Me from 10 PM-10 AM, when there are no spoilers afoot: I AM DONE. I am not reading one more word about tomorrow night's Glee. I want no specific knowledge of what's coming so that all these epic-sounding storylines will be that much more exciting.
Me at 1 PM, as soon as I have a spare minute to check for spoilers:
[I have read all the things and am having all the feelings, though they're still relatively vague.]
*reads batch of dialogue-spoilery Tweets from one critic* THIS ANGST SOUNDS DELICIOUS.
Me at 1:10 PM, after reading about 8 more pages of spoilery critic teases: ...and now for the first time ever I'm scared, fearing this episode might overshoot the mark and go too far in its desire to squeeze the heartstrings. You wouldn't do that to me, right? I thought we had agreed to play heart-punchy but fair, the way I want it.
Me at 4 PM, after turning to Tumblr as a bastion of sanity (I know): That's better. Now we are done with spoilers. Look, I'm resisting some right now.]
Grey's Anatomy, 8x20, "The Girl With No Name"
I genuinely don't understand why everyone is interviewing all over the country if they have people who want them to stay at Seattle Grace. What kind of fool gives up job security? The ones who don't have relationships or permanent homes, I understand a little better, but why would Meredith even consider moving away? Between being married and their two houses and how they just acquired a kid and they're lucky enough to have a support network here, it makes no sense. But then, I also despise change and don't understand why anyone cares about having a fancy career track as long as they're able to pull a full time salary somewhere, so there's no real way to explain this to me.
I am all for Cristina fleeing the scene. Last year I would have considered it ridiculous for the same reasons it's ridiculous for Meredith (minus the kid), but now even though I know she won't, it would really make me happy if she just left Owen's ass. I'm back to finding their marriage toxic, apparently. Or if not toxic, then just stagnant and sad and not worth fighting for. And I'm pretty sure I don't even believe in divorce except under extreme duress, so, wow. Only in Shondaland.
On bright side, Cristina was on fire this week. The gift baskets (and her responses to them) were hysterical. It was nice to see her back in fine form, expertly and effortlessly cutting down everyone around her with casually eviscerating commentary.
Part of me even liked that little moment where the whole room applauded Owen but hers was the only approval that mattered,.
Anyone who would reject April's clear awesomeness can bite me. Similarly, a person would have to be desperate or insane to hire Alex, so I don't believe that Arizona was 100% responsible for his lack of quality job leads.
Loved the patient/victim of the week just because I love that actress (did not love the table full of bitchy junior high doctors watching and mocking her obviously terrifying journey around the cafeteria, trying to work up the nerve to order food), and thought Meredith's bonding with her was sweet. Remind me again why everyone was mocking and/or yelling at her about it? It was such a strange, unique feeling, enjoying Meredith for her own sake and without any other characters for her to play off of and prop her up.
I normally skip Richard & Adele scenes, but since I'm in a tear-trigger mood this week and spouses with Alzheimer's are one of the biggest triggers around, I let it hit me. So much crying ensued. Little if any of it over Richard and Adele themselves, though, as opposed to whatever other ship I found convenient for this scenario in my head.
Up next: HOLY HELL WHAT ARE THESE JACKSON/APRIL DREAMS COMING TO LIFE BEFORE MY EYES. Are they drunk? Oh my god, if they ruin my years-in-the-making dream with a drunken hookup, people are getting strongly worded letters. In blog post form. On this journal. But it will happen.
Private Practice, 5x18, It Was Inevitable
Now I see why they took so long to kill Erica. I should have guessed they would not let this go without the most drawn out, exquisitely painful waiting game they could manage to concoct. They left no grief well unmined. It was beautiful. And, okay, that's probably because from the first wrenching scene with Charlotte, I may have immediately thrown the characters out the window and gone 100% Kurt/Blaine AU in my head. Because that's what I'm doing this week, hijacking Shondaland scripts for my own selfish tear-jerking purposes.
