Like I said, I read all her posts for season 2, so nothing is technically a surprise. I just don't remember much at all. So the first thing I hit on my own was stuff from 2x11-12, knowing that was the danger zone but also figuring that the newest stuff is probably the most overt and therefore best stuff. Well, yes and no. In this case it was a whole lot of "AUGH MY EYES" and "NO. BAD TOUCH."
Buuuut, since it is irresponsible to judge a ship just because you walked in on them at the wrong time before you were properly introduced, I made a diligent effort to go back to the beginning. I was going to make a concentrated effort to watch The Story of Sam and Andy, all 18-at-least exhausintg parts of it, figuring that would be sort of like watching a finely edited version of the series. I got through the first two before I received a greenlight to pick a different channel and skip ahead to 1x07 after I finished two episodes' worth.
-His problem: not attractive to me. At all. Guys can overcome this with a bit of effort, they just have to pick one of several ways to impress me enough to compensate (typically something involving unrequited feelings or rescuing/protecting women does the trick)
-Her problem: stick-straight unremarkable hair, leading to the generic bland prettiness of a typical young female Survivor cast member. Pretty sure her likability is dependent on him improving.
a) Nothing is worse than watching newbies stumble around their first day/week/month on the job, making mistakes and reflecting my worst fears of the workplace. I sign on to TV expecting professionals. Seasoned ones. Or prodigies.
b) Up to this point, I had no idea what their dynamic was and assumed they both fit the title description. Can't decide if him starting off as her TO is hot or unsettling. It would probably be much less unsettling if she stopped calling him "sir" all the time.
-Digression: um, I can't help but notice that the kid from Everwood appears to be in uniform as well. Another rookie? He caught my eye a lot faster than Sam or Andy. These stupid clips are ignoring him, mostly. What's his name? Is he in other scenes, or is he always a background player? I am keenly interested him. Come back, Ephram! P.S. I may be Pretty Factor shippin' it.
1x07: SWEET JESUS ANDY YOU SKANKY HOBAG. Sorry. That just slipped out. What I meant to say was, "Congratulations. You have set the RS Liking You progress bar back twenty paces." You know how I feel about women who attempt to drown their emotions in sex. Especially casual sex. I thought maybe Sam could earn some credit by pushing her away, what with the whole supervisory position thing, but nope, they needed electricity to stop them. ICKY, ALL OF IT, SO ICKY. This is not the appropriate path to Shipperville, okay? Somebody better get shot real fast or I am out of here.
(Whoops, didn't wait for the last five minutes before writing the above.) Is that a waiting boyfriend I spy?? You cheating whore. TWO HUNDRED PACES. If I had not already accidentally skipped ahead to 2x01, I would be giving up at this point. As it is, I cannot take any more of them today. *throws up hands* The worst part is that now no matter what happens, they've got this horrible, awkward, awful chapter in their history.
(35 minutes of editing later)
Oh, I don't care. I currently feel nothing except wanting to punch them in their stupid faces, and I need to fix this, so screw earning it; I am swan-diving straight into the choicest bits I can find. Dear YouTube searchbar, please find me "sam + andy + rookie + cute." Thank you. I can live with this. No I can't. Oh, my god, I just want to take a hammer and bang them into proper crime-drama-relationship shape. Shutting this down now.
I'm running on no sleep, so I may be slightly crabbier than intended. That's what I'm going to blame while the guilt from my natural people-pleaser status eats away at me as I post this against my own advice. It's definitely responsible for all the typos, at least.
Glee, 3x04, "Pot O' Gold"
My running commentary was noticeably coherent this week, so I'm going to leave it in place.
-First impressions of Glee Project Boy: Well...he's definitely taller than I expected (I've been picturing him as roughly 5'2 in shoes), but I also find him rather trying. It seems that a beautiful accent cannot correct inherent problems with the face. Which, in this case, looks either very female, very gay, or very 10 years old. Then again, his introduction to the series involves being insulted and knocked into lockers by local bullies. Which is always good for a giggle.
