Turns out the fall 2013 season is upon us. Shows are coming back. I officially lost multiple shows this year that are still airing due to my inability to Get It Together and marathon television this summer. I don't even know what the new shows are, aside from the following stupid ones I will not be watching:
[draw back the curtain on negativity if you like]
-The Blacklist: I didn't think James Spader could get more aggravating than Robert California. I was wrong.
-Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Even though it's the only one my boyfriend specifically wants to watch, I hear the word "Avengers" and the amount of HOLY MOTHER OF GOD I'M BORED the idea incites in me is off the charts.
-The Crazy Ones: "You're perfect," "you're perfect" but you look terrible together. Which is not to say I can write you off, because CBS has long and very sneaky claws. But I have no idea what's going on here and I don't really care to find out.
-Dracula: Stars Jonathan Rhys Myers, just in case I wasn't already going to write it off. (I was.)
-Sean Saves the World: Sean Hayes? Get out. In the literal "get out of my sight" sense.
Having said that, I was immediately tempted to go look up a list of new shows. Only two things popped out at me:
1. Reign, because CASTLES, PRETTY DRESSES, HORSES, MARY QUEEN OF SCOTS, 16TH CENTURY ENGLAND, HOW IS THIS A THING THAT IS REAL AND HAPPENING ON NETWORK TELEVISION. I've literally seen one 30-second promo and read 3 sentences about it in print (the beginning of that link's review) and that's all the info I need or want to barge into this thing with excitement a-blazin'.
2. Sleepy Hollow, because other people have said they will watch it, and also woohoo, history + super creepy headless horseman! But I do tend to grow quickly weary of things like ancient magic and destinies and secret societies, I just want (para)normal spooky stuff.
And with that done, time to face the music and see just what my barren schedule looks like this season... (hint: probably not that barren; I like to fill holes. With inferior quality stuff, if need be)
Shows listed first are the ones I'm more likely to watch live, mostly out of general impatience to see the things. You know, the worst part is, this was going to be the first year I got to celebrate FINALLY culling a whole bunch of shows at once via cancellation. But I can't even celebrate properly because this list a lie! I don't need filler! I have quality nutritional supplements waiting for me right there I just...*sigh*
7:00: How I Met Your Mother
8:00: 2 Broke Girls OR Sleepy Hollow, depending on my mood
8:00: NCIS: LA/The Mindy Project (depending on whether Deeks/Kensi is on full time, basically)
7:00: Survivor vs. Revolution vs. The Middle
8:00: Criminal Minds vs. Law & Order: SVU
(shaking my head at all of these 9pm-quality dramas airing before 9)
8:00: Glee vs. Reign (oh my god are you kidding me with this. LOOK AT ALL THAT EMPTY TIME ON THURSDAY. AND MONDAY. AND TUESDAY. I'm going to end up watching like every stupid comedy that exists unless I abstain from live TV entirely)
8:00: Sleepy Hollow, as long as the encores last
And, last but not least, for literally the very first time I try to figure out how excited I am for everything to come back.
[tl;dr sidebar: I want Castle more than anything but it's so good I'm afraid to tear off the packing on season 5 so that I CAN watch season 6.]SIDEBAR: Which is hard, because my other #1 feeling right now is sobbing despair that I couldn't get it together in time to get back on board with Castle, I was literally so overwhelmed with love and joy that this ship became canon that I could not process it, and then having spoiled all the shippiest moments, I'm still too overwhelmed to actually watch the episodes, because then I will have seen them and that shiny potential will no longer be waiting for me. Which means I can't watch the new season because it'll be out of order. I'm hoping I can stay unspoiled through season 6, but considering I'm 98% sure it's just going to get better in the shippy realm, I don't know. I've never been this paralyzed over something I wanted so much. That wasn't called Friday Night Lights. Oh god, we have actual FNL Syndrome going on here.
OH MY GOD, RS, GET TO THE POINT.
1. Glee. Because of spoilery reasons. I'll just leave it at that. (LOVES YOU, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH). I've recently blacklisted spoilers on Tumblr so I don't get any more, and I'm not even letting myself listen to the music ahead of time, which I'm hoping makes the episode better and doesn't end up in another Castle season 5 situation, crikey.
2. How I Met Your Mother. The EW cover + 27 page article (barely an exaggeration) sold me on the damn nostalgia & fever pitch of excitement that I will find this rip-roaringly hilarious.
3. Revolution. Thanks to my summer shows, I've kept my brain primed & ready for the fun of non-procedural, action-based adventure drama, so let's hit the ground running straight back into sword fights and secret labs & whatnot.
4. The Middle. I have missed this family greatly. So ready to laugh again!
5. 2 Broke Girls. Less laughter & more cringing overall, but also 100% more fantastic friendship, so -- there's that!
6. Survivor. There's nobody I head-over-heels love, just a couple of likable people, and there's one dude I hate plus a couple more I'm not fond of, but hey, it's Survivor! And this time I'm excited for the genuinely new twist of "returning players WITH FAMILY MEMBERS."
7. NCIS. I'm actually kind of invigorated by Cote's departure. I feel like there is actually a lot of potential for this show to be...exciting? ...past the premiere?? When was the last time that happened? (I mean, I'm still more excited to find out if NCIS: LA is gonna give us a real true blue 'ship to play with, but...)
8. Criminal Minds. I don't know how normal people wind down after Survivor, but this is my go-to place. Ready to get back to my weekly mini-horror-movies now. Oh hey, this is the show's first time showing up on my season countdown list, isn't it?
9. Reign. I can has period piece that is historical and not fantasy based? Yes plz?? I mean, the CW taint is still going to make me tell you to get behind all the shows with an established precedent for excitement, but I put you there with impatience.
10. The Mindy Project. I do miss Mindy. The rest not so much.
11. Law & Order: SVU. Come on, ye doddering old workhorse. I decided not to shoot you after all; don't make me regret it. (you will. I can already see plans to let you collect dust for marathons taking shape.)
12. Sleepy Hollow. Beginning to suspect I have no actual faith in this show, whoops. The question is, will this turn out like my lack of faith in Smash, or my lack of faith in Awake? One minute it seems great, the next I'm like "oh yeah, that show I wanted to watch that isn't Reign, that exists."
Retired From Last Fall: Smash, CSI:NY, Private Practice, The Office (*sniff), Go On - you see why I wanted to celebrate?
Lost and Wandering: Castle, Grey's Anatomy, Community, maaaaybe CSI (I was going to banhammer it, but the finale sounded really good so I thought maybe I could just ignore the last 6 months and retcon anything undesirable that happened).
P.S. Also I would just like to say that while I have yet to find the promised The Middle reruns on my syndication channel o' awesome, they have taken my midnight Scrubs reruns from me. Everything else is the same, except now Steve Harvey's ugly talk show mug pops up in the middle of 4 hours of sitcoms and Scrubs has gone to a land I can retrieve only by YouTube or my ample (but incomplete) DVD collection.