How would you describe your perfect evening in six words (e.g., I stayed home and ate pasta)?
Reading books and playing board games.
Alternately: Watching TV and writing about it.
Glee, 2x14, "Blame it on the Alcohol"
Actually, I'm going to blame it on the writers. I'm going to blame it on the writers a lot.
You betrayed me, Brennan. Prepare to die.
I don't even know where to start. On how many levels did this fail? I made myself sit through almost everything, on the vague notion that even at its worst there is something in the background or some small thing it's worth picking up, but man, SO NOT WORTH IT.
Almost half this episode was devoted to teenagers getting sloppy drunk and/or losing clothing at a party. But not just any party, one held at Rachel's house, which is empty as usual because I'm seriously convinced her dads have either been dead or missing for years, and she's just kept up a front.
And not just any party at Rachel's house, but one foisted on her by Mr. Disgustington and King Douchenozzle, the latter of whom handily manages to avoid any drunken exploits of his own by claiming "designated driver," thereby facilitating the destructive behavior while he just sits back and observes, all squeaky clean of hands-on misbehavior. Not unlike a drug dealer. Or a pimp.
Through a fine combination of her own idiocy and peer pressure, Rachel quickly devolves into a horrifying mess, along with every other teenager on this show, because of course no one can resist a good old free alcohol binge! Even though it seems like few people like the taste of alcohol when they first try it, so WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP DRINKING UNTIL THEY DO, is the eternal mystery for me. Anyway: everyone in the club turns out to be dumber than Brittany looks, and for the first time ever, I have an urge to throw slushies in their faces, call them losers, and laugh in the face of anyone who suggests joining Glee.
Does it make sense to anyone that Santana -- who claims to find alcohol the most fun thing ever -- turns into a weepy drunk? Or that Quinn becomes a mean drunk? I just don't understand how Puck got into virgin Quinn's pants by getting her drunk if she's anything except the weepy or overly affectionate type. On another note, I am v. disappointed that we didn't get to hear the drunken male archetypes.
Wanting to punch Finn is a constant state of being lately, but I wanted to punch him especially hard for calling Rachel overly needy and pushing her away because it was "not cool," when a) HE IS THE ONE WHO CONVINCED HER TO DRINK IN THE FIRST PLACE; BITCH, YOU DON'T GET TO PULL YOUR SUPERIOR ACT ON HER, and b) As dumb as he is, you can't possibly tell me he is not at least a little bit aware of the kind of grossly strong influence he has over her, and how she still looks to him for validation.
Basically, here is what I got out of the party:
Highlight A: Sam making out and/or getting handsy with Santana in the most publicly obnoxious way possible, to a degree far beyond what I'm sure Quinn allowed, causing Quinn to look alternately ill and murderous. This was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be; my iron stomach has moved on to "Good for him, get it all out of your system now. You can grow up a little and try again later."
Mostly because of Highlight A-1: Weepy/Hysterical Drunk Santana: "You like her more than me! She's blonde and awesome and so smart, admit it! Just admit it!" So unless she's referring to the singer of this bland party music I could not identify if you paid me, at the very least Sam made some innocuous comment or look, and at best, he slipped up and said something to indicate how half is brain is still back in the past with Quinn.
Highlight B: BLAINE/RACHEL, HOLY GOOD G'DAMN, THIS IS MY FAVORITE NEW THING. Nice going, TPTB. You finally come up with a good gay character, one I'll even ship as intended, and now thanks to this I'm back on a mission to straighten him out for the ladies. As I believe I said when he initially arrived on the scene, too cute to waste on boys. And now that you have shown me some wild Pretty Factor chemistry with lovely Rachel of all people, there's definitely no going back.
Partly because I would enjoy it if Rachel managed to steal another of Kurt's crushes away (hahahaha! that was actually my favorite part of the kiss, the knowledge that she was not only destroying his world, but doing it for the second time. Without even trying), but mostly because gosh darn it, canon acknowledged that Blaine was legit confused about his sexuality after kissing her, and that is a wedge I am going to SLEDGEHAMMER HOME until I crack it wide open and get my way.
tl;dr: I'm het-shipping Blaine from now until the end of time, and am no longer receptive to Blaine/Kurt romance. Guys, you've got to stop shooting yourselves in the foot on this front.
