RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

And a dead duck in a chimney

^ Is part of what came out with the soot and assorted debris when we got our chimney cleaned this week. Apparently it made a nest during one of the years we didn't have any fires. No idea what caused its demise (what I could see of its body looked quite normal), but I walked around gaily singing this refrain all day.

Speaking of seasonally festive things, my parents gave me an early Christmas present consisting of jingle bell earrings that really jingle. I like to shake my head like a jester for exaggerated effect.
Hey, you know how everybody ever said "Something Borrowed" was terrible?

Maybe you're one of those people who is like, "But I like rom coms!"

Maybe you're one of those people who is like, "But I love ___" one or more of the following awesome people:
  • John Krasinski
  • Kate Hudson
  • Ginnifer Goodwin
  • Ashley Williams (Victoria of How I Met Your Mother)
  • Steve Howey (Van of Reba, here sporting greasy-looking beach bum hair down to his shoulders)

If you're like me and watched it for one of the above reasons, you can commiserate. If you haven't watched it yet but want to because you like one of the actors above, then I won't stop you because their faces are all pretty magnificent and if you just concentrate on their acting, it's an enjoyable experience.

If you like rom coms, PLEASE AVOID THIS, because the story is just so bad. And the male romantic lead is boring in both face and personality and lacks chemistry with everyone, which makes it harder to root for a relationship about dirty cheaters (it's ok because apparently they're souuuuuuulmates, plus he and the woman he just spent 6 years dating aren't really in love, just sort of together for appearance/funsies/habit. Which makes it better than Playing Hurt but still not Jim/Pam levels here).

Not only are there way too many flashbacks to show us their ~soulmatey connection~, but the dude's lack of chemistry makes this completely impossible. The relationship between the two women is by far the best part of the movie, whether Kate Hudson is channeling her future Glee character and being hilariously self absorbed or Ginnifer Goodwin is making quiet sad faces to herself (side note: she is SO PRETTY! It's baffling to me because her short hair on Once Upon A Time makes her look like a 12-year-old boy). Their accidentally heartbreaking sleepover was incredibly touching and by far the best part of this movie. A lot of reviews are complaining about why these two would ever be friends, but no, that is actually the one relationship that works.

In the meantime, John Krasinski is over here on the sidelines, being the most magnificently charming he has been in anything since The Office, and I am including Away We Go here because he sports neither beard nor glasses nor F bombs this time around. It does not pay off.

[spoilers for the end of the movie]
Three quarters of the way through he movie, he admits that he might possibly/probably be in love with Ginnifer Goodwin's character and has been for a while. And you're like, FINALLY! FINALLY SOMETHING ROMANTIC. THIS MAKES SENSE.

But turns out that is just there to make us feel sad because this sparks no revelations in her and it goes nowhere; Douche Groom continues to get 2 women while JKras Ethan gets zero. It's literally a worse story choice than the soulmatey cheating. It's too bad this was based on a book, because I feel like once John Krasinski got this role, scripts should have been rewritten immediately.

The ending was such a bizarre and unsatisfying rush/chop job that I don't even know what happened. In the space of about two minutes, the wedding is called off due to mutual cheating, Kate Hudson is pregnant, the secret comes out, and the best friends never speak to each other again. At least until two months later, when they have an awkward encounter on the street before the movie confirms that Douche Groom and Ginnifer Rachel are still together. The end.

Me: How is that the end? Why is that the end? What is happening right now?

P.S. The only way I got through this movie was by turning it into a pretty awesome Glee AU featuring a Blaine/Rachel/Kurt triangle. It made a lot more sense when Blaine was the rich boy marrying for appearances and sneaking around with someone he shouldn't be.

Then it got confusing when I realized Goodwin's character name actually WAS Rachel, and probably I was stupid for not using the blonde/brunette hair in play to have Quinn and Rachel loving the same guy instead, and that was the point at which I was officially working too hard to enjoy this movie.

tl;dr: The friendship between the two women and the character of Ethan are the only things that make you not want to shoot yourself. The saddest thing is that this is really the best movie role John Krasinski has ever picked. It juxtaposes nicely with the fact that this is the first bad romcom Kate Hudson has. I mean, your tastes may vary, since I loved Bride Wars and Fool's Gold. But still.
And now, I am off to clean out/organize drawers and see what exciting things I turn up. Wish me luck!
Tags: life, movie reviews

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