Ugh. Assuming (incorrectly) we would have another repeat of last week's Super Late to the Party nonsense, I didn't even try looking for a link this week and instead just jumped feet-first into the internet to see who had chatter going. From an official-looking review, labeled "SPOILERS" because hey, who cares about spoilers on this show? Not me, that's for sure!
Tonight, inside the bathroom of Rosewood’s precinct, viewers finally found out who murdered Alison DiLaurentis. And the cold-hearted killers are—drum-roll please–Jenna Marshall and Garrett Reynolds!
Yes, Jenna is still blind and, yes, Garrett is still a cop (technically). However, neither of them regrets killing off Alison. Instead, they relish the memory of whacking her across the skull with a heavy shovel and then burying her alive.
WHOA. WAIT. WHAT? HOLY CRAP! ...I should probably stop adoring Jenna and thinking Garret is OK, right? I should. And yet, the Jenna love/appeal/appreciation is still just...so strong. Meanwhile, I can't believe this show actually answered a mystery. I thought that was strictly against protocol. [edit: haha, knew it. people are already skeptical about this answer.]
And then I read further in the comments: "when Spencer broke up with Toby..." and that's it, screw you show, I am skipping this one and flouncing until such time as you rectify this situation. If I don't see it, clearly it didn't happen.
The rest of this post is a recall of my stream of consciousness adventure
That said: talk to me, Tumblr. Tell me if anything shippily salvageable happened before that point, even though it probably didn't. Am glutton for punishment..
So far, Tumblr has told me nice things about Toby being continually perfect and Spencer just being an idiot. Ugh. At least their breakup sounds flimsy, in a way that we could easily rectify in a heartbeat due to it not actually being based on a lack of feelings, so that's what I'm going to believe. If I believe in it happening at all.
Damn it. I just saw the most awesome quote-captioned picture out of context, and now I do have to see this episode. SELF PUNISHMENT TIME!
*cues it up and starts watching everything that is not specifically focused on Hanna or Emily*
1) For the record, this was the thing:
(shortly after Spencer's reference to how Toby treats his truck like it's his baby. )
Toby: If we had a real baby, what would it look like?
Spencer: I'm picturing a newborn with a 6-pack.
(The Tumblr version didn't have the parenthetical aside or the word "real" in there, so you can imagine why I fell all over myself demanding to know what occasion had led Tob to start talking about what their hypothetical babies would look like)
2) Up next, the part from the sneak peek, where Spencer does an incredibly horrible job of lying (which is odd, considering the show's title), much to Toby's consternation about the inexplicable barriers she's throwing up between them. It is both incredibly sad, as a frustrated viewer, and terribly sweet, as an appreciative viewer of Toby's Perfect Boyfriend status. JUST TELL HIM, SPENCER. DAMN THE CONSEQUENCES. The worst thing he can do is die, and then my warped sense of tragic romance will have plenty to play with.
3) Ooh, creepy pullstring dolls that say innocuous, if odd, and thus somehow super-creepy things! Things like "Keep Toby safe." Awww. I'm gonna posit that's the reason for the breakup right there. The way she collapses on the sofa and clutches the doll to her stomach like she's going to be sick gets to me.
4) TRUCK TIMES. On this show, vehicles are the new sofa.
This conversation is amazing. Yes, it's the breakup, but I'm a little busy being giddy about, oh, every word and facial expression Toby has in this scene. It's ridiculuous. It's like he's 30. Despite wearing a kicked puppy face, though with just enough edge to stand his ground as the unfairly wronged party here, he's initiating a textbook conversation about communication.
But I really, really love the flash where he realizes what she's going to say and he goes from hurt/annoyed to panicked. And then the rest tumbles out in half a second before she bolts off, sobbing her heart out, leaving him with a mixture of "what was that?" and "that did not just happen" and "...but I love you. *wibble*" I don't know who these people crying over the scene are. I am all, "Temporary angst! It is delicious! Their faaaaaaaaces! Obviously all they want to do is run at each other and have a great big repeat of the happy fix-it carnival ending!"
5) I gotta say, I do not hate Wren**. When I heard a kiss was involved, I was full-on prepared to hate this, but...he's so charming and British and slightly inappropriately older than her and a doctor. Classic dilemmas.
I mean, lookit, apparently he let her talk it out in the car and cry in front of him until she felt better. That's like eighty-nine hundred points right there. And then there was the oh-so-polite announcement of intent to kiss. Which, in turn, was just a ridiculously nice and restrained thing to watch. Apparently I am an equal-opportunity shipper now. Unfortunately, I wistfully echo Spencer, "Your timing sucks."
**These feelings began in that episode a few weeks back, where he was the first superfluous character to really make me sit up and take notice and wonder if that was an avenue I should explore. I stuffed those feelings down and tried to go back to the shippy clip show, but...here we are.
6) BUT LEST YOU THINK I HAVE FORGOTTEN TOBY: awwww, with the great big shouty declarations of love in police stations and needing to be restrained! Acknowledged or not, perfect teenage romance is perfect.
7) In conclusion, the internet blew that breakup so out of proportion it's not even funny. It's like they've never seen television drama before. You know what a breakup looks like? When people call off weddings. Or walk away from confessions of Secret and Unrequited Feelings. Or threaten to have an abortion. THOSE are ship-ruining things. This is just a delicious stumbling block of angst.
I am, of course, basing those statements on the contented images in my head, which involve confessions, hugs, tears, apologies, and forgiveness, and then my happy vision of their future in which they go as far from Creepytown as Spencer wants to go for college. My brain is actually not accepting the possibility of them being broken up for more than one episode.
8) I do worry about the potential fallout that might happen from the kiss, though. That seems like it could actually succeed in pissing Toby off, especially if he also finds out that she had only broken up with him due to contrivance and manipulation, not actual feelings or lack thereof. But hey, what do I know. Maybe Toby also attends the school of "It's OK As Long As You Just Let Him Kiss You, Even If You Didn't Stop It."
9) Eh. Can't worry 'bout that until March. Here, brain, enjoy this sedative featuring the possibility of Spencer/Wren.
10) In plotty news, I knew those keyless/remote-started cars were trouble. Way to give murderers ideas.
11) And hey, Ezra old chap, you're here for the party too? Splendid. I decided not to let myself believe that Aria might be calling you when she broke down crying, but awesome, apparently I can. Too bad that won't be happening anytime soon. Not only are Jackie's Crazy Eyes finally coming to light, but the misinterpretation of Spencer/Ezra I found so cute before just turned into a problem that led to an even bigger problem.
12) In conclusion the second, it will always delight me to the highest degree to hear the teacher calmly explain, "I'm in love with her," to the parent. And it will always cause me to sigh when, in the name of good taste, conscience and morality, they tell him to GTFO of town, run away and never return.
(I love how Tumblr is freaking out. Freaking out. Chillax, Tumblr! When they spend a season dating other people, that's when you get angry. When your show's been canceled, the end is nigh, and they break up for the first time, that's when you panic. You haven't even given them a chance to muck up yet. You think this is hard? Try withstanding "Teacher Schooled." THAT'S HARD!)
14) God, that got long. Anyway, now this show's butt has been banished for the season and I don't have to think about it for months, yay!
I've already done this in my head for, oh, all the fandoms so I'm OK if you don't want to hear me babble about TV more, but on the off chance you ARE curious...
Name one of my fandoms, and I will give you these answers:
* How I entered that fandom
* Fave character
* Least fave character
* Pairing that everyone likes but I don’t get
* Fave thing about the fandom
* The most despised thing
* If there is something I would change from said game/show/movie/etc., what would it be?