Dear Isobel, I hope you're well, and what you've done is right
Oh it's been such hell, I wish you well, I hope you're safe tonight--
Because Callie and/or I are most likely coming to kill you in the near future.
Last week I received multiple votes for "more ranting," despite the fact that it was supposed to be a one-time thing. I tried it again this week, and whether or not you enjoy it is suddenly of little consequence now that I remember how much fun it is. Despite the fact that it takes 3-4 hours from start to finish, with O.C. over, this just might have to become my new standard for reviewing Grey's. And then you'll regret egging me on when it takes you 20 minutes to read my review.
- Oh look, my timer record must be off, as on my tape the episode opened in the middle of a kitchen scene with Alex. ABC.com to the rescue! Hey, and they have a new and faster-loading player which doesn’t stick every 5 minutes. Sweet. All righty then - point #1 is that I've recently noticed how very, very much I hate the whole beginning/ending voiceover thing. Does Meredith’s disembodied voice ever say anything worthwhile? Because I honestly tune the words out, and am only vaguely aware of this whining noise in the background, like a very persistent mosquito.
- George -- ew. You look disgusting. You didn’t look like that last night, did you?
- Dear Izzie, I implore you -- do not ever, ever, ever tell George that you slept together last night. If he doesn’t remember anything, this is called DODGING A BULLET. And no! You can’t talk to Meredith about how you feel guilty; Meredith blurts out secrets too. And since you don’t have any other friends you can talk to about your sex life, you’ll just have to keep it to yourself. Is that so hard? If you MUST talk it out, then make a secret online blog and post anonymously. Or go to a message board somewhere and ask for anonymous advice. Just, for the sake of my sanity, do not let George know what happened. And yes, I already know you’re not going to listen to me.
- Creepy Doc is still here. Go away! He’s so creepy that until today, I didn’t even realize he had an accent. Doesn’t matter. He still looks like a vampire.
- Also, the Chief’s hair is no longer dyed. Shame, he looked kind of good that way.
- Uh-oh. Creepy Doc has a plan for Seattle Grace. A 10-year plan. Smug bastard! Send him packing immediately. As you know from my descriptions of Mark Sloan, I hate smugness.
- George is actually getting more disgusting-looking as the day goes on. That takes skill.
- Dear Burke: Observe Cristina making another step. She’s trying. Don’t turn this into a power-trip relationship where Cristina has to spend all her time apologizing and/or anticipating your moods in advance in order to know how to approach you.
- See this group, with Derek/Addison/Preston/Richard? Awesome group, pure awesome. Why d’we have to mess with the dynamic with the inclusion of Mark and Creepy Doc?
- CRAZY! Mark almost sounds like a nice, patient and understanding doctor in this scene!
- Oh, shoot, then he ruined it. “I’m that good.”
- I can’t understand half of what Jane Doe is saying out of her mumbly mouth. But at least she’s getting prettier by the week, and I’m impressed by how clearly they show this progress. She actually doesn’t look half bad right now, even with the bruising and discoloration. Though I’m surprised that she seems so young; when Alex first pulled her to safety I thought she was in her late 30’s/early 40’s.
- Duuuude, the woman whose muscles turn into bone, rendering her almost a stone statue? This just won for the Best Case Ever.
- Squeee, hovering/almost-nuzzling, hair-petting, top-and-side-of-head kissing, Derek just nailed at least 3 points on the Checklist of Cute in under 60 seconds! *purrs contentedly*
- *warningly* Izzie…I’m not freaking kidding. DRUNKEN BLACKOUT. BULLET-DODGING. Nix on the memory-prodding!
- When are people going to learn that flocking to Seattle Grace in pursuit of ex-lovers just doesn’t work?
- *mockingly* “What’s the matter?” How about YOU SINGLE-HANDEDLY FUCKED UP HER IMPENDING MARRIAGE, THAT’S THE MATTER! Or maybe it’s better that they iron out the issues before they get married so they don’t become George and Callie, but I’m not giving an inch of credit to Creepy Doc.
- Cristina always handles things so much better than I do. Clearly seething but contained in a deadly quiet tone: “Please leave.”
- Dear Addison: you are fully aware that your weakness is smug, arrogant jerkfaces who are (allegedly) good in bed. Just because you wouldn’t reveal that to the board doesn’t mean I can’t point it out.
