Despite the rampant pointless destruction, and the Hurley-centric
-Man, ILANA! Not gonna lie, I'm a little bit disappointed just because I had convinced myself that Ben's "unlikely romance that no one will see coming" would be her, but I'm mostly disappointed because she had so much untapped potential. The looks of horror and shock on everyone's faces were not worth asploding her, Darlton. I'd hate you if I didn't suspect I will have several more deaths to hate much more by the end of May.
-OH, HELL NO, YOU DID NOT JUST EXPLODE THE BEAUTIFUL OLD BLACK ROCK TOO. Hurley, this is why I hate you. That, and the way you keep bullying Ricardo with bluffs about your Super Special Jacob Connection.
-Libby!! I'm not quite as excited to see her again as I always assumed I'd be, and it turns out I don't really ship them either. I enjoy this setup in theory, but I just hate Hurley too much to appreciate it in action. That said, I do still like Libby, and she's the only thing that made the off-island story bearable. Well, that and Desmond.
-And the psychiatrist or whoever...is Bedford! Sorry, being knocked over by Ghost Whisperer parallels. Apparently he played this role once before, but that should tell you how much I refused to pay attention to most of the flashback stories.
-Speaking of which, the whispers are the voices of dead people who can't move on? That would have been quite a revelation last year, but now it feels anticlimatic since my immediate response is to say, haha, GHOST WHISPERER PARALLELS: THEY CONTINUE. Let's get Melinda out there, stat. Because, you know, ungood things happen with ghosts tormented by dark pasts and massive amounts of guilt.
-By the way, if I'm Michael, after being told 'you can go now,' I'd be super-pissed that I wound up stuck in island limbo. At least when he couldn't die back in the real world, there were things to do.
-I kind of love that the big key to Lost is, apparently, "love is all you need." I also wonder what feminism would say about the idea that all men have this perfect, beautiful woman waiting for them somewhere. But not as much as I wonder how the quadrangle fits into this setup. Settle the question of which pairs belong together once and for all, TPTB! Too bad I'm pretty sure you won't. On the bright side, it's kind of fun watching Plato's theory of soulmates in action.
It also, amusingly, reminds me of something I said during the first season: How many island hookups are there going to be, exactly? Because at this rate, by the time they get rescued, everyone who's not dead will be in a committed relationship.
-Best part of Libby/Hurley's picnic date: Desmond's pimp daddy shot in the car.
-Evilly Smiling Child Jacob cracks me up. He is taking such unholy joy in deeply unnerving Flocke that I burst out laughing every time.
-Oh, Jack. "Ever since Juliet died - ever since I got her killed - all I've wanted is to fix it. But I can't. I can't ever fix it." *hugs*
-Meanwhile, I'm sorry Jack's defected to Crazytown, but I am still Team Richard/Benry all the way. Seriously, when Ben stood up to follow him, I got fierce pangs of Original Others nostalgia. Remember when they were hanging out on the beach and whispering mistrustfully behind Locke's back? Ah, those were the days.
-Sayid's emotion-free voice is still more disturbing than anything, but Zen Desmond is beginning to worry me a little too.
-Professor Benry's pervert radar continues to lovely, though.
-Island Ending: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. *explodes with rage* (later: thank God for the preview. I've really got to learn that nobody who falls down a well on Lost dies immediately.
-Actual Ending: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Watching Locke die/nearly die is my favorite hobby ever, and I am glad it happens in all universes. Watching Desmond mow him down was the most exciting thing I have seen all season.
Glee, 1x14, "Hell-O"
I apologize, guys. When I started out, I was going to hit 15 bullet points and leave, but then...you know. Stuff happened. I start writing one thing and it becomes six subpoints plus a digression; that sort of stuff.
One thing I've learned in the past week is that the best way to enjoy this show is not to read anything anyone else says about it. Everyone harshes things on love, and praises things that make my blood boil, so the best outcome is to seal myself inside my bubble. My chatty, chatty bubble.
