RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

Comedy Cramming

How I Met Your Mother, 9x08, "The Lighthouse"

Oh, man, that last scene. I feel like we still can't really feel these moments organically* when they're so clearly manufactured, but still, that was some high quality romance for being cooked up in a lab. Perfect proposal, perfect expression on Ted's face, perfect cuddling (damn it, protective forehead kisses are my kryptonite) and adorable excited hugging.

*Srsly, we've been arranged-marriaged with this OTP.
*I'm just gonna go ahead and say it: that didn't come anywhere close to the swooning, swoopy dips my heart did over Ted & Zoey's epic first kiss in the hallway.

2 Broke Girls and the Girlfriend Experience:I enjoyed the cute hooker and the girls' experience of hiring her. That's not much, but it did make me wish they could keep her around to be the skanky(er) member of their newfound trio for like a month.
Mike and Molly, season 4 premiere

Yeah, whatever, I've been eagerly anticipating this show's return for the past month or however long they've been running promos for it, SHUT UP, it has fabulous ladies OK? Hideous men, but such fabulous ladies. Melissa was so freaking cute in the special "we're premiering tonight!" promos I squealed. And after sitting through a couple episodes of the dry, brittle crap that is "Mom," the constrasting vibrance in this show was such a relief.

I promise not to talk about it regularly, probably, it's just that today I am baffled by this sudden claim of "history of mental illness in the family" that apparently was not a joke, but an actual reason for Molly's apparent break with rational thinking? And more importantly, she's not going to be a teacher anymore?!  WHAT?!

That is like the ENTIRE REASON I LOVE HER (well, maybe only part of it, but it's a damn big part). There is no higher aim than being a teacher! Ideally you take it for the job description and the shaping children's lives, but in a pinch you take it for the job stability and the benefits. (p.s. thank you for being the first show in the history of ever to acknowledge that teachers are not the worst-paid people in the world. Don't get me wrong, I think teachers are amazing and deserve to be paid well, but based on the salaries posted to job sites they are making at LEAST as much as I have ever expected to accomplish with a single job).

I think part of the title card said something like "we hope you enjoy the new direction of our show," and that automatically makes me irritated (NO DIRECTION-CHANGING, THANK YOU. Unless you're 2 Broke Girls; they're the only ones who know how), but in actuality I will probably continue to
watch it.

New Girl, 3x07, "Coach"
Hark! I have finally watched my first full episode of this show, because it turns out that if you dangle a hot naked Taye Diggs in front of me I will watch anything. That man is literally made of sex appeal; science should study this phenomenon.

[because I am thoughtful, I will hide my hate]
Let's start with the bad (or maybe end with it, if you were initially resisting clicking and then curiosity won). After absorbing roughly 22 minutes of footage, my strongest feeling is the desire to beat Nick with a sack of batteries. "Man-boy-child hybrid" indeed. I mean, I assumed he was a manchild from the previews, but this is a whole new level. I just cannot wrap my brain around why and how the fuck they are dating. There is literally nothing resembling romantic or physical chemistry between them.  It's like saying your OTP is a dry erase marker and a ruler in a way where you want them to make out, to which the only appropriate response would be "How does that even work?" That's what it's like in my head.

There's not even an age difference and yet it's like she's his mother. Not in a gross way, just...she is literally like a den mother, taking care of him and teaching him how to be an adult. He is literally like a 14-year-old boy. And not like the innocently earnest kind on their first girlfriend, just the immature moron kind who doesn't even appear to have the capacity for emotional connection. I have to keep harping on this because I have not been this genuinely BOGGLED by how someone can ship a thing since like...I want to say Joey/Rachel.

Also I do not accept that Nick is a good kisser when his face is so gross. I grimace at the mere thought.

The biggest compromise on my deeply ingrained biases I am willing to make right now is that Jess does not seem quite as infuriatingly stupid and socially freakish as she did throughout the previews in season 1. I may be willing to accept that she is just a sweet girl sadly lacking in quality friends. In which case I would be happy to rescue her and protect her from ever seeing those idiots again whilst we hang out doing fun things that do not involve alcohol. As long as I can also teach her that desperately needed sense of shame (still not over that bank nonsense tbh).

Which reminds me, CeCe seems pretty dumb at first glance. If she's not, then she should prove it by taking off roughly 5 pounds of makeup and perhaps styling her hair in a way that does not look like a Cleopatra wig. Also, Schmidt is such a goddamn tool-douche hybrid I don't know how people are not punching him every minute of every day.

I think the lesson we've learned here is NEVER AGAIN, except in case of incredible guest stars (Lizzy Caplan was on here once, right?). Up until now I have always thought there was like a 5% chance of this series surprising me, but no, it genuinely seems to be the least enjoyable comedy since Modern Family.

P.S. Quick question, why does Jess have rabbit ears on her phone? That seems like a very inconvenient shape.

And then Taye Diggs shows up with that dazzling smile and my pants are like "take me off!" and I'm like NO, PANTS. (ok, I can't pull off Max Black. But my eyes do kind of glaze over along with a dazed smile and a sound that is similar to Ted Mosby's "naked lady" laugh. maybe some purring)

*chinhands* "Say Brazil again" indeed. Say any words. They all sound like sex.

My lady boner did die in its tracks for a second upon seeing the tattoo on his leg, but fortunately the dangly antenna happened to block most of my view of it. (the perfection of that accidental placement was actually pretty awesome.) What I'm saying is, if I found that waiting in my bed, there is nothing on earth that would make me hesitate for a second.

Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna go find all the porn where Jess realizes she just got a free pass to tap that fine ass.
(Heh. Heh heh heh. Heh.)

P.S. Coach seems entertaining so far. Also, Bunny Money is heads and shoulders my favorite. I think maybe liberals are right, there should be fewer white guys on TV. At least within the confines of this show.
Mindy Project, 2x07, "Sk8er Man"
This show's guest star of the day is Timothy Olyphant (as a grungy 40-year-old skateboarder, no less). Let me just think about how he compares to Sex God/Coffee Shop Owner Taye Diggs...

This entire episode is resting on a flawed premise, namely, in what universe is Mindy "too picky"?? This entire series has proven nothing more clearly than the fact that she has literally no standards when it comes to hooking up with men. I'm already bored by you.
(see, there's my need for that gif again)

But I did enjoy Mindy getting stuck in the gate of a chain link fence.
P.S. The Crazy Ones will be entering this week's round of Hot Male Guest Star Wars with a contender named Josh Groban. akl;sjfaskl;djfklasjdlkasjdfl;jasldfjakl;sdfjkl GIVE IT TO ME. (spoiler alert, Taye Diggs still wins, but omg, every time I see that preview it's like a rainbow colored fountain of joy)


P.P.P.S. Unrelated to anything, we just got our first snow. Will update tomorrow to tell you if it stuck. [edit: it did. some melted and you can see grass again, but it's not entirely gone even after a whole day of sun.]
Tags: 2 broke girls, big bang theory, comedies, how i met your mother, new girl, the mindy project, tv commentary
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