- “Six months later.” I’m still ticked that they wasted what could have been a whole host of rebuilding-related storylines by making the earthquake happen a few episodes earlier, and instead are leaving all those details up to the fic writers.
- It’s a regular refugee camp over at the Roberts Residence now, isn’t it?
- Surely at least one of the people in that kitchen is capable of making pancakes without needing to read instructions from a recipe book. They’re not that hard. (Oh, I see. They’re crepes. Still.)
- For being about 9 months pregnant, Kirsten’s baby bump is rather small.
- Katilin: “She’s 6,000 miles away and still annoying.” I don’t doubt it. But still, Taylor is 6,000 miles away? IMPROVEMENT!
- I’m tempted to stop watching the episode right here, while she and Ryan are still broken up. The good news has come way too early to stay
- Yeah Kaitlin, “stop mimicking Sandy.” Haha, Julie so funny.
- . . . you are NOT making Julie pregnant too. Don’t even joke about that.
- YEE-HAW, it’s THE BULLET! Despite that twist being given away in the previews…WOOHOO! With the nicknames! “Peanut”! Now we can go back to good and just wash all those horrible memories of Frank away as if they neeeeever were. *smiles*
- K: “After tomorrow, you two will be just another old married couple.” J: “Just like that one living upstairs.” Me: Who the hell would that be?
- *sees Seth* . . . WHAT?! I’m sorry, that wasn’t quite an accurate representation of my reaction; let’s try again:
- They’re married now? Huh? After all the crap we went through to make them realize what a stupid idea it would be to marry before college? Please tell me she’s not pregnant too.
- And what, what, did I say about the ratty old-man bathrobe? *hits Seth*
- Sandy (opening Seth’s bedroom door): I know you don’t like to leave your lair, but the inspector’s coming to the house today and I think everybody should be there.
Seth: But this chair is my home now.
Sandy: Downstairs in ten minutes.
Hahaha! That is totally me. Only parked in front of a computer instead of a TV. Although, the TV sits on the desk right beside the computer and I’m often glancing over, so… But on the other hand, I tend to get dressed every morning and shower regularly.
- *falls down sobbing* Nooo…you can’t kill Casa de Cohen, you can’t tear it down and…and…*weeps in the corner*
- Besides, how can the cost to repair the inside be more than the value of the house, given that the entire outside of the already pricey structure isn’t missing so much as a shingle?!
- Oh Kirsten, don’t be so apathetic when choosing a house. Show some enthusiasm. Especially when you can afford to be choosy. There’s no shortage of beautiful places to live.
- Oh, re: S/S, thank goodness - they’re not married, they were just…apparently both living in her room. I’m willing to bet that’s not necessary; I bet the average Newport Mansion has at least six bedrooms. I’m sure this arrangement makes for convenient sex, but it’s about the same degree of convenient to live across the hall, and the latter option comes with the benefit of having separate corners to retreat to when you just want to be alone for a while.
- *eye roll* Okay, despite my ix-nay on the iving-together-lay, when it’s G.E.O.R.G.E. vs. living in an apartment with Seth, I choose the latter.
- *punches screen* Shut up, Taylor. SHUT THE HELL UP. Why would anyone put up with this? *fast forwards*
- Oh my God, she’s still talking! Christ.
- NO. YOU ARE NOT STILL IN LOVE WITH HER. *shoots Ryan*
- Oh, Gordon did not name all his sons after cities.
Probably the ones in which they were conceived.So how’d Spencer get away with his moniker? I’d guess it was because he was the firstborn, except that he looks younger than almost all the other men in the room.
- One Bullit is funny, cute, charming and endearing. Thirteen Bullits are walking the line between “annoying” and “infuriating.”
- Oh my God, Julie IS pregnant! Fucking hell. Try and be a little more like the cheese fest that was 7th Heaven last May.
- And now the fanbrats will write 65,000 stories about Kirsten’s daughter and Julie’s son falling in love when they’re 16. It’ll be just like a generation 2 Ryan and Marissa, with roles reversed! *vomits* Here’s hoping it goes more like a generation 2 Marissa & Seth, and they could care less that the other exists.
