What have you become.
I don't usually think about Britney Spears anymore. I feel sorry for her, occasionally, but then I remember why she was such a loathsome human being at the height of her popularity: every song and/or music video, ever. Listening to a whole hour of people repeatedly and incessantly tongue-bathe her as an inspiration, with Sue as my only recourse of sanity (do you know how insane that sounds?), just about blew up my brain.
Thank you for holding out with your contempt as long as you did, Will, and I know you slipped up in there, but that wasn't the real you. I'm still convinced a large part of you meant solely to punish the kids for their impertinence by embarrassing them to death, because singing "Toxic" on stage is not at all comparable to awesomely rapping in the choir room, and this dancing is not at all like one-handed stands.
The episode also spent an agonizing hour complaining about how Will was too "uptight" and needed to relax and let loose or some such BS. "'You gotta get ridiculous, bro'? No, no, he doesn't. I like him this way. Do not change him, Carl, or I will turn on you like a rabid snapping turtle. They're scary creatures, I don't recommend it." Meanwhile, after Kurt's outburst, I may have issued a few threats to wring his scrawny neck before Will, with deadly
Character Comparisons/Shipping Dilemmas
"Emma has been back for five minutes and, being deeply uptight, I already want to just -- pop her head off and watch it fly around the room."
"Carl has been on for five seconds and I'm pretty sure I already love him as much as Will."
Despite some minor annoyances later, this does not change. At all. My admiration for John Stamos is a well-documented thing, but even so, Carl Carl Carl! He is the best. I even think he is good for Emma, much more so than Will, and am legitimately shipping that once I reconcile the idea that someone so annoying has two desirable guys fighting over her. Except then this happened.
"You're such a great teacher, Will. Probably the best in the whole school. Why would you want to be someone else when the someone that you already are is so amazing?"
"Because the boring someone I already am wasn't good enough for you."
AUGH, the pain in the heart. Curse it. Fine, look, Emma -- I realize you have an incredibly difficult decision here, what with Carl being all-around wonderful, but since Will seems doggedly, bullheadedly determined to ignore my demands to reconcile with his wife, you should consider giving those puppy eyes another and more permanent chance. I will, once again, resign myself to shipping this for sweet scenes.
Speaking of wives, FIERCE TERRI, MY ENTIRE HEART IS YOURS. Please always greet Emma by spitting "Hey, homewrecker," at her. Shut up, Will, this is the only battle for my affections you lose. Team Terri forever. "Someday you are going to come to your senses, Will. And you are going to get over that Little Miss Crazypants, and you're going to come back to the one woman who really knows how to love you." *bittersweet sigh* Keep preaching the motto, Terr. It's lonely out here on our little desert island of support, but hope is never lost.
Rachel, that's not a 'pretty girl' outfit. That's a slutty-girl-with-daddy-issues outfit. TPTB, I don't know if you were trying to whip the Will/Rachel shippers into a frenzy of possibility or just make us all feel grossed out and ashamed of ourselves, but congratulations, the latter feeling is winning (I can't speak for the porn-oriented section of the shipper corner, though. Where 95% of them are). Thank God the moment in the dentist's office came first. I don't actually know what we can do with that moment, but it has to count for something when he asks if she needs him to wait with her.
I just gave up on most of the performances in this. It's not even entirely a principles issue*, it's just that between the less-than-arresting melodies and the awful lyrics, the only Britney song I've ever found worth listening to was "Soda Pop," and that's because it is sheer nonsense and found on the innocent Pokemon soundtrack. Not even the Glee kids can rescue this crap, and frankly I don't even want Rachel to try, because Baby, One More Time offended me even when I was 12.
*Toxic was a principles issue, but not because of the song. I'll grant that it's mildly catchy, and Lord knows he looked fetching in a bowler hat, but I think you can guess which unnecessary recurring character ruined that. Plus, from the bits I skimmed, the choreography looked like it was getting a little close to Push It, legendarily infamous for driving me out of this fandom. Remember when I complained about the zombified high school? This is the performance to meet with silence and/or dead-eyed stares, idiots.
P.S. Stop wasting Morrison's voice. It's getting tiresome.
+ You guys, Azimio has a moral code! He shoves girls, but he doesn't hit crippled kids. It's a start. I don't really approve of destroying Finn's property, but I still don't think I will ever be able to watch him and Karofsky without cackling in delight the way you people appreciate Sue.
+ So nice not to have Sam around this week, yet get Becky, the other minor recurring student highlight. Make those citizen's arrests!
+ I think I might officially be over Brittany. She's funny only in very small doses and clearly cannot carry even part of an episode.
+ Why is Rachel so awful this year? Is it a side effect of being Finn's girlfriend? Because I cannot stand them together (other than one brief hug moment) and ideally I'd like him and Quinn to couple up again. He'll always have feelings for her!
