RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

So much work went into this post.

1. Michael Scott will leave The Office before the season finale. In fact, he will leave with four episodes left.

2. I saw a brief blurb in Entertainment Weekly about some upcoming film from Spielberg called "War Horse" that is a WWI drama. "Well, I know there was an old horse book set in WWI by that title in my high school library, but there's no way this cruelly misleading movie is actually OH MY GOD IT IS BASED ON THAT BOOK. I DON'T BELIEVE IT." Stupid not-until-December release. Am I sure this is real? It just seems so...bizarrely unlike to the movie industry to focus on a theatrical film with a horse that does not run races. Last known instance: Flicka, 2006. Granted, I ran out of time to get to War Horse in high school so I cannot definitively say how good it is, but it's on request at the public library now (yay for modern reprintings!) and it sure LOOKS like the film has potential.
Medium, 7x12, "Labor Pains"
...didn't I see this plot on Private Practice?

Crazy Lady loses/can't have her own baby, so she stalks and grabs another pregnant woman, jabs a needle into her neck to overpower her, and chops the baby out of said woman's stomach to raise as her own (although, this being a crime drama and the pregnant woman not being a main character, here the latter dies as a result). TWICE, in this case. You see what happens when you forgive people like that instead of sending them to jail, Violet? They just become repeat offenders. *shakes head*

So in addition to that fun storyline, we had Allison being abducted at gunpoint, chained to a bed and drugged (fortunately, not for nefarious purposes, just in order to obtain dreams on demand to find a missing wife). Show's just determined to hit everything I love to make me regret not being sad about it ending, isn't it? Offering accepted!  Per usual, this show sucks at transitions -- honestly, I was so baffled by how one second the mailman had just discovered Allison and the next Joe & the girls were in the hospital that I didn't even realize we were supposed to assume that Allison had been rescued, treated, and Joe notified for a good 20 seconds; I kept wondering who they were there to see and why  -- but that's OK.

Result: LOTS OF CUDDLING (some of it unsafe -- wear your seat belt, woman!), including Joe beating himself up for not being able to sense that something was wrong. Aaaand, we'll just ignore the weirdness of the fact that Allison decides she'd rather let him get off scott-free than risk him spending life in prison as opposed to a few years (really? regular kidnapping with no violent harm or abuse can get you life in prison? That seems unbalanced. Even so, PUNISH HIM, PUNISH HIM NOW; you know why people say Devalos is soft on crime? This kind of thing is why).

Rounding out the train of joy, a subplot that involves Marie with an intermittent learning disability, which is of course is not real, but merely an adorable byproduct linked to her dad's mental block with his work, resulting in a series of coincidences that gets him to meet someone who clears it up for him. Awww, the two of them are my favorite thing. Loved his smile when he figured out what was going on. Also adorable: Brigette quizzing Marie on her spelling words, in beautiful parallel to when Ariel used play the former's role. Talk about proof of them growing up -- of all the things to miss about this show, being cut off from precocious Marie growing into an ever more precocious elementary schooler is one of the saddest parts.

Other things to miss/continuing on the previous thought train: the loss of an old married couple, for whom the strength of my affection has gone in and out, but honestly -- where else do you get to have affectionate slaps on the butt as acceptable parting greets, and have it be cute instead of sleazy? I think it's confined to family sitcoms, and even then the old-marrieds are not nearly as interesting or complex.

Why look, I have made a collage of all that is adorable in this episode!

Bonus: Favorite Quotes
Allison: I just had a ridiculous dream; it was about the mail.
Joe: Any particular mail?
Allison: No, dear. You're the only male I dream about.
Joe: Good answer. Feel free to keep dreaming.

Allison: Hey, I know you're busy solving the world's energy problems, but can I just borrow your tallness so I can finish packing?

Joe: You gonna miss me?
Allison: What's your name again?
Bridgette, off-screen: Mom! Dad! Someone taking us to school?
Joe: That's me. Dad. The one with the second billing.
Allison: Hm. "Dad." Nice to meet you.

Bridgette: Incredible. From illiterate to genius in a matter of days.
Marie: Yeah, I'm amazing.

Joe (half-asleep, with back to Allison): Your eyes are still open. I can hear them.

Next weekSet your stations to heartbreak, for the series finale is nigh.
Reactionary Thought to CSI: NY for the week:
Jo: The FBI sent me to Madrid in '04.
RS: Of course they did.

(a/k/a, holy GOD this episode was dull. I honestly have no idea what happened, because my brain shut down and refused to register anything except Danny's amusing side narration to Flack's I-will-shoot-you countdown -- the last time he did this there was a lot of paperwork involved, he got blood on his jacket; it was generally a hassle all around so how 'bout you just drop the gun and girl and come quietly?  Otherwise, the most entertainment I got was while narrating the last shot of the episode: "The scene closes as Jo tries to have an emotion. Credits.")
Grey's Anatomy, 7x12, "Start Me Up"
The English language does not have sufficient ways to express the burning loathing that Arizona Robbins inspires lately. Everything she says, everything she does, sets off an irrepressible need to choke her to death in a very specific and gruesome manner.

Callie's viciously delivered, heart-hammering words and looks of contempt helped me vicariously live out a lot of my feelings -- oh, Callie was just glorious, which I never thought I'd say -- but not all of them. And if I did not already hate this ship, I would now hate it on principle just because it's disgusting that Arizona is essentially trying to harass her way back into Callie's life. THE BREAKUP HAPPENED. People get divorced for less. She does not in any way have to forgive you, not now and not ever, and refusing to accept it does not make it any less true.

