1. Most accurate post on Tumblr this morning; cannot stop laughing:
"Coming Back to the Glee Fandom After Not Having Internet Most of Yesterday"
To quote the Gossip Girl 5x24 recap, "Nothing is true and everything is up for grabs and the shippers are melting down and the whole thing is just a glorious trainwreck on fire." It was a really intense day for songs + spoilers.
2. Remember before yesterday when the Brazilians spoiled ALL THE THINGS, when they mentioned that more than one couple would be seen getting hotel rooms and some of them might, and I quote, "go all the way"?
[the original spoilers and my reactions to them]
I'm not acknowledging the recent confirmations of which ones do [yet], I just want to go on record with my reaction to the original spoilers:
Q: "How many of the  'We've Got Tonight' couples will go all the way in the hotel room?"
I PRE-EMPTIVELY WEEP FOR MY EYES
I HATE EVERYONE
I THOUGHT WE WERE GETTING A WEDDING, NOT GREY'S ANATOMY ANTICS.
The options and why they are not okay:
A. Finn and Rachel
PUT A RING BACK ON IT AND WE'LL TALK. (otherwise: no, god, honey, baby, sweetheart, not again. especially not again if it's going to make you a cheater in a more legitimate way than last time - even though that's what Brody deserves - because you are better than him)
B. Artie and Betty**
Eh. I'd rather Pretty Betty not degrade herself, but if she's already with Artie that ship has sailed.
**Apparently this is Super Pretty Wheelchair Girl from Glee Project, whom I've never heard talk or sing but who is just so gorgeous and cheerful-looking that she's obviously going to be my favorite character ever.
C. Kurt and Blaine
NOT READY YET. I demand onscreen proof of a full-panel STD test before he touches Kurt again. And because, as previously mentioned, I want them to officially decide on trying a relationship again, with honest conversation and working back up to trust and intimacy, not an impulsive BAMWOOSHSMACK crash into it that leaves Kurt the option to regret it in the morning and/or break our hearts all over again. #I have some strong opinions on the matter yes
D. Jake and Marley
NO GOD NO MY INNOCENT MUCH-TOO-YOUNG BABY NO.
E. Quinn and Santana
lol (it better stay "lol" and not, for instance, "I KEEL YOU, WRITERS")
3. As for yesterday's detailed spoilers:
[confirmation on the couples; also Klaine stuff]
First we got a bunch of details about the apparently-not-cut (curses!) car scene, and guess who is NOT EXCITED for makeouts. I can barely handle their first kiss as it is; some days I spoon-feed it into my brain out of determination to believe that's what love feels like and I end up hypnotized; other days it just turns my stomach. All I can do is hope against hope that it'll toe the line enough for me to like it and/or that it'll be worth it in the end. There is still a chance it could come out 60/40 on the romantic/horny line.
Then they were confirmed as one of the couples above, and, well...I just really hope whatever conversation they have at the end is worth it. It would also be worth it if I could get something resembling cuddling. Because I issued my demands for hotel cuddling back in 3x21, and the Glee writers have been known to make delayed payments. Failing that, I could probably still come out of this alive if I see sufficient heart eyes in place.
The other couple confirmed? Quinn/Santana. I genuinely do not have enough energy in me to express the seething fireball I have become at this garbage, so suffice to say, Yale!Quinn is officially dead to me and I'm rejecting this crap right along with her fake backstory in 2x18, filed under "TABLOID RAG FILTH." Not part of canon in my universe.
I'm really going to need Marley to be the one who gets out safe now.
4. EXCUSE YOU WHY DID NO ONE EVER INFORM ME ABOUT THE OFFICIAL GLEE FACEBOOK ACCOUNT WITH ALL THE CHARACTER TEXTING CONVERSATIONS.
The canon-endorsed ones that apparently fill in a ton of gaps, like Kurt and Rachel addressing how she moved Brody in without permission (it is glorious), or Kurt dubbing Tina Blaine's "Lima Wifey." I thought the Twitter accounts were amusing (Cooper Anderson's, at least), but these are like NINETY-EIGHT TIMES MORE WELL WRITTEN AND RELEVANT.
...KURT/BLAINE CONVERSATIONS FROM THE DARK TIMES. TEXT AFTER UNANSWERED APOLOGY TEXT.
this is not a drill. this is not a drill! I am freaking out.
(also I can't really tell if these are supposed to be texts or IM conversations or some Facebook app or what; I don't know how social media works anymore! The last time I talked to people in non-comment or e-mail form was in 2006 and AIM was still a thing.)
5. I should probably articulate my reaction to the deleted scenes from The First Time, because apparently it's still okay to share snippets after all? Someone should have made it clearer that this auction would, in fact, work exactly like all the other charity auctions instead of making it sound like a special hostage situation.
Now I'm pissed that I didn't donate the $15-for-a-hard-copy artwork from pencilpushingenthusiast, because I certainly could have afforded that plus I REALLY wanted it, but I refused to support a charity that I thought wouldn't allow people to share the deleted scenes. And now the whole script has ended up leaking, but I'll never get to see the picture because that is under lock and key. Which is good; I definitely respect the idea of these being special thank-you gifts and I don't deserve it just because I want it, but...do you have any idea how worth it $15 would have been for a physical copy of one of those beauties? Especially of the scene that was illustrated? Yeah, okay, actual scenes, let's talk about them.
I am proud to state that nothing here traumatized me more than the episode did, so that's good. I'm also okay that most of these were cut, even though I like reading them here.
Kurt Gives Finn Advice
Kurt: We've never done it. It just hasn't happened yet.
Finn: So you've never...
Kurt: Nope. Sorry to disappoint.