Highlight B-1: Amidst the horrible dreck that was this episode's music, Blaine and Rachel sang a duet ("Don't You Want Me," apparently -- it sounds vaguely familiar, but I can't tell if I've actually heard it. If Google is right about it being from the early 80s, then I'm guessing I have), and while it is not the best song in the world, I thought they pulled off a decent cover. FINALLY, AT LAST, two beautiful voices came together in a track that not only did not suck, but was quite fun to listen to, and where Darren Criss's voice got a chance to legitimately shine for the very first time since joining the series. Plus, they were both ridiculously adorable bouncing around on the stage.
Oh no. I found the studio version on YouTube and I think I am falling for it? I don't even have the excuse of beer goggles. But I do have the excuse of "two gorgeous voices meeting in song." Yep, there it goes, from first listen to Music List in five hours flat.
The club continues to be horrible and hostile at school, showing up hung over and/or still drunk and calling their teacher (you know, their 30-something and otherwise legal adult teacher) a hypocrite for telling them not to drink when he has been known to consume beer. Imbeciles, all of them! I hate everyone even more now.
At least Tipsy Rachel informed Mr. Schue that his vest was very cute, "And you're all kinds of awesome." Hahaha, between this and what comes later, no wonder post-ep Will/Rachel porn keeps showing up. [edit: hey look, this fic was kinda before its time! Mind the NC-17 rating and all the header warnings, now. I only made it up to a certain point and dared go no further.]
On a related note, Quinn seems particularly invested in lashing out at him. Her hostility seems unwarranted, so I'm going to go off and try to figure what kind of (non-porny) scenes I can work out with the two of them.
Kurt, in a state of butthurt, throws a bitchbaby fit when his dad attempts to tell him that having boys sleep over in his bed is not appropriate high school behavior. "And if Puckerman had a sleepover with Finn, would that be inappropriate?" Oh, shut up. Just shut up forever, Kurt.
"So you don't have a problem with me being gay, you just have a problem with me acting on it." What?! One, you have really got to quit acting like your dad displays any traces of homophobia. Two, parents are generally ill-pleased to find their kids potentially having sex regardless of gender. Three, if you're going to be like that, would you prefer I just not be tolerant at all? Because I can totally do that.
And what is this business that your dad needs to educate himself on what goes on with two guys, so that Kurt can come to him with any questions he may have like "any other" teenage boy? Um...no he doesn't. If you want to go off the beaten path, it's your responsibility to figure it out.
Never mind his additional hissy fit because Blaine dared to express interest in a girl. Between his behavior and Finn's, I'm kind of tempted to call them The Brothers Douchenozzle.
P.S. FANDOM MARCH MADNESS, I'M BEGGING YOU, DO NOT LET THIS DUDE REPRESENT THE SHOW.
The Beast takes Will out for a rousing night of getting blitzed at a honky-tonk bar. On a school night. Because she's the second person on this stupid season who's told him he needs to get "ridiculous," and just for that I am not only taking away her Christian name but respelling her surname. And/or making it a object. We're not friends anymore, Beast. Not even if I think your chaste parting peck on the lips is pretty cute (seriously, this needs to be the way of my adult life). Not after your defeatist "We can't stop them from drinking, so why bother trying" attitude. Who cares if you can't stop them? Lecture them and punish them, then. I have been professionally hating teenagers since I was 14 and will only get more judgmental.
P.S. Duly noted: while he looks fetching in cowboy attire, Matthew Morrison's otherwise perfect and versatile voice is not suited for country music. At all.
Also, bitch plz, Will did not sometimes drink heavily in high school "just to deal with Terri." If your girlfriend drives you crazy in high school, you break up with her. You don't marry her. Don't retcon nonsense.
EXTREME EMBARRASSMENT, AHOY. To a degree that has somehow eclipsed Rocky Horror, Will's horrible drunk-dialing message being played for the entire school to hear (while he's in the middle of class, of course) is officially his most godawful moment to date. I nearly had to be placed in restraints to keep from ripping off my own ears as its increasing horror drove me insane. That is some pretty awful stuff. I do not know how you would ever respect and/or take your teacher seriously again.
