Current Week's Shows
I'll admit, the first episode left me wary, but it's only episode 3 and I'm starting to have fun again. Everybody seems at least somewhat interesting. Life is SO BEAUTIFUL without Russell. Or was, until suddenly nice people were getting kicked out or threatened left and right, and I discovered that Naonka might actually be worse than Grossell? How that's possible, I don't know, but she is infinitely more unpleasant than Shannon, who merely hated on the gay population in such a cartoonish manner that everyone was embarrassed for him. Naonka is just horrible. Even I am appalled by her intolerance and rampant irrational hatred. Why is her alliance in charge.
All I want out of this season is for Kelly B. and Alina to take their adorable selves to the end, and instead, they're on the chopping block while the ugliest bunch of personalities ever wrangles a minority alliance thanks to their meathead ally Chase. RALLY LIKE JALAPAO, GIRLS + JUD (I am not calling him Fabio yet, even if the show is). For the record, I also thought Wendy seemed like a pretty cool person. And even though I was already tired of Jeff's tongue-bathing, at least Jimmy was legitimately sweet and personable and, in a refreshing change of pace, FUN to watch hog all the camera time. Dump Danny! Stop listening to Marty's paranoid ravings!
By the way, what this season is 100% missing is hot guys. No eye candy. I am reporting a 0% eye-candy percentage here, which has never happened before. It's depressing. Benry comes close, but he has the unfortunate handicap of a) a hilarious name that makes me snort-giggle every time I hear it (HOW IS THAT REAL), and b) either being gay, or bearing a deeply startling resemblance to the gay character on My Name Is Earl - I could swear they were brothers, possibly twins.
Meanwhile, Nay-Nay...there aren't even words to describe what a horrifyingly appalling human being she is. Though Sara M is doing a dandy job of it in the recaps. At this point, what I'm mostly looking forward to is the hope that she titles one of its recaps "Espada or Nada" before the merge.
3. Law & Order: SVU, 12x03, "Behave" [JLH feature]
Hey, did you know that there are thousands of untested rape kits in this country just sitting around? I ask because the episode was super-subtle about this message, and I'm worried some of us might not have picked up on what they were trying to say.
(frankly, the more they hammered this point home, the more it just made me wonder exactly how dangerous it is for a woman to go out unescorted in this country. Like, what kind of kits are being shelved? Are we shelving a lot of these violent-stranger-attack kits? Because it kind of seems like those should be highest priority, and if we don't have time for all of those, I am worried).
Snark aside, Jennifer Love Hewitt (and her supernatural crying powers) gave an absolutely amazing performance as the traumatized stalking/multiple rape victim, and I loved seeing her again. Plus, every so often, you just want the detectives to do something wildly improbable like solve a dozen cases at once by catching the guy who eluded so much as suspicion for 20 years. (Kind of like we did last week. Apparently it's a weekly need.) I jest, but really: marvelous.
Except maybe for the world's longest and most uncomfortably detailed assault-evidence-collection scene ever. You know how you usually condense and/or do that off screen? Let's go back to doing it that way. I don't really need to vicariously live that.
P.S. Stop trying to use Skeet Ulrich to make LOLA happen. Its existence on the horizon hastened Original Flavor's death and you know it; betrayal is not so easily forgiven. If it is, I am disappointed in the American public.-
Last Week's Backlog
4. Grey's Anatomy, 7x01, "With You I'm Born Again"
As it turns out, I was actually rather smart to watch the finale barely a month beforehand, because this way I'm all synced up with how much time has passed for the characters.
I technically watched GA on Sunday, but it promptly sucker-punched me with Feelings. Since then, I have been able to do nothing but bounce back to the finale and watch all my favorite clips from there before diving headlong into the best parts from the premiere. And I'm super-excited for tonight, because I'm full of Unresolved Spoiler Scene Tension and giddily awaiting at least a couple more for the daydream cache.
For last week, let's just run down a bunch of scenes in order from best to worst.
1. OWEN/CRISTINA. Not handled in the most satisfying way, since marriage proposals should not be answered with "thank you." Really, Owen, only Charlie Eppes can get away with proposing to his girlfriend after a traumatizing experience. It helps when you've been dating for years and have practically absorbed her into your family already. Oh, and didn't break up right before the trauma because you needed a deranged gunman to help you decide if you were most in love with her or your longtime buddy. (although, did that breakup really count? Because I whipped by it so fast and it was so short-lived anyway, that my policy is to ignore any suggestion that it happened at all)
But! Everything about that scene was flippin' amazing, and if I could have just had him say all those nice things, including the clingy hugging but minus the ring, that was my ideal scenario come true. I'm still waiting for the fic that explains how he got from "I choose neither!" to "On second thought, I definitely want to spend the rest of my life with this one," because right now the ring seems bizarrely out of context. Trying to soothe my brain with the reminder that once upon a time, at least there was "You're missing the point - I want to be around 40 years from now."
So, I know marriage is a dangerous thing 'round these parts and all, and only Mer/Der is officially required to end up happy, but do you think you could make an exemption for two happy endings? Because you also have to factor in the rule that Cristina's love life has been perfectly handled at all times and never hit a sour note that was not swiftly resolved with something better.
I realize I'm on paragraph four, but that's because this is one of my favorite things in their long line of amazing things, and I've watched it roughly a billion times, so much is there to savor.
