Sucky but not shocking news of the day: Terra Nova is dead. "Being shopped around to other networks" seems hysterical -- who's gonna pick up that tab? -- so I'm not even going to pretend there's a chance. I stand by my season finale comments and accept this as an inevitable casualty. One less show to drag around next year. I'm tough and pragmatic now, like a farmer.
How I Met Your Mother, 7x18, "Karma"
Son of a bitch, HIMYM, just when I think I can let my guard down, you pull yet another punk-ass "suburbs are so lame! Only New York is cool!" stunt, which you know is exactly what pushes my buttons and I just CANNOT REPRESS THE CAPSLOCKY RAGE. Worse, I was actually going along with it! I was biting my tongue and thinking that the Snuglet, etc. tropes were actually pretty funny in the context of Robin's "island survivor" diary. I let them have their fun, and then they stabbed me in the back. So screw you.
The notion that there is nothing to do outside of the city is just... First, you need to develop better relationships with the internet -- that can entertain you for DAYS without even leaving a room -- and then I'm going to need a complete list of what, exactly, you need to do in the city that you can't recreate in the suburbs. And while it doesn't particularly matter where you raise a baby, it matters very much if you raise a kid in the city instead of a house with a yard when that option is available. If you don't understand why this is inferior then I can't help you. You were obviously raised wrong, probably in a city.
After all that I don't even have enough energy left to care about Ted and/or Barney's storylines ("Ghost" Robin was admittedly funny) and or to actively dislike Quinn. Relationship Minded Barney is still really boring to watch. If he's not having feelings about Robin, why bother?
CSI, 12x16, "Unplugged"
The entire premise was flawed from the get-go -- oh noez, we might not be able to process our evidence for THREE HOURS! This will obviously cripple our investigative abilities! -- since they already push suspension of disbelief re: the time tests take. They are usually much better about disguising it than CSI: Miami is. That part was disappointing, although Greg pushing "ancient" microscopes on Morgan was perfectly cute. So was Hodges & Henry being stuck in an elevator, and especially the fact that Hodges being one of the stuck victims is likely to make Morgan much less interested in rescuing them. (yes, DB, it is high school. And it is fantastic).
In fact, the whole thing was like that -- a great story regardless of the characters involved. (needs less DB/Finn like whoa) This is how muzzy_olorea is viewing CSI: NY this season, and while I have never been able to understand her perspective, this episode makes me get it.
I keep trying and failing to talk about the last two weeks of Law & Order: SVU. I don't know why -- they were better than most of 2012's episodes to date. Let me just try throwing out simple thoughts: the one where a psycho was literally hunting girls was terrifying in all the best ways, and I was all over the relationship subplot too. It felt a little placating -- like, "hey, we're sorry Olivia hasn't had a love life in forever. Here, have a hot half-naked man and some cliche afterglow cuddling to make up for it" -- but I found I didn't particularly care. I like those ingredients.
The one with her brother was...interesting? Or maybe I just wanted to be interesting. I must not have despised that actor's face when he first showed up (I could look up my original reaction, but that feels like too much work) because I didn't remember him being played by this guy, or hating him quite this much.
It was hard for me to care about his storyline after that ludicrous scene of the police storming the apartment and carrying out the screaming kids. Are you on crack? I can't even pretend to believe that was realistic, as opposed to going for Olympic gold on "TV Child Welfare Workers Hate You, Yes You Personally, And Want To Steal All The Children" cliches. I was a lot more intrigued by the abandoned-baby storyline and kept impatiently waiting for them to cut back to that, but I never felt like we got enough backstory or explanation on why this particular couple picked this girl or what their motivation was at all.
The Office, 8x17, "Test The Store"
This week's writeup was even harder than the last one. Why is the Florida arc so good?? Highlights, again, and by highlights I mean "a non chronological mention of everything":
+ RYANNNNNN. I can't even remember the last time he had a starring role this big, and even though he has my heart all the time, he had it especially strong last night. He needs Kelly! He needs her to say stupid things so he can put her down and feel better about himself. This is the unhealthiest relationship I have ever seen short of physical abuse and I still love it so much.
(but no, we can spin this in fanfic, right? On the SURFACE it sounds awful, but really, that's just his cover to avoid admitting how much he likes having her around. It's their thing. There was distinct affection in his tone, right, and no real malice? ...I sound like a Chuck/Blair apologist. Gross. Fanfic, say this stuff better.)
+ Also, Ryan is a mama's boy. We have always kind of known or at least suspected this, but they made it extremely clear today. It's adorable. And Jim's Adventures In Motherly Roleplaying? I thought I was going to pull a muscle from laughing when he forced out "Sweetie."
+ Do I even need to get into the comment on relationships embedded within his speech?
+ A day late and a dollar short to cross-promote Chuck in a way that matters, but who cares, they made consistent comparisons between Jim & Chuck Bartowski and it was glorious
+ Jim being banished to sign-twirling duty. And then yelled at for doing it wrong. Plus the closing tag of being shown up by a professional sign-twirler.
+ JIM'S COSTUME. His eyeliner. I can't even get into Dwight insisting he be present while Jim gets dressed. And his entire presentation turned out to be wonderful. Not gonna lie, I am a little interested in buying a Pyramid now. Anyone who says differently is lying.
+ "This is not the face of a performer. This is the face of a scary apparition you see before you die." -- Dwight
+ Nellie was on fire, FINALLY living up to all the potential I have always seen in her. Hysterical and awesome from start to finish. See, all you had to do was label Packer a sexual predator and then put a muzzle on him.
+ Holy crap, I don't think I hate Hipster Erin/Tabitha. Clearly, she would be so much cooler if she moved to Florida for good. I think she should get a job working in a nursing home and then we could have scenes of her being adorable with old people all the time.
+ Andy got beat up by a 5th grade girl. I cannot improve on the perfection of this statement.
+ Poor Pam. So many digs at her weight. So entertaining to see her give as good as she gets to a kid in elementary school. No shame, no fear.
+ Creed practicing the strike/scream/run. XD
+ I HAVE A RAPE FLUTE.
+ "Since the interesting thing happened till now, sooo much time has passed. It's like my life is buffering." -- Kelly
+ Priceless images of Kelly as a vicious 12-year-old bully, complete with demonstration.
+ Aaaaaand basically everything else that happened, except Pam's idiotic zip code whooping.
+ We have a new contender for stupidest decision in scene-deletion history: one in which Cathy is somehow still operating under the delusion that Jim might make her fantasies come true, and Jim is only too happy to lay out to the camera guy exactly how froot-loop nutso bonkers she is. It's the best.
PLL, 2x23 --
Ezra: That was kind of hot, actually. Standing up to Byron all fearless and defiant in defense of your character. Possibly stupid, but hot.
Toby: Appears to have been turned into one of Jenna's douche zombies, and/or is clearly operating under some form of mind control or been abducted by aliens and experimented on. Either way, this is not the Toby we last saw. Which makes me much less guilty about my next letter --
Wren: oh dear god, you're perfect. That tears it. Forget Brooding Toby -- who made an excellent starter boyfriend but apparently is just one of those casualties that comes with having a murderous cyberbully stalker -- and just be with the cute guy who bends over backwards for you if you smile at him. Who tries to make nice with your ex and gives you options to pretend nothing ever happened between you, even though it would kill a little piece of his soul if you took him up on it. (speaking of which, I am so happy with how quickly and firmly Spencer declined, reinforcing that she regrets nothing)