Dear Survivor: I am beginning to rethink my demands for John to go the way of my last several early attachments. I haven't quite sobered up and faced the reality that my beloved Mikaela has been snuffed for good or that Ozzy's place is dangling by a relying-on-past-challenge-monsterness-wh
John Cochran, who is about to get the name change he wants on here but not out of respect, impresses or at least mollifies me about 45% of the time (see: trying not to cry after the challenge while being chewed out by Ozzy), while the rest of the time he is too secondhand embarrassing even for me and I wind up with my hands over my ears muttering "Please stop talking, please stop talking, please stop talking." I am trying to face it as a win/win but I can't; I'm stuck; for the purposes of this season, my loyalty is camped out on Team Ozzy. I want that explosive, passionate Adonis on the screen at all times. Just appreciating a fine work of art that I probably would not ever want to meet in real life, but can certainly objectify to my eyeballs' content.
In other news, Coach and Sophie are now responsible for providing the bulk of my entertainment over on Blue Team, while Deb has come out of nowhere to land in third or fourth place among my favorite current players right now. The challenge she dominated really did wonders.
The Office, 8x05, "Spooked"
So...the point of Robert California's time-wasting monologue was to make shippy things happen? Because in that case I'm cool with it.
Not bigger when clicked. Sorry.
(I tried about 10 different variations on this 3-tiered collage -- here's one with a different bottom pic -- mostly because I'm shocked Tumblr doesn't have one, since the basic idea burst forth from my brain as soon as the episode aired. I'm thinking you could add a shade of color across it so it's all one hue, pick one or the other from the Jim/Pam images so it all matches, maybe add some text or a border...you see what I'm saying?)
I am mostly focused on the top and the bottom sections. More on these later.
Things That Were Sucky
-Way too much Erin (especially with her nasty card game; Jesus Christ.)
(Side note: I was honestly surprised that she wasn't fooled by his fake phone call)
-Way too much Robert
-Jim, My Formerly Perfect Fictional Husband, gets another strike against him for both not believing in ghosts and ridiculing Pam for doing so. TURN THIS BOAT AROUND, SIR.
-That movie -- gross, Office, WHY, why would you actually show us that? And so much of it? NBC, are you asleep at the wheel? That seems like the kind of thing on which you could and should send a "tone it down" note prior to the final cut.
Things That Were Epic
+ The show listening to my demands from last year: Now keep this success in mind, writers, and costume it up for the full episode EVERY YEAR.
I loved all of the costumes so much I cannot choose a favorite (Dwight's montage o' banned weaponry costumes was especially great, but the secret best part was Hippie Toby). Best year for costumes ever! The only truly bad one of the bunch was Oscar, aside from the jersey trio whose crime was simple boredom. Which, it pains me to say, included Jim.
+ PAM! PAM PAM PAM. With her fantastically steadfast belief in ghosts and her super-adorable kangaroo costume (complete with joey in the pouch!), being cute on Halloween for the first time since season 2. She's so awesome today I'm not even going to detract points for her drawing of the middle finger, which seems to be a preferred gesture of hers.
+ Jim being kicked out of his chair and having to call Pam from Banishment Way (a/k/a Andy's old desk). The whole exchange was very funny, rude gesture and all.
+ Although Pam's ghost story was told in the clumsiest, most awkward, dorkiest way possible, the idea behind it is very cool. That, and I love you forever for throwing in a tidbit of relationship canon. ("I told you this on like our first date!" / "Yeah, I had just told you about the day I met the Blue Angels. I figured you had to top it." By the by, Jim's voice is ridiculously high and on the verge of cracking throughout this whole scene. I don't know if this was deliberate, but I love it)
+ Talking about when Cece is older. PARENTING! It's a thing on my Checklist of Cute now.
+ MORE relationship tidbits: "Jim won't let me wash his NFL jersey during the playoffs." Dear Carrie Kemper, please stay and write more nice things.
+ Jim being repeatedly bested by a kid. And just like that, I'm really excited their second child is a boy, because I need more things like this to look forward to.
+ The Skeleton Crew ♥ (GABE! I love you forever even if you do bring documentaries filled with narrative-free disgusting imagery)
+ Gabe: volunteering to make your Halloween parties sexier since 2011.