That said, lol-ing forever @ Unexpected Mark/Callie Baby! I don't know why this delights me, and yet it does. Clearly, the universe is dead set on letting Mark be a dad (third time's the charm?)...though I can't say I have any interest whatsoever in her raising this kid with Arizona. Woman + baby = boring. Two women + baby = extra boring. In my world, the point of babies on TV is to a) enhance the hotness of the pending father, and b) to bask in the warm fuzziness that is his relationship with the mother-to-be. What fun is a pending TV baby if the biological parents aren't together before it's born, honestly? (HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, "FRIENDS." TWICE.)

But, I think I could totally handle Single Mom Callie with Awkward Friend-Dad Mark (and Stepmom Lexie, if applicable; I don't really care if she stays or goes as long as her exit trajectory doesn't lead to Jackson). So. Bring this on; I am pretty psyched. Probably because I am just imagining a lot of sitcom-style hijinx, am adopting the Arizona method of denial about Arizona being involved in this, and do not feel the emotional significance of this storyline at all yet.

Bonus: women biting Owen's head off will always be one of my favorite things.
"Dr. Torres." (nod)

Owen/Cristina: CHECK THAT OUT, we're back in business with the sort of end-of-the-day scenes I've been asking for since November, featuring welcome-home kisses, "How was your day?" conversation, and couch cuddling. So simple, yet so satisfying! The best thing about this marriage so far is that Cristina has found someone who will happily eat cereal out of the box with her for dinner.

Derek/Meredith: Morning angst! (undocumented) With bonus evening angst. 
"I peed on 10 sticks today. . . . And I stole them from the clinic, because they're $15 at the store."
"So you're a thief, is that what you're telling me?"
"A barren thief." What's that, is she suddenly on the verge of tears? Judging from the way Derek's head snaps up, I'm going with "yes."

"I used to be hardcore. Now I'm softcore."
"Did we just start talking about porn?"
(laughing in spite of herself) "Stop it. I'm upset."
"You're just upset because we haven't made a baby. And I say practice makes perfect."
(Practice: *commences*)
I love the practice so much more when it is innuendo-based and we get kicked out before they shed any clothes. You?

Med Students: I don't want to say I hate them, I just found them all sort of...well, not irrelevant, but they didn't make much of an impact. They were there and it was an OK plot device. Mostly for Bailey smirking about the qualities of a good Chief Resident while Cristina silently kills her with her eyes, and for the lunch scene. Full quotes ahead!

(as everyone observes Alex perving on -- sorry, "teaching" -- hot med student across the way)
Lexie: OK, what is that about?
Jackson: Come on, you blame him? She's hot.
April: Don't be a pig. He's being gross. Not to mention unprofessional
Meredith: Well, the thong is unprofessional.
Everyone: *looks at suddenly obvious and visible thong on Hot Med Student*
Jackson: Damn it!
April: UNPROFESSIONAL. What is wrong with them? I was never that dumb when I was in med school.
Cristina: They're weak and gutless.
Meredith: Boy-crazy.
Jackson: Oblivious.
April: Slutty.
Jackson: *awesome reaction to April*
Lexie: Wow. You all sound really old.

Jackson/April: In addition to the above fun, the two of them commiserate over beer in the kitchen when Slutty Med Student wanders in wearing a shirt which does not quite cover her bare ass, which is just a super bizarre choice in a house where like 15 people live at any given moment. Or really, any place in which more than one person lives. Anyway, to my delight and endless repetition, Jackson naturally needs to ogle this sight, which earns him a sharp slap upside the head. Hahahaha! This reminds me of way back in the day when Tony and Ziva had sparkly, snark-based chemistry on NCIS that was still fresh and fun. Also: he is clearly a little fond of the way she doesn't tolerate any of his crap.

Alex: Is such a sleazeball. The end.

Nurse Eli/Bailey: Kind of "eh" about it. I don't mind Bailey's attitude; it's actually sort of cute that he gets her all flustered/fanning herself and that she just wants to have a little naughty, kinda dirty, casual fun (somehow she still manages to make this seem classy and avoid the air of sleaziness that all the other fun/casual hookups in this hospital produce)...I just don't have a real high opinion of Not Actually That Hot Eli, who seems a little full of himself.

Teddy/Henry: "Everywhere I look in this hospital, there's inappropriate relationships!" Preach it, Teddy. I love that this marriage license has some kind of magical bonding property that makes her AWESOME. This relationship defies clear discussion, but life is better with Henry and his realistic optimism/sobering Truthy Speeches in it. "That's why I put you down as my emergency contact. Not because of the fake marriage, but because I consider you a friend." CUE HANDHOLD. Of friendship? For now.

Most Important Part: This photo on a locker in the background.

WHOSE DOG IS THIS?? Whose dog on the show, and whose dog in real life, because it is ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS/TOO CUTE FOR WORDS. That is pretty much ideal dog beauty right there, and I want to know everything there is to know about this canine. Until someone confirms otherwise, show-wise, I'm going to say it's April's dog who lives on her parents' farm back home.

Still haven't seen Off the Map. If I don't get to it by this weekend -- I should, but cannot promise -- I'm kicking it to summer.
Tags: animals, csi: ny, grey's anatomy, medium, movies, screencap happy, spoilers, the office, tv commentary
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