Finn: No, that's totally cool. I hope that someday when you're ready, you get to go all the way, or whatever you call it.
Kurt: The "it" you're referring to still sort of weirds me out and is something I intend to reserve for birthdays and high holidays.
YES! You HAVEN'T changed since season 2, yaaaay!*
(and at the same time: damn it, Blaine. I KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE. OK, now that I've actually thought it through, this kind of turns my stomach almost as much as Rachel's little gift-of-myself trick, because there's being ready and there's convincing yourself you're ready because that's what in-love people do, and based on this I still don't see what changed his mind beyond being upset when they weren't on speaking terms)
[*edit: I don't know if you know this about me, but there are literally only two things I can stand in the entirety of 2x15, and those things are Blaine talking about his father, and Kurt throwing Blaine out of his room after drawing a firm line between sex and romance that matches my own. So that last line was super validating for me. I wanted and expected him to eventually grow past that attitude, but I've seen way too many fanfics/headcanons that Kurt was immediately the non-drunk version of Blaine at Scandals as soon as he started thinking about it, and I have always staunchly believed otherwise and clung very hard to how uncomfortable he looks rubbing his hand after Blaine's "remember how last night I was the perfect boyfriend? LOL, IGNORE THAT" speech.]
You Spin Me Round/Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?: Dream Sequence, Scandals Interior
First of all, I have the distinct feeling this song might have sounded awesome.
[sad lyrics about "hurting me"]
He's staring into Blaine's eyes, but he's never felt so far apart.
Growing more sympathetic to post-fight Kurt by the minute. (I love this feeling. I never tire of that fight, either). Still uncomfortable with the "you just convinced yourself you were ready, didn't you?" sense, but honestly, I can live with that. I wrote myself a drabble once to rationalize it, because it was driving me nuts, and came to the conclusion that you have to just shut out the world, everything you've ever been warned about or urged to enjoy, and make it an entirely self-contained decision. "They don't have to know, and he doesn't have to tell." That you still wouldn't, with anyone else, but you trust this one specific person enough to take a leap of faith on something new.
Auditorium Scene Snippet
I see your "Blaine takes Kurt's hand" at the end. Nice, but I can live without it. I'm still not over the day in early 2012 when I finally watched the whole scene and "GIVE ME YOUR HAND, HOLD IT TO YOUR HEART! #DEAD."
SCENE FIFTY-THREE (ILLUSTRATED)
Blaine takes Kurt gently by the hand and leads him to the bed.
[*MUTED SCREAMING*] (joyful variety)
As Blaine gently kisses Kurt...
[*VOCAL SCREAMING*] (joyful and outraged variety)
So what you're telling me is, not only would I have died, died I tell you with the first part, but they would have finally had a kiss that lit up my heart? Because so far they've had two "let me stick my tongue in your mouth" versions, which I can just barely and with great willpower pretend are the "gentle" described above, one poorly lit smooch that is still my favorite, and one peck that would be my favorite if Rachel's head weren't in the frame. Is it really that much to ask for one Mulder/Scully-at-New-Year's type kiss from them?
They have done so much for me in the lovely-sweet-good department that I shouldn't complain, but honestly, in the Bingo Game of Romance scorecards I keep for everyone, I've still got a gaping hole when it comes to "life affirming perfect kiss," the sort Will & Emma got in episode stupid 13 (hell, that Will got with Terri in episode 3).
It occurs to me that I've actually seen more scene snippets than these on Tumblr already, and I really don't want to go wandering all around this script since the episode is full of repulsive scenes I've never finished. So let me just go find the posts:
-"Blaine is getting randy. His unseen hand EXPLORING." This will never not make me laugh.
- FINALLY! I have never been able to make sense out of Kurt's line in the episode, with its dropped words and grammar that doesn't all line up, but it's supposed to be "Which is why I'd like it to happen on a night when you don't spend most of it dancing with another guy, and when you're sober enough to remember it the next day!"
-Did Will and Finn have a conversation about Finn planning to get randy in the episode? Because creepy/gross/weird/YOUR TEACHER SHOULD NOT BE DISCUSSING HIS STUDENTS' SEX LIVES, ESPECIALLY OF ONE WHO DID NOT CHOOSE TO INVOLVE HIM IN THIS DISCUSSION but also I sort of wouldn't mind seeing that through the strict "Finn + mentor" lens.
-Not least because ho snaps, there is a flashback Will/Emma scene that I would have killed to keep.
INT. SCHUESTER BEDROOM -- NIGHT
(Will. Behind Emma. Holding her.)
Emma: What if I want to wait? Is that too weird, could you handle that?
Will: I will wait for you forever and a day if that's what you need.
(She smiles. Relieved. In love.)
#fanning self at increasingly rare glimpses of when Will is the best
-This script honestly says "America" was going to be mashed up with "Jai Ho." Thank god for multiple drafts. Did you know Artie could have been worse?
-Auditorium Scene: "Kurt is emotional, close to tears." Oh, I see we're doing the thing where Darren & Chris switch parts again.
In conclusion: every time I read script snippets, I marvel anew at anyone's ability take such flat, lifeless words with minimal descriptive direction and infuse them with warmth and sincerity. "Acting, man. How does it work?"
6. Other Assorted Things:
* New comm on which I will apparently need to read ALL THE THINGS: gleeatthemovies, or "straight up casting movies with Glee characters and rewriting them into fic accordingly." It's a guilty daydream pleasure of mine and I love that now there are people who've done the work for me. I just skimmed "The Proposal" and it was pretty cute.
* I had another dream last night about being friends with Marley, or maybe just trying to be friends, that ended with me crying because I couldn't protect her from her own idiocy in the Puckerman department. Glee, this is alarming for my health and well being. Write Jake out of the picture, NOW.