- Oooh, Derek getting defensive and protective of Meredith, angry at Mark! Two points!
- Dear Mark: Derek is letting Meredith decide for herself. He’s the very picture of loving and supporting, because that’s what she needs to hear. She needs his encouragement. He, in turn, is perfectly within his rights to go behind the scenes and stop you from manipulating her to serve your own ego. Jerkface.
- *flails and searches for fan/ice cubes/cold shower* Angry whisper! “I will hurt you if this goes wrong for her.” So hot.
- Oh, what a cute dollhouse! Also cute is how fondly Addison admires it. Feel the nostalgia; WRITE FIC TO THIS EXTENT*. More on this after the rantview in a footnote. Right now I expect to see a cute little chat between Addison and Izzie about their respective childhood toys and – WTF.
- Does Addison have a sign on her coat that says “Baby doc, now also doubling as sex counselor”? Geeze.
- And Izzie – oh, Izzie. I do truly appreciate that you chose to blurt the secret to someone who wouldn’t care and/or tell George, even if it makes you look like an idiot. Now that’s it off your chest, you won’t need to be talking about it again, right? Especially not to George? Or any of the other interns?
- Also, do you remember my earlier threat to kill you for mocking my defense of your intentions? Yeah. You should run; I’m sharpening my knife. Don’t give me crap about how “it felt right, like something was falling into place.” Because it didn’t. You and George have zero romantic chemistry. Understood? Zero. If you did, one or both of you would have figured it out long before now.
- Hahah, I like Addison’s reaction: “What am I, the go-to person for adultery?” No wonder the poor woman wants to flee this hospital. She needs a fresh start. Where nobody knows her name. By the way, Addie, awesome advice: “You stop.”
- *drapes self over desk laughing at Addison’s completely dry, sarcastic response to Izzie’s hypothesis that Gizzie might be part of “God’s plan.” -- “God wants you to be an adulterer. [Right.]”
- Okay, Mer/Der conversation, what is this? Derek, I JUST praised you for being encouraging to Meredith, and now you’re doing exactly what you’re not supposed to do, which is rescinding the encouragement and trying to make her second-guess herself, trying to get her to back down but think it’s her decision. Ugh. Point to Meredith for standing up for herself.
- I mean, Mark Sloan doesn’t let his interns do anything – but the difference here is that he kinda likes Mer. Or does Derek not know about the Dirty Mistresses club?
- Derek: “He’s using you!” Oooh! Point for McDreamy! That’s probably true, despite the fact that I’m sure he really does have a bit of a soft spot for Mer. (It’s his only halfway redeeming quality, so I have to believe it.)
- Derek: “I’m just trying to protect you.” Aaaaand…point lost. We’ve been over this: you protect Meredith, yes, but you do it quietly. You don’t tell her to her face that essentially she’s weak and incapable and in need of sheltering. She’s not a porcelain doll. Really. I know she’s as pale as one, but not quite as fragile.
- By the way, everyone in this episode needs to stop whispering and mumbling in an undertone. I have the volume turned up to ridiculously high levels trying to understand the dialogue, which causes EXTREME PAIN TO THE EARS when I hit “close” on an extraneous Word document and it goes “PING! Save?”
- Heeheehee, Bailey is awesome when smacking down Mark. She is the only person in the hospital who can actually put him in his place.
- I don’t hate Jane Doe anymore, but I am uninterested in watching Alex sit by her bed and chat with her. Yawn. Fast-forward.
- Oh God, Callie’s dad – why do I know him? He played someone evil, didn’t he? He sounds like a mafia member. [Edit: Apparently I know him from “Princess Diaries” and “Raising Helen,” and I don’t think he was evil in either one, but the mafia vibe isn’t going away] Hm, wait, George seems to be remembering something…
- OH GOD MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP! *hits the “x” at hyperspeed* That’s it, we’re switching to the taped version. The taped version where I can hit “stop” before fast-forwarding a good two minutes to ensure that I don’t see even one extra frame of that horror.
- *purrs* Ahhh, dollhouses. Nice, adorable miniatures. I love miniatures, as I’m sure you have gathered by now.
