RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

CBI: Crimeshows By Initial

Thought of the Day: I think someone should compile a list of all the men on television whose backstory includes a dead wife and child(ren). There seem to be a disproportionate number of them.

On to the title subject.
May I just say, 8x18 was such a snoozefest that I felt pieces of my brain dying off in an attempt to fight my way to the end. They just shriveled up and died of pure boredom, with a side of Vance-induced aggravation. 8x19 was marginally better only in the sense that it lacked the side aggravation, although there was lots of Abby's Lab Time and, sure enough, I was rewarded with a cheek kiss by the end. This week was only slightly better than that.

NCIS, 8x20, "Two-Faced"
OK, I would have cared way more about Ziva's mystery dude Ray if I had known he was going to be Enrique Murciano. Even if he does have grossly slicked back hair and manage to ooze sleaze in his opening scene (he improved a little on that front, but mostly all his gooey lovesick eyes accomplished was to drive me to YouTube and remember how much I loved Danny/Elena). I can, of course, remember nothing about what we were previously told. Still seems unimportant.

Case: boring. Is it supposed to be an arc, maybe in a season-finale type way? So dull. Meanwhile, EJ is barely a blip on my radar. The team seems overly territorial and aggressive about her presence, and I'm just not getting why. She looks like she wants to be annoying, but in practice I find her completely innocuous. The thing with Tony threw me for a bit of a loop, but then I shrugged and decided it helped kill the occasional moments of forced Tiva they keep trying (kind of like Ziva telling CI Ray Tony's like a brother to her, haha, TOLD YOU).

I did really enjoy Gibbs ordering her to leave his team (namely Tony) alone, though. AND: so much love for Abby babbling about how much she dislikes change, which boils down to the fact that she likes their family just the way it is, until Gibbs wraps her in a hug and promises nothing's going to change. Season highlight!

Lastly: that creepy baby doll came straight out of an unaired X-Files episode somewhere (you can see how up to date my paranormal/sci-fi show watching is). I'm not so sure it didn't SUMMON the actual murderer out of thin air.

CSI, 11x19, "Unleashed"
I can't believe I had to watch a Lady Heather episode, even if we have left the BDSM angle behind. The stupid review sector talked up a storm about Nick in the B plot and, more importantly, the amazing Sara interactions in the A, so I caved.

I compromised by skipping the scenes with her and Langston (BOREDOM HELL) and refusing to refer to her by her lame new title, but turns out, LH was like the fifth thing down on the List Of Stuff to Hate. It was even a step below the lack of Catherine.

For starters, I don't know if they actually plan to charge the "criminals" in this episode with murder or lesser charges, but let's clear a couple of things up for this ridiculously overzealous crime lab:

Number 1: you cannot put someone in jail for murder if a mountain lion ultimately killed them. I'm sorry, you can't. Not even if you attacked them and their wounds made them easy prey for the mountain lion, unless you actually sicced the lion on them. You can charge them with assault and maybe attempted murder, but not actual murder. Besides, Iona ultimately turned out to be so annoying that I find it hard to blame her friend/coworker. I was ready to take a pipe to her myself if she threw one more literal hissy fit.

How is it that even when Lady H has put on a respectable front, the episode is still full of fucking weirdness? It is almost more disturbing than revisiting her dungeon. It inspired so much swearing that I could only bring myself to take out 90% of it in the final copy. Seriously, how does PRETENDING TO BE A CAT improve your intimate relationships? If you need to do that for any reason, maybe you are better off just staying celibate and never attempting to have a relationship. Use the money you are wasting on Lady H therapy to buy things that will make you happy. That's the normal American way.

Let's just say that if I thought the lion attack was a cool use of effects at the beginning, I had to restart it at the end and really savor the cosmic irony of it. I rather thought of it as karmic justice for her insane refusal to use human speech.

But on the bright side, Sara's open and unapologetic disdain for Lady H (not to mention the human pet business) was even more marvelous to watch than expected. All of my feelings, vicariously coming to life on the screen! And as a bonus, she finally got annoyed enough with Hodges (who, it should be noted, has in no way learned his lesson about bringing up Lady Heather with Sara) to jab a stun gun in his direction. This is my favorite day. Basically: the best way to cope with this dreck is to watch all of Sara's scenes and leave out all the rest.

Number 2: You know what, I cannot take any more talk about teen cyber bullying like it is an actual threat that cannot be stopped in an instant by changing your email address and getting a new cell phone (why do teens even have cell phones?). You can punish the instigators for harassment, but no one is ever responsible for another person's suicide, especially not criminally/legally. The end.

The internet lied to me about the awesomeness of the B plot. I wanted to appreciate it, I did; how do you not love Nick in the presence of a tiny baby and generally being amazed by the literal miracle of life coming from death, but...that emergency C section/baby resuscitation was just so cheesy. And then Nick spent the rest of the episode being quite a pill, so, sorry! I'm going back to 10x21, a far better example of kid interaction.

In conclusion, I'm going to need all of SVU's best defense attorneys to come on over and get these poor people some really sweet deals. Especially the cheerleaders. Glee's cheerleaders did exactly the same things to Rachel (although admittedly, the pregnancy was contained within their own tribe), and did Rachel hang herself in a closet? No. She held strong, bounced back, and became the shining star of the very same glee club they all ended up joining and later even choosing over cheerleading. Get it together, Maria. /*tongue in cheek*

-CSI: NY, 7x19, "Food For Thought"
What a nauseating ending.

Turns out I will always resent Hawkes getting storylines, no matter how few he has. He is a couple of steps up from Jo, but only because Jo is so awful. This hour = SNOOZEVILLE. Besides, you know who I hate more than anyone in the world? People who actually whine about being "too good." Like there is something wrong with being so academically driven that you don't have time to hook up with strangers and get high/smashed at parties. Hawkes, choose better. This is one of those times where you should look at your life and/or choices. Even Mac thinks so.

Also, I hate Jo's smug smirk so much that I found myself in the classy hooker's corner. There are definitely worse ways to make a living, Jo. Having to work with you comes to mind.

I did very much enjoy Lindsay's huge list of demands for food (after assurances that she is "not pregnant, just hungry," and how much would I love if this was foreshadowing?) and Danny's subsequent delivery service, though.

It's probably wrong how much I hope this show doesn't survive the upfronts, but I am kinda hoping it does not survive the upfronts.
Highlight of the Day: This is by far the most delightful video since...the last time John Krasinski filmed something adorable.

Tags: csi, csi: ny, john krasinski, loltastic, ncis, tv commentary, video recs

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