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Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

The Time After, Day 2: Still sickly and miserable. You would think this is in no way comparable to Remus and Tonks, who were actual tragedy and took away my ability to eat for like 3 days after Deathly Hallows, but somehow it feels like that. Soon I will be like the Hyperbole and a Half dog, too morose to walk and just flopping my way around the house like a dying fish. 

I would have backdated this, but I felt it was really important to acknowledge the similarities between myself and the hilariously overwrought helper dog. What follows should be ignored.

A Stockpile Of Meandering Thoughts:
-God, even Doomsday had soothing fanfic patches galore. This fandom does not deal so much in quality fanfic, with fewer even passably competent E/L writers than I can count on one hand.

-HOWEVER: remember this fic? I kind of shot past it when it was published, but having discovered that it is eerily like canon despite having been written in December, I like this ending MUCH BETTER. I mean, not much better, but in the sense of I would be a much less broken and emotionally bereft person right now if I had seen this and I hadn't seen the flash forward. I'd probably be praising the show's awesome ability to dole out angst that hurts but good.

-You know what, it's the future flash's fault. There are a lot of outcomes I could have dealt with. But there's something about having it in black and white, NEVER* seeing each other again, that guts me (*or at least not for a minimum of 16 months, which feels like forever; I am 16 today! And anyway, I think there are strong implications about them never seeing each other again). If you don't know, it's just one stab to the heart and done. But if you know it's gone forever -- that, despite what TV has taught me since the beginning of time about how all canon couples I ship will eventually make it through, unless one party dies or there is an equally strong shipping alternative, it isn't happening here -- I start reeling. The interminable future is bleak.

-If only I could go back to December (3rd) and say, "Don't, self! Don't click on the TWoP article! Don't get attached to this series; live forever in blissful ignorance of a show you knew only as the quirky WB throwback you'd probably never get a chance to appreciate!" If only I had known that I would be dooming myself to another of the World's Cruelest Fandoms, titles previously held best by Doctor Who and Harry Potter...

-Last night was the waterworks fest. (That's a good sign, right? First there is the rage, then the empty despair, then the crying, then the empty despair again, then we start working toward acceptance by way of refusing to think about it.) It also resulted in some scraps of fanfic. That look awful by daylight, but maybe not completely useless; another positive thing about tears is that they are usually the key to unlocking my mental block, writing-wise. 

-I will bet you a week of garage sale money that by the end of summer I own an Eeyore stuffed animal, SOLELY TO PRETEND. That's right, I have new purpose in stalking the crappy stuffed animal bins at said sales.

-I heard "Haunted" roughly a zillion times yesterday. It's destroying the song for me, associating it with specific misery, but I can't stop. My feverish brain is working overtime trying to mentally set a fanvid to it, because if I can outline it, I can learn how to make it. I never realized how hard it is to come up with transitionary images for the music between lyrics, never mind keep the chorus fresh each time.

-Eventually this devolved into reading my senior year journals, where it turns out that for all I whimpered about leaving behind crushes and teachers and other people I adored but only spoke to at school, the hurt that comes through the page best is how I felt upon graduation about losing the entity that was my high school symphonic band  -- partly the people, but also the music and just, the whole experience --,  light of my senior year life/reason to live.  It's not that I'm actually still upset about it (see, I've grown up! Now I just love TV), but that I can still sympathize with my 2004 self, who went through some upsetting heartbreak that spring. And I'm just saying, if my band was a person that I could track down for a real goodbye, I would be ready to do it tomorrow.

-And now I'm destroying "Long Live" for myself by wishing that there were more years of Life Unexpected featuring the stupidly happy trio of teens in 2012 and imagining fanvids set to that. You know what really sucks, is accepting that before long, they'll both move on. And she'll be fine.

-I need to save some thoughts for the actual review, which I swear IS going to happen... 


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 20th, 2011 10:04 pm (UTC)
I'm afraid I have no words of comfort to give regarding the Eric/Lux. I can't make you like Jones (heh!) but I think when you watch the first season, they had laid the groundwork with Jones/Lux and Lux just had to get to stage where she actually liked nice guys and that's where Eric came in. At least I presume that was what Liz Tigelaar was thinking when she wrote the finale.

Wow Ryan/Cate have been a REAL rollercoaster this season (even more than last season and that's saying something!). I predicted Cate losing the baby and Julia actually being pregnant with Ryan's child and, yeah, in the future fic in my head those two things would have been what drove Ryan/Cate apart but I never expected to see it. Again, when you watch Season 1 I think it's quite clear that Baze/Cate was always the endgame (and the fact they brought Julia in just made it all move along faster) ... I just didn't think that we would somehow get to see it in 26 episodes. And the fact that Ryan/Cate were finally back to being adorable in the last two episodes and then ....