(Trying not to think about how uncomfortable it makes me that after having a giant standoff o' principles with Burke about engagement rings, she snatched this one up like a protective amulet. Which I guess, in a way, it was.)
2. APRIL WAS THERE WHEN DEREK WOKE UP. APRIL APRIL APRIL. Oh, geeze, more than anything this month I was looking forward to Meredith seeing him for the first time, but screw that, I don't need it now that I have this. Adamantly not shipping that, just saying, I love the way he says her name. I love her tearful confession. And I love the oh-so-resigned "I got everyone shot," the one moment it is possible to feel sympathy for him before or after I spend the rest of the episode muttering, "Ugh, Derek, don't make me wish you were dead."
3. The other thing that canceled out my need for Mer/Der was having Cristina at Meredith's side for the D&C (at least until the latter throws her out to silence April & Owen on the matter). Did not think that would be included! Heartbreaking, but in a good way. This episode is full of surprises.
4. The wedding. Mostly for Owen kissing Meredith on the cheek, and the fact that C/O were finally forced to have one pretty kiss!
5. "I need a best man. I - I know we're not that close, but...I don't know, you being married to the other Twisted Sister, I just thought it kind of made us, like, brothers or something." Hee! Also: yes. I still don't get why Owen is not as tightly woven into the group as Burke was, because they're a perfectly bonded foursome in my head, but anything that gets him to talk more to Derek and/or Meredith is welcome.
6. So, um. After putting this episode together with several spins through the finale, I might be shipping Mark/Lexie a tad. Or at least not hating it with as much passion. They are required to remain fully clothed at all times and preferably avoid any kissing in order to control the nausea, but I might be able to stand the existence of it. There's a stupid concerned/protective aspect in the mix now, and I have to evaluate that against his whole heartwarming desire for a family last season, damn you, age-mismatched shipping radar, I thought I broke you for good. ...I just really liked the part where he stormed into the therapist's office, yelling about having to commit Lexie against her will.
7. + Lexie fixed her hair! And verbally skewered Alex. She is totally granted permission to speak and possibly be a beloved character again.
8. Am uncomfortable with even preludes to Mer/Der sexytimes. However, I see scars are still my thing. *approves*
9. I really loved all the residents (Seattle Grace and Mercy West Remnants!) hanging out eating lunch in the hallway. There's just something so cozy about the banter in that scene that makes me repeatedly rewind and say all the lines along with them.
9.5. I feel it bears repeating: APRIL! ♥♥♥♥♥♥
10. Oh, Perkins is the guy from Mercy! Which I didn't watch. Still, that's fun. Other than the default feeling of annoyance I associate with TV therapists for wasting screen time, I am relatively neutral about the character so far.
-1. I get the whole thrill-of-life thing, I do, except wait, no I don't. Stop being an idiot, Derek. Good on you for leaving his ass in jail, Meredith! I think this episode was the first time since maybe '07 that I went with her side over his. Also, I am having severe trust issues with the Seattle police department's refusal to so much as charge him despite several repeat offenses of speeding over 100 MPH. Do people have to die? I think people might have to die.
-2. Meredith's wedding attire - oh my word, Rose Tyler wears less eye makeup than that. And the massive necklace looks like the kind of thing you'd put on in order to weigh yourself down before jumping off a bridge. Never mind the pallid, uninspired color of the dress. At least Cristina, as ever, looked absolutely gorgeous.
-3. The Chief's dance, the horrific surgery and aftermath...those parts were unwatchable, but the only things that truly annoyed me were any time Callie, Arizona and/or Teddy tried to speak. They all got muzzled. Thaaaat's right, Teddy has officially crossed into the special realm of People I Do Not Acknowledge.
-4. Bailey/Ben. Frick, after his Perfect and Understanding Guy speech, I was ready to ship that with my whole heart and soul, too. It's still just a pause button, right? We could start that up again someday??
5. Private Practice, 4x01, "Take Two"
Well, that was just so much more terrible. I actually cued it up and went, "All right, let's see how long it takes to make me angry." Answer: ONE SECOND post-previouslies, as this show immediately threw acid in my eyes (otherwise known as gratuitous sex scenes).
Lines in the sand have been drawn, folks, and they very clearly state Cooper/Violet, Sam/Naomi, Pete/Addison, as it once was and always should be. Except not, because everybody has decided to marry someone else. Perhaps most disappointing of all is how much I just honestly cannot stand Pete and Violet. When I think of where I am now versus where I was a year ago, that makes me want to cry. I wish I could go back in time and deliver this wedding to my early-season-3 self so she'd have something to cheer her up, because at this point in time it does nothing for me. Just makes me flail with helpless rage when I see Addison carrying Lucas on her hip looking more proper and natural than Violet ever did, why can't this be the way of things?
We could still destroy this marriage, right? Quickly, even? I can't believe I say things like that now.
On the bright side, Amelia continues to be an absolute dearheart, and is doing wonders to ease the pain of the Dell-shaped hole in my heart. I love her kid sister vibe with Addie. That and the repeated references to Derek getting shot were about all that held me together through this pool of suck...well, plus Cooper/Violet being adorable best friends. They're such fun together I'll take it even in proper context, just for Friend Cooper vs. Rational Cooper (winner: Rational Cooper, always).
Oh, wow -- apparently this show sucks so much that even Television Without Pity abruptly stopped covering it. That's a bit inconvenient for me, since I rely on those recaps to tell me what happened during the multiple 2-minute segments I skip past whenever something nauseating starts.