+ I apparently agree with everything Sue says now that is not directed at Will or his hair. I don't know what to do with this.
+ Which reminds me, did I ever tell you the horror struck into my heart this summer when there were whispers he'd shave his head in this episode? I have never felt such exquisite relief as when that got quashed. I would not have survived.
+ No wonder we had like 12 fire drills a year in school. Apparently if we had them any less often, we'd all run around in a frenzied panic of confusion whenever the alarms did go off.
Conclusion: Is it better or worse than last week? The music and performances are worse, but the minor characters are infinitely better. Help me decide. I'm inclined to say it is mildly better, but so far everything about season 2 is just so disappointing and INSANE. Hopefully next week, Kurt will manage to have one of those moments where he's too broken to be his usual hateful self. That could be fun. Also, if the song previews are any indication, I'll be happy at least once.
This post needs some extra meat, so: Shipping Meme, part 4 and final.
# Day 21 - A pairing you like and no one else understands why?
Will/Terri! It is so lonely on my vast and sparsely populated island.
Day 22 - A pairing you hate and no one else understands why?
Most of the time, people do get why I hate things...I think? Unless you'd like to raise issues in the comments. There are a couple of popular things I don't like, though:
-I am violently, violently grossed out by the notion of Buffy/Spike, based solely on how much I am grossed out by Spike.
-Scrubs: JD/Elliot. I like them both individually, but every time they get together it's nauseating. I blame this partly on how horribly incompatible they are and partly on those incredibly gross episodes where they spent all their time rolling around half naked in bed. I still want Elliot to marry Scott Foley (HE TRAINED DOLPHINS). And over the course of the series, the only woman I could mildly tolerate JD being with was Julie (Mandy Moore, so clearly that didn't work).
-Friends: Ross/Rachel. See above. After you break up twice, especially if your relationship was not particularly epic or feelings-based to begin with, you lose all right to be a couple that people root for. Then it's just irritating.
Day 23 - A crazy love triangle/quadrilateral that worked out great?
Jack/Kate/Sawyer/Juliet, obviously! Best. Story. Ever. Everybody got their way at some point, and they all got it in the end, too. Almost simultaneously. You have to see it to believe it.
Day 24 - A crazy love triangle/quadrilateral that worked out badly?
All the other ones on TV? But specifically, The O.C., Ryan/Marissa/Johnny. And by "ended badly," I mean Johnny's madly unrequited love for Marissa caused him to drink himself into oblivion until he fell over a cliff and died (really). If Ryan had just agreed to date Sadie while Marissa had reciprocated, everything would have been fine and worked out perfectly in my favor.
Oh! And Grey's Anatomy, Addison/Derek/Meredith, which worked out great for the last two but left poor, magnificent Addie in the dust
Day 25 - A pairing that was/would-be adorable, but could never work out?
a) Gates/Neela, ER. Much as I wanted those appealing people together, I just couldn't make it fit.
b) Donna/Hyde, That 70s Show. It had promise early on, but I could never find a time when they weren't dating other people I liked them with more.
Day 26 - A pairing that you hated and ended up loving?
Owen/Cristina is definitely the story for the ages. I still have to cling to my fanon notion that he has a crazy, pig-stabbin' identical twin whom he has since killed offscreen to explain away 5x06, even after he proved himself roughly 9,827 times with sweeping romanticism and/or accidental sleep-strangling followed by tearful apologies.
Distant second: Grissom/Sara. It is so hard for my brain to comprehend there being a time I thought this was gross.
Distant third: Mac/Peyton, CSI: NY. No, really! I was super anti-Peyton the whole first half of season 3, and then the end of "Silent Night" happened and I went *SWOON* and it became my OTP for the series.
Day 27 - A pairing that you loved and ended up hating?
Bones is well versed in the art of making me hate pairings. Hodgins/Angela, Booth/Brennan...mostly H/A. I am perfectly willing to accept both separately, but the revulsion they inspire together is legendary.
Day 28 - A pairing that you will never understand?
All slash, and all incest, but most especially Don/Charlie Eppes because OMGWTFNO. It hurts my brain to acknowledge that such horror even exists in the world.
Day 29 - What ship had the best proposal?
Well, that's just not even a question. The thrill of Jim's gas-station-in-the-rain proposal to Pam eclipses everything ever, partly for the scene itself, partly because it was mildly overdue, and partly because I was not 100% certain it was coming until suddenly I was watching it.
Day 30 - Your favorite ship forever and ever and ever!
Meme, the stupidity of this phrase is making me want to be rebellious and name somebody I haven't even mentioned yet, like flitting over to Pirates of the Caribbean and crowning Will/Elizabeth.
(The real answer is whatever I said for 'favorite TV pairing,' which I believe was a knock-down fight between Jim/Pam and Charlie/Amita.)
Over and out!