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7:15 - Start time listed for Toy Story 3
7:45 - Time anything recognizable as Toy Story 3 appeared on screen

For this I mostly blame the excessive number of commercials (before previews) that continued until 7:23, but the short film at the beginning was quite the pointless waste of time (retro-style TV/movies: the only old things I do not appreciate).  Save that for the DVD extras, please, so I can skip it.

PREVIEWS
A reason for the "do not want kids" column: the horrible, horrible animated movies they would want me to take them to.  Otherwise defined as "all animated movies, with extremely rare exceptions, produced from 2001 to eternity."  Just watching the previews makes me want to hit myself with a hammer. 

Once they graduate to live-action kid/family films, I'm much more open...for example, RAMONA & BEEZUS, OH MY WORD, THAT IS SO PRECIOUS I CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES.  I don't even remember if I like those books or not, but that little actress (she looks familiar, why do I know her?) is too perfect for words. 

On another note, it was so crazy to go somewhere new instead of Marcus.  It's all different!  And weird!  I haven't been to a different theater in, literally, like a decade.  My favorite part was when their preview highlighted "Stimulus Tuesday," where pop & popcorn are a dollar each (good) and king-size boxed candy is $2.50.  $2.50?!  What the hell is your regular price?  Don't those same boxes sell for a dollar at any and every retail store?


ACTUAL REVIEW
Did I cry?  Duh.  There were like 5 minutes at the beginning I thought I could hold out, and then I didn't even need a trigger, I just shed a few tears because I was nostalgic.  As far as actual triggers go, it wasn't really the end that got me** - at that point my primary feeling was a slow, simmering rage.  The worst part for me was Lotso traveling all that way to come home, then looking through his owner's window and seeing he'd been replaced.

MAN.  INSTANT "TEARS STREAMING / DOWN YOUR FAAAAACE" moment.  At which point I realized that thanks a lot, now I can't even let go of my hideously worn-out and ragged toys. 

(You should see the dog we pulled out of a bag in the attic the other day - he's filthy (but he's a battery operated toy who can't be washed), a couple fur patches are missing, and there is a binder around his foot to hide the gaping hole in his paw because I loved "Blue" nearly to death when I was little, tying a rope around his neck for a collar-leash and bouncing him up and down the street to "walk" him because I didn't have a real dog yet.  I looked at him the other day and went 'your days are numbered, buddy,' but CLEARLY NOW THEY ARE NOT)

**I was crying at the end too.  Due to the nettled feeling of anger, I didn't even realize I was doing it, but when I touched my cheeks they were quite wet.  It was the weirdest experience ever to have no control over my tears.  It must have hit my raw "best friends never see each other again" nerve, which normally only works with girls and does not involve toys, but whatever.

Slow, Simmering Rage: Explained
We need to clear one thing right up: those toys are not gifts, they are on loan to Bonnie, and when she grows up and becomes a stupid twit like Emily and Molly, and her mom catches her trying to sell the toys on eBay to buy a cell phone or something, her mom will give Andy a call and he will be right back to pick them up. 

(also: stupid ending!  I already had a whole scenario planned whereby it turns out Bo Peep resides in the room of a girl in Andy's dorm. NOW HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET THEM BACK TOGETHER.  Fine, option 2: Bonnie miraculously grows up to become me instead of a twit, shops at her local thrift store 10-12 years in the future, and comes home with Bo)

Second, I have a whole bunch of really pressing questions:

1. When did Andy's mom become awful?  Remember when she was a cool lady, instead of champing at the bit to kick both her son and all of his belongings out of her house immediately if not sooner?  

2. I apologize for this next string of capslock, but: WHAT HAPPENED TO WOODY BEING A FAMILY HEIRLOOM?  HUH?  REMEMBER THAT?  REMEMBER HOW ANDY'S MOM, BEFORE SHE SUCKED, WOULDN'T EVEN SELL HIM TO THAT GUY AT THE GARAGE SALE?  ALSO, REMEMBER HOW THAT WHOLE SET OF WILD WEST FIGURES IS OLD AND IN GREAT SHAPE AND VALUABLE TO A JAPANESE TOY MUSEUM?  WHY ARE THESE THINGS BEING GIVEN AWAY WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT.  The potato heads are one thing, but quality 50's toys...no, that's just baffling.

