RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

Three Completely Unrelated Things

*looks left and right* What's that?  All clear on the new-episode front for at least 48 hours, after which there's a whole week with only one show a day?  Fantastic, that means I can start posting things besides episode reviews to feed my daily blogging drive. 

Oh my God.  Elena's daughter gets kidnapped.

Holy S***!  Let me explain something to you.  As I was watching last week's rerun episode, which was something to do with a creepy pedophile snatching little boys, I said to myself, "You know what would make a fantastic episode?  Having Elena's daughter be abducted."  It was one of those scenarios that I figured would never actually happen, but which endlessly fed my daydreams, thinking of the potential for a panicky mother and a beautiful reunion scene, not to mention that this is the very definition of "emotional distress" as far as it concerns Danny & Elena as a couple. 

And then I saw the preview, and couldn't decide whether to shriek in delight at the uncanniness of my wish coming true, or pinch myself out of this dream I was apparently having.

And then I found the article that I am in love with and have saved to stick into my magazine-clippings scrapbook.  The pertinent quote is this:

"In the episode's final moments, Elena and Danny's relationship changes in a way that will create tension for the rest of the season.  But that doesn't mean they'll break up, like so many of the interoffice couples on Trace. ... 'Danny and Elena go from the honeymoon phase to the I-could-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you phase,' Murciano says."

And that is all RS needs to hear to seal herself inside Bubbleland and ponder happy daydreams forever.

Danny/Elena seemed different to me from the onslaught, and now they are officially my OTP on this show.  They make my former OTP (Martin/Sam, because everything else was worse) look like an emotional train wreck by comparison.  (which it kind of was, but I ignored that detail in my determination to put the prettiest people together)
Sex and the City: let's talk.

(don't ask what prompted this; I have no's just something I've wanted to get off my chest for a while now)

Okay, once upon a time when this show first started, I was in middle school.  Seventh grade. I recall being SCANDALIZED to learn that this was a real show on TV and not just a joke somebody made up, because omgbadword!  It was on cable, of course, so I never actually watched it, but somehow I learned enough to know it was about four middle-aged women living up their single life in New York.  It still sounded like pure trash.  I assumed it was an hour-long drama, and was shocked anew when I saw it for the first time last year, and learned it was a half-hour comedy.  (In my defense, I was utterly bored, and I always thought Kristin Davis was a cute actress, and was vaguely aware that her character, Charlotte, was sweeter and much less trashy than the other women).

I've seen a few episodes since, because I like Charlotte, and because my mom - who never got to see the show when it was on, either, but always heard people talking about it - is now satisfying her curiosity by watching nightly reruns on the CW.   I cannot understand this.  This is a show about four friends, but as far as I can tell, it is mostly about fashion and sexual misadventures, loosely tied together with the thread of friendship.  I have difficulty believing that this in any way represents real life.  I mean, good Lord, is this what women talk about with one another?  (at least the ones that don't have kids to blather on about and/or who live in New York?) It's just so...ugh.  There are two women, the red-haired one and the one played by Kim Cattrall, who are basically the same character, although Cattrall's character is a little sluttier.  Then there's Carrie, ostensibly the star (or at least the one who does the voiceovers), who might be halfway bearable except that she is just as incapable of keeping her legs closed as her two slutty friends.  (Side note, why were these women not routinely suffering from STDs?)  And then there's Charlotte, whom I desperately want to like because she is not so much slutty or fond of casual sex as she is terribly romantic.  But since love = sex on this show, she's in bed about as often.  And YES, I remember the title,  which is why part of me is still quietly scandalized and amazed that this is a real show. 

The point of those two long and rambling paragraphs is that I don't understand why anybody would have routinely watched and supported this series, much less praised it from here to the end of the earth.
And to pack as much as possible into this post, because that's how I roll, I'll add a TV-show related survey whose questions are twice as long as the answers, but which is nevertheless entertaining.  I forget exactly where I picked this one up, but I've never seen it before, and I love finding original surveys.  [Edit: Discovered by random chance that it is a brand-new and shiny meme by mylittleredgirl ].

The story: A supernatural glitch in your DVR occurs. At first you panic, hitting lots of random buttons on your remote control, but then are RELIEVED to discover that no, your entire series recording of Golden Girls has not been deleted! But then, just as things appear to be back to normal, there's a puff of smoke, and a fairy appears! You have apparently freed the TV fairy from a televised hell in which she was made to watch endless reruns of Are You Hot?, and as fairies tend to be when freed, she is very grateful and wants to grant you magic wishes.

Now,the fairy has only TV-related powerz, and so she offers you the chance to go back in time and retroactively CHANGE the history of your favorite TV shows with 3.5 wishes!

You can go back in time and erase from the fabric of TV history THREE individual episodes of any TV show you want! The rest of the series(es) will not be altered. What do you choose?
1. O.C. – that nasty horrible episode in which Seth & Summer lose their virginity.  Ewwww.
2. Joan of Arcadia – that nasty horrible episode in which Adam throws a hissy fit because Joan doesn’t want to give up her virginity in the back of a truck, or something gross like that. (hm.  Pattern much?)
3. X-Files – one of those insanely boring and/or gross ones.  I know!  Like how about if I never had to be subjected to the likes of the Mulder-less, Scully-less, Doggett-centric “The Gift"?

 You can go back in time and revive ONE unfairly cancelled television show and return it to the annals of TV history!* *CHOOSE WISELY, because if you attempt to revive more than one show,the wish will backfire and you'll instead be treated to a whole bunch of crappy made-for-TV "reunion" movies full of replacement actors.
Ooh…um…eeh…ah…Joan of Arcadia DEFINITELY deserved more than two years, come on now!

To balance out the historical TV viewing schedule, you now have the power to retroactively CANCEL, at any point during the series, any one show! Alternately, you can wield your destructive might and DELETE one whole entire series from ever having been made.
I’m gonna wield destructive might, and decide that “Family Guy” was deemed too disgusting to ever make it to air.

LIFE AND DEATH! You can now bring ONE character back from the dead... and, to restore the balance, you must also kill off a character! They don't have to be from the same fandom.

(And yet I'm going with two from CSI Miami anyway)

Back to life: MARISOL DELKO.  That took about a third of a second to decide…

Insta-death: This one took a bit longer, because there are oh-so-many I hate.  But in the end, I went with Natalia Boa Vista.  Nobody else is quite as unbearable as seeing her on my screen, week after week.

Bonus tradeoff: you can delete a single scene, relationship pairing or plot arc from any series that gave you hives... AND you can plug in any one [scene, pairing, plot arc] that you never got to see!
Delete: Jack and Sam from Without a Trace.  That was so very wrong.  You do not have affairs with married men who have kids.

Addition: CSI Miami - more Suzie & Madison.  Specifically, the arc that got scrapped in favor of increasing Marisol’s role, the one that was going to explore the idea of Suzie back to drugs (or something; I forget the details) and Madison sliding into foster care.  I don’t see why we couldn’t have used that and Marisol.  Or why we can’t at least be using it RIGHT NOW.

Tags: bad shows, memes, sex and the city, speculation, without a trace

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