RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

CSI: Miami (Triple Threat) and NCIS (Iceman)

But first, a detour on Two and a Half Men, because it made a terrific show of not-so-subtly parodying Miami on last night's episode.  I only watched it because a) I was extraordinarily bored, and b) Candy was in it.  She, along with Judith, is my very favorite thing about this show.  Anyway, I'm glad I saw it, since it kept me giggling.  Though I still can't tell if it's amusingly meta or just poor taste to have one CBS show mock another one, I subscribe to the former theory.

One of the subplots was about Candy, Alan's 21-year-old extremely ditsy ex-wife (Vegas wedding.  Don't ask), landing a starring role on a forensics show - or as she called it, "fornesics" - called "Stiffs."  The part we see is her arriving at a crime scene and examining the body while another investigator stands nearby.  The victim has been stabbed multiple times with an unknown object.  When the other person asks how they're going to solve the cases, she whips off her glasses, strikes a pose, and declares "Much like our victim...we'll have to take a stab at it." 

Hee!  And then just in case you failed to make the connection after all that, the title "Stiffs" is outlined in the same blocky font as CSI: Miami. 

Naturally, this parody occurs the same night Horatio delivers quite possibly the most cringe-worthy pun of the season...sigh. 

Hang on, I think I need to split my CSI: Miami review into categories to properly organize my thoughts.

The Bad
-I’m tired of this plotline.  Really sick of it.  obviously the triplet thing was a new angle, but in the end, it was the same old story – stupid rich person kills another stupid rich person.  Don’t the wealthy have anything better to do with their lives than shoot one another?  I swear if we open one more episode this season on a party full of nicely dressed, empty headed people sucking down champagne in the backyard of an enormous mansion, I'm whipping up letter bombs.  (Again, not really)  I'm not even going to comment on it, other than by the end I was kind of hoping that the sister who actually birthed the baby would turn out to be innocent, with her two wicked sisters pulling all the strings.  Was hoping that having the baby had changed her, like maybe she'd actually started to care about the husband, and the sisters wanted to end it quickly so they could get their hands on the inheritance.

-Also hated Natalia's starring role.  Couldn't even appreciate her as a mere fashion model this week; I didn't even notice her clothes.  Was too busy being cross-eyed with rage at her endless scenes in the interrogation room, culminating in her smug "I'm an uber-smart CSI!" speech.  There is no way, ever, that I will like this character.  Ever.  There is nothing you could do to make me like her.  I hated Ana-Lucia throughout her entire stint on Lost, and I'm gonna hate Natalia on this show 'til she dies or gets fired, that's all there is to it.  Good lord, is this what it's like hating Lindsay on CSI: NY?  It's exhausting.
Voice: How come you get to use pop culture references for comparison?
RS: Because I'm not writing a book.

-What was with the 10-minute case in the middle?  And shouldn't Horatio have been wearing gloves before he started sifting through the pile of dirt to expose that bit of the body?

-Dear David Caruso: please refrain from ever again referring to Eric as "E."  I am certain that was ad-libbed.  But it was a stupid ad-lib, making you sound etiher like you're gangsters in the hood, or like Horatio is simply too important to waste time saying somebody's full name.  I'm just saying, it's the kind of thing that makes me see why people hate you. 

-"I think it's likely that Ashley Whitford had an identical twin."  That too.  That was just...very weird delivery.  Don't make me mock you like I mock the "Clllavo Cruz is GONE" detective from "No Man's Land."

-Let's see, what else do my notes say...oh, right.  "CUT THAT OUT.  STOP IT.  WITH THE GRAY SCREEN FREEZE.  I can figure out for myself when certain people are important, thank you; I don't need to be smacked in the face with the frickin' anvil.
"And I can’t believe you’ve actually managed to do something even stupider than dancing subtitles, but the echoing voiceover?  To remind us about something that happened five minutes ago?!  OMG IDIOCY."

-Oh, and you know that ridiculous amount of exposition between Natalia and Eric about the antibodies?  You sound about as natural as those prescription drug commercials where the people "casually" chat with their friends and family about benefits and side effects of said drug.  Besides that, I don't actually care what specific methods you're using to investigate crimes. Just solve them, and I'll go along with it.  Or at least save the explaining for when you're talking to the suspect, and not your colleague, who brain-damaged or not should already know this stuff. 

-Lastly, you promised me Cynthia!  Cynthia of the Questioned Documents section!  WHERE WAS SHE?

The Neutral
-On the bright side, it was nice to see Leslie Bibb playing the triplets; once upon a time I used to love watching Popular whenever I could catch it.  Awww, I miss the WB. 
-Cadaver dogs!  Yay for doggies!  Although if you can plainly see the body, what do you really need the dogs for?  I thought they were mostly for searching rubble for potential bodies...
-Was it just me, or did Horatio sound like he had a cold for most of the ep?  Was most distracting.

The Good
-Alexx!  Had a hugely starring role tonight!  And she was funny and quite cute throughout all of it!  Somehow, her lines never sound rehearsed or forced.  I heartily applaud this proper showcasing and hope to see more of it.

-What is this, 3 episodes in a row where we've established Eric's difficulty in properly processing a crime scene?  It's like a game - guess which function will escape him this week!  Will it be memory loss?  Vision problems?  Will he abruptly remember he was shot in the leg as well, and begin limping?  Who knows!