- Oh, please tell me Izzie’s not gonna have another heart-to-heart with a patient that seems like good advice but really just twists everything back to her own life…Izzie is her own therapist.
- Derek, stop mumbling. I cannot understand a single word you just said to the Chief in the break room, and the volume is at 75% of the maximum. Half of what I hear is a faint buzzing from the speakers. However, McDreamy has tears in his eyes again, and I am suddenly very, very interested in what he has to say.
- I still didn’t get it all, but I got the jist of it. Derek is still very, very messed up by what happened to Meredith, and what almost happened, and that she could swim – but she gave up. You have no idea how in love I am with McDreamy right now as he goes on in this heartbreaking whisper about how he’ll watch her breathing – just to remind himself she still is. Writers of word art, go! Describe one such scene with details and adverbs!
Voice: Does it ever occur to you to write these stories yourself?
RS: Fleetingly. But other people can usually do it faster.
- Heeheehee, I hope Mafia Dad has George whacked if and when Callie finds out about the cheating and has her heart broken. Or at least breaks his knees or something. We could make an extra special episode! C’mon, all the doctors have to end up on the operating table at some point in this series.
V: He’s not really in the mafia, you know. That’s just a delusional theory you cooked up while you were busy ignoring the actual discussion onscreen.
RS: *perks up* Crack!fic?
- Oh great, now Georgie Boy remembers and starts acting guilty and squirrelly. Now I have to worry about two of them blabbing. They’re going to blab by episode’s end, aren’t they? Probably to each other. Should I just start bashing my skull against the wall now?
- Geeze, Mark is even worse than Derek – he’s twisting this in ugly ways and BLATANTLY manipulating her! That’s the oldest trick in the book. “You think I’m the bad guy. I’m hurt by that, I really am. I was just trying to look out for you.” Sickening. There are plenty of other and much safer ways for Meredith to prove she’s okay and not in need of coddling. But those ways wouldn’t benefit Mark now, would they?
- I have a feeling she’ll pull it off, but it still irks me the way this was handled. Her success will be in spite of him, not because of him.
- *purrs over the dollhouse again* I never had a dollhouse, actually. I always wanted one, but…eh. All the stuff that goes in it is expensive, and unlike my friend, I wasn’t artistically skilled enough to make my own miniature decorations. So I just played with hers. It worked out pretty well, aside from the fact that we 're no longer friends, so I no longer have access to all the little miniatures.
- *sniffles* Bone lady died…boo. Why can’t she be on House, where House could not only save her life but probably come up with a wacky and untested cure to reverse the effects??
- …it occurs to me that a disorder this weird probably WILL show up on House at some point.
- Oh, by the way, whatever this song is I WANT IT. Who’s got it for me? Anyone?
- Oh dear Lord – please do not tell me that Smug Bastard Mark is about to become the new chief! Better than Creepy Doc, but would still be 6,000 kinds of wrong. People like him should not wield power. I'm pretty sure King Henry VIII was a person like him.
- Wait-wait-wait, so he impressed the board by being lazy and unfocused? And stealing Bailey’s idea? Definitely 6,000 kinds of wrong.
- The attendings + Bailey need to corner Mark in a dark alley and beat him up. I’ve got it all worked out - Burke can choke him into submission, Addison can kick him in the groin, Derek can use a baseball bat to smash his allegedly-pretty face up (I was going to go with punching, but we don’t want to hurt his hands), and I don’t know what Bailey can do exactly, but I bet if we just turn her loose on him she can do as much damage as a rat terrier does to a rat.
- Oh, yep, there’s the heart-to-heart. Izzie’s speech is boring. Why does it appear to be affecting George? Frickin’ A.
- Okay - it pains me to say George is right, just like it pains me that the following sentences are right, but they are: “I’m not going to tell Callie. . . .I’m not going to clear my conscience at her expense. She has done nothing but support me, encourage me, and believe in me, and this is how I pay her back?” Exactly. Usually I’m all up for being mean to Callie, but something about this weird secret Gizzie affair - besides the fact that it is unholy in both the literal and figurative sense of the word – just rubs me the wrong way. I think it has to do with how much I (belatedly) sympathized with Addison after the damn Prom episode.
- In other words, it’s back to hating Izzie for me! Now that I think about it, that’s the way life usually is. I am not reversing my opinion on previously aired episodes, though. I still love all the times she insulted Callie.
