How I Met Your Mother, 7x12, "Symphony of Illumination"
*narrows eyes* You have from now until that episode airs to see to it that this spoiler is a misleading lie and none of this is real.
Universe, maybe not everything I say is meant to be taken so literally, all right?
I don't know if I love this episode or want to punch it in the face for taunting me. Let's compromise and say there was nothing (almost nothing...little neighbor boy) offensive, so it will certainly be a destination repeat.
First let's talk about how I spent most of the episode with my eyes bugging out of my head. (actual quote: "WHAT THE BOMBSHELLISH HELL.") I don't know why you're spoiling this secret, and I don't care. Love interest spoilers, what love interest spoilers? Who cares anyway, if we have endgame I will accept whatever obstacle nonsense you've got going on! Apparently we're so endgame that even though this pregnancy didn't stick -- and thanks for that -- we're still getting out of it with a 2-kid deal someday!
In the meantime, I was more than happy to watch Barney get giddy over being a dad, and Robin get gushy over (un-cute) babies. Celebrating the fact that she hadn't slept with Kevin yet. Lapping up the angst as Robin sank into her misery. Thank you, by the way, for doing your part to support the "women who are adamant about not having kids just might change their minds" camp.
And then Robin's (imaginary) kids went up in smoke. :o UNCOOL. Figures, suddenly I don't want them to unring that bell.
Finally, let's talk about how you jerked the rug out from under us at the end and went, "SURPRISE, BITCHES, IT'S A TED/ROBIN EPISODE. How you like me now?" Fact: that is actually what I heard coming from my TV.
That's actually what I find most upsetting about the whole hour -- the lack of Barney/Robin closure for a deeply inferior relationship. I don't find them threatening in any way, I just find their entire interpersonal relationship distasteful and unpleasant to watch. And it's not even Ted! If Ted made an epic indoor Christmas lights display to cheer up, I don't know, Zoey, it would rank among my favorite moments of all time. Or if Barney did it for Robin, I'd be all over that (obviously). But the two of them together? Repellent magnets.
-The entire teaser. Punching & pratfalls are always the way to go.
-Robin's daughter had really gorgeous hair.
-Formerly Insane Dwayne, and everything else in We B Babies
-Ted: "You can't fire me. I'm union, bitch."
-Lily's orange turtleneck: weirdly attractive; I want one.
-Wait, Lily & Marshall's house has a skylight?! Never, EVER let that place go.
Two Broke Girls
...it's like they made a bet with someone to see just how wrong they could get horse ownership. And for a show that has a horse living on a terrace in the middle of the city, that's saying something.
1) If your horse has been living outside until now, he will be growing a winter coat. Your actual horse isn't because he lives in California and is probably inside most of the time, but most horses would. Admittedly, he should have a real blanket and/or lean-to (with walls, not a tarp ceiling), and based on his previously pampered life he may not be used to growing a coat thick enough for the whole winter, but Chestnut would not freeze to death the first time snow fell.
Although I appreciate the sight gag set up with him wearing all of Caroline's clothes.
2) If he's a jumper, why was he wearing Western tack when they took him to the stable? Who even rides Western in NYC to begin with? Was this a therapeutic riding stable? That's all I can come up with.
I gave up after that. Possibly because I was distracted by the beautiful black Friesian-type horse in the background, or the exceptionally pretty grey one beside him. That's one thing the stable guy got right* -- Chestnut is not what would be described as a looker when compared against other horses instead of "horse vs. no horse."
*That, and "even a free horse isn't free."
But I forgave the entire episode for Max getting teary and choke-voiced over saying goodbye to him. (yes, show, he'd BETTER be back in the spring) Thank you, that's all I needed. I'll forgive the full season to date of vulgarity for the soft spot in her heart reserved for fuzzy creatures. That sort of hidden emotional complexity is why Max is by far my favorite of the two.
And this episode is probably my new favorite just for the sheer amount of horse focus. I legit do not understand why nobody recognizes the existence of Chestnut as the greatest thing that has hit network television in years. Who doesn't love horses? Even if you don't ride and/or think horses smell bad in real life, how do you not think they are beautiful and love seeing them on the screen? No, don't tell me. I don't want to know that part of you.