But it was a super quality script, and since there are some things for which romantic and familial love look identical, I had a ball with it. Er, as much of a ball as you can have when you have to stop every ten seconds to get control over your weeping. What I'm trying to say is, thank you for giving this particular Tragic Scenario a solid framework, as it's the most devastating hospice-type death I've seen on television in a good long while; I don't know how people survive this when it happens in real life. I ended up punishing myself with five or six replays of each scene because for fiction, it was the most excellent kind of heartache.
My AU got harder to do once they put Mason back in the mix, but by god, I managed -- future fic, hypothetical little brothers, and occasionally renaming Mason "Rachel" and aging him 10 years, with the help of a little extra detail fudging (if you're wondering why I'm bothering to explain this, as poor a job as I'm doing of it, it's not for you -- it's for Future Me). Or once in a while I let the scene play out as intended for double the angst walloping, like when Cooper said his goodbye. And at the very end, because losing one's mother will always trump all other kinds of grief for me, and I totally lost it when Mason crawled into bed with her.
(and then she stopped breathing and my tears immediately shut off and we were replaced with a sudden stab of "holy crap, how traumatizing would it be to suddenly be hugging a dead body?" I watch too many crime shows. But it scares me, the idea of how in one breath a person can go from being someone you never want to let go to something you want to flee as far away from as possible. At least, that's the reaction I have in my head at the thought of losing my pet)
Apart from that, really liked all the scenes with Cooper and heartbreaking denial-mode!Mason, and that sweet shot of him tucked between Cooper and Charlotte in bed at the end. Stupid adorable insta-family.
EXCELLENT STORYLINE #2: Pete and Violet still have feelings for each other. By which I mean Violet dumped her gross call boy and Pete suddenly got very interested and in between Violet having amazing coffee chats with Addison, all kinds of sparky almost-kisses happened. And by the time the last one happened, I was in this place:
:D :D :D :D :D :D
Apparently they managed to resurrect this just in the nick of time to save my feelings. What I love even more is how Violet promptly started crying and insisted that it couldn't be that easy and they had to "do the work" on their marriage first. YES. This is true. "I still don't know why you walked out that door, and I don't think you know why either." Music to my ears! I will not have Pete break her heart a second while he's in this weird, not-quite-trustworthy-yet mood. I'm going to need a mental breakthrough from him first, because right now it seems more like he's still most interested in reclaiming his territory and/or the comfort of a familiar routine. But. Ever patient, ever hopeful, ever trying not to think about how this messed up rough patch stole an entire year from us.
EXCELLENT STORYLINE #3: Amelia being quietly adorable on the sidelines with her barely-there baby bump and her denial and her big sister pushing nurseries on her and her sudden euphoric glow. The glow seems like it was designed to be shattered quickly by reality, but I'll take it for now.
I do wish we could have seen fewer scenes of filthy babies being born and immediately placed into their mothers' arms without even being cleaned off. (double gross points if they kiss it.) That is revolting. I will never understand what woman would want such a vile object near her.
EXCELLENT STORYLINE #4: Jake/Addison Progress Front: oh, no biggie. Just some comforting words and face stroking and MAYBE A KISS. At this point I'm pretty much having a one-woman riot in my seat at all the wonderful, perfect things that have happened over the course of this hour. Actually, it was about ninety minutes later by the time I got to the end, with all my pausing to replay and transcribe the wonderful bits.
And then Addison got a baby from a relatively sane-looking mother at the end. WHAT?? I should really go check a preview or something, but...I want to live in the magic a little longer.
a) Dear Sam: boo, you whore.
b) Yeah, I'm going to go with "murdering bitch" on the whole jailed-child-killer thing. I don't care if she did have a mental illness (and post-partum depression two years after the second birth still seems like a sketchy basis for murder). If she killed her kids and she thinks she's a monster, then I fail to see the problem here. Keep her monster ass jailed, where the only person who matters thinks it belongs.