- I have to admit that the little brown Berkeley house is a lot cuter and more endearing than the massive Casa de Cohen.
- Oh good, a token gay couple. I’d so much rather the door have been answered by a pregnant woman, possibly with one or two kids running around in the background. Not because the gay couple bothers me, but because they’re being used a cheap plot device to get the Cohens back into their dream house. See if Seth and Ryan would have tried to guilt out a family with school-age children! Things aren’t this damn *convenient* in real life. This show’s grip on reality - always on a shaky slope - is now dive-bombing at high speed into the realms of stupidity.
- HAHAH, Bullit is awesome. “Ah, what the hell Blondie, I’ll buy this house! *signs papers* There you go, there you go. (to Cohens) Andelay!”
- Summer: Ohhh, real life Jake broke up with real life April! *pouts*
Me: Dear show, STOP BEING META. Thank you. Also, don’t remind me about Adam and Rachel and my shattered storybook Hollywood romance. Is so not funny.
- Summer: You know, these teen dramas, they just run forever…
Me: Dear show, I said cut it out. Don’t whine about being canceled.
- No! Bad Taylor! Do not stir up Summer’s old environmentalist issues. Not because they’re not awesome, but because they inevitably lead to her drifting away from Seth, and that is Bad.
- Do not even TELL me that Seth and Summer would run out of things to say after six months of living together. No. Just, no!
- What the fucking HELL, Taylor, shut your mouth! Stop trying to make her think about her life and saying things like “maybe [you were] a little too comfortable.” Summer is too easily manipulated into second-guessing herself!
- Okay, what I want to know is how you could fail to notice your rabbit having babies, or how, especially given that you spend all day in that small room, you could fail to notice those babies growing big enough to open their eyes and ears and start hopping around. I want to know why your rabbit is living, unsupervised, outside of its cage. Do you still feed her regularly? I really want to know how your rabbit even got pregnant in the first place, given that bunnies have a gestation period of ONE MONTH and she’s the only bunny in that house.
- Shut up Seth, you’re supposed to help your brother not make stupid decisions. For example, instead of refusing to let the past DIE, given that Taylor will be living in France most of the year anyway, you should be helping him look forward and focus on finding a girlfriend who’s not kinky and neurotic (what’s that? You don’t know where to start? *coughSadiecough*).
- Taylor: So that would mean you’re not coming back to Newport for Christmas, or summer, or…ever.
Me: Pretty much, yeah. See how nice and easy it would be to make a clean break? *beams*
- Question: If things are hunky-dory with Bullit now, does anyone want to explain why Frank was ever on this show? [3 seconds later: I’M SORRY I ASKED!]
- Julie: Maybe [the baby] won’t be so…Bullit-esque.
Me: Oh, God, it’s FRANK’S baby, isn’t it?! No! No, it can’t be – it is. PUKE. Stop ruining my fantasies.
- Julie: I got pregnant, and Frank couldn’t deal with it.
Me: SEE?! Frank has not changed! He’s still an a-hole! Stop talking about him!
- Kaitlin, stop incessantly questioning your mother’s happiness – just when all seemed lost, you got a second chance at having Bullit for as stepfather. How could you possibly screw that up twice?!
- Oh God, Kiki is NOT birthing her baby in this house…yes, yes of course she is. Well, as long as you’re aiming for cheese and camp, you might as well pull out all the stops. I just think that Gay Blondie is probably going to pitch a fit if Kirsten’s water broke on that nice fabric.
- Commercial Love: Woohoo! Adam Brody has a movie coming out! He appears to be in full on cute/sweet/caring/adorable mode. A few scenes even look borrowed straight out of O.C. I must see In the Land of Women immediately.
- Baby’s name is Sophie Rose. Eh, it’s okay. It could have been worse, but I was aiming for Nicole – you know, like Nichol? As a middle name, at least. Rose is almost as common as “Marie” when it comes to middle names.
- Sandy: She’s beautiful.
Seth: She really will be in two years, when she doesn’t look like a squished meatball.
Me: *dies laughing* YES! EXACTLY, YES! That is EXACTLY how I feel about babies!! All babies, everywhere, including celebrity babies and my own baby pictures.