But in all seriousness, I am very glad they're continuing to bring this up.  Clearly he does not have a clean bill of health, but he's also hiding it well enough that it isn't obvious.  To the casual observer, anyway.  Calleigh and Ryan are acutely aware of it.  I would like to believe that Horatio has some suspicions, and is waiting for Eric to come forward (fic time!), but I'm not sure the man spends enough time around his CSIs to actually observe it.  Still, considering how guilty Eric looked when Horatio checked in with him during the fingerprint comparison, I thought it was going to be addressed then.  And later on, when they were standing out by reception...that seemed like another potential spot.

Nevertheless, I almost like it better that Ryan is the one keeping on his toes.  He hesitates and clearly doesn't want to have to point it out, but he also can't ignore it.  He's as apologetic and non-confrontational as he could possibly be, and instead Eric takes everything like a challenge.  Not that I expected anything else from his hot-headed and stubborn self, but still.  Ryan's only trying to lend advice, from personal experience, as a friend.  And I deeply, deeply, DEEPLY despise the fact that I see potential for slash in this scene.

Oh, and Eric, do you remember what happened the last time you decided to keep secrets from Horatio and handle things on your own?  Where you almost burned out and lost your job because you refused to tell anyone about Marisol?  I have a feeling it's going to be kind of like that.  True, if you went to him, he'd have no choice but to pull you out of the field for a while.  BUT IT WOULD BE FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.  Still waiting for you to come to this conclusion on your own...

-Good thing #3, the end.  Eeh!  The end!  With the baby*!  And Horatio smiling at him!  FLAIL!  *runs off into the happy daydream land where Marisol never died*  And while the earlier parallel to Raymond was lost on me (the husband being alive but not telling his wife), I did not fail to grasp the significance of "Well, he's a lucky kid...because his father is a good man."  In other words, quite unlike your father, right H? 

* = While babies themselves are far from cute, when they are on television and in the presence of attractive male characters, they serve to exponentially increase the attractiveness quotient of said characters.  I don't question it, I just go with it.
**This does not work for female characters unless said females are in the presence of baby's father; or if baby's father is absent, then female's current love interest.

Well...on to NCIS:
Boring case.  Boring boring boring.  I kept daydreaming instead of paying attention to the interrogation scenes and/or any scenes that involved them wearing the "NCIS" baseball caps and jackets.  The addition of Mike Franks didn't help any.  He's gruff and tough and old and dull, and I cannot be moved by any scene with him in it.  Not even one that involves his almost-daughter-in-law and baby grandchild.  (seriously, enough with the babies this week) It's the way you can never tell if he's telling the truth, or on your side or not - that drives me insane.  It makes me want to shoot the guy and/or throw him in jail forever just because he's so damn smug about his ambiguity.  He's like the Locke of NCIS.  (hee!  Two Lost references in one post!)
Voice: And she complains about the editing tricks...
RS: Although I did like the line "I don't know how you didn't go crazy when you lost your little girl."  (Um.  He kind of did go crazy.  Broke a few laws.  Killed her killer and got away with it.  You enabled that, remember, Mike?) I cannot ever get tired of references to Kelly, or Gibbs as a father.  Nope, not ever.  *dances off into another section of happy daydream land where Kelly never died*

You know what I CAN get tired of?  Jeanne.  And Tony.  And Jeanne and Tony kissing.  And what the hell, Tony, if you could hold off on sex for 2+ months (personal record?) because you were looking for something more, how is it that now, several months after THAT, you haven't yet told her you love her?  Especially if she's said it?  The only explanation is that Jeanne is part of your undercover mission, and you've grown to like her enough that you don't want to break her heart with that kind of lie.  (apparently sex is okay, though...I'm sure that works somehow) Because if this is nothing more than your commitment issues, then there is NO reason for this relationship to still exist, and I want to shoot myself every time that woman appears.  And...the hell was that ending?!  Who is looking at all these photos?  Don't tease things you're not going to answer by next week!  *resists urge to bring up Lost again*
V: "Strikethrough" does not render text invisible. 

Random bit: good thing the dead sailor's hat was such an obnoxiously bright orange that we couldn't fail to recognize it!  And coo over its significance!  Oh wait, I didn't do so much cooing as eye rolling, thinking that one episode was continuity, two episodes is overkill.  Subtle overkill, but still unwelcome.

G/A watch: Always cute, just not noteworthy this week, other than maybe Gibbs coming up behind her to place a Caff-Pow on either side.

Tiva front: I like how, for someone who just a couple of episodes ago seemed to have little to no experience with real relationships, Ziva is able to describe every possible reason Tony's getting the cold shoulder from his girlfriend.  I also like how if you think about it, the hypothetical "she" could be referring to herself.  Fine, I'm projecting.  But I've got McGee on my side, since he's not only a Tiva shipper (his formerly-secret novel says so), but spends much of this episode watching and smiling with mild bemusement while Tony and Ziva trade banter. 

Wardrobe: a) Gibbs was wearing the gray velvet suit again.  Or whatever material it is that gives off that soft sheen; is driving me nuts.  I like it, I just wish I could figure out what it was.
b) I'm not one for clothing featuring a skull motif, but Abby's gray sweater was really cute.
c) Not too sure about Ziva's red/orange/brown/green striped sweater, though...
Tags: csi: miami, ncis, tv commentary, two and a half men

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