NOT CALM. NOT CALM, SHONDALAND! Goddddd, so much hatred and freaking out all over the place. Plus that one tiny delightful thing on GA. BUT MOSTLY HORRIBLE THINGS. Private Practice could redeem itself of the last ten seconds with an awesome premiere; Grey's is going to have a really difficult time making up the multiple wrongs.
EDIT: Insta-written, truncated reviews it is.
Grey's Anatomy finale, "Unaccompanied Minor": Worst finale ever? I feel like maybe it's the worst finale in this show's history. Tied with season 3.
Cristina/Owen: This says it all, really: I have to go find Past Me and slap her upside the head for thinking Cristina being pregnant could be a positive thing
All of their scenes were uncomfortable to watch, between his blindingly naive optimism and her offputting vitriol, and I just can't talk about it any more. If the issue is "want kids vs. never have kids," Cristina wins the argument. If the issue is "have a baby vs. have an abortion," well, sorry, Owen wins, except that just by HAVING this debate -- never mind the way it ended -- they've officially succeeded at failing after nearly 3 years of a wildly successful bid to win my heart from what was supposed to be an unforgivable offense of stabbing pigs. Good job, guys. I'm grossed out by them as a couple and want neither this baby nor this marriage to exist. Happy?
Derek/Meredith: So Derek is 98% in the wrong on this one, and it frustrates me, because I'm having a really hard time justifying Meredith's actions as right. Also my default feeling is to hate her. And as if this was not bad enough, then they strapped a baby on her to take home alone, and you know how I feel about single women with babies in my fiction: less likeable/interesting they could not be. Now I have no investment in this couple either, and wow, this is really starting to remind me of how Lost would smash up all my ships every year or two and make me start from scratch.
I'm going to ignore all the other storylines of boredom and focus on the two parts of this finale that did not suck:
1) April is Chief Resident! For one day, all was happy and good. I also enjoyed those two minutes where Jackson remembered he was her friend and cheered on/teased accordingly.
2) Henry gave his Sweeping Speech as requested, and it was brilliant, and while the effect on Teddy was delayed it was all the sweeter for it. HAPPY FEELINGS, PRETTY KISSING. Who knew there would come a time when Teddy would be part of the best thing on this series?
In conclusion: Yeah, my bond with this show has broken and obliterated any curiosity about what comes next. When summer spoilers hit, we'll reassess. Right now, I feel like I could wait a year for the next episode, never mind four months. Of course, right now I also feel like I could kick this show to the gutter with Bones, so I should probably give it at least 24 hours for the feelings to settle down. Not that that will stop me from posting this now.
Private Practice finale, "To Change the Things I Can":I forgot that we were supposed to pay attention to the last ten seconds, so I was nodding off throughout that whole extended airport scene, and then BAM! Pete's in the middle of a heart attack. I'm sorry, what, WHAT, BACK THAT UP A MINUTE THERE. You'd think I would avoid panicking because obviously there would be news of actor exits if this was meant to be fatal, but turns out my rational brain doesn't function very well when my favorite character is involved. (I also did not know Pete was my favorite character until right this minute, but apparently he and Violet trade off on her bad days) Particularly if the one good relationship this show has spent the episode in a spat and left on very uneasy terms.
You're, uh, going to make this up to me a lot in the premiere, right? With, like, lots of guilt on Violet's end? And preferably not a time jump? Oh, I can feel it. You want to do a 3-4 month time jump to get all these plot strands started. I still expect you to make it up to me, thus rendering this fight as interesting conflict instead of marital destruction.
Other than that, I pretty much stopped paying attention halfway through. Addison has already lost everything that makes her interesting as she resumes getting tangled up in love affairs, Benjamin Bratt seems more sleazy than anything, I care exactly 0% about any scenes that involve Charlotte, and on any other show that airport proposal cementing an insta-family would have made me squee and flail to no end, but Fife is most obnoxious, creepiest creeper to ever creep, so no dice, Naomi. Take your things and go.
Although I am amused that Addison's creeping control over the practice is finally complete. Sneaky, Addie. Like a Survivor champ.
Basically, I am v. disappointed in my decision to watch TV tonight instead of finishing off the CSI-verse shows, which were well on their way to "not sucking at all" when I left off after the penultimate episodes of Vegas & New York.