- And, um, excuse me, but didn’t they call an ambulance? I don’t understand why they’re still sitting around the Berkeley house. What did they do, just say “hey, false alarm, we’re good” when the paramedics showed up? Just because the one guy is an expert in birthing babies doesn’t mean Kirsten and Sophie wouldn’t still benefit from being checked over at a nice sterile hospital by a competent medical staff. What if there had been complications during labor, like the baby had come out with the cord wrapped around her neck, or Kirsten had started hemorrhaging?
You know, like all the things I wanted to happen?
- Fuckin’ A, Frank, why are you here? Is it to die? It better be to die Here’s a suggestion - try to cross the street while talking to someone on your cell phone, subsequently fail to notice a bus bearing down on you, and be road pizza.
- Kaitlin: All I wanted was for…my little brother to have his dad around.
Me: Your little brother would have his dad around. His dad’s name would be Gordon Bullit. Blood is nothing; your parents are the ones who raise you. Or the ones who take you in as a teenager after your parents do a crappy job of raising you.
- Seth, shut up! You are not AFRAID to let her go, you are with her because you love her. You’re not dragging each other down. You and Summer are only in a rut because you sit around the house and do nothing all day. If you both had jobs to go to, you’d be fine.
- JULIE! Would you (and everyone else) QUIT trashing the notion of high school sweethearts? Not everybody has to wait until they’re 40 to find their perfect other. Sometimes you grow up in the same neighborhood. You meet and then you stick.
- I’m sick of all this doom-predicting for my OTP. Every other fucking person on this show gets a happy ending, why not my two?
- THANK YOU FOR A MARISSA MENTION AND PIC! WOOOOOHOO! I am happy beyond words right now. There’s a big ole lump in my throat that Summer and Julie get to have this moment of remembrance, because as much as everyone else tries to pretend she never existed, and they can mostly get away with this, there will never stop being a gaping hole where Julie had a daughter and Summer had a lifelong best friend.
- *eye roll* I’m so glad Taylor and Ryan broke up behind the scenes between episodes so that we could witness them try to iron out more stupid relationship problems between them.
- Oh you are NOT shagging in someone else’s house. Gross. Not that Ryan and Taylor having sex isn’t one of the nastiest things I’ve ever seen, but WHERE they’re doing it is almost worse than that they’re doing it at all. Way to respect other peoples’ property.
- Gay Blondie is correct: What is it with you people?
- Seth, if you’re going to look sad and discuss something that involves you being separated from Summer for long periods of time, but you’re not breaking up with her, could you at least kiss her in order to affirm how much you love her? Why the Eff are you pawning me off with a stupid hug?
- *snickers cruelly* I think it’s hilarious that Frank’s attempt to look heroic and dashing and romantic by banging open the church doors and dramatically screaming “JULIE!”…falls completely flat because the church is empty. Haha, you suck.
- *cell phone rings* Oh, Frank is NOT interrupting my Bullit wedding! Except he is. Fuck! Stupid, stupid, stupid.
- I like that Bullit is finally starting to become impatient and annoyed. He has every right to be mad. He’s been a damn fountain of patience, tolerance and understanding for months now. He’s cheerfully ready to raise another man’s child. Having his wedding interrupted (even if it’s his sixth one and some of the specialness has probably worn off) is really more than he should be expected to grin and bear.
- Well, what can I say…at least there’s a good reason for them moving to Berkeley, and not just because they got sick of Newport. They didn’t choose to write off Seth’s childhood home, they wanted to do anything they could to save it. When that proved an impossibility, though, I’m glad that they went back to Seth’s other childhood home, which is better than a random new Newport mansion. For some reason, I wasn’t even aware that Seth wasn’t born in that town.
- Oh, wait-wait-wait, so Julie didn’t even pick
loveFrank over Bullit, she just threw away EVERYTHING? Yeah, that makes sense. Being single and working in retail, totally better than being a sweet-hearted billionaire’s pampered wife.