Random Extra Hatred:
-It's pronounced in a way that vaguely rhymes with Tessa? Really? Nah. I'm going to keep saying it like Keisha. Or possibly Key Dollar Sign Hah.
-"Pop music now glorifies binge drinking." Which, I notice, this show is expressly doing nothing to counteract.
-I'm genuinely disturbed that Sue is not in jail for attempted murder, or at least assault. Isn't this the second time she's nearly killed someone by throwing them down a stairwell?
-Any music not sung at least 50% by Rachel was BAD. The title track was particularly annoying because I only know the song from DJ Earworm's context, so I kept stubbornly trying to correct the lyrics in my head. Blame it on the (pop) / blame it on the (dance) / blame it on the (rock and roll)..." LET'S JUST NOT EVEN MENTION KEY DOLLAR SIGN HA. I skipped that bit and will not believe it happened. I no longer trust them on stage with a high school audience.
HOWEVER: Surprise Gold Nuggets
+ Rachel's first attempt at songwriting showed musical promise, if not lyrical. Piano + Rachel solo = heaven on earth. Also, her Scottish terrier shirt/dress thing was precious! Apparently she and Lux share closet space. Her party-hosting dress was cute too, if it had been used in a better context.
+ If I put King Douchenozzle on mute, it was pretty adorable how Rachel beckoned him over until he was close enough for her to grab him in a proper hug. Finn bending down to hug people will always be a joy to watch.
+ A small part of me is amused by Mercedes, clearly the most awesome person at the party, who is just hanging out all happy and having a legit good time during the duet, because she is literally the only person not embroiled in relationship drama (positive or negative).
+ Weepy Drunk Santana broke down crying at the mention of alcohol poisoning, prompting yet more concern from the teacher. What was I saying about her being the toughest nut in the bunch to crack? I still have not gotten them alone, but if she keeps up like this, the missing scene will be super easy to fill in. (although I suppose Sam would catch her first. Actually, if there is not already post-ep fic based on this, there should be. Sam seems like the kind of person who would insist on getting her to tell him what was wrong, despite her "yeah, getting bogged down in emotional crap isn't how this whole hookup thing works" brushoff, until he uncovers a whole new side to her)
+++ Huzzah! Will has taken a temporary vow of alcohol abstinence and forced the club to sign pledges attesting to the same. That's not even the important part, the important part is the inclusion of his cell phone number and additional clause that if when they do slip up, they will call him to drive them home. Holy crap, this just blew open a WORLD of
Now I am going to listen to the previous episode's "Sing" a million times and try to figure out if there is a non-alcohol related way I could black out and erase the memories of this horrible piece of garbage. New series low, no ques...well, no, thanks to Blaine/Rachel I still need to weigh its meager merits against whatever meager merits Rocky Horror had, but I have a feeling this is going to end up at the bottom anyway.
My one consolation is the fact that this was so bad, it seems to be universally hated as a whole.
Up Next: Oh god. Once AGAIN I am flailing with horror and anger, and it looks like a redux of this week except with pro-teen-sex messages instead of teen drinking, and Will/Holly instead of Blaine/Rachel as the carrot designed to lure me in against my better judgment. They are backsliding at a truly alarming rate.
-NCIS, 8x17, One Last Score: Despite the fact that Kym chose the *exact second* the show started to have a 15-minute nausea fest in which she constantly wanted to go in and out, trying to find the best plant material to gulp down, the 3/4 I salvaged was pretty fun. I was a little hazy on the details of what Camp Cupcake lady did, although it seemed like she destroyed the lives of very nice people, but criminal ways notwithstanding she reminded me of me. I would be extremely concerned with seeing that my things were protected. Especially if I had a squillion dollars (ideally obtained in legal, honest ways) to squander on fabulous, fabulous things. ...sorry, I was really enchanted by all the fancy possessions, including William Faulkner's desk. I have never read Faulkner, but I love when people (like Ziva) get fabulously gushy about classic authors.