RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,


First of all, I was watching a Criminal Minds rerun a few nights ago, and...EXCUSE YOU WHY DID NO ONE INFORM ME THERE WAS A GLORIOUS AU WORLD OF CRACK where Adam Rove and Luke Girardi from Joan of Arcadia are evil teen partners in crime?? I was dead tired and barely paying attention so I wasn't real clear what they were being interrogated about, but oh man, that was a delightful mind-bender. The only way it could possibly have been better/more twisted would have been to hit up Amber Tamblyn for the role of the missing girl.
Remember that time I thought I'd finally grown too bored with Law & Order: SVU to bother with it ever again? How I ignored the entire season and then spoiled myself whenever people mentioned it so I knew everything that happened, and theoretically would feel no urgency to "catch up"? (spoiler alert, all of the nice things about Amaro's life have been taken away. That might be part of why I felt no quitter's remorse)

Apparently all I needed was a day of being too tired to move, thinking, "Man, I wish I had some TV to passively absorb that I haven't seen before. But nothing too taxing or important. I'm not ready even for low-impact CSI: NY right now. OOH I KNOW."

"25 Acts": I laughed forever and ever at how they based their entire case approach on how the book was too detailed to have been "researched" with "theoretical knowledge" and MUST have involved RL experience, because...welcome to fanfic porn. Or are you trying to tell me things about the people on Tumblr?

Other than that, I could not shake the feeling that this episode was written by someone who genuinely thinks E.L. James deserves this for unleashing 50 Shades of Grey upon the world. It was an unsettling feeling. I'm really glad they managed to pull off that improbable conviction (the lawyer was annoying enough at that point that I also would have tried to choke the life out of him if presented with the option, so idk how that proved what testimony did not, especially since the way it "didn't leave a mark" tells me you COULD argue that the woman wanted him to pull it way tighter than he would have if he were just angry), but I still don't think having my career and financial stability ruined* would be worth that tiny bit of satisfaction since you'd still have to worth through the aftermath with time and therapy. Thanks for the pressure cooker, SVU.

*I am also unclear how this is a life-ruiner for the young woman, because...ghostwriting is a thing? That validly exists? I suppose ghostwriting usually involves some input from the non-writing party, but still, this just seems like Not A Big Deal At All. I also don't quite see how it counts as "lying" any more than acting does when it's for contractual reasons and agreed-upon ahead of time.

I tried to watch more episodes after that, but I felt like I'd seen at least two of the subsequent ones, and I can't remember if that means I watched them and didn't write about them, or I just watched the teasers and then got bored, or what. In retrospect, I think maybe I'd skipped this episode on purpose in case it was too gross (oops), and kept watching the series for a little while before accidentally dropping it? I'm so confused. They'd probably seem all new to me, but now I'm primed & ready for something a little more engaging.

9x09, "Blood Out": This episode kind of diminished my Lovato love, and I'm not really sure why, other than that it seemed to highlight her as distinctly inferior to Angell. It gave me the sense that she is not particularly book smart - you don't have to be academically clever to work undercover, even if it seems like you do - and when she talked about understanding how kids get drawn into gangs and how easily she could have been one of them, instead of humanizing her it mentally made me write her off. And unlike Flack, I do not feel the need to hang my head and show up with apology takeout. She's serviceable as a character and love interest and all, I just...the girl I'd rather see Flack hang out with is his dog. Remember how he has a dog?

But on the bright side, a) neat gruesomely chainsawed-in-half body, and b) we-hell, it is not too often you get someone try to make an improbable leap between building roofs, miss their mark, dangle desperately by their fingertips, and still fall to their death. Nice bit of realism.
9x11, "Command + P"

1) Ahhh, printable guns. This amuses me on so many different levels.

2) Aaaand Flack & Lovato are back to being kinda stupid cute with their ping pong and their perfect kissing. It's weird because they are still not really screaming "romantic chemistry" to me, but they executed that first kiss really well. I feel like a director was responsible.

3) Oh that's right, I remember hearing they gave Sid cancer. FINALLY. I hope something in the morgue caused it, just for the morgue's sake. It's tried so hard to kill him over the years, it would be a shame if some other random exposure took its glory. Can you tell I'm just a tad excited to see him off? Also, I wish they would stop trying to make Jo cry. She literally can't do it and it's just awful watching her make attempts.

