said first kiss: WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? NO. NO. DID NOT HAPPEN. DID NOT. LIES. LIES! NO! DAMN IT, HART. LIIIIIIIIIIIIIES!!!!!!
By the time we got to the end, I was already feeling pretty cranky and disinclined to enjoy anything - at one point I went "Wow, way to make that stop working for me immediately," and by that I meant B/B - and then they made it worse.
I told someone else and now I'm repeating it, this is Bones' "Casino Night." Except I didn't have to live through "Casino Night" (or more accurately, "Gay Witch Hunt," but that doesn't sound nearly as classy) in real time, and that is a good thing, because clearly I would have just jumped off a tall building. And hell, even now, when I tell myself that Jim and Pam were better off for it because Pam needed to find herself first, my knee-jerk reaction to the existence of The Office's third season is still to spit and curse a blue streak, complete with much scowling and shaking of a fist.
I want to just shut my brain off and love the way Booth goes for it and kisses her. I want to love it so hard! But I was unmoved. And then in retrospect I thought maybe I would have felt something, but Brennan pushing him away pretty well killed that. Again, it's not the angst! I LOVE a little bit of tearful angst! Key phrase, "a little bit." I would have loved her protests if he'd been able to override them, or maybe if she'd just asked for time, or anything. But when you build up and build up and build up and then SMASH IT, it's sour and off-putting and makes me hate them.
There, I said it. It makes me hate them. Or at least the idea of them.
The TV Squad previewer mentioned that the end of this episode might have you questioning whether you even still wanted Booth & Brennan to be together. I waved that off on the assumption that they meant what TV snobs usually do - that once UST couples finally reached their peak moment of connection, the audience immediately tires of their love story. But no! TV Squad was bang on. I don't want them to get together anymore.
I would like to say it's because I'm straight-up bitter and hate Brennan. This is certainly not doing her any favors after the painstakingly long time she took to climb into my favor, never mind make me finally believe in her oh-so-very-lacking side of the Feelings Equation...
But it's not, because she didn't do anything I shouldn't have expected, if only I hadn't been expecting miracles from the writers. It's hard to explain. I'm not really hateful? It just broke something crucial inside my brain and shut it off.
I see the reasoning behind throwing up one last obstacle. I see it. That doesn't change the fact that I don't want another damn obstacle. I would have far preferred another two solid years of UST (which, hey, would put us right on X-Files' timeline!), where at least I could continue to enjoy things like hugs and handholds and occasional serious injury, to this. Catch-22; I'm mad as long as they stay apart, and I'm mad if they don't.
Because when they got together, I wanted it to be a big moment, and I wanted that to be it. It's been so long since I have been jerked around by a UST relationship that I don't even remember how to deal with it. (That, or I've blocked the memories. ALL OF MY COUPLES WERE ALWAYS SOULMATES, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?)
Incidentally, since I have nothing to lose at this point and don't mind looking like an idiot with my theories, I assume without a doubt that this will still push them together. Booth will lie to himself about moving on - it will be a lie even if he does it - and it won't matter because she'll realize she was wrong and she needs him or whatever, I don't even care.
Because that's my issue. They took the thing I wanted most, and made me not want it. And it's not like TPTB have never screwed me over in a permanent-type fashion before. Hodgins/Angela! Zack! THEY DIDN'T FIX THOSE THINGS. They treated them, they didn't fix 'em. So even in the best case scenario where they redact this by finale time, it's not enough. The chemistry between Booth & Brennan fizzled and died in that moment -- I'm done, I'm out.
Not for good. I'll be back. I'll catch up in due time. But my interest in watching next week's episode, or any episodes for the foreseeable future, has declined to zero, so as Glee rolls back in, I'm bouncing Bones out. Call me when things stop sucking.
(As an aside, damn you to hell for the speech about love that lasts 30 or 40 or 50 years, and how it's always the guy who says 'I knew.' I want to love that speech! I want to love it like everything on God's green earth; it is the most perfect speech ever! But if she doesn't reciprocate, even if she technically feels the same and only fear is making her say otherwise, it just falls so flat. And maybe makes me want to shrug and tell Booth he's wrong - noble hearted and sweet but still wrong - welcome to real life; you're Toby, not Jim).
(As a second aside, I finally made myself watch it a second time instead of just relying on the painful memories bouncing around in my skull, and damn you to hell again for ruining their only visually appealing kiss to date. This is the kind I like! The emotion-laden kind with closed lips
(And now I am sulking, because you will have to do phenomenal things to top this if/when you decide to really go for it, and frankly, I don't think you can. The Office couldn't. I can't even tell you how useless and unsatisfying the end of "The Job" is.)
I know, I know; nobody else is having this reaction, CONTRARY OPPOSITE, etc etc, so I'm just going to close on this note. Where I have flipped the picture around. So now that's her left hand with a ring on it, because as long as I've taken the episode out of time, I can mess with the image's context to my heart's desire.
Goin' AU into Booth's dreamland now, kthnxbai.
* I love how Sweets' eyes were glittering with tears of frustration and despair by the end. I just kept thinking to myself, it's a good thing he recently nabbed himself a fiancee, because otherwise I'd worry about him jumping off a bridge tonight.