(your skin crawled when I said that, didn't it? If so, yes! RS: making your skin crawl with her Gabe fangirling since 2010)
+ Speaking of past relationship tidbits, there was something about Gabe taking Erin to a Halloween party where she started crying and didn't stop crying. Thank you, that's all the more detail I need (or want, given what I vaguely recall are inadequate responses to Erin's less-than-happy feelings. In my head they are better).
+ Angela digging at Pam's size again
+ Angela crushing Erin's feelings beneath her heel because the party decorations are crap
+ Toby, the (metaphorical) lucky turkey. ♥
+ Dwight arguing with Bert, then finding a kindred spirit in him
+ Ryan and Kelly mocking Dwight's costume
Kelly: (in lieu of hello) Oh my God, what the hell is wrong with you?
Dwight: It's called a costume.
Kelly: What are you, some kind of Jamaican zombie woman?
Dwight: Ryan, will you please tell her who I am?
Ryan: Whoopi Goldberg.
+ RYAN/KELLY, it exists! It might even be better that it's only part of a silenced montage; I love how she's babbling and he just laughs and pulls her in for a forehead kiss. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ryan Howard, voluntarily bestowing affection. This episode is more like Christmas than I bet the Christmas one is.
+ This episode spoiled me so much with all the quality and ship-related things I almost forgot about Jim and Pam walking hand in hand to their car. I FORGOT A JIM/PAM MOMENT. If that doesn't say how good this episode was, nothing will.
+ Last but not least: the tingly feelings I feel when Erin is heartbroken and/or on the verge of tears and Andy is terrifically nice to her. These two are so one of my ships now! But not like a normal ship. The mere thought of them being happy together nauseates me as much as ever. They are the one and only ship in television history that needs to remain permanently in angsty UST-land in order for me to like them.
"Did you think I was going to fire you?" Oh, geeze, his face. (wow, that is a weird thing to say about Andy)
Fine, Office. I am now three-quarters sold on the product that nobody wanted. Happy? This offer is only valid for Manager Andy, though.
Things That Should Have Been Epic, Yet Somehow Were Sucky
Um, why is it that I feel upset by the fact that Andy has a non-Erin girlfriend? What is this? Wrong! These feelings are wrong! Self, every time Erin so much as smiles, you want to kill her. Just how exactly do you think anything else would work?
Things That Should Have Been Sucky, Yet Somehow Were Epic
It genuinely bothers me how much I can't stop gazing at this:
In Conclusion: Yeah, I think this might be my favorite of the year so far. I dunno. I'll have to weigh it against the cumulative volume of Pam's tears in the premiere and the proportional delight of Jim's garden party book.
Private Practice, 5x05, "Step One"
Well, look at you, gettin' all up in the quality zone!
+ Hormonal Addison is fantastic. "Nae used to put to food on top of feelings." "Try a donut hole. They help!" She's giddy, she's weeping, she's infuriated by paperwork blizzards; I LOVE IT.
+ There was a moment where I was staring at Sam & Addison in despair, wondering why they had to be paired up just because they were simultaneously single, and wondering how great it would have been if they'd just stayed friends and were currently speaking as friends (not least because I still can't wrap my head around the stupidity of Addison ACTUALLY THINKING she can somehow have a baby and not have it affect her relationship with Sam at all. Aren't they living together? Or basically doing so? I'm pretty sure this is even less realistic than Owen's plan to raise a kid that Cristina wouldn't have to take care of at all.)
Aaaaanyway, it occurred to me that one benefit to their gross relationship is that it means she and Jake CAN be just friends. And it's wonderful, and refreshing, and why won't the show let us have more of these. I mean, I will ship that in a heartbeat if and when you tell me to, but I don't want to mess with this dynamic right now. This wonderful, easy, totally professional, "will you be my fertility doctor and give me hormone shots in the ass with discretion?" / "Absolutely!" yet friendly dynamic.
+ You have no idea how many macros quoting The Mummy Returns flashed into my head as soon as Addison requested said injections, by the way. Oh look, here's one now.
+ Laughing forever at Violet's "Baking is hard!"
+ Pete & Violet were on non-hostile terms this week! It was so easy to slide back into that light and friendly feel, too, if only for a moment (though not without a heartbreaky twinge at how surprised and relieved she seemed to hear something nice come out of his mouth).
Pete: This is my favorite thing about you.
Violet: When I get the crazy eyes?
Pete: No. That's pretty cute too, but my favorite thing about you is how much you care about your patients. I'm glad you're fighting the board.
Violet: I'm glad you're remembering things you like about me.
