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Holy crap, Foreman's a zombie.


Now that we've lost Lorelai, Troy is pretty much the only good campaign going in the comments. Everyone else is ridiculously boring and/or rage-inducing. Cannot cope.

House, 7x15, "Bombshells"
I think that might have been one of my favorite episodes ever.

People are either going to love it or hate it [edit: holy crap, universal hate!], but my eyes were pretty much STARS throughout all of the dream sequences (except the...zombies? or some kind of creature one, because as always: just gross) but especially the first sitcom and the musical number. The musical number -- whose eerie awesomeness I was just about to say rivaled the best stuff of So You Think You Can Dance, and then I remembered, wait! It actually was choreographed by Mia Michaels -- is going down as a highlight of 2011 TV in general. In fact, let's just break this down by sequence.

Sitcom: The first review I checked said it was a parody of Two and a Half Men. I'm now mildly ashamed that I skipped right past that and was inordinately amused by assuming it was a My Two Gay Dads scenario, but in fairness, my brain saw "brunette Rachel" + "2 guys" and went "Right, how can I hammer this into a Glee backstory scenario?" Aw, group hugs.

Horror: "Good thing I brought my axe-cane." Hahaha! Despite utter eye-rolling grossness of damn zombie trope, had to love the hybrid Cane of Many Weapons. Also, House's look of horror upon being too late to save her. If this was going to be the one peek into House's brain, it was a good place to go.

Wholesome 50s Family: Yep, my life is complete. Good times.

Western: Originally the one I was most looking forward to, before I knew what any of the others were, but fell flattest in practice. Needed more shooting, less trying to escape from shackles, which made the whole thing feel like a genre mashup between wild west and Indiana Jones. Escaping on horseback would have been better.

MUSICAL: This tune has been stuck in my head since the preview last week, and it's only getting more stubbornly lodged. I thought that was an amazing mixture of creepiness mixed with beauty, and the whole thing gave me chills. Cuddy joining in with lovely vocals and a gorgeous snow-white dress only made my jaw drop further. Is this a place where I can credit the director, too? Because the visual effects were stunning, and I respectfully request people make ethereal desktop wallpapers out of this stuff.

I'm not even getting into the meta and subtexty meaning of these sequences yet, although that's a whole extra layer of intrigue, because I'm having too much fun with the gimmick on its flashy surface.

Main plot was more of a thud, but it's OK; this show almost never handles the medical and the personal with equal strength, but when they have a slam dunk on one, it's always strong enough to hold up the other half of the equation. Briefly noted: lame depressed kid with a penchant for blowing up pipe bombs, with whom Taub over-identifies (while Martha remains awesome on the sidelines), and who turns out to have a simple staph-infection-based abscess around some pipe bomb shrapnel lodged in his body.

And then the subplot of all subplots, with Cuddy having something potentially serious/fatally wrong with her. It was one of those where you think the promos must be screwing with you, because it's too brilliant a storyline to be 100% true. And then when that is, in fact, EXACTLY what happens, complete with dire warnings of masses on kidneys, inconclusive biopsies, horrible scan results and surgery, you think the episode must be screwing with you. There's no way you're actually meant to be relying on the idea of House actually being with her when she's sick and sca...OH NO WAIT, THAT WILL BE HAPPENING TOO. Multiple times. The promo was not a lie! Fanfic came to light, was cleared by a certified writing staff, and just happened in canon.

Almost-sweeter-for-being-delayed evening visits. Handholding. Sweet kiss. Waiting for her to wake up, even, it's all in there.  None of this was tainted by Vicodin, what are you talking about, shut up. Suddenly immensely grateful to whichever YouTube person it is that compiles all the Huddy scenes the day after, as I will need to watch these, oh, A LOT MORE.

And as a bonus, after you have finished mining all the gold from the worst case what-if scenarios, they get to pull a "just kidding! totally fine, benign mass, hypochondriac lungs" card out and hit the reset button.

