I knew I could make that Taylor Swift lyric work one day...
Glee, 2x21, "Funeral"
That sound was not me fainting in amazement (shocker), but merely this episode landing like dead weight near the bottom of the pack. Of course, I use "bottom" loosely, since this entire season is made up almost entirely of either amazing or awful episodes. The death of Sue's sister is neither shocking nor moving, TPTB. I mean, I'm impressed by your willingness to introduce death, and I should probably be grateful that it had zero emotional impact, but at the same time: big ball o' meh. I could live happily in a world where this experience lobotomized Sue into a nice and/or supportive person, but I'm not holding my breath for that to stick.
The music choices in this episode were legendarily bad. I couldn't stand so much as ten non-consecutive seconds of anything.
My favorite part of the funeral was when I noticed that Sam was sitting next to Quinn (and eyeballing how she was holding Finn's hand; clearly jealous), only to discover that Rachel was sitting on his other side and then my brain went up in a little puff of smoke as I tried to remember which Pretty Factor pairing I wanted more at the moment. I am easily distracted by shiny things.
(okay, actual best part of the funeral was Will finishing Sue's speech for her, just because I liked his hand on her shoulder. For platonic comfort/support, in this case)
Much more traumatic death in this episode: Quinn & Finn's relationship. Even though he is a douche, and two seconds before I was gagging at "I'm so proud of you" and I wanted nothing more than for this to happen, and I'm annoyed because if anything, I would like Quinn to do more of the kicking-boys-to-the-curb business instead of the other way around...it's hard not to be emotionally manipulated by "Are you happy? Is this me feeling enough for you?"
If I thought Finn would actually learn from this moment, I might have felt a twinge at how guilty he looked when Quinn left and/or his feeble attempt at "I still love you..."
Now, since funeral garbage ate roughly 2/3 of the episode, what was left? Oh, that's right. Jesse St. James being AWESOME. Calling Mercedes a lazybones! Insulting Kurt for singing like a girl and not even being good at it! Mocking Finn multiple times without skipping a beat and destroying his self esteem in the process! Smooth-talking Will Schuester into being a completely incompetent teacher/bending him to his whims! (some might argue the first part of that sentence wasn't particularly difficult)
Did I mention how I love that everything he says is completely evil-slash-cruel, yet every time he opens his mouth I cackle with helpless delight? I love how much he enjoys causing strife and discord within the club. He does it with such honest and sincere intentions, guys. You can't hold it against him. He's just trying to make you be all that you can be.
Um, also, he may be doing it to get Rachel back and I am just shutting off all the suspicion filters and focusing on the here and now:
-The entirety of their interaction, mostly nonverbal, in the first half
-Adorable wink at the audition
-Meet On An Empty Auditorium Stage redux
-"Rachel, I did wrong by you last year and I came back to make that wrong right."
-Clingy hug! (*is jumping and squealing more than Rachel*) Have not been this delighted by a hug since Doctor Who finale, Ten/Rose version
-Complete with gazing and tucking her hair behind her hair
-And one of the prettiest kisses in this show's history
-"I used to think that fame was the only thing that mattered. And now I realize that there's something that matters to me more."
YEAH. DEAD OF SQUEE. (hardcore ignoring Rachel's lack of reciprocating enthusiasm? you betcha) I will be on Tumblr, looking at several dozen beautifully colored collage compilations of that last moment. You know, like this one.
That last moment also features Frankenteen standing dumbly in the shadows, his proportionately oversized heart crushed and wilting like the pathetic flower in his hand. HAHAHA, BEST. Or would be the best if I thought this would last into next season.
Other Worst Things:
-Anything Will/Emma; blech; skipped
-Terri is moving to Miami? NOOOOOOOOOO! How will I LIVE. I mean, it's nice that she got to go out on a high note of helping the glee club, earning her one last hug from the man she clearly still loves*, but still. Can this be a decision that is ultimately reversed? I am not ready to be done with Terri, especially if she is no longer arguably crazy.
(*yet another thing sadder than Sue's sister dying: how much she cherished that hug and how unfairly abruptly he pulled back, followed by Emma showing up to unintentionally rub in her loss.
STAB HER IN THE BACK, TERRI. JAIL WILL BE WORTH IT.)
In conclusion: This episode is going to have a talk with "Furt" and see whether Jesse/Rachel or Sam/Quinn best outweighs the bog of dreary boredom surrounding their respective offerings.
Up Next: OH GOD QUINN YOUR HAIR WHY.
-Bang: Stop trying to make "reproductive abuser" happen, SVU. The more times you say it, the less it sounds like real words. As charming as it was to watch John Stamos as a
2 20 47-timing creep (it's like Barney Stinson, if his objective was fathering children), it is really hard to take a plot seriously when characters are spouting off lines like "Putting semen inside a woman without her consent [i.e. poking holes in condoms, which you may or may not be able to prove was deliberate] should be considered rape." See, this is why you have such trouble getting people to take the word "rape" seriously. I'm just saying.
Delinquent: Proof that Young Ben is capable of being a psychopath in any universe, and Sayid was right to take him out? *bored* (p.s. o hai Kathy, nice to see you for a few seconds)
Smoked: Something really bugged me about this finale, so let's just think this through for a minute. Which guy would you rather see put away -- the one who raped your mother, or the one who KILLED your mother, especially assuming that if you put them both away, the one who killed her will only get 25 years instead of life without parole? Some perspective, please. Nor can I say I would particularly care about punishing the guy who gave the murderer the gun (couldn't he have bought one off the street just as easily?) -- not if either of those things are going to lighten the sentence of the guy who, once again, SHOT MY MOTHER POINT-BLANK RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. This ADA is the worst.
Luckily, daughter got her revenge by shooting up the place, albeit still failing to kill the actual murderer and taking out Sister Peg in the process. That was definitely unexpected, but not really as traumatic as the time they shot Warner and faded to black for the summer, so I'm good. Now let's talk more about Jennifer Love Hewitt possibly replacing Mariska, and how much I would enjoy that despite the inconsistency of her having already played an extremely memorable rape victim on here.
ChuckWatch: Expanding my YouTube search parameters to include more of the general Chuck/Sarah scenes dredged up this surprise from 4x14. Yay! Also this, from the same episode, where I forget which party is supposed to be more attractive to me. That's...really...mesmerizing. Excellent apology indeed.