2. Fact: there is a strong possibility I would attempt to hightail it to the Twin Cities and buy a book new* if Chris Colfer were going to be signing copies there. Alas, he is coming no nearer than Illinois. What is this 3-stops-in-Illinois nonsense? Is the condensed tour due to Glee? Because in fairness, I'd rather have him filming Glee.
* There is still a possibility I will buy In The Land of Stories new anyway, if only to preserve my fine streak of juvenile fantasy stories being the only books published after 1970 for which I have paid more than $5. There is wonderful irony in the fact that juvenile fantasy books are the best thing ever, while at the YA level they almost could not be worse.
At the very least, this is going to be a book I refuse to read unless I own it. It's rare when I do that, but only because there are so few books I know I will want to own before I read them -- even fewer where I really specifically want to support the author -- and it's magical when you crack open the cover for the first time knowing you never have to give it away. Thanks to this logic I still haven't read The Tales of Beedle The Bard, though, so this could be a depressingly long wait.]
3. One day, I will realize this truth: Secret Life of the American Teenager can and will get more insane every time you check its Wikipedia page. ALWAYS. No matter how bonkers it was before, they will come up with worse ideas.
The page is incomplete, but the finale description was very thorough so I'm just going to cut and paste it here, with commentary:
Ben charges $1200 on his credit card to pay for the application to Dylan's school. [RS note: I don't understand anything about this sentence.] Ben's father finds out and is upset at him for making poor decisions lately. [Lately?] Grace undergoes the aftermath of her bi-curious experience with Adrian, and Adrian is enjoying the center of attention at school. However, Adrian's mother tells Adrian that kissing a girl for shock value is not right and to think of the LGBTQ community. Ashley kisses Toby, who tells her that he loves her. She responds in kind and that floating around Ricky was just to annoy Amy. Dylan brings Ben to her school and they make s'mores with the bunsen burner. The building burns down and Ben strongly thinks they caused it. He calls Alice and they have sex. [THERE IS SO MUCH LOGIC HERE, I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START.] Jack tells Grace to kiss Adrian again if she wants to "experiment" as her mother had suggested. When Jack drives her over to Adrian's condo, Omar breaks up with Adrian. [oop @ kissing other people while in a relationship] Grace continues to try to think of ways to see if she is a lesbian or if she just was curious. She comes to school looking very different that Adrian walked right past her without recognizing her. [Grammar fail, Wikipedia.] Fern confronts Adrian about kissing a girl just to garner attention and how difficult and scary it can be to be gay. Amy takes Ricky's advice and goes back home to apologize to Anne. Before heading home, she tells Ricky that she wants to run away and get married right away because she doesn't want to wait anymore. [
You see, apparently Amy's mom is now gay. Sure-sure. And I just found a gifset in which Ricky says that his mom is gay? There seems to be kind of a theme going on here, one that does little to combat the myth that gayness is contagious. It also occurs to me that after this, Faberry fans must be super pissed that they can't have nice things on their show...
Meanwhile, I found this awesome website which tracks how many times the word "sex" (and occasionally other words*) is repeated on this show. It has to warn you not to make an alcoholic drinking game out of it, because you would die. The most awesome part is the fact that someone is still using Tripod.
(*like how "gay" was said 200 times in the last two episodes. Two. Hundred.)
I cannot believe this show is about to coast over 100 episodes and become ABC Family's longest running series.
4. I have been putting off the 2 Broke Girls finale for a month now because I was fixated on finally having a cupcake to eat while watching it. Here's something you may not know: cupcakes are insanely expensive. It is actually possible to find thaw-and-eat cheesecake for a lower price. The per-cupcake cost from the grocery store is roughly 5-6x more expensive than baking them at home, but we're not a cupcake-making family and I am not about to try and end up looking stupid on my first attempt where people can witness it. It's insanely frustrating because I want them so much and yet I cannot make myself go to the register with that glaring ripoff. But since I have tried and failed about five times now, I finally gave up on that dream.
