-Canceling Law & Order before it could break records as the longest-running drama series. Granted, I have only seen like 5 episodes in the last 2 years, but my spyin' ears have been soaking up enough knowledge through osmosis to know it's had an upswing in quality lately, and furthermore that this is the first year in a while you haven't threatened to cancel it at every turn, so I'm peeved that after 20 years on the air, there was no apparent plan to wrap it up forever. I realize the only show with less character-driven action is the local news, but with all that history, it deserves a proper conclusion.
-Adding Law & Order: LA. You know how I feel about spinoff shows that end in "LA"! Also, didn't you already try a fourth spin off, only to have it fail horribly? Anyone who watches this will be taken out back and whipped with a cedar switch. If you need supplemental material, there is a perfectly awesome British version waiting for you.
-My last hope for 'Rex Is Not Your Lawyer' went up in flames when I noticed you had a different ridiculous legal drama, this one featuring Kathy Bates, on the plate. Which is odd, because David Tennant is much better than Kathy Bates in every way. I guess this will teach me not to create tags for shows until I have watched at least two episodes of them.
-Canceling "Mercy." Damn, I really thought this scrappy little fighter was going to pull it off. Oh well, now it's either easier to catch up on, or I'll feel less guilty about letting it fade into obscurity without ever watching it after all. Depends on whether or not it ends with a cliffhanger.
-Continually renewing The Biggest Loser. I don't understand who is excited about watching people sweat and cry. I especially don't understand why this takes up two hours of prime real estate every week.
-Canceling Trauma. Hah!
-Finally putting Heroes out of its misery.
-Kicking Parks & Rec back to midseason. Reaction(s): HAHAHAHA; also JOY! Damn trainwreck has been a thorn in my Thursday side since it premiered, and remains that way as long as the closing tag is unavoidable while waiting for Office to start. While I would ideally be rid of it forever, if I could get 7 or 8 months free of its existence, I would count that as a victory.
-Giving Community a chance to stick around & grow up, because it is the 2nd best half-hour show they've got. And in terms of straight-up humor, it is the best.
-Keeping Law & Order: SVU. ...I guess. Even though I keep asking them to cancel it, I find I can't actually promote change. I would mention other series I'm glad they're keeping, but The Office was already locked up for next year, and apparently that is the extent of what I care about on this station.
All those options and yet nothing sounds appealing at all right now (well, Jason Ritter does, but I'm not getting involved in another of his doomed projects). I just want to point out that I would not go within a hundred yards of a show called "Friends with Benefits," so way to fail at marketing. And apparently the plot is exactly what the title implies, which gives this series exactly zero redeeming qualities.
Oh, and if there is a God, he will not jam "The Cape" down my throat just when we finally got those other damned superheroes off the airwaves. Haven't I warned you people about hiring David Lyons? DON'T DO IT. JUST SAY NO.
How you doin', FOX? Much better than NBC, apparently.
When did you become the good station?
-Did I mention how glad I am about 24 finally being over? Because I am. I'm so happy about this 7-years-overdue notice that I'll even let you have more of your agonizing "Lie to Me" nonsense as well as your "Human Target" dumbassery.
-Pretty sure it no longer matters because this household is SO OVER American Idol, and quitting for good when Simon does, but it is a relief to hear that you're finally going to trim the Idol results show back down to half an hour.
-Good riddance to Past Life, Sons of Tucson, and Brothers. I was barely even aware of their existence, they were all that bad.
-Your wheelhouse still includes House, Bones, and Glee. The quantity might be low, but the quality is high. High enough to make you my second most important station after CBS.
-You've got the Super Bowl! And you're putting Glee after it! Because unlike CBS, you have a healthy sense of what is good.
-Oh, you did not just buy the rights to syndicate Big Bang Theory. Wasn't Two and a Half Men punishment enough? If you need another CBS comedy, how about somebody picks up HIMYM already? Yeah, it thinks it's a giant serial, but it is perfectly capable of standing alone, and goodness knows there are plenty of episodes I would like to see several more times.
-Canceling the Wanda Sykes show. Damn it, just because I still have only seen five minutes of one episode and am physically incapable of remembering that Saturday night programming exists, doesn't mean I don't want the option!
-Canceling Til Death. Okay, to be fair I don't really care at all, but it's a knee-jerk reaction. I like Brad Garrett.
Nothing to see here, either. Move along. Although I am putting a hash mark by "Terra Nova" if it proves capable of providing Primeval-quality dinosaur material.
In other news, I finally located my Entertainment Weekly where every major article is about Lost, and whose beautiful cover features Josh Holloway. I never win at cover lottery when there are multiple options, but the one time it really matters, I lucked out! This also put me in the fun position of my mom asking me to answer various questions about what's happened since she stopped watching in season 2. Turns out you really do feel like a crazy person when you try to explain this show in a nutshell to a non-fan. Who knew?
("The importance of the numbers? Uh, they correspond to these names of the castaways on a list, a list written by this kind of immortal...island protector who brought them there because he's looking for a candidate to take over his place, and um...what does that have to do with the guy pushing a button? We may have some ground to cover here..." Second question: "'WHO ARE THE OTHERS'?! LIKE, THE ENTIRE SERIES IS ABOUT DETERMINING WHO THE 47 VARIETIES OF 'OTHERS' ARE." So maybe it's a touch more complicated than I led you to believe. But only if you ask questions instead of just watching new episodes.)