- FAMILY CHRISMUKKAH PHOTO! *loves*
- . . . excuse me, do not stuff the baby bunny in your jacket pocket. DUDE. Though I must admit that Flapjacks is an extraordinarily cute bunny and I’m glad that Ryan will finally have a pet. Assuming he learns how to take care of it.
- *falls dead* Finally, a Seth/Summer kiss!! And it wasn’t even a make-out kiss. *pause* Under ordinary circumstances that would be something to cheer about, but for once in my life I wanted things to be just a little more tender and drawn out. This is a sad parting, and you won’t be together for several weeks. Make the most of your last physical contact.
- Try as I might, I can’t figure out that that thing Kirsten hands Sandy is. The scene lasts about 5 seconds and there are no words to clue me in. Whatever.
- “Eye roll” on the entire Taylor/Ryan scene on the train.
- Awwww, family group hug! AW!
- Seth: My new life of loneliness and isolation begins now.
Me: I know that was supposed to be kind of a joke, but I’m suddenly very depressed.
- Awww, brothers hug. Aww. Guy hugs like that are so sweet.
- FLAIL, IT’S FLASHBACK RYAN! Look how cute and vulnerable he was! *cries*
- I’m literally crying, missing the days of the pilot. I’m glad the show is over, but the memory of the old days makes me cry.
- And I’m glad this is a complete focus on Ryan. I cannot deny that this full-circle montage of him walking around the house, thinking of the person he would have been without Sandy Cohen’s intervention that day, is perfect. For the first time, I think the writers got something right.
- Now go down the driveway and remember meeting Marissa…no wait, don’t, that scene sucked. Remember driving down the road away from the house in Sandy’s car, looking out and seeing her silhouetted against the sunset. [3 seconds later: Oh my God, the show listened to me! YES!]
- Wait, Class of 20…12? Show, what the fuck kind of weird timeline are you running? Ryan’s graduating college with the class of 2011. He took a year off after graduating high school in 2006, which means add four years to that, boom 2011. *mutters* 2012, WTF.
- Okay, and apparently there are still about 3 minutes left in this episode, and it is not going to end on a nice Ryan scene. Instead it is going to feel a need to shatter my bliss and RESUME PISSING ME OFF by sliding further into the future and showing me a montage of how things worked out for everyone.
- Sandy’s a professor? Huh?
- Kaitlin is apparently attending Williams College. All righty then.
- Julie goes to college and gets a degree. Oh this is just getting WEIRD. Quit spinning years into the future and being all…all Will and Grace-y!
- EW, and she’s with Frank! Wait…Bullit is there cheering her on too. Huh? Oh, I suppose Bullit’s just there as a “friend.” Boooo.
- *mood abruptly swings 180 degrees* Awwwww, you gave me my happy ending!! Thank you! It’s an appropriate number of years in the future and Seth and Summer are getting MARRIED! The way he gazes at her as she approaches towards him honestly makes up for all the lack of interaction between them lately. There is no doubt that they are soul mates. Always have been and always will be.
- Hee! And they’re even still the cute and quirky Seth/Summer I remember from seasons past! (Summer playfully sticks her tongue out at him while walking down the aisle; at first he looks shocked, then rolls his eyes and nods to himself. Yep, that’s my Summer.)
- And there’s a Kandy handhold. Yay!
- The problem with all of this is that little Sophie now looks to be about 6 years old, and while she’s pretty, she clearly did not die of SIDS like I ordered. Bah, stop ruining my attempts to believe in my own canon.
- And Ryan’s back in construction. Stop me before I flashback to the horrible pregnant-Theresa era. At least now he’s some type of manager rather than worker. Maybe he’s the architect? I’m going to assume he’s the architect.
- And he’s looking ready to take in a down-on-his-luck kid by the payphones. Eye roll. That was a little too full-circle to be good, you know?
- In conclusion: I’m torn between being in love with the Seth/Summer wedding and being mad that it didn’t end after either the scene mentioned in point 72 or the one in 73. I think I’m leaning towards the latter, but…oh, S/S is just so darn cute.
Well, that’s it. No more O.C. ever again. Which means now I’ve got my second VCR free to tape Grey’s Anatomy again, or when I’m back at school with just one TV, CSI on tape instead of online. Yay!