But I love that I kept waiting for the people opening those letters to drop dead from some type of subtle poison. I mean, that would be my first response upon opening a random check for one million dollars. I can't imagine a circumstance where I'd believe that to be real and start celebrating.
9x12, "Civilized Lies": Well, I for one am impressed by the sheer amount of time and resources the NYPD has to screw with one suspect just to make sure he's not the only one punished for a crime. I feel like the real NYPD would call it a day once they got a confession and be done with it. Not to make a statement on the NYPD specifically, I just feel like that's what any police station would do unless they literally had nothing better to solve. At the very least, I feel like they would not have all hands on deck to create elaborately edited video footage and stage a mock confession with dressed up actors and props to convince a guy to rat out his partners since one of them "did it first." But maybe that's just me.
Nine Thirteen: 1) Hah, obvious pickpocket is obvious, but still dressed in neat enough attire to hold my interest. Albeit not as much as Hot/Charming Heart Guy. I will deal with all the Jo Face in the world to hang out with that dude. Even with her weird "CAN I LISTEN TO MY SISTER'S HEART IN YOUR CHEST" attack, which I feel like she would not have requested if his appearance were anything other than a chiseled male model with the whitest smile that has ever existed. I am not kidding about this guy's looks; combined with his laid back charm and humble attitude I feel like he's the reason the act of swooning was discovered.

2) Oh yeah, I remember hearing Lindsay was pregnant again, too. I guess I've been spoiled more thoroughly than I thought. (*shakes fist @ sky for no season 10 & subsequent resolution*) Sadly I'm in one of my weird moods where this just reminds me how grossly handled the first pregnancy & its surrounding storyline was, instead of being able to appreciate how picture-perfect the announcement is this time around (which is a pity, because you know what does not get enough love on television? Married parents expecting their second kid. Especially since most of them became parents the first time around due to Whoops Birth Control Fail, so second kids are usually the first moment it feels like they're deliberately creating a family, instead of just being shoved into the circumstance and making it work.)

So if you need me, I'll be over here cackling at the priceless imagery of Mac & Christine speculating and arguing over who's closer and betting against one another on her announcement. It is so glorious having an OTP. Let's not think about how I only have four episodes left.
9x14, "White Gold": Is apparently what you call fancy quality cheese that you can sell for a profit in Canada, and which is taped up to look like bricks of cocaine for some unclear reason. This is literally the most boring episode since that time Jo got a 2-episode arc, if not since all the way back to Tales of the Undercard in season 6. The spray painting college kids in the teaser were the most interesting part.

And then I watched The Vow, which I've been putting off for almost a month because I knew I'd start crying pretty quick, but GOOD LORD. I'm actually exhausted from sobbing so hard. I stopped being able to control it or even figure out what was affecting me so much, it was just an unstoppable force.

[minor movie discusion here]I don't even know if it was entirely the movie or just me using the movie to project. (let's be real, sometimes I watch sad things just to trigger myself. It's like emotional porn) I love McAdams, and Channing Tatum is kind of decent when he pulls himself together for a serious role about being in eternally devoted love, so they had really good chemistry - with a lesser actor (like the guy playing her ex-fiancee), it wouldn't have been half as effective.

Even so, I felt like the movie got way more bogged down in her family than in showing us their life pre-accident, or the early recovery period*, or even on him trying to win her back. I wasn't really sold on the magic of these particular characters so much - it felt like I was just being told how much he loved her without understanding why. And maybe that's the point, to put yourself in Paige's shoes, but surely he could have done some more work in the face department to make your stomach turn flips and want her to fall back in love with him. It's billed as a love story, and it is, but there was also just a little much emphasis on "independence is awesome and it's important to know yourself first." That is a great message, but if the story's in a Hallmark box, I want it to be about white knights and love as the saving grace, kthnxbai.

*I was really mad about how quickly they glossed over the hospital time. It felt like about five minutes between the accident and her coming home.

Mostly I just kept thinking about the real life couple, though, and how horrible it would be to have that happen to you. It would be like losing your spouse to death and divorce at the same time.

[bonus ending spoilers]
The ending was realistic, or at least as realistic as you can expect for a happy ending, but it didn't exactly do a lot to quell the sobbing as opposed to "BUT YOU LEEEEFT. AND YOU STILL DON'T REMEMBER. WHAT IF YOU STILL DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM AND YOU LEAVE AGAIN." I was sunk way too deep in misery for that to feel optimistic at all; I think I may need to watch the last few minutes again tomorrow with a clear head.
Tags: criminal minds, csi: ny, joan of arcadia, law & order: svu, movie reviews, tv commentary

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