- Aw, diabetic guy lost his foot. Bad week to be a patient. :(
- Bad Addison/Alex scene! Bad! The fact that it was only a brief exchange from the doorway and hardly even suggestive is negated by the fact that even the damn patient with bandages all over her face and shot full of painkillers managed to see some kind of chemistry and/or hint of something more there! Ugh.
- BURKE/CRISTINA CUTE! She enters their room, and leaving behind her attempts to be the perfectly accomodating girlfriend, does things the way she does them best – straightforward and direct. Marches right to the bed, climbs over him to get in, and leans back against the pillows. I’m amused by Burke’s “Uhhh…okay?” look.
- EXTENDED BURKE/CRISTINA CONVERSATION OF AWESOME! Dear Shonda: I temporarily love you again. I love Cristina’s list of specifics about the wedding. She’s no longer just going along with the marriage as something to make him happy – she’s taking an active role in it. Also, when he chuckles and puts his arm around her and she snuggles in against him? Yes. I’ll be over here picking up the pieces of myself since I just EXPLODED FROM CUTE.
- See, this is why they’re perfect. Nothing breaks them up. They survive everything. There are bumps, but they are smoothed over by minimal verbal arguments followed by retreating to separate corners to cool off, rather than excessive amounts of alcohol and/or inappropriate sex with other people. I would say something about their bond, but I’m sure that would only jinx them, so let’s just say that if we can only get rid of Creepy Doc, I might be able to stand the rest of this season after all.
- Oh, hey, there’s still another second or two in that scene! *dies from Burke/Cristina cuteness*
- *is revived in order to die again from Derek/Meredith cuteness*
- SERIOUSLY. I AM DEAD. SQUUEEEEEE!!! But I also think for the benefit of my future self I should shed some light on why, so here goes:
Points nailed on the checklist of cute: leg draped over hers, spooning (fully clothed, bonus!), hand running up her body, rubbing her arm, whispering in the ear, kiss-not-on-the-lips, hands on face, forehead touching, culminating in a proper kiss. A couple of kisses, actually. But really, that part's not as important as him snuggled up behind her, pressed up against her, head resting on her shoulder and holding her against him. It all creates this very lovely image, him not wanting to let her go, as if she’ll slip through his fingers and vanish again.
That right there – that is my ultimate definition of cute. This is what I think about before I go to sleep. And as of now, I cannot possibly envision a fantasy to improve upon this scene.
- Oh, and it took me a good six viewings before I was actually able to follow the dialogue all the way through without getting distracted. In which case, (1) I’m glad that Meredith knew she was being manipulated, and (2) there is probably fic to be found in Derek’s “I was distracted” statement.
- Am now fast forwarding before my blissed-out state is interrupted by me having to swear at the screen and turn the hose on the two of them.
- BWA-HA-HA-HAH! *giggles madly* My tape conveniently cut off just as Meredith rolled on top of him. Oh, timer record. I love you for censoring things for me! *hugs it* Now I can watch the whooollle scene. *sighs contentedly* (although I would like to make it known that I wouldn’t have such a huge problem with this show’s sex scenes if they all started out like this. If they were classier, and happened about 90% less often, I could probably deal with it.)
- My only complaint, besides the memory of something I've blocked out and which therefore I never saw, is that I wish I’d finished this rantview earlier, so I could have taped just the cute bits during the Friday rerun that I totally forgot about until it started. Instead I’m going to have a whole hour full of commercials in the middle of my tape because I can’t bear to lose the hovering scene or the last two minutes.
Oh, and regarding the fic idea from point 23, I bet it would work spectacularly in a drabble, but a full-length oneshot would also be delightful. I’m sure you could work in all kinds of details about the miniatures, about the fantasy life created for the dolls within, or about the intricate nature of the tiny items foreshadowing her future interest in the equally precise art of surgery, or…you know what, maybe I’ll have to keep this idea for myself. Spur her back to a childhood attic to dig out the old dollhouse and look at it again, into flashback land (setting aside the fact that I doubt I can write a believable childhood version of Addison), ending on some kind of tie-back to her present life…these ideas make more sense in my head. Will update in the future if I ever start scratching out sentences.