3. What is this weird notion that as soon as your child enrolls at college, their life with you is over forever?  I personally did not know any college freshmen, unless they went overseas or more than halfway across the country, who did not go home at least for Thanksgiving/Christmas break, if not for a weekend within the first month.  Or otherwise need to come back home and live or at least sleep in their room on a regular basis.  Very few of them officially moved out before they were 21, or more likely college graduation, and plenty were me and went right back home.  It's just especially weird when he has a little sister (who already has her own room) still there, so it's not like they're moving or all the kids are grown up or there is any reason whatsoever for his mom to need his room barren and empty.

tl;dr: I have no sympathy for his mom's sudden 'oh crap, I'm going to miss you after all!' attack at the end. 

4. Wait, why was the daycare totally unsupervised?  Why did a herd of toddlers just run around a room, screaming and wreaking havoc, with no adult presence whatsoever? 

5. Why does this poorly-supervised daycare not monitor its donations?  Are its employees actually too stupid to recognize vintage toys (clapping monkey, pretty sure I saw wooden Fisher Price pull-along) when they see them?  Don't answer that.

6. If we can go back to the college thing for a moment: super, super irate at the message that people eventually have to give up their childhood things when they grow up (or...turn 18, apparently), and/or that toys should be passed on so other children can appreciate them.  WRONG.  FALSE. 

Mostly Non-Rageful Thoughts, In No Order
* Shipping toys continues to feel weird, but nevertheless: Jessie/Buzz is creeping me out a lot.  There is a benefit to Bo Peep being lost to the winds, and that benefit should be WILD-WEST PAIRING FOREVER.  Spanish Buzz seemed especially unnecessary.

* Big Baby was so much creepier than anything ever, including the mutant toys created in Sid's Lair of Horrors.  That said, totally cried some more when it saw the Daisy tag and realized it hadn't been abandoned after all. 

* I was highly fond of the Fisher Price phone-car. 

* Best parts of the movie: the imaginary action film in the beginning, and the escape from day care - I wish that sequence had taken up a larger portion of the film; it was amazing.  Also 70's Ken, doing anything and everything but especially getting pwned by 80's Barbie.

* BO PEEP!  WHEEZY!  *sobs*  Going back to the first film is going to be like reading the first Harry Potter, isn't it?  So happy and optimistic that you nearly cry in pure relief after the dark hell you went through with the last installment.  Except TS3 was noticeably missing a happy epilogue.  Yes, I created my own, but I like it so much better when it is stamped down in canon nobody can technically argue.

* Seriously, I think I am more legitimately upset by the loss of Bo Peep than anything else in this film.  I keep replaying traumatic visions of her & Woody's last sight of each other over and over in my head.  I refer you back to "shipping toys feels weird," YET I CAN'T STOP.

* Awww, the dog is still around!  ...all geriatric and failing.  God.  Does everything in this film have to be depressing? 

* I mean, after they didn't get destroyed in the incinerator, I actually thought we were going to be okay and have a nice wrapped-in-a-bow ending after all.

* Did I mention that I spent a good portion of their little landfill detour with my heart painfully thudding out of my chest in sheer terror?  I don't know how movies work anymore!  I like TV!  Where you always know in advance whether characters are in legitimate danger of dying or not, so if they're not you can just enjoy the adrenaline without risking consequences.

* The claaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!  Saved the day.  Awesome.  That was a rescue like 2.5 movies in the making.

* I feel so sorry for Lotso's fate.  A swift death by fire would have been kinder than being torn to shreds by the elements on a truck grill.  Even he didn't deserve that.

* I am glad that Andy at least tried to save his toys.  I had spent a good portion of the spring fretting about why that stupid, stupid boy would so callously give all his old playmates away to UNCONTROLLABLE WILD CHILDREN FULL OF GERMS. 

* How many lines did they repeat from the earlier movie(s), stuck in new contexts?  It got a tad annoying.

* Jessie's abandonment-related panic, "this is Emily all over again!" was wonderfully done.  Hatpin stab to the heart, definitely, but I'm glad they acknowledged how deeply that scarred her (I maintain that across the three films, the "When She Loved Me" segment is more heartbreaking than anything).

* The one toy Andy need not rescue, besides possibly the potato heads, is Rex.  Rex & Trixie: The Long-Awaited Buddy Duo made my life better.  I'm willing to let him stay.