Although before any of that happened, I really liked Wilson's chastisement about House needing to be with her, as well as House sending Chase in as his substitute. Unusual dynamic with that latter pair, but I really liked how it played out. Difficult as it is to tell these days, Chase is still the most mature one of the bunch.

Oh! And before I forget, the teaser. This is so much better than wasting time with the regular patient of the week's life. House waking up early just so he could hide under the bed and grab Cuddy's ankle as she passed = THUMBS UP, JUVENILE HILARITY. (Followed swiftly by a break in the pending action and a minor medical crisis. Damn bloody urine, always killing moods.)

Aaand then there's the end, putting a kink in an otherwise 95% fantastic hour. I would just like to state the various comments that were made tonight:

Halfway through
Mom: I hope they don't kill her off in this episode! It would be terrible if she wasn't on this show anymore.
Me: *jokes* Well, that would be one way to end this relationship...
Me, silently: Seriously, it would be preferable to them ending in a breakup.

(I am completely spoiler-free, so I actually didn't know if her dying was going to be a surprise twist or not. It was oddly exciting thinking it might be, even though I love Cuddy, just because it would be such an authentic true-to-life surprise.)

End of episode
Cuddy: *dumps House*
Both of us: D=
Me, haughtily outraged: I would prefer the dying option!

Commercials
Mom: I don't think it's over, though.
Me: *looks at clock* Uh, yeah it is.
Mom: No, I mean this relationship.
Previews: *happen*
Mom: See? Something more is going on.
Me: I still vote dying until placated otherwise.

That said, if they could continue to be in a series of stumbling blocks without ever actually separating, that is relationship conflict I could get behind. Or if their breakups were brief and ineffective, like a certain pair of PTSD-afflicted doctors on Grey's Anatomy. Or...David Shore could be a jerk. Spoilery interview

For now, I guess I will content myself with replaying all the emotionally satisfying heartbreak that is his voice as he begs her not to do this.
------
-CSI: Miami, "Blood Lust"
I almost forgot to turn it on at all, and the title did not inspire me to pay much attention, but then suddenly it was in my face, being terrifying and well written. This is a combination that happens, oh, approximately never on on this show.

But as soon as we locked in on "serial abductor/killer" and got hardcore with fingernail-ripping (EW. EW, EW, EW.), I was hooked. If it hadn't been for Walter lumbering around as he does and Horatio inserting his useless presence everywhere, this felt like a plot that belonged on Criminal Minds. (okay, that's probably too high a compliment, but...on a better crime drama than this, at least).

The only thing that disappointed me at all was being able to figure out the ending -- as soon as the husband showed up, I thought things seemed fishy, and was pretty sure he was involved. The wife failing to make her psychologist appointment put the final nail in the coffin.  Still, that didn't lessen the intensity of the action. Or the extreme creepiness of the way she justified her actions with a BITCH, I'M CRAZY gleam in her eye.

I'm not clear why Natalia decided to comply with the request to turn around and have her wrists bound with her own belt. I guess she figured it would buy her enough time for Super H to show up? But in reality, I would have run like hell and taken the higher chance of being shot immediately over the still-high probability that I would soon be assaulted, have my fingernail ripped off, and be strangled to death.

I am also not 100% certain Horatio needed to kill the husband at the end. I'm just not clear on how imminent the danger was to Natalia at that point that he needed to fire, lethally, without warning. I specify lethally because, don't tell me that after all this time and his 99% target strike rate, Horatio isn't good enough to make a non-kill shot if he really wants to. 

Meanwhile, I see they've gotten themselves another new lab tech. She's pretty and appealing, but mostly because I find it fantastic that her name is Sloan (well, Molly Sloan) and she is played by...Sloan! Well, the actress who played Mark's daughter Sloan on Grey's Anatomy. Still. The coincidental connection is fabulous. And it's a good thing I like her, because I heard Ponytail Dave got a haircut last week and that seems like it might cost him all his Cool points.

Quote of the Night
Natalia: Hey Tom, look at how Ryan’s holding his shovel.
Ryan: Hey Tom, also make a note of how Ryan’s doing all the shoveling by himself.

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