What I ended up with was approximately 20 minutes of Without a Trace. I didn't think it'd even be worth watching, but I decided to spin through it anyway, because it's sweeps and there's always a chance of character development.
Monday on CBS, I let everything roll to tape and couldn't be bothered to watch it until this morning, and even that was mostly just because I woke up at 5:45 and was waiting to turn on the computer until everyone else was up, because it makes an ungodly amount of racket when it first boots up.
How I Met Your Mother: Worst episode ever. So bad that I almost want to stop watching the show entirely, just on principle. Now, you remember how much I love animals, right?
You do not - you just - look, the one way to piss me off beyond belief is to have a "me (the boyfriend) or your pets" conversation AND HAVE THE PETS LOSE. No-no! The boyfriend does not EVER WIN in that situation. Hell, the HUSBAND does not win in that situation. I'm pretty sure that the child would not win in that situation. My hypothetical children would be stabbed full of allergy shots before the doggies/kitties/etc. went anywhere.
But THE BOYFRIEND, who is more than likely not going to be a permanent fixture in your life, or even be your boyfriend half as long as your dogs are going to live, does *not* get to ask you to get rid of your dogs BECAUSE THEY REMIND HIM OF YOUR EXES. For fuck's sake.
Did I mention that Robin's dogs are *my favorite part* of the show? That she has, like, five of them, and they are all so cute and I live in eternal hope that we'll get to see them on an episode? I'd rather see you write out two of the main characters, and I really love all the main characters. Except for Ted, whom I now hate. And come to think of it, I don't really like Robin anymore either, since she caved.
Don't give me BS talk about how the dogs would be happier on a farm than in a city apartment. Would they love the space to roam? Of course they would, setting aside that letting dogs (especially those not boundary-trained) run free on a farm is a quick way to get them killed. You know what else I'm sure they would love? Living with their owner. Dogs actually form attachments to people. And while she does, admittedly, have a whole pack to keep each other company, that does not mean they won't miss her.
Let me repeat: The rationale for Robin's dogs being gone is due entirely to Ted's pathetic insecurities and paranoia. Now, why would you want to keep a guy like that around? He's not even that cute. Or heroic. Or outstanding in any way. He's an average guy. A decent catch, but soooo not better than your five adorable dogs. You wouldn't have to scout very hard to come up with someone better. Like an animal lover.
On the other hand, If you want to take the theme from last episode and go back to who did what and why, you can shift a lot of the blame back to Robin for being fucking neurotic enough to make Ted get rid of everything an ex-girlfriend ever gave him. I cannot believe you would freak out at the mere mention of one of his past relationships. Especially if you are in your mid-to-late 20's. And what the hell, why would you get rid of something just because it was given to you (or even left there) by a former lover? That item might be practical; i.e., a lamp. Or perhaps a cool item of clothing.
*pause to break into Hilary Duff song*
"But I'm gonna keep your jeans, and your old black hat ('cause I wanna)
They look good on me, and you're never gonna get them back."
I don't know about you, but I like to shop at places like Plato's Closet, because they're perfectly nice clothes for a low price. You know what the lowest price of all is? Free. And it's not like Robin found a lacy bra stuffed under the bed somewhere. It was a sweatshirt. Finally, if it is something that's nothing more than a memento (let's see, which prop haven't I mentioned yet...oh yes, a souvenir from Europe), you should still keep it. Much like items in a scrapbook, these are mementos from certain points in your life. Those months/years don't just disappear when you get a new significant other. They were real and you made lasting memories, and you should be able to think about them.
*remains pissed off* Absolutely the only good parts of the episode were when they "took the decision to the group" and everybody was disgusted with Ted's heartlessness - I should have known that good news came too early in the episode - and at the very end when Marshall used one of his 5 "anytime, anywhere, any reason" slaps to cut Barney's horrible 1-man play short. That was awesome. I begrudgingly giggled, and then went back to hating this show.
The Class: Good, but it was the one that they did the live webcast table read/rehearsal for. I've been waiting for this one, and ordinarily I would have simply been keen on seeing the changes and new jokes, but since I was in a pissy mood from the previous half hour, I was just annoyed that I knew what was going to happen.
Ethan & Kyle's panicked conversation over the phone was still the best part of the episode, though Kat coming in and boredly snapping Yonk's photo was pretty good too. The Duncan/Nicole kiss would have been more satisfying if it hadn't a) gone on quite so long, and b) ended with water from the loose pipe pouring down on their heads, courtesy of Richie messing up in the basement. See the bottom of this post for other initial thoughts.
*Oh! But I did get my wish from last week, which was "no more Perry without Holly, K?" Since Holly will probably never be seen again, that means I never want to see Perry again. And swish! His part got cut out of this episode entirely. Heeheehee.
CSI Miami: Back to Suck. As I figured it would be. 5.16, Broken Home:
[ETA: Apparently, I am the only person in the world who couldn't stand this episode. Huh. My opinion remains unchanged. Lots of ranting ahead.]
