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Makeover shows are the worst idea ever.

Although that could just be because I hate makeovers in general.  Well, in part.  I have no real problem with the makeup or even the clothes, though the latter is sometimes a  pushy and unnecessarily drastic change; what I do have a problem with is the idea of screwing around with someone's hair.  

Why am I on this rant? I got to page 3 of the TWoP recap for the British version of America's Next Top Model, on the mistaken idea that it might be more bearable than the original.  Then they started talking about the makeovers, and upon reaching the phrase "Stephanie also cries when her long blonde hair is chopped off.  But she looks so much better with her red, straight, be-banged hair," my eyes crossed and filled with crimson rage, so the reading had to stop there. 

Fashion designers/stylists are all idiots.  They are unimaginative twits who think that there is No Such Thing as long hair that is pretty, and so the only idea they ever have is to chop it all off.  It always bothers me that these so-called "stylists" only know how to cut, and do not know how to actually style the hair they have.  They are incapable of making pretty braids or curls or those fancy twisted buns.  They just go, "Hey, let me cut it all off, and then I'll smear gel all over it and muss it up so little bits stick up in all different directions, and it will be SO STYLISH."

No woman under 30 (or even 40, or sometimes 50) looks BETTER with shorter hair.  If she's naturally pretty she can still look good, and once in a while, she can look equally pretty, as in the case of Halle Berry, but she will never look BETTER.   In 95% of cases, when I compare before-and-after pictures, the girl looks better before, with her gorgeous princess hair.  And especially in the case of models - honestly.  In order to be a runway model, you have to be sort of ugly.  Too tall, too thin, a weird triangle shape to your body.  (incidentally, the prettiest models I've ever seen are the girls in the Delia's catalogues.  Seriously, I wish they all looked like that) But pretty hair can make up for every other unforgiving feature, so I don't know why all models aren't encouraged to have hair as long as possible.  Especially since with professional stylists, they can always have it in a state of perfect sheen. 

You know what broke my heart in high school?  When some girl who'd had long hair forever would come in one day with it bobbed to her ears, and every female in the nearby vicinity would flock to her desk, cooing "Oh my God, your haircut is SO CUTE!"  It made me want to throw up.  The haircut alone was ugly enough, but to have people encouraging it?  These girls, you see, never went back.  They never had even halfway long hair again.

My version of long hair is different than most people's, for some reason.  "Short" is defined as anything that doesn't quite touch the shoulders.  (the super-ugly 'pixie' cut, I refer to as a "boy cut", I will not forgive anyone who does it).  Medium is from shoulder length to halfway down your back.  It is not "long" until it touches the small of your back.  In magazines, people always start to talk about hair getting "out of control" every time it nears this length, which bothers me.  It's not "out of control" unless you have to move it before you sit down.

Anyway, about makeover shows, like TLC's horrific "What Not to Wear" which may be the show I hate more than any other in the universe including Family Guy:  At my summer job, the girls would always watch this on break, and every time a young woman started crying when they proposed cutting a foot or more off her hair, the other girls would look disgusted and complain, "Why is she CRYING?  She's getting all this for free!  And she's on TV!" It got to the point where I would have to leave the room.  I couldn't take the dual blow of a) pretty hair being made ugly and b) nobody sympathizing with her plight.  I cry when my hairdresser takes off six inches instead of three, okay?  Even if I told her to do it, because my hair's been getting terribly tangled from split ends and such, I still go home and cry for a while until I get used to it. 

The makeover people are very rarely sympathetic.  Instead of suggesting something simpler, like "let's just take off a few inches, and then let me give you bangs, or a few layers, some highlights and teach you how to pull your hair up in an easy but elegant style," they usually just sit and argue with her for an hour until they wear down her resistance (already lowered due to the crying) and she gives in to the scissors.

Ugh.  I feel all grumpy and out of the holiday mood.  :(  Probably not helped by the fact that I'm working on my "Why I Don't Watch Your Show" list...

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