Scattered Thoughts From Before I Got Out of Control
* I have no idea when this episode is supposed to take place. I'm confused as to how Finn has had time to start basketball season, and start dating Rachel, yet Will & Emma apparently haven't kissed for a second time or gone on a date yet? I also demand to know why the first pair's whole relationship took place off screen, and why the latter pair couldn't follow suit.
* Rachel's tearful speech when he broke up with her was beautiful, but would have been so much more effective if they'd actually been dating long enough for anyone (including her) to get invested. This is one of those times where I feel the show is better watched via clips on YouTube, so you can invent your own context.
* Why was Mr. Schue sitting next to Rachel at the basketball game? Anyone? *beams* Also, I'm not saying Rachel is announcing the existence of her slushie-stained bra for any particular reason, but...
* Desire to put out a cigarette in Puck's eye: unchanged.
* I love that the original glee members staged Rachel's intervention, even though they managed to be both correct and total jerks at the same time. Sometimes I miss the fantastic five from the pilot.
* Will/Finn buddy moments FTW, but I still want to know how Quinn & her teacher are acting around each other in light of the whole 'so, I was gonna trick you into being my baby's daddy' thing. Have they just decided never to engage in direct conversation again?
* Finn was admittedly endearing while trying to get back together with Rachel. I wouldn't hate it if that worked out someday.
* FACT: I am allergic to Will/Emma. I break out in hives when they are on the screen. *twitch, shudder, die for my ship, etc* And yet I watch them (resentment burning all the way), because I enjoy the melted feeling one gets when he says things like "You are adorable" and looks at her like that.
* I knew she was a virgin! No one that weird and neurotic is going to casually engage in something as messy as sex. I reserve the rest of my thoughts depending on what happens next week, but for right now, let's just say that as pleased as I am on principle, turns out it is MOST UNCOMFORTABLE to watch myself on screen.
What's frustrating is that I really like the sweet forehead kiss and the suggestion of a movie, if only that had been enough, but I cannot shake the long moment of disappointment with a dash of...judgment? beforehand (especially seeing as that led to him finding someone else). And believe me, it pains me to admit that I have even the mildest of issues with him.
* I really wish that they could be over in a permanent-type fashion now. Not that Will at all needs to be celibate and/or find himself. On the contrary, if you're bound and determined to wreck his marriage out of existence, then I want him slutting it up all over town as a consolation prize. I can name at least five people he'd look fantastic with.
Vocal Adrenaline? Vocal Pheromones, More Like
* Let's talk about how someone decided to slap Idina Menzel with the character name Shelby, which, WHAT, WHY, that sounds like a name for the Old Maids Club. I reject your reality and substitute my own! She'll just have to be Idina forever one this blog. Couldn't you have saved "Grace" for her? Or practically anything, for that matter? If you're trying to distract me from how gorgeous she is, it's not working.
And continuing the fine tradition of Will having chemistry with every woman on the planet except Emma, that was HOT. I would even support a divorce from Terri if he subsequently chose to date that. Hell, he doesn't even have to date her. I support casual hookups and friends with benefits if that's what it takes to keep two super-attractive people together! BEST ONE-EPISODE RELATIONSHIP EVER.
* Next let's talk about how it took Will 5 seconds to start making out with her, which we all know is because she's basically Rachel, but legal. I want to take it a step farther, however, and point out that Jesse St. James has wavy blond hair - not as tightly curled as Mr. Schue's, but still a sight closer than anyone in her own glee club - and he looks even more like high school Will. And they both picked partners out of Vocal Adrenaline? Subconsciously seeking age-appropriate versions of each other, YES THEY ARE.
* In other words, I guess I am the only person in the world who enjoyed this? But it was among my top 5 moments of the night.
* By the way, I am going posit that Idina & Jesse are hooking up. What? It's way less squicky than all of my other wrong-bad ships, and you know it's totally plausible. Okay, I don't actually think the show is going to tell us they are, but I firmly believe it in my own personal canon. I'm not even that interested in it, I just think it makes crazy amounts of sense.
