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I didn't really want to be back yet, since I haven't been reading my flist very carefully, but I've been making private posts that I have since opened up to friends, if you want to see my emotional status updates for Tuesday and Wednesday. I deeply thank everyone who commented on Monday, but I have no words to make individual replies, so I hope you understand. Interacting with people even in comments is still mostly beyond my abilities. I'm just grateful for everything said.

Other steps for coping without Kym (so far):
1. set your CD alarm clock to play the Pocahontas soundtrack, hearing it for the first time since you were 12. By the time you wake up, it will be well into the instrumental tracks you never listened to, and they will be peaceful and pretty.
2. read a lot of incredibly mindless entertainment news (ohnotheydidnt! p.s., Hollywood news outside scripted broadcast-network TV is SO BORING)
3. drink a daily glass of wine
4. spend a lot of time on work (your job type work)
5. read books
6. cry briefly at random times; alternate with pushing it so far out of your mind that you're too calm and disconnected to be affected by sadness
7. try to keep going on daily walks
8. process your grief by projecting it into fanfic snippets. Specifically, put Kurt Hummel through the ringer. [I am currently living in two alternate realities: one where he lost his father, because I need to believe I'm not getting through this alone, and one where he lost Blaine, because that is the depth of the bond I'm missing and I am alone]
9. don't go anywhere near pet-death support sites
10. watch mindless TV. For the record, watching Castle and/or CSI (this week) DOES NOT QUALIFY, YOU IDIOT.
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In the meantime, the real reason I am back is that CSI apparently did a thing of which I do not approve. I've been stewing in it since it aired last night, although all my information is coming secondhand because I didn't and will never watch it. I need to vent somewhere, because February 2013 has now officially become the worst month of my life since way back in college.


BACKSTORY: I have seen about 6-8 episodes this year, while pretending I haven't watched past the premiere, because they were all so good I wanted to watch them again and give them proper review space. But then I fell off the review wagon and had no time to catch up, so I decided to stop where I was and add the season to the summer queue, easy enough since I have literally zero exposure to news about this show. Then I friended vegawriters and everything was suddenly all about this one Sara-centric episode that was potentially very good and increasingly potentially very bad. The worse it looked, the more sure I was going to just wait and stay in the dark, because I obviously didn't need the extra hell this week.

Unfortunately, curiosity won - Castle broke me! My willpower/obsessive need to only watch a season in perfect order is gone! - and though I didn't watch it, I hung out in the Tumblr tag while the episode aired. ("Mistaaaaaake!")


Apparently Grissom & Sara are now separated/divorced. No big deal, just the foundation ship of this 13-year-old show. Whatevs.

Wednesday: Unedited Ranty Version
LOL NOPE BYE.

Literally just...not accepting this. Never watching the episode, done with future episodes, the show can just stop here. Unlike with Glee, I am above this. I don't feel it hard enough to be canon, and god, I am so much better for it. Sucks for all the fans who can't just handwave it and decide not to believe.

I'm not even going to bother repeating all my Kurt/Blaine rage from last fall, because Sara and Grissom met late enough in life that they aren't in quite the same category of fairytale romance, even if they are soulmates, but -- my anger about relationships losing their magic if you break up in the middle and see other people after finally getting together? So very applicable.

(Honestly, show, what happened to them having a marriage that worked for them and no one else needed to understand? Why couldn't you just leave that alone? Why did you have to pick? There was no reason to pick. No picking! /nasally Seinfeld voice.)

I'm kind of sorry they already lost their spot in the Top Five All-Time OTPs Kingdom to Kurt and Blaine, because I would have really enjoyed kicking them the fuck out tonight.

If I believed this were happening. Which I realized, 5 seconds after writing the above, that I am not. Goodbye, and good luck.

Between Wednesday and Thursday
I like how they keep talking about "implications into next year" and how the story will continue. No, it won't. You've separated them before, a fact I had forgotten about because I refused to watch 9x05 and it was clearly just a pause button on the way to spinny-camera grand reunion kissing as opposed to a real breakup, but there's no way to fix this now. There is no more to the story; you don't get to tell a story after this. Glee already proved to me that there is no way to make a worthwhile arc out of a vile bomb drop. Although I am kind of sorry that this relationship could actually have withstood cheating and it would have been easier to swallow than divorce. Maybe because it still feels like cheating. You're meant to be with someone and you can't have extracurricular people.