-Plus: Finn, is that your protective guard dog look? Oh, please go to there! Be the defender of the
-Sue: You know what has no expiration date? MY RAGE.
^ Oh, that's good. I'm using that.
Greatest. Screencap. Ever.
-More ludicrous "arts should not be funded" crap; I still cannot even pretend to believe that anyone would buy into this, like, at all.
-Mercedes: "I'm hitting notes I didn't even know existed." And my ears are cringing in pain at the mere thought.
-Blaine: "Didn't you just say something about us not turning on each other?" (point made, somehow managing to do so without sounding judgmental at all, he very calmly sits down)
Yeah. The show could just be all Blaine, all the time at this point.
-Dear Finn: Your face seems to have taken on some unusual attractive qualities. Has your hair grown out again? For some reason, while talking to Rory, you've qualified for a Your Face In This Moment collage.
-"Would you be my friend, Finn?" Rory beams, pretty much reinforcing that he is 10 years old, but sort of sweet all the same.
-Finn just correctly used the word "defections." Think he has grown smarter over 3-week hiatus.
(5 seconds later)
Rory: 'Finn Hudson.' That's Irish, right?
Finn: No, my mom's from Toledo.
Spoke too soon.
-Dear Quinn: whenever you'd like to snap out of this psycho/insanity phase, that'd be just super. I physically cannot stomach the idea of you planting evidence and calling CPS on Shelby. I'd like to believe your silly plan would not work, but this is Television CPS. Those people hate parents. Shelby should be very afraid.
-Oh my God. There are so many macros I want to make all at once. Limiting self to two:
Go forth and make your own!
Other possibilities include:
-"___ demands an explanation for this bullshit."
-"So it's agreed. (insert inane decision here)"
-(as Rory is knocked into some more lockers) Teeheehee! Still funny. And as I am not interested in his singing voice yet but hear some piano notes starting up, I'm skipping to the next scene.
-(Brittany/Santana) Probably nothing here worth AOHHHH, GOD, WHY, ARE THERE IMAGES IN MY HEAD GTFO LADIES. I would rather hear Rory sing.
-Oh. God. Why is Puck talking. Your character redemption pass is revoked. You can have it back when you rescue Shelby from Quinn's nefarious plots. [edit: nope. you're doing that wrong.]
-Um...why, exactly, isn't Quinn among those kids with college plans? Did we not establish that she is the smartest Cheerio they have and her family is loaded? Don't care. That said -- "So even if I never leave this town or accomplish anything...I'll have her to call mine." Oh, Quinn. I just want everyone in the club who is not Puck to hug her and tell her she's beautiful and talented and she's done so much with her life and she has so much potential to do more. I want awkward empathy from Kurt, who has never talked to her but knows a thing or two about adversity. I want Rachel to give more speeches like Prom night and the premiere. I want Finn reminding her how amazing she is, and when she lashes out that even he didn't want her (complete with implication that he is not a great catch, which he will either not get or nobly ignore), he can be the bigger person and remind her, what about Sam? He loved her. Not to push my shipping
[ETA: Boy, that is a lot of wishes and a chunk of words with no breaks. Sorry. Is main hobby on Glee now, when not gazing at Blaine's face: aching for Quinn's life to be good again, or at least for people to keep reaching out to her. Dear Sam, can you make that a priority? Now that you'll be back and all? Forget that loudmouthed chick you probably think you have loose ends to tie up with, and go back to the girl with the pretty eyes.]
-No. I'm sorry. Not even for Perfect Blaine will I sit through Katy Perry. Not even when I know it will involve adorable group dancing and probably some sweet looks from Kurt...OK, compromise, let's nip through it on mute and fast-forward.
-HOLY HELL RACHEL JUST SLAPPED BLAINE ON THE ASS. That counts as a ship interaction for the week.