I haven't read any but from what I see on ff.net basically the only fics for this fandom are Eric/Lux ones so maybe someone will write a half-decent alternate ending for you?
Jan. 21st, 2011 06:26 am (UTC)
I will grant you that I probably would be more open to Jones if I had seen season 1 first (which: huh, I didn't even realize he was there that early). I'm trying to like them. And I suppose the idea of getting Lux to a place where she likes nice guys makes sense, although the stepping-stone relationship trope in fiction always sucks.

I know Baze/Cate was supposed to be the endgame, especially in season 1, but I think that it's possible to change circumstances too much to go back to something, like with Private Practice. After everything in season 2, it's just all point of no return for me, even WITH the miscarriage and Julia. But I guess it's nice that they got to make that indulgent fantasy happen for themselves (and the fans like you...which is probably most of them, isn't it?).

But, you know, we'll see if I come around later.
Jan. 21st, 2011 10:51 am (UTC)

I think once you compare Jones with Bug, you'll come out liking Jones. My first reaction when I first saw Eric was "OMG IT'S AN OLDER VERSION OF JONES" both in looks and personality (and this was before I even realised that Eric/Lux was going to be a ship or anything). I wonder whether that casting as intentional or not.

I have one other friend on my f'list who absolutely hated the finale but that was because of the Ryan/Cate rather than Eric/Lux (not sure how she felt about that overall) and she made the point that MAYBE she could have accepted the flashforward if it built up to that and we got explanations etc. Even as a fan who got her endgame, I totally get that! Not knowing HOW or WHEN (the most important parts of shipping for me!) is killing me but I have to accept that there is NO WAY they could have had the build-up unless they made this whole season about Baze/Cate and Jones/Lux and gone in a completely different direction to what they did.

The thing for me is that going on everything we've learnt about Ryan and how rocky the Ryan/Cate marriage already was, I don't see him staying with Cate when Julia's out there with his kid. Now I'm not saying that I necessarily expected him to be in a relationship with Julia, even 2 years later, but I don't see how Ryan/Cate could have made it work through that with the hope of having a child of their own demolished (and perhaps the knowledge that Cate didn't particularly want to have another kid nagging away in the background). Then once you've gotten rid of Emma and Ryan and conveniently put a flashforward so you don't actually have to explain any of it ....

What's kind of annoying is that there wasn't even one single Baze/Cate moment in the second half of the season which showed that there was still some UST, it really did seem like they both had moved on .... the only real door left open was when Cate didn't answer Baze when he asked whether it would have made any difference if he had gotten to the church on time at the end of season one.
Jan. 22nd, 2011 09:40 pm (UTC)
(yeah, I'm still talking about this)
Technically, I love Jones already (and you're right -- the casting is interesting), I just...love him best with Tasha. She needs normalcy in her life too, right? I don't know their pre-series backstory well, obviously, but I feel like she's on the fringes of Lux's Awesome New Life a lot. I loved the idea of her being center stage for once, and him realizing Tash was actually more amazing than the girl he thought he wanted.

Nggggh...I will begrudgingly accept your insight into the difficulty of Ryan and Cate staying together after that, especially with Emma-shaped barriers already removed (and lol, "convenient flash forward so you don't have to explain any of it." I would certainly have a lot more fanfic published if I didn't have to create plausible transition between scenes!)
Jan. 22nd, 2011 09:52 pm (UTC)
Re: (yeah, I'm still talking about this)
Oh I totally agree! Tasha does deserve Jones and I liked the Jones/Tasha. I think just like with Ryan, Tash was the "substitute". Just like Cate genuinely loved Ryan and Jones liked Tash, somehow it wasn't enough to completely erase the original feelings which is why Jones and Cate ended up with their original love/crush. In my head-canon, Jones and Lux really just stick to being friends and when Tash returns, she is the one to tell Jones that they should just be friends. Awhile later she selflessly encourages Lux to stop beating about the bush and to give things a go with Jones and hopefully Tash herself gets a new guy too.

But yes, in the first season you see Tash feeling like she is on the outside of Lux's Awesome New Life a lot and this is something that is a definite Issue. That's why in the first season I wasn't overly fond of Tash because whilst I totally understand why she felt the way she did, it was hard to warm to her. In the second season she is much more of a sympathetic character because she also gets an Awesome New Life and unlike Lux, she actually appreciates it and everything Cate is doing for her.

Btw I'm not going to have to wait for as long as I've been waiting for you to watch FNL to watch Season One of LUX am I?! ;)
Jan. 22nd, 2011 10:00 pm (UTC)
Re: (yeah, I'm still talking about this)
Oh, I like your head canon; it is nifty and is going to do wonders on my path to acceptance.

I'm not going to have to wait for as long as I've been waiting for you to watch FNL to watch Season One of LUX am I?!

...maaaaybe. I mean no. I am definitely on a plan to watch both first seasons simultaneously this summer. I filled in all my missing pieces of LUX season 2 already, so now I'm free and clear to go back to the beginning.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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