Chuck, don't make me reset to "Chuck Versus The Baby" as my series finale.
You have been warned.
I'm feeling the burn of Medium's finale especially keenly right now.
EDIT: by 6 AM, this post will eventually contain my entire reaction to the finale, in lieu of an official review post. Please stay tuned for frequent updates.
8:44 PM: [as Chuck puts on the Intersect glasses, simultaneously re-saddling himself with that hell and destroying their last chance to reset Sarah's memories]
I WILL MURDER YOU. Fix this. In all the ways. And if you use a time jump in any way other than the very specific one I want, [featuring them X amount of years down the road with their kids,] I will kill you twice. Because this whole night has been an attitude of "packing up my toys and going home" and it's extremely vexing to those of us still playing in the sandbox.
9:00 PM: SON OF A BITCH.
THIS IS WHY I DON'T GIVE MY HEART AWAY.
This solved nothing.
Voice: Hey, Ms. "I Want All My Romance Disneyfied," it ended with a literal Disney "magic of true love's kiss."
RS: And yet I'm still so pissed.
9:30 PM: Okay. Okay. I am nowhere near ready to get coherent, but damned if I'm not going to spin my reaction out right now, screw giving it the courtesy of 12-24 hours to percolate.
First off, I had plans, okay! I was going to hold off until Sunday or Monday, title the post "Last Friday Night," and then I was going to say, "That title could refer to a lot of things. It could be literally referencing the time period I'm about to write about. It could mean that this was the last Friday night Chuck would ever air new. What I'm actually referencing is the devious plan hatched on Thursday in my cut text lyrics," and then you would see:
"Chuck Versus Sarah/Chuck Versus The Goodbye"
(Think we kissed but I forgot)
And then I would have been absurdly pleased with myself for managing to put this week's Glee music obsession to work while cleverly subverting terrible lyrics.
That plan has been blown to hell since I've had to go murder TPTB, reset the series finale button, and then light "The Goodbye" on fire for pissing me off nearly as much as the Medium finale this time last year. Too thoroughly disgusted to give it a proper review, I'm just going to keep stream-of-consciousness reacting for the next several hours.
Chuck Versus The Baby commentary: I can has series finale curtain? I don't think there need to be episodes after this. They'll probably just ruin it.
Someone did not do their job right, since I was too busy seething to think about crying during this installment.
Because this feels a whole lot like Donna Noble antics. Which I explicitly stated was not acceptable even a little bit.
I take it that Yvonne called it "almost tragic" because she believes in the idea that, if not immediate, Sarah's memories will eventually trickle back in their entirety?
Because if we don't get to see it, then it's still just plain tragic. It's even worse if we're supposed to just feel like Sarah is falling for him in a brand new way.
Beginning to wish "Chuck" had not been renewed after all. Struggling to decide whether the heady dose of married domesticity was worth this horrible ending.
I just. I got that sense real early on that they were going to screw me over with an ending about how Sarah's memories were permanently fried but she was willing to rebuild them, and turns out that's the best case scenario you can hope for (unless you root for the memories-trickling-back theory and assume Sarah will stick around to try, which I am apparently just too damned pessimistic to care about until somebody writes me the fic). This does not sit well with me. It isn't fair, it isn't fair; if you're going to do that then Chuck might as WELL have been a mission this whole time. No, really. You could have pulled a fast one on the entire fandom and I would probably not be any more pissed than I am right now.
It cheapens everything. It just does. I can time-lock the memories of the past in their own little bubble, but it feels like Sarah never came home and never will, not really. It also feels kind of like taunting that you finally kick Jeffster, Ellie and Awesome out of sight just when it no longer matters. (I WOULD LIKE A SHOW FREE OF THEM.) Lose/lose situation here though; I can't imagine the people who like this tight-knit world are happy about it falling apart
About the only thing I am grateful for in this entire finale is that you didn't kill Beckman -- and as we will see later, I would rather have made that sacrifice -- or maybe the fact that you released that little clip of Chuck saying "You can kill me, but I will never hurt you" as part of a promo so I got to savor that for days. It was one of the better parts.
Too much of the fandom seems satisfied already, which of course is inciting me to further riot. I loved every second of everything Chuck did and said this hour, and I want to feel the way everyone else does about him asking her to trust in him at the end, but it's not happening for me. It feels too much like Sarah now is just...a copy.
Given how happily I accepted Rose/Ten II on Doctor Who, you would think this would not be a problem for me. And surely if the same issue were the result of a traumatic brain injury suffered in a car accident or gunshot, I'd be all over it. "Tell me a story" is the best part of this scenario! But she's been too hostile about it for me to care, reminding me that the Sarah Walker from the pilot, recent baby-saving or not, was an incredibly unlikable person.
More to the point, there's something about that damned Intersect being the root of all the problems that I can't get over. Remember the giant text you read about not giving my heart away? Forget you, spy shows. YOU ARE THE WORST.
I can't even respond to the fact that it's in Chuck's head again. I can't. Biggest part of why I refuse to go back and watch actual episodes, (the earlier the worse), right here. The best part of season 5 was when nobody had that stupid thing in their head, and there was a reason for that. Do I care if it's the entire basis the show was built upon? I do not. Seeing as that show was the recipient of my unending disdain.
Past Me, sometimes you're the wiser one of us.
Just got a sudden sense of doom that maybe I should cut ties with Castle while the going is good. (this won't happen. But it feels like it would be safest to stop right now and then come back after the summer spoilers hit)
If you need me, I'll be watching the Sarah Walker I know and recently began to love slowly dying at the mercy of Quinn's flash cards. Chuck took to bed for two weeks. This seems like a fitting tactic to adopt. In conclusion:
I AM A DISSATISFIED CUSTOMER. And I am a person who came away from the notoriously unsatisfying Lost finale with hearts brimming in my eyes and birds chirping around my head, so. I like to think that demonstrates just how badly Chuck screwed the pooch.
10:10 PM: Now that I think about it, there was a whole bunch of stuff worth tucking into Deluxe Transcripts I plan to get to tomorrow -- the insane amount of blissfully unaware cuddling at the beginning, the cold feet bit, Chuck in too much shock to move the first time she hits him, everything that takes place in the house (especially Sarah recognizing her writing; vandalism saves the day!), and probably more stuff I've temporarily crowded out -- which I am hoping will trigger some forgiveness or at least a tiny amount of satisfaction after I finish narrating Chuck's despair in exquisite detail, but until I live through it, I will just be here with this sign.
Hah! Even after Tumblr started using it for everything, it remains funny. To me, anyway.
Me explaining the ending to my mom: ...so basically he had to choose between saving their friends and a music hall full of people, or getting her memories back. He chose the greater good. *pause* Stupid decision, really.
10:33: Can you scroll back up and read the part right before 10:10? I was really careful to make that a solidly written ending, and I can't imagine I'm going to come up with a better one to put here, but I also don't want to delete or move the edits above.
10:46: Voice says Sentient Windows Media Player has a suggestion for both an ending and a coping mechanism:
You know time will always find a way to let your heart believe it's true.
10:56: Hopefully turning in for the night after this, and ideally NOT sitting here torturing myself with song after song of the sad music that makes up the majority of my library [11:45: !#$%!#]. But I just found a couple of tears, after realizing how far away my Chuck/Sarah/baby plans -- which, over the course of the last few episodes, have taken an alarmingly accelerated track until it's all I can picture them doing next -- have suddenly become, if they happen at all.
I just wanted to note that for the record. I have officially been emotionally destroyed by this finale, and not in the good way.