* Among the many things I did not want about the backstory, Booth's gambling and slicked-back hair
* Among the few things I did want about the backstory, ZACK! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Even better when suited up with padding and then whaled on with baseball bats. XD
* Angela, so adorable! Now I really don't understand how she is qualified to work in a place like that, but it's cool; I want her life story. Also, she is so ridiculously pretty.
* Caroline: never a time when she wasn't awesome.
* Anger Management Hodgins - with return of awesome hair - and total disdain of Zack/getting repeated warnings about being so unpleasant/furiously snapping a rubber band - and shamelessly hitting on Angela within seconds of meeting her = like, quintuple yay! Hodgins was the best thing about this episode, basically. As is often true.
* "Forensics don't solve crimes'"- oh, Past Booth, there's like five teams on CBS who would SINCERELY beg to differ.
* I'm going to go drown my sorrows in my old reviews now and see if I can salvage any feelings. I suspect not, as my positivity (like my pro-season-2-and-3-Hodgins/Angela feelings) is probably time locked and non-transferable, but at least I can have fun reliving the past.
Future Me, please tell me what time I can expect something or someone to change my mind and give this hour a second look? Office and I usually break up for 3-4 months; just wondering if I can expect a similar timeline.
[Future Me: Never. We will never come back.]
Because I don't know how to let a post stand on its own (and technically I wrote this section yesterday), here's the rest of the week, too:
Ghost Whisperer, 5x18, "Dead Eye"
Last week's story about graphic novels was pretty much the worst thing I have ever seen (especially as Numb3rs thoroughly exhausted whatever minuscule potential this plot has). However, this week? With a ghost clown who wasn't really a clown but still managed to be terrifying nonetheless, complete with tons of Jim & Aiden, no Ned, that pretty redhead** - I don't know her name, but she is a frequent-flyer guest star whose beauty always gives me pause - and then WHAM, SURPRISE GHOST!BEDFORD advancing the mytharc at the end?
Wow, just wow. I hate that I was really distracted trying to catch up on other things online, because even paying only half attention, it was clearly one of the season's better offerings. Or at least in the top half, since this season has a lot of stiff competition within itself.
**Erin Chambers. Seen all over the place, but most frequently as Ariel's teacher on "Medium" last year. Speaking of!
Medium: "There Will Be Blood" (
Um, so that was one of the best 2-parters ever, huh? The blood-drained bodies of entire families posed in their homes were seriously some of the creepiest bodies I have ever seen across ALL my crime shows - literally, in the top 10, no contest; I got chills - and then to make matters better, it features that gorgeous girl last seen as Hanna Malone on Without a Trace!
Playing a thoroughly amazing character whom I pretty much want the DuBois family to adopt in the manner of the Foremans taking in Hyde. Who says I need to inject realism into my thoughts? She'd be amazing! Fit right in! I especially love how her long, dark, curly hair is in such sharp contrast to the short, straight, blonde hair on the rest of the ladies.
Voice: You totally just love her hair, don't you??
RS: I HAVE BEEN STARVED OF PRETTY LOCKS OKAY. But, no, really. I want this. I will invent AUs and other daydreams. Fine, I will just settle for repeatedly watching these episodes, which I'm perfectly willing to declare the best of the season.
In other amazing news, I can't remember specifics from last week - although Joe avoiding Keith was hilarious - but this week was adorable with Marie's mini tantrum about the the tooth fairy not visiting, and Bridgette serving as the go-between her and Joe. (I can't get over how great Bridgette is this year, by the way) Also, Mitch Pileggi! AND KEITH ESSENTIALLY FIRED HIMSELF, meaning no more dealing with his unpleasantness outside of odd appearances on Bones! IT'S LIKE MY BIRTHDAY.
Oh look, a temporary reprieve from stupidity! (which I fully expect JT to ruin again next week, but whatever)
Sorry, what's that? Did Sandra just...plant a Sandra Seed in Russell's brain? Oh! Burn! She did**! Oh, man, I need Sandra & Courtney to stick around forever now. Between Sandra puppeteering people/thinking Russell needs to get in the ocean and wash his ass, and Courtney calling him a troll/Coach a lunatic and mocking his hair feathers/our host "Jeffrey" when he gets smart with her, this is just the BEST DUO EVER. It makes up for my minor sadness that lovable, delusional Coach is gone, because after all, it is arguably totally his fault that Rob is gone, so no whining about the cowards and dishonorable people all around you, dude.
**okay, fine, so he still wound up voting Courtney, but his alliance didn't, and that was a direct result of her whispering, so nyah! I love that Russell didn't even question her motives at all. I guess that would force him to admit that a woman - you know, one of those dumbass girls - was being strategic, and that never happens under his watch.
Pizza + brownies, still the most mouth-watering meal ever, so I'm really glad I had amazing pizza of my own for dinner. No brownies, though. Or sweets of any kind. :(
I still want to know what their obsession with mud is this season. Remember when they used to have challenges that involved water? What happened to THAT? They're on islands, aren't they? Everyone can swim, can't they? Is the water full of sharks and deadly jellyfish or what? The ocean: USE IT.