+ It was bizarre that Erica wanted Mason to keep hanging out with Cooper but not let him know he was his dad. Especially after it was made clear she wasn't dating Cooper. I mean, what vibe is left other than "Creepy Pedophile"? There were a bunch of comments on TV Line a few weeks ago about how Cooper seems like a pedophile all the time, and I thought they were ridiculous, but this episode sure did its part to turn innocent things into the appearance of the skeevey.
+ The last scene was nice, though. Except I see Cooper is still spreading lies about how Charlotte is really a genuinely good person once you get to know her, and practically not a bitch in heels at all. You must not tell lies, Coop. I will have this scratched into the back of your hand via magic quill if necessary.
+ Amelia! Pete! More Pete/Amelia discussions, please. I am so in love with this dynamic. ("HE did it!" / "OK, one, when I tell you something, just...keep it to yourself, OK?")
His speech about how you feel after killing someone (mincing words, I'm not doing it) seemed a tad manipulative, like it was designed to make her think twice, but apparently it was true, and so much the better for it.
Amelia: I gave her my word.
Pete: Take it back. Take back your word before you ruin your life and career.
+ After Grey's Anatomy took on abortion, I don't really have the energy to get all up in ranty arms about physician-assisted suicide. I tried and got into an internal debate about ethics with myself so frustrating I nearly cried (whatever. it's late). Let's just say it was really hard to watch Amelia prepare to do it. I couldn't decide whether to surrender to the sobfest that an identical pet-euthanasia scene would bring, or succumb to plain nausea because look, the majority of our society is just not conditioned to accept that as an option yet. (and still not clear why she couldn't go across state lines where it would be...less illegal? Doctors aren't like lawyers where you have to be licensed in each state, right?)
+ The whole Sheldon/Amelia dynamic is creepy and weird and I wish they would stop trying to ship that because he looks and acts like her father. (*is tempted to quote Jeff Winger, "And not in a hot way! ...that made me sound creepy."*) The father I just remembered she didn't have. NOW IT IS CREEPIER. My favorite thing about Amelia is that she's the one person about my age in a practice full of relative old fogies, and it makes it fun because it's like getting to live vicariously through her. But that only goes as far as it being cool when they treat her as a colleague. Inter-office relationships are not a thing I can approve of with her.
+ Very much appreciated Sheldon yelling out in capslock every pissed-off thought he's had all episode (my favorite: ARE YOU ACTUALLY CLINICALLY INSANE?), increasingly less effective on her zombie expression, until she goes from zombie to Great Flood of Tears. I cringed, waiting for it to get EXTRA weird, but when I chanced a peek through my fingers I perked right up. Men holding crying women, however awkwardly -- that is allowed. That is always allowed.
+ Also, is it just me, or is Michelle a selfish bitch? Amelia JUST told you how she's struggling with her sobriety and made a fair plan, based on how you said you were NOT READY TO DIE, about you being each other's support systems for a while. You know you have months if not years before your life becomes unbearable, and you can't even give Amy 24 hours of friendship? Gee, I wonder that that might do to her sobriety. Durrrrr.
+ On bright side, the numb wreck of a shell that Amelia was by episode's end had the biggest effect on me of all. Gave me hope that maybe Sheldon can get in a few more episodes of being concerned and shouty and whatnot before she sobers up and is declared mentally fit for a longterm sexual relationship. For some shows I would say romance, but not this one.
+ My brain still really wants Pete to being doing all the concerned interfering, though. Not in a UST way -- he can present a united front with Violet for all I care -- I just think that he should always get to drum Sheldon out of everything and take it over. There is so much spark and fire in this scene alone.
"Amelia, it's time to step back."
"Amelia -- it's time to go. Go to the waiting room, I'll keep you updated."
P.S. Can I just say the worst thing about the change in name from Oceanside to Seaside? Backstory: in college, I nicknamed all my shows so that I could write to-watch lists in class without anyone noticing. For complicated extended-metaphor reasons, I thought of them all like horses and gave them appropriate barn names based off their title or a main feature. For example, Grey's Anatomy = Grace (pronounce "Grey's" differently). I couldn't think of a way to change House, so that became Prince, off Princeton-Plainsboro [in retrospect: d'oh!, I should have gone with house = maison --> Mason]. You see where I'm going with this? Private Practice was such a tricky devil that I ultimately wound up going with Ocean. You are destroying my metaphor, show!