* I really want to imagine that Bonnie will always be a sentimental, nostalgic young woman, but I just can't.  She's like 5 right now.  Just because she's good to her toys now doesn't mean she'll stay that way!  Never trust a small child!  I especially can't accept it after they spent the whole movie repeatedly stressing how important it was to get home, because they were Andy's Toys

* I swear I liked a lot of stuff too.  It made me laugh out loud a fair few times, I just can't remember exactly why.

Fallout
Yeah, I kinda couldn't wait to get home so I could march upstairs, fiercely hug Bearlioz and swear that we were never parting ways.  The My Little Ponies are going to be found and removed from the attic this weekend if it kills me.  I am busy making a tour of the room and declaring my love for all the plush toys in it, as well as Addy and Samantha, and paying special love to the former garage sale toys.  I even feel sort of bad about the fact that I was planning to give a ratty stuffed bunny to Kym as a chew toy (lucky, I put him in the free box first, and somebody actually took him).

The film did make me realize that I do not remember playing with my toys.  I definitely don't recall tea parties or creating elaborate scenarios with my imagination.  I know I used the stuffed animals as prop pets in "house" with my neighbor, and the Littlest Pet Shops I used to arrange decorative little farms, but as far as what I did with my Barbies or My Little Ponies?  No idea.  They all have names and personalities, but I'm drawing an absolute blank on how one "plays." 

My mom tells me I played "Stuffed Animal Pileup," where I set them all up on the stairs and one by one tumbled them all down to land in a heap.  That seems odd, but not inaccurate. I definitely recall "Beanie Baby Fan," whereby I put one on each fan blade in my brother's room, turned it on, and had them compete to see who flew off last...

tl;dr: I love my toys, they all have names and histories, and all of them are safe for the foreseeable future, at least until I forget about this movie again.

ULTIMATE CONCLUSION
This was a good pick for my 2010 movie of the year (which I saw in 2-D, thankfully - and in a nicely uncrowded theater; there were about a dozen other people, and mind this was 7:15 on a Thursday night.  Hooray for waiting a month post-release!).  I enjoyed myself.  I'm still sort of in rote shock and debating whether or not I want to accept this conclusion or if I will just live in my happy 1 & 2 land forever, but I'm glad I went.

P.S. It is now after 1:00 in the morning and I am still thinking about Bo Peep.  FIND ME A FIC PATCH BEFORE I DIE OF AGONY.  I am sure I will be fine in 24-48 hours, but currently that seems an awfully long time to wait it out.

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Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
aries11
Jul. 16th, 2010 01:49 pm (UTC)
Ugh, I know what you mean about the previews. Not only are there so many these days, but they're sooooo long! I don't really care for the pre-previews, either, that are shown before the lights go down that also include regular commercials.

Obviously my review was nowhere near what yours was, and I don't read into stuff as much as you do, but I enjoyed Toy Story 3 a lot, too. To answer your question about why some parents freak out a bit more than they should when their kids go off to college, I think you have to look at the situation. In the case of the movie, Andy is the oldest child of a single mother. She probably had to put everything she had into raising him right, and now that he's reached the point in his life where he doesn't need her for everything, she was probably experiencing a bit of anxiety. I used to see it in the dorms a lot. In fact, my boss used to warn us about emotional parents. For some, it was their first child going to college, others their last, and then for a fair number, their only child. Even if you do know they're coming home at Thanksgiving or Christmas, it's still a big deal.

I will, however, agree that I also missed Bo Peep. I've heard the reason for her absence is because Annie Potts wanted more money than was being offered to her for doing it.
rainbowstevie
Jul. 16th, 2010 07:16 pm (UTC)
1. Yeah, I usually enjoy the previews (not commercials - those a horrible and cruel invention of the modern theater), but I didn't take into account the intended audience of the film I was seeing, which tanked all the film trailers accordingly.

2. But Andy's mom didn't freak out. She was like, "la-la-la, you'll be gone soon!" and then, after ten seconds of sudden woe, was happy to let him drive off alone. That's what I thought was weird, her under-involvement.

3. That's the reason for lacking Bo? That's a terrible reason! That's like the one voice they could have recast whom I would not have noticed at all. I had assumed it was merely to sharpen the angst for us poor young adults.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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