I have some unfinished business with all those super-great episodes of season 13, and I'm not sure what to do with that -- I hate to leave them unwritten about, but if I go back there is a slim chance it will get devious like Grey's Anatomy and suck me back in underhandedly, and I'd rather spite myself than give it that opening. So I'm not totally sure if this is the end. But it sure has that really certain Bones Episode #100 level sense of THIS IS UNFORGIVABLE. GAME OVER.

Thursday: The "Maybe I Will Post A Version Of This To Tumblr" Edition
Reading other people's opinions is always a dumb way to go, because instead of saying my piece and being done, now I'm riled up and feel like I need to FORCE people to understand something they just don't seem to be getting, whether they're being practical and pragmatic or writhing about in "but they were my first real ship!" angst. (as if they are only a ship, instead of so much more)

The thing is, this isn't just a dumb writing choice you can complain about. This isn't even about whether it's in character or not. It is literally. Not. An option.

Some couples just aren't allowed to break up. A UST couple that takes more than 5 years to get together is one of them. And once they get married, that's absolutely it. A victory for permanent commitment and contentment. There's no divorce in good storytelling, there are no separations. That lazy nonsense is reserved for books, movies, and silly soap opera types like Grey's Anatomy. Couples like Grissom and Sara, they are foundations. Institutions. When you want to change the look of your house or test out something new, you work with the existing structure. You don't knock it down and build it back up from the floorboards.

To be fair, I was always upset by the "long distance marriage" - there was no reason for it; there was never a reason Grissom couldn't be off screen right here in Vegas, teaching at a local university or simply pursuing his own research supplemented with travel when necessary. The longer it went on, the less happy I felt. But since they told us it worked, I put up with it for the joy of having Jorja Fox back on my screen. I see now that was a mistake, and the only way to keep them safe was to push them away.

The point is: TPTB broke television law. I can't judge this like other shows as a good or bad direction for the characters, or wonder how it will affect Sara in the upcoming episodes, because they are untouchable. It's honestly laughable that anyone thought it was okay to even try this. Can you imagine if the second X-Files movie followed through on its misdirection and went "lol yeah Mulder and Scully haven't seen each other in 5 years"? If you need more universal examples, that's like tuning in to find out the Brady Bunch has split back up into two separate households, or Disney is going to experiment with a new movie where Minnie elopes with Goofy. There may be other examples now that I have opened a discussion post about it!

You don't get to pretend you're setting up for a season or two-season arc. This isn't an arc. This is a slash and burn project. Let's pretend, for a minute, that this is planned as an emotionally complex journey that will force them to examine what they mean to each other and get them back together, Costa Rica style, in next year's season finale. Do you think that would be worth it? Do you think the struggle to get there will make the ultimate conclusion heartwarming, fill you with elation as you see them beat all the odds? It will not. It will be long tainted by then, a sour coda to an unfixable mess, because what you had wasn't important enough to preserve. You can't ever get back to what you were, and it's already too late.

That is the best case scenario.

There are no character motivations to explore. There is nothing to dig into. A death warrant was signed and went up as effectively as a brick wall in stopping the development of this relationship in its tracks.

RS out.
#breakingupwithCSI
#I reject your canon and substitute my own

Thursday: Post-Essay Messiness
Oops. Reading my old reviews because I can't remember GSR's chronology off the top of my head, and...there is no way I'm letting anyone use this as justification for being in character, but this conversation does seem sort of relevant all over again.

"Sooner or later a relationship in stasis withers. You get angry."
"You need more than the safety of knowing that you're not alone."
"Then he should've just walked away."
"Well, maybe he couldn't. Maybe he needed her to leave him."

Apparently I also got kind of angry in the early part of season 9 when Sara left again, and may have threatened to break up with this show at that time? *chagrined look* I don't remember being that upset; must have been too buried under homework. But 2008 Me seems to have still accepted this as a possible, if highly undesirable, turn for the couple. What changed? And am I crazy, or is it possible to decide neither of the times Sara left were actual breakups as opposed to pause buttons?

Oh, that's right. What changed is they got married. I repeat, when it comes to long-running couples on TV, wedding bands are as much a promise to the audience as they are to the people involved. You put a ring on it after proper courtship, that's a universally accepted sign for "you win: permanent freedom from being jerked around for Drama/Conflict/ratings."

Anyway, before I get any grumpier, I'm just going to go back to The Two Mrs. Grissoms and reread my old macro set (scroll to #15). Grainy as it is, never fails to get a smile out of me.

I mean I still feel pretty irritable, but I maintain that where this show is concerned, I am able to deny "canon" as not being any more valid than fanfic. It's just a shame to have to quit the source material after being faithful so many years and through so many shakeups.

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