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Crime Show Special

or, "So here is all the great writing progress I have made in the past week."

But first: I have recently expanded my hunt at library sales to include children's (picture) books as well, because I am gradually remembering old books that I loved as a child. Next book on my Probably Impossible To Find List: Our Animal Friends at Maple Hill Farm. I used to check this out of the library, captivated by the unique illustrations, and even now when I look at them for the first time in 15 years, I get a heady rush. Must obtain.
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-CSI: NY, 8x03, Cavallino Rampante: Pretty sisters steal cars for no apparent reason, a member of World's Most Wanted Criminals gets taken down by NYPD with little to no effort, is possibly most boring story on record.

Oh, and Danny threw some sort of hissy fit about an officer wasting time busting druggies. I fail to see the problem; that seems like a fine use of her time to me, and if the only issue is that she used a lot of time on the clock to deal with the paperwork, it seems like he could have just calmly pointed that out instead of flipping his lid. Lame-ass apologies do nothing, Mr. Impulsive Poster Child of Arrogance! Also, way to go home and see your wife and kid at the end. The next episode should teach you a good lesson about that.

8x04, "Officer Involved": I read about the affair claims on TV Line right before it aired, which unfortunately also insisted Lindsay was "standing by her man," and all I could think about was how much I wanted Lindsay to believe whatever the accusations were. I may have picked up Meredith Palmer's chant of "Get! A! Divorce! Get! A! Divorce!"

That said, this is the first time the show has been entertaining since the premiere. Apparently my theoretical position can be immediately negated by awesomely aggressive husband-defending against IA. Go Lindsay! It can also be swung right back by some extremely convincing video footage of Rookie Lady draped all over Danny (which was kind of, what's the word, never actually refuted). Once a cheater, always a cheater! Don't trust his quite-possibly-lying ass, Montana!

But I'll ahead and focus on her even more fierce "I'm Lindsay Messer" woman-to-woman confrontational skills, heavy on the sarcasm. "So you're only comfortable with some of the lies?" Rookie Lady, I wanted to like you, and not just because you almost took Danny down, but you are criminally boring and charisma-free. Angell you are not and your absence will not be missed. Although it's still kind of going to be my head canon that she and Danny had some kind of affair or at least an inappropriate interaction prior to tonight. I just don't believe anything Mac says about him having matured and will always, deep down, ultimately view him as a slimeball.

And like that, Danny's back in the lab, the show having completed its reset button procedure. So this is what Numb3rs' seventh season would have been like...frankly, Numb3rs' changes were much more worthy of being undone. STILL SOMEWHAT BITTER.

8x05, "Air Apparent": Long slog of sleepwalking thorugh basketball-playing bros I don't care ab -- oh hey, Samantha Flack! Wow. It seems like it has been a really long time since we've seen her. She also seems a lot older and skankier than my dim memory recalls. And in fairness, I don't actually remember anything about her last appearance, but it seems like I would have been less flaily about Don The Big Brother if she'd been like this.

Basically, all I took away from this one** was a jealous longing to have an older brother in the police department. So jobs in the NYPD can go to people like her when favors and nepotism call for it? Dear Occupy Wall Street, I have a message for the angry unemployed college grads in attendance.

**Also a continuing hatred for the pig carcasses. I am genuinely disturbed by one's ability to casually slice and dice a pig when its sweet little pig face is LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU. Somehow it is so much worse than dissecting a human.
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-CSI: Miami, 10x03: Blown Away
As the title might clue you in, this is the one with a tornado in the teaser, and said teaser was so bad that I actually had to stop watching afterward and take a day to recover before I finished. Has anyone who worked on this episode ever actually lived in a tornado area? I can't even...begin to list the things that are ridiculous in here. And that was after I verified that Miami is even capable of producing tornadoes, which apparently it is. Quick question, who would voluntarily live in a place that is not only humid and bug-infested, but apparently can deliver both tornadoes AND hurricanes?

(By the way, it's just mean to tease me with the potential of spearing Walter like a roast pig on a pole and not deliver.)

At least Eric got to tell Walter he was stupid and flip the fuck out over Ryan's well being. In fact, even Horatio put on such an impressive display of compassion that I thought we must have time-traveled back at least to season 5. Not robotic or forced at all!

Also, there was a cute cadaver bloodhound on the scene. And then a scruffy stray that Eric fed and petted**. I am dying here, people! ...and then he performed a successful emergency tracheotomy thing (is it the same if the guy already has a hole in his throat?) with only verbal coaching. Yeah, that's more like what I expect from you these days.

**But then he offered it to Calleigh for adoption in case they couldn't find the owners -- and I quote, "I just want to make sure he doesn't go to a shelter" -- because he remembered her saying she missed having a dog around. YOU'RE KILLING ME, SMALLS. In the best possible way. Ten high fives (high fifty?) for allowing Calleigh to join the small and tightly closed ranks of animal lovers on TV. We never get closure on this, since the show deemed it more important to show us grieving parents and Horatio inexplicably on the scene to comfort a married woman in a super creepy and uncomfortably close way befitting of seasons 6+, so unless told otherwise my head canon says she adopted it. My head canon is a powerful force to be reckoned with these days.