Castle, 4x10, "Cuffed"
This was more than an episode, really...it was An Event. When you factor in all the leadup interviews, spoiler clips, rabid speculation, and my own personal cannonball into the fandom full time, this becomes a series milestone. Which is probably more than this lighthearted little piece was banking on, but there you go. Speaking of sneak peeks, they did those perfectly: giving us the best part (the first 1-2 minutes) well ahead of time to take the edge off, but still reserving a thing or two for FLAILY KEYBOARD-SMASHING.
For example, I WAS planning to open this by talking about how when the episode starts, she is totally smiling prior to realizing this isn't a dream. (that right there: seventy minutes' worth of flail) But then it does me one better wiht the whole surprise-hand-on-chest bit they cut out of the sneak peek, which may be the most relevant four seconds ever cut out of a thing. I hereby forgive the promo monkeys for the voiceover tricks with Killshot.
It's really hard to move on from that, since the entire teaser was pitch-perfect, serious and funny by turns. Mostly funny, but let's just say I got a lot of mileage out of him running his hand over the mark on her back. The reaction can best be described as "I need that Nikki Heat book back NOW."
The script suffered a bit from mild hamfisted/anvil syndrome, but it's not like I'm going to argue with that. And sure, maybe I was frustrated by every scene Beckett and Castle were not in, because WHO CARES, nothing is more exciting than what's happening in that barren room. I really wanted a little in-vision screen in the corner of the window so I could keep tabs on them at all times. That's a financially reasonable request, right? Because at all times we were in that room, I was a ball of anticipation and delightedness. "Hold my hand." (fandom: *takes that out of context and runs with it*) "What if it was Alexis?" " 'Lift up my shirt, pull off my boots.' You know, under normal circumstances, I would like where this was heading." The attempt at lock-cracking. The entire, rather impressively gymnastic struggle to stand on his shoulders (more on that later), complete with significant tumble back to the mattress.
Oh, and then there was a tiger.
*eyebrows shooting into hair* "Wow. I was not expecting that."
Best. Reason. For a closed set. Ever. One, tigers are gorgeous (my favorite wild animal), so nothing makes me happier than watching one in all its glory for an extended period of time. So what if it's trying to eat my OTP? Doesn't it look elegant, stretched to its full height on its back legs like that? Look how its
Two, I guess I do enjoy that whole element of almost-dying that happens about every fifth episode, and tiger is definitely a creative way to go. I appreciated the "get behind me" comment and the endless circles the tiger made around their little ivory tower of certain death. I also like how they just randomly decided it was a she.
But ultimately, they kind of wimped out on the resolution. Tiger didn't even get in a good leg-clawing. Surely one glancing swipe would have been enough to draw blood without knocking them off altogether? Don't mind me. Tumblr convinces itself that they will randomly start making out in one episode for non-distraction purposes; I play Injury Bingo.
What else, what else...oh, Tumblr gave me this:
Castle/Beckett Grunting v.2 (v.1)
"You had to know this was coming."
*snickers* You know, I got some of that while watching, but something about an audio compilation just makes it that much more shamelessly enjoyable. This is the best corner of Tumblr I have ever been in.
*scrolls up and down, scanning commentary* Clearly I suck at reviewing episodes. I should just quit while I'm moderately ahead.
In conclusion: That lived up to all my expectations, and I have yet another favorite to add to my endless list of favorites.
P.S. While cruising around Tumblr earlier on Monday, found the following to react to:
1) In 4x05 "Eye of the Beholder" Dr. Burke, Beckett's therapist, says to Beckett: "What are you really scared of? That he won't wait for you, or that he will?"
...I feel like season 4 and I should catch up more thoroughly. EVERYTHING IS FEELINGS.
2) "Castle is trying to fill the void with a commitment that his father didn’t make. That’s why he’s been married so many times."
Um, whut. I was barely okay when I thought it was ONE divorce. Gibbs gets away with this due to Shannon. No, it apparently doesn't count if Beckett is the Shannon in this case.
And ugh, this business with Gina just sounds unpleasant. How many episodes of it do I have to suffer? Suddenly not sure I can handle this show outside of my carefully constructed world of clips, where I don't have to admit canon I don't like. Season 4 seems like a good place to have hopped on board. Let's just go forward from here.
Raising Hope featured an exquisite miniature village of the town. Complete with figurines and detailed interiors. Do not have words to properly express how much I want this for Christmas, or at the very least, high-res photos and blueprints to show me how to build my own.