Dear Writers: A dramatic slo-mo musical interlude of Eric entering a crime scene, head freshly shaved - the better with which to show a close-up of the dramatic scar behind his ear - does not make up for the total lack of me getting to see him in recovery. Now I have to rely on the fic writers to do that for me, and frankly I don't have high confidence in the masses. Don't you realize you could have stitched scenes of his recuperation over at least the next two or three episodes? I understand he's a contracted star, but so's Khandi Alexander and I don't see her dominating the screen. (or look at Vegas, they shaft Greg & Sara & Warrick all the time!) Surely you could have altered Eric's role just a little, for the sake of believability, into the same kind of screentime Marisol was getting towards the end?
Two paragraphs later, I begin talking about the episode... Hated the teaser. Things like this make me glad I'm too old to babysit for the kids down the street anymore. (or rather, they're too old to need a babysitter, and I don't know anyone else). It's also another reason I don't feel safe being alone at night without a big dog in the house.
I kind of hated the whole plotline, actually. Are there really that many teenagers running around killing their parents for...better question, are there really that many women running around sleeping with their daughters' boyfriends? The O.C.'s on the other coast. And the ACTING! *dies laughing* Oh my GOD, the "acting" in all those flashbacks?! Where did they get these people, soap opera sets? The dialogue delivery was horrible. Everyone appeared to be reading from cue cards.
Not to mention the ridiculous explanation for the murder - the mom all "It's okay! Now we can be together!" while her husband, a/k/a her daughter's father, is lying BLOODY AND DEAD AT HER FEET. And then the daughter flies into a rage and kills her mother with a garden cultivator. Not because Mom was indifferent to Dad's death, but simply because Mom was sleeping with Boyfriend. Good god, who wrote this episode? You know, when the first plot details hit, I thought maybe, just maybe, we were going to stay on the theme of victims you cared about, possibly even such things as children/young teenagers being killed. But oh no, we need more of those self-serving rich people who have nothing better to do than cheat on their partners and get killed for it. God forbid we should skimp on the rich & trashy.
In other things, I always cringe when anyone tries to use bugs to create a timeline, and then smugly explains to someone else how they figured it out. I know it's a fairly standard part of crime scene investigation, but unless they're coroners or Experts At Everything like Mac Taylor, characters always sound like they're trying too hard to be Grissom, and failing miserably.
Natalia's one brief Moment of Win was when she tried to make Eric feel better, cracking "Hey, I made a mistake today and I don't even have an excuse." That was a *little* nice. It would have been nicer if that was her only line in the episode, and she was still running DNA full time. Which leads me into no, I was not pleased with her copious amount of screentime. And I never will be. EVER. She rubs me the wrong way and serves no purpose. What's that? You feel it's nice to have another female on the team? Bring Yelina back and get rid of Natalia, and everything will be right with the world. End digression.
Well past the halfway mark, I saw a few attempts to salvage the episode. #1, Calleigh quietly explaining Eric's mistake. They tried hard there, I'll grant you that. Calleigh was clearly reluctant to have to confront him with it, and I liked his vehement and repeated denials that he could have made such a simple but devastating mistake. Eric doesn't like being passive or held back, he wants to get out there and solve things. It's part of why he nearly burned out & lost his job trying to take care of Marisol on his own, rather than let on to Horatio that he was having trouble. He's stubborn. I'm sure that therapy doesn't make him feel like he's getting better, but working will. I'm guessing his doctors probably recommended even more time off, but he went with the absolute minimum. And being faced with the fact that he's still not up to his former strength...well, that doesn't go well at all. Which brings me to reason #2, I'm glad Calleigh reminded him that the team still needed him. He wasn't looking too sure of that fact when he refused to enter the interrogation room.
Also, Calleigh looked gorgeous in a beautiful soft pink sweater over a white blouse. I can't imagine it was terribly comfortable for the weather, but it was pretty.
Finally, while I wanted to like the whole evil-doctor angle Horatio was tracking down (since H has apparently used up all his emotion for the year, and is back to standing around doing pretty much nothing except posturing and occasionally talking to suspects - yup, classic season 5!), it just felt thrown in. It was too coincidental, there was too little time spent investigating it. The evil-doctor-kills-his-terminal-patients plot is not new to procedurals, but I still think it would have been easier to swallow than the rest of the episode. If they'd tried harder, I might have even cared about that young woman who lost her mother. I almost smiled when Horatio showed her the bracelet in the evidence bag and she asked if she could keep it (but without the whiny, desperate tone that so many minor characters use - kudos to the actress for keeping her reaction subdued, hopeful but resigned to knowing she probably couldn't have it just yet). Was a glimmer of the old Horatio there, when he gently promised that he'd return it as soon as he could.
But I didn't feel enough of a connection to care about the slo-mo ending, with Horatio hanging out in the background her while she visited her mother's grave. Surely the girl has family who could have gone with her? I don't think she needed a private police escort. Cheesy and gratuitous attempt to hammer in the point that that Horatio Has Empathy, as if we could ever forget.
Next week: CSI's "Unbearable" meets previous Miami episode "Slow Burn."
What I'm trying to say is, animal storylines sometimes distract me from crappy plots and lack of character development, so here's hoping it gets better. I mean, there's a big roaring bear in the teaser! (wait, do they have bears in the Everglades? Outside of panthers & gators, I do not know my Florida wildlife at all).