[edit: I decided to preserve it in spoiler text in case the site ever vanishes.]
Inspired by the success of the Puppy Bowl, last night Conan debuted “Puppy Conan,” a version of his show featu- OH MY GOD THAT ONE HAS A CONAN WIG. I’m sorry, where was I? What I meant to say is that the show built an exact replica of the set and brought out pup- OOOO PUPPY ANDY IS SHY HOLY LORD THAT IS SO CUTE. [clears throat] My apologies, again. I can do this. Okay. [collects self] So anyway, what happened was that they did a spoof of the Puppy Bowl by making a miniature set and putting wigs on puppies to make them look like Conan and Andy, and th- JESUS MIGHTY THEY HAVE A GUEST AND IT’S JUSTIN BIEBER AND IT’S JUST A DOG IN A TINY WITTLE WEAVVER JACKET AND OH MY GOD I SIMPLY CAN’T BEAR THE CUTENESS I THINK I MIGHT JUST D-
So many pretty horses on CSI: Miami last week. Frankly worth tuning in just to watch Calleigh calm one down and feed it peppermint (conveniently, this is in the teaser), but it's also amusing watching Ryan get freaked out by the big scary rearing giants on multiple occasions. Then I fell asleep 7 minutes before the end, and foolishly went online to finish.
Yes, that's what I needed, a great big dose of Nauseating Suicide-Rescue Hero Caine. After which, of course, she requires neither off-site medical attention nor one of those typical suicide watch holds, just a bit of CPR despite the amount of time it must have taken to drive there even if he did beat the ambulance, and a good old Feel Better speech from St. H. WHAT EVEN IS THIS. Do you realize that Glee puts you to shame on this plotline? GLEE.
CSI, 12x15, "Stealing Home"
So, we've established that Finn is a tool. (oh fun, usually I only write that when I'm talking about Glee) And/or annoying as fuck. It's like she and Ted Danson are trying to have their own little show in a bizarre Grissom/Catherine 2.0 recreation, but doubly annoying, and it's not going to fly with me while you're still anchored to a quartet of underlings who are awesome. I mean, a tiny part of me is entertained by his constant disappointed scolding and delight in annoying her by calling her "Jules," but it's outweighed by how freaking immature she is. She looks north of 40 but is acting like the spoiled Riley Adams.
Aside from that, this episode was fantastic. I loved the serial-killer house (mummies in walls: best!), the brothers who looked so much alike I had trouble telling them apart, Sara laying on the car horn to break up arguments, and the entire plot of a house just being lifted up and swept off into the night. Just a ton of wacky fun all around.
Also laughed at Sara fleeing back to the crime scene to avoid giving a Newbie Tour, while Morgan is brimming over with excitement to go above and beyond. Do not know how to feel about Nick officially dating the nurse of the obnoxious face from last week. Thank you, Sara, for asking about Doc Robbins' niece. I'll take "options open" as a sign the door is not shut on that front.
Survivor update: I currently love all of the women who are left for one reason or another, and intensely dislike all of the men except possibly this classy-sounding Bill fellow (who would be even more attractive if he didn't have distracting fugly script tattoos on his chest. And if you're going to do that, you at least need to wax so it looks less like dirt blending in). That's what I got tonight.
HIMYM: Marshall & Lily's Long Term Bets were fantastic, laughing forever at Barney waking up next to Lily, everything in me cried out in pain and anguish when Barney destroyed a beautiful working VCR, and I was relatively satisfied with the emotional handling of everything. Just not enough to write more than 50 words about it.
Raising Hope, "Sheer Madness"
Really, though? You had to turn Sabrina into a borderline whackjob? Because as sweet as they made Jimmy's gestures of accepting her as-is out to be, I think I prefer the Wyatt method here. Mood stabilizing pills seem like the saner option than sleeping with pantyhose over your head due to extreme paranoia, you know? There also does not seem to be anything wrong with controlling one's tendency toward manic impulsiveness that could get you killed, if one of the hat-wearing strangers you decided to give a ride to turned into a serial killer who was more fixated on killing you than baby-making.
Also, adorable as they are, I'm now feeling vaguely uncomfortable about boomeranging her straight from one long-term relationship into this one. TV has repeatedly told me this is unhealthy for some reason, so now it's ingrained into my head and I'm worried. Not that I think this show would fail if they broke up, the worry just happens to be there. Hanging out. Laying eggs of doubt in my ear.
The rest of it was really pretty good, though. Lots of laughter, lots of aww-ing at Bert/Virginia. They're like the live-action version of Homer and Marge in their improbable soulmatehood.
NCIS, 9x16, "Psych Out"
Hey, weren't we just talking about this? I thought so. And even though I can never get used to Jamie Lee Curtis with gray hair -- it just looks wrong, all right? She's too vibrant for this muted look. Dye it back, you can pull it off forever - it's kind of fun to have them with matching silver cuts. I liked how well they played off each other. And then I went off clapping and giggling at the ending, so, excellent work.
Plus I had no idea Dr. Kate's Sister was going to be part of this too. Two great ladies for the price of one? Exciting times.
...did I really just sum up all my feelings in less than 100 words again? BUT, BUT, JAMIE LEE CURTIS.
Private Practice, 5x16, "Andromeda"
I) I officially can't stand Corinne. Suddenly I get why people with mental illness are stigmatized, and it turns out there is an excellent reason for that: they become obnoxious as hell. That said: quick, call the cops! Sam put her through a freaking glass door. You can't trust his side of the story! This is clearly the first step in a pattern of escalating violence. THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS IN DOMESTIC ABUSE. Or is that only true in romantic relationships? /sarcasm.
II) I have so many feelings about Amelia's pregnancy. The biggest one is "gross, gross, gross, please please PLEASE do not use raising a baby as the means to facilitate a relationship with Sheldon. Also, he is in no way equipped to handle this topic of conversation even if he didn't have an inappropriate crush on her; please go find women to discuss this with. Dead baby daddy + zero dashing substitute options = exclusive ya-ya sisterhood."
But the second biggest one is overwhelming sympathy and heartache. I thought I loved her before? Nope. Watching her crying uncontrollably and talk about missing Ryan and not knowing what to do takes it to a whole new plane. Nothing in me wants to see her be a mother, especially not if there is crackbaby potential, but the pro-life/shipper in me also flatly disallows any other options, so...let's just wait and see. At least if she had a baby then SOMEBODY in the Shepherd family would be able to pass down their amazing hair genes. *not at all bitter about Zola*
III) Jake/Addison Progress Chart: "YOU'RE NOT READY FOR WHAT I HAVE TO OFFER."