Jesse St. James
* The first time I looked up a picture of Jonathan Groff, I was pleasantly surprised and thought, finally, here is someone with actual love interest potential for Rachel. I wasn't immediately blown away, but he had good hair and a nice smile, and as the hour progressed I warmed up to him. I'm still not sure how I feel about his character being a smug/cocky/arrogant/scheming bastard of a charmer, but a very large portion of my brain wants to switch off and join Rachel in the land of swooning bliss, and I don't know how long I can resist it.
* Especially since I keep watching that last scene in the auditorium and applying my out-of-context filter to it so I can pretend they've been dating for several months (instead of, you know, like two days) and he is real and sincere with his reassurances, because oh my word that is the sweetest thing I have ever seen on this show. "I want to introduce you to Jesse. The guy who's nuts about you. The guy who would never hurt you." And there is hugging, and it is even more adorable! Which makes the subsequent kiss even sweeter! l;kasjdflk;asjdfklasjdfa. Masdlkfjasd. Ghseasgd!
* On a related note, this is going to set Rachel's trust issues back like 10,000 years if she has guys with honey tongues saying things like that to her face while totally playing her. God, why do I only love things that are fake and/or doomed to fail? This is not how I normally operate!
* While I do find the musical numbers boring on my first watch and usually change channels or fast-forward, on second viewing, the collective music in this episode was pretty fantastic (Hello Goodbye - not just for use in Target commercials! Who knew?). I was only bored with the Rachel/Jesse duet, because not even their combined pretty factor (both physically and vocally) can make a slow-ass Lionel Richie ballad interesting. See also, Will/Rachel duet.
(Wait, haha, is that another Jesse-is-Will parallel? YES.)
* I think some Finn/Tina shippers were born during "Hello" (which, incidentally, has been stuck in my head all evening, I think I'm a little in love with it now? I have never said that about a Corey song before)
* And during "Gives You Hell" - way better than the original! - some Rachel/Mike shippers were born, and I am confused as to how this club claims not to like Rachel, since they all formed a happy circle of singing and dancing around her while Finn was busy being shunned. I think their brains just shut off once music starts playing (but for real, I love when everyone is happy and bouncy like that, even if the song would have benefited from less group chanting).
Meanwhile, I love how Mr. Schuester does a lot of sighing and eye-rolling and impatient looks, yet makes no actual effort to shut this off-topic nonsense down. Way to be an effective authority figure. I also like that melodramatic "If we don't place at Regionals, glee club is over," as though Figgins will not continue to threaten the club's funding until they have won at least four national - and possibly international - championships.
* Those "show faces" on Vocal Adrenaline look really creepy. I think they're closer to rictus grins than curing cancer.
Women of the Crazy/Evil Persuasion
* You know who I didn't miss at all? Sue Sylvester. *bored*
* Did not appreciate the Old Maids Club. Every joke has a kernel of truth! *punches* And fine, keep mocking Ghost Whisperer, I know you're just threatened by its success. Incidentally, here is a picture of its leading man:
Your argument is invalid.
* Brittany/Santana: eh. Apparently they work better in very small doses.
* I don't understand how anyone cares about Sue when Terri can show up for one scene and totally pwn Emma without even breaking a sweat. I'm sorry, but if you want crazy/evil, Terri is THE BEST. God, she is magnificent. Look at those wickedly sweet smiles. I'll be over here in paroxysms of glee (no pun intended), repeatedly watching her verbally vivisect all Edith's hopes and dreams in sixty seconds flat. Toodles!
* On a pleasant closing note: my mom, who doesn't really watch the show, saw the Vogue music video preview, and was baffled/horrified by "that old hag" - BEST DESCRIPTION OF SUE EVER - trying to be a sexy young Madonna. Although in fairness, it's not that much different from present-day Madonna trying to be a sexy young Madonna.
Way to blow back into town and dazzle me, series!
P.S. Is it bad that I have a ridiculous desire to own this? It's like, I know it will be charmingly antiquated in about a year, just like my post-season-1 Lost companion book is, and it's got 'totally unofficial' right in the title, but...glossy print pages! $10 on Amazon! GRABBY HANDS.