Here is a basic list of about half the things that were wonderful, the other half having fallen out of my brain because there wasn't enough room.
- Hipster time traveler & his public typewriting
- Earl bringing them wrist corsages
- Han having knowledge of horses and having been in training to be a jockey.
- Caroline whimpering about missing her horse, which is silly because it's not like she can't go visit him, but as an audience member I really appreciate that we're not just pretending like that never happened. People love pets and they are impossible to stop missing.
- THE RETURN OF CHESTNUT, LIVE AND IN THE FLESH. CHESTNUTTTTTTTTTT! I don't get why Max couldn't just bring him for a visit, but I don't even care; does this mean we can keep him forever maybe? Really?
- Han riding Chestnut to the rescue as a taxi service
- This show's continued levels of hilarity with the fact that Chestnut rides in Western tack. Because that is definitely how both rich girls in the East and jockeys-in-training do it. (although, I guess, the lead ponies at racetracks are ridden in Western saddles, so maybe he would be comfortable in that getup. Still does not explain Caroline.)
- Max & Caroline's Flirtatious Encounters With Mounted Policemen
- Caroline taking to bed for 2 days ("Wall me") and Max adorably sitting next to her and trying to get her out of her funk
- Caroline's adorable reaction upon having Chestnut nose her awake.
- The amazing amount of hate mail
- Sofie, al the time, but especially in Fairy Godmother mode
- Oleg being 10% less gross than usual. Maybe if he was sleeveless less often it would help in the long run.
- The entire show being 10% less gross than usual, maybe? I can't figure out if it's actually improving, or if I have just evolved to a point where I can block the crassness out before it travels from my ears to my brain.
- That music montage where the girls were trying on dresses. It went on forever and it was so freaking cute (gratuitous boob-grabbing! Caroline literally shaking her tail feathers! Sophie's sparkly silver, the classy ordering-in of fast food... I feel like we could just use this clip full of adorable friendship to convince people to watch the show.)
- The only thing that distresses me is that I was thinking the song was, if not great, at least fitting for this purpose. Until I heard the word "starships" and then it was OH HELL NO, DAMN YOU, I was supposed to get to live my life without ever hearing that. I wouldn't even let Glee put that in my ears, and you're hitting me with the original Nicki Minaj sound? Quick question -- does the original version have rapping? I need to know whether I should explore it further or shoot my interest dead before it backfires on me.
- Although I still wasn't sure when they'd chosen their real dresses, because they seemed kind of terrible. Like, what was the giant half bow on Caroline's otherwise perfect dress front? That was pulled straight out of every Worst Dressed list ever. And the pointy tops on Max's (again, otherwise perfect) dress are bad anywhere, but the cut made her normally awesome boobs look squashed and huge in a matronly way. She needs straps, because a scoop neck or a sharp V (that stopped somewhere above her sternum) would have looked killer hot. On bright side, killer use of a necklace, which is something people usually fail at adding.
- Moving on from that: JOHNNY!
- Johnny continuing to be a douche by now getting married. To someone else he met in the meantime. Unexpected hatpin stab! More for Max than me, but that's where my pains come in. Her retreat to the storage room killed me.
- Max getting in her last I Look Smokin' Hot victory. Good girl.
- Caroline ranting in the stall while Max is like WHY DON'T WE HAVE A CODE WORD FOR "I AM STANDING NEXT TO MARTHA STEWART HERSELF."
- I was really dreading Martha - whether as an actor or just her potential to embarrass the girls on the show, I don't know. She has this sort of dead look behind her eyes with an overly patient voice that makes me think she could be a serial killer who butchers victims after locking them up in the cellar for a while. It's just a vibe I get. BUT: her part ended up being really sweet, and I am just so relieved that there was no humiliation for our favorite entrepreneurs
5. I am unclear why I didn't know about this before now, other than avoiding non-Simpsons FOX animation like the plague, but this is the most delightful clip I have seen today. "It was like the perfect satire of our show, because it was probably 3 seconds long and each of us had one line, and then at the end Jane comes in and says 'Boooo.' It was hysterical."