Although I did totally get her when she said that wanting to be a mom and having a baby were different. They absolutely are! More people should recognize this. It is also why I am not allowed to have a baby.
1. Oh my god stop, just stop with the Troy/Britta. It's the first non-Pierce thing on this show that has simultaneously grossed out and angered me, and I need it to end right this minute. It's bad enough when you try to make Jeff the focus and force me to multi-ship him. I will not stand for this romanticizing of non-swoon-worthy dudes, I won't I won't I won't. I should never come away from an episode agreeing with Abed and wanting to smack Annie for being meddlesome.
2. My eyes aren't required to analyze or process anything, so my eyes were super pleased with some of those conversations it saw Jeff and Annie having. (but when my brain did get involved, it was pretty satisfied with the explanation that Annie was in love with the idea of being loved, and getting someone like to Jeff to do so was validating. This sounds a lot like the reason I ship them)
3. Abed's predictions about never getting married and being alone seem accurate to me.
4. I guess I didn't really get this episode, even though I liked the idea of it. (and cracked up when Annie broke Abed) Considering this show almost never gets worse than "humdrum boredom," though, as opposed to "AWFUL," it's not that bad of an insult.
The Office, 8x21, "Angry Andy"
Part 1 of this review coming just as soon as I talk myself down from my homicidal bell tower...
Part 1: Queen Nellie, as always, was flawless. (We will be referring to her as Queen Nellie from now on, courtesy of dollsome.) (almost) every one of her scenes cracked me up. Not flawless? Every time Andy and/or Erin opened their stupid mouths. You know all the hate I have had for Erin throughout the series? That is low grade dislike compared to the blinding hatred and loathing I am currently harboring for her stupid ignorant monster bitch self. (I've been reading back my old Private Practice reviews. That was an insult I've been meaning to use) There is literally ZERO EXCUSE not to fire her ass at this point. Well, there was zero reason to re-hire her quitter ass in the first place, but now there's especially zero excuse not to fire her.
Andy punching through the wall again did make me giggle. Man has issues. Never forget.
But just in case you need more anger, how about the entire disgusting conference room scene? No amount of inappropriate and/or made up detail about Jim and Pam's sex life can make up for subjecting me to that.
Part 2: We seem to be at a crossroads because one of my OTPs is actively sabotaging the other. How does one deal with this?
On the one hand, I love that Pam is looking out for Kelly. And smacking down Ryan like the hand of god (so glorious). On the other, she is not really doing it selflessly. And it's Ryan and Kelly, whose love is so great it scares people. And with all the talk of pilots and cast shakeups I just do not feel confident that the end of this episode was the end of the issue**. The first hand has a point that Ramamurthy is a pretty attractive upgrade on every level, but the second hand just keeps wanting to smack Pam's loud and ostentatious protests in the parking lot.
[**edit: I feel more confident after verifying that he was only guest starring in one episode]
On the bright side, that meant my OTPs got all kinds of face time. Awesome face time! Between the parenting talk and the girl talk and Ryan's endlessly entertaining willingness to fight for his...what's the word that doesn't exactly mean love... I was a ball of handclaspy joy. I utterly lost it when Ryan showed up decked out in cultural attire on a magnificent white horse. HE RODE IN A WHITE HORSE (or, well, ineptly sat on one being led by a handler; same difference) I may never recover from this swoon. BRB, adding "kiss someone leaning down from a horse" to my Bucket List under "provisions for if I reverse my position on being kissed."
[and with my first edit in place, Pam's outraged parking lot heckling takes a sharp upswing for the ridiculously funny. Now I'm pretty sure this would have been a perfect episode if not for the vulgarity and the temper tantrums]
I lost it on a whole new level when it came to the poem at the end, though. I would have been happy just reading it. The fact that it made Jam cry is just exquisite icing.