-Dear Santana: I literally cannot think of anything that would be more magical at Sectionals than The Blaine and Rachel Show. Take your skank ass out of the picture, please. Thank you. P.S. "Valerie" was awful. Just awful.
-Dear Burt: You are my new hero. There is such simple, yet profound, joy in Team Schue/Hummel vs. Team Sue. Good, solid, honest, wonderful Midwestern ethics. Reason and sense have at last been introduced to the political campaign plotline!
-Puck, your voice bores me today. Muting the music yet again.
-Begone, creepy vibes! Because it is just so much sweeter and more fulfilling if Puck just looks sad and sympathetic and takes her hand in genuine comfort.
-Oh HELL TO THE YES: first mentor!Finn, and then busting Brittany's dream world because leprechauns aren't real. I literally crowed with joy at the last knife thrust: "At some point, you've gotta grow up and stop being such an idiot." Idiot. The most satisfying word one can apply to Swiss Cheese Brain.
-I love the all-girl group in theory, but oh my God I am so bored with the music this week. Big band is almost worse than hip-hop. On bright side, Mercedes appears to have an actual waistline bordering on an hourglass shape in this outfit.
-Uh, Finn, what friendship are you -- HUGGY HUGS! Oh, that friendship. Sure-sure. Whatever you say, just make with the hugging some more.
-Ugh, Santana is such a bitch --
(random dude slams Rory out of sight)
(RS: *explodes into giggles and loses train of thought*)
-I am rarely one for the H-Squared Family Times, but damned if I don't love how pained and quiet Kurt is over there in the corner, trying to be supportive but worried about the stress of the campaign + Sue's inevitable personal attack plan literally killing his father. I also think the idea of Finn running the tire shop straight out of high school is beautiful and more than worth skipping college and/or breaking up with Rachel to pursue.
-Wait -- what the hell? Is it even legal to HAVE a public school without a special ed department? Because I'm pretty sure special ed ate up an enormous amount of budget at my high school.
-Yup. Finn the protective guard dog, right on time.
-Oh, hello there Pretty Ship 5.0, a/k/a King & Queen of Glee Club.
*stares* Really. Two. Two songs for the new guy in the same episode? "I'm already bored by you."
-OH, GOD, SHELBY, WHY?!
YOUR TASTE. IN MEN. IT SEEMS TO HAVE HORRIBLY, HORRIBLY DEVOLVED SINCE SEASON ONE.
-Also, show, how dare you greenlight an inappropriate age ship, even for a second, and not have it be one of the ones I recommended. Because flipping the genders around would inevitably result in Mr. Schue getting permanently fired? Ugh. Fine. Whatever. If that is how you want to be, then I will just be more invested than ever in my crackpot theory that she and Jesse had a secret thing in season 1. For credibility I'll even say he was 18 at the time.
P.S. 27 points for keeping Emma out of sight. Always grateful.
Up Next:The episode is called "The First Time," I have been informed of all the horrifying spoilers, and if four Special Circle of Hell episodes taught me anything last year, it is this: when your instincts say "flee," FLEE ALREADY. We are so not watching this. I'm still working out a system to see how I can figure out if anything gold-nugget-like happened without exposing myself to irreparable mental trauma, but there is absolutely no way I'm watching any part of it without as much precautionary safety gear in place as possible.
Update: Ugh. I could have sworn this ban extended to the promo, but I just sneaked a quick peek at it. I got five seconds in and apparently Finn has come to Mr. Schue with this issue. See, that's the kind of thing that is on my Gold Nugget list (teachery moments, that is). That said, my current canon OTP appears about to break the ironclad Keep It G rule, and I just can't lose my respect for them this early, so I definitely need to stay away. Right? WELL, I DON'T KNOW. I just jumped to the end and now I am intrigued by the awkward question Finn posed to Rachel and the expression on her face that somehow does not quite scream "overwhelming love for you, that's why."
Frickity frick frick! This decision may be more torturous than deciding whether or not to lose my own virginity.