And lastly: hello, Jamie. Your hair's looking especially fantastic today; must not get used to this because the clean-cropped look is working quite well for Matt Devlin, but on the other hand...oh. Apparently this is his Murderin' American hair, as opposed to his Murderer-Catching English hair. Yeah, kinda figured. This does not stop him from being my favorite non-dog part of the episode, though. So smarmy! So sociopathic and without human emotions! Had fun with this one, didn't you?

I had fun with this one too. I'm getting a little too used to turning this show on just so I can semi-recappishly mock it.

10x04: Look Who's Taunting
I only watched this one because I was trying to make sure I didn't miss Jamie Bamber's appearance (naturally, it turns out that he was on the one of four I didn't watch live). But it was a wonderfully heebie-jeebie giving tale of abduction and torture, which might be the first truly interesting season-long nemesis we've had in a while. My personal favorite part was the hooker bearing a distinct resemblance to Avril Lavigne. Do we get to see her again? I am very interested in her life story. It was especially lovely to see Eric reach out and apparently even get through to her.  Eric seems to be on a hot streak of compassion here. Are we building to something?

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CSI, 12x04, "CSI Down"
Twelve seasons in, you think maybe you've eventually run out of perilous situations in which to place your CSIs. NOPE. False. Obviously, you can have a combination helicopter hijack AND helicopter crash! And any fears that Morgan is not yet well enough integrated into the group for us to legit care about her safety (see also: Kelli Giddish almost getting raped on SVU, kind of) are nicely taken care of by Greg following up on my demands to please freak out a little harder..

I mean, I care about Morgan enough on her own, but it's fun to watch Greg's crush (combined with irrational guilt) explode. He actually called someone a bitch! A really, really young woman, at that. I am shocked and awed. And very, very impressed. Kicking chairs and tables, fighting off Ecklie, my personal favorite line ("If you hurt her, I swear..."), having to be personally warned to keep himself in check at the final rescue site...and then actually keeping himself in check because the situation as it stands doesn't warrant anything further.

(**As much as I love that actress, I am extremely disappointed in your blatant disregard for realism. You went out of your way to prove Without a Trace and CSI exist in the same universe. And yet, here Jack Malone's more prominent daughter is, criminalizing it up all over the place. I can't just ignore things like this!)

Favorite quote stolen from Tumblr today, because if I only quote it, it's not at all like saying it myself!: [on Greg at the end:] the way he looks at her. how he just wants to hug her and pull her close and tell her that she would be okay and he wants her to want it and to just sob into his shirt and asdfgdljdgnksjngkjdjhfdkgl

basically what i want. believe me, i loved the way it went. but this is just my dream here.


--From aptly-named Ivelovedyousince-tuesday. These are the risks you take by having a Tumblr, which is just like the public LJ I maintain here. Also, the rest of her thoughts on the ending are perfect too! I wish the cool people on Tumblr would come over (or back) to LJ.

In sum: we both liked the fact that Morgan didn't totally give in to her dad's hug, because there was no way to insta-fix a relationship that broken. Even if I unrealistically hoped it would as much as Ecklie did. Speaking of Ecklie, how great has it been to have his non-evil parent version around here? Greg was hogging the spotlight this week, but it really shone on him too. Marc Vann put out all kinds of emotions you didn't think Ecklie was capable of having, let alone expressing.

Ted Danson very nearly earned a name on this one. I was duly impressed with the way he handled everything, especially the pending male hysterics (there's a new phrase...). Unfortunately, until he goes an entire episode without saying something stupid or embarrassing-slash-annoying me by being TOO close to the team, my grudge stays. And by too close, I mean things like turning into a surrogate father figure shoulder for Morgan to cry on. STOP THAT. Either she is a ball of steel and unrepressed anger, or I require girl-to-girl consolation; you do not get to have crying with someone useless. I get why they went with this choice because it...sort of makes sense? And is the sort of warmth no supervisor to date has been capable of providing? But I just can't see past the blinding grudge. I am going to be so bored with myself when I reread these things.

In sum, Greg > everyone. Possibly greater than Sara at this point; I don't know, I can't be sure. I have also got to stop watching CSI live because -- surprise! -- it has shot up in my anticipation queue and I inevitably have to re-watch it later. Unfortunately, I can't just make myself wait until later.
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Law & Order: SVU, 13x05, "Missing Pieces"
Long, slow slog that would have been even slower if the mom was not such an appealing character that I didn't mind watching her story slowly unravel. On the other hand, it also provided an excessive amount of Benson & Amaro screen time, so there were positives. Nothing like the teaser, though. First Calvin, whose relevance I don't precisely recall (he was Maria Bello's kid, right? And...didn't that storyline end a while ago?), but it was awesome watching Olivia interact with him anyway. AND THEN. Nick + his daughter + Halloween festivities = quite possibly the most adorable thing I have ever seen on SVU. It just beat out 11 years of Stabler family antics.  And in superficial news, no man should be able to look that attractive with plastic vampire teeth and a collared black cape. I should have pictures of this. Why don't I?
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Current mood: Annoyed that where it usually takes me a couple of weeks to get into the reviewing groove, this year I started out on top of everything and then abruptly fell apart, and am getting worse by the day.  I am thisclose to temporarily taking a break from all comedies other than The Office, because my life seems OK without watching them right now and I probably like them more when I don't write about them and marathon them in groups. But then my insane need to handle Every Show At Once kicks in, and I feel unfulfilled when I don't double check off every show each week (once to watch, once to write about).  Argh! Must sever more emotional ties, or at least put them into suspended animation.

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