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So last night I watched What to Expect When You're Expecting, which the internet had led me to believe would be totally lame and dumb, so I had low expectations. You know what's actually lame and dumb? The internet, because that was super delightful. I think it might have done better if it hadn't had the cliche stigma attached to the title when it's really just a bunch of neatly interconnected stories about hot and/or awesome people expecting babies, so instead of dealing with breakups (okay, one breakup) or contrived obstacles to the happy ending, you just have people in generally happy relationships. I don't know about you, but that it is a pretty great thing to me.

Also I think I might be developing a serious and not-at-all checked crush on Chace Crawford. Or at least, on every character he plays. I don't know anything about him in real life, but he has a VERY swoon-worthy face and picks characters that tend to display Hot Manly Sensitivity, plus has the body of a young god. If he were ever to like, maybe put on some blue jeans and work boots and pick up a dog, my pants just might fall off of their own accord. This is a type I didn't even know I had. Why has he not been in ALL THE MOVIES EVER.

And in this movie he was dating Anna Kendrick! NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I NEED THEM TO BE IN A WHOLE MOVIE TOGETHER. I haven't seen a scorching A+ screen pairing like that in a really long time.  There was so much PRETTY there I could barely stand it -- and that's not even counting their super awesome snarky banter. This is is the kind of hotness where I would have been totally tolerant of seeing that baby made, let's put it that way.

I am still writing the sequel in my head that is about them in a proper relationship post-movie with a Happily Ever After ending. I would also accept a YA novel of a prequel where we see their not-precisely-dating teenage selves and respective friend groups, because I got the sense that their banter has been awesome from Day 1.

But honestly, just from the parts we saw -- specifically that one part where they're cuddling in bed together and he is tickling my fancy with his stomach touching and snapping of belly photos -- I could not process the delightful imagery before my eyes fast enough. Not Jim Halpert levels of husband material or anything, but the wonderful earnestness of a genuinely good guy who may have a player-like past and capabilities, yet really gives it everything (complete with sweet gestures and 100% devotion) when he falls in love. He looked like a puppy following her around. I'm going to imagine he was/would have been as schmoopy about the whole pregnancy as the Matt Morrison character, but younger, and therefore hotter and cuter.

SPEAKING OF THAT DUDE. Originally he was my #1 reason to watch this movie, and I was really disappointed that he was paired up with Cameron Diaz, whom I generally can't stand at all. Good news, though -- even though my adoration of his face has cooled considerably since 2010, he was pretty amazing as the casual-dating guy suddenly confronted with a pregnancy, and did so many wonderful things with his face and tone of voice and general gestures that I fell in love with him and felt completely neutral about Diaz, able to accept her simply as a necessary vehicle to elicit those reactions from him. Their ending was laughably cliche, and I did not care for one second, because it was perfect.

Elizabeth Banks was my favorite female character in this movie -- which reminds me, was there some of kind of two-for-one special for filming this movie in conjunction with Pitch Perfect? on bright side, Rebel Wilson didn't bug me at all -- and even though I was disappointed by her inferior selection in movie husbands, I liked her so much I didn't care. For once I actually had a soft spot for someone so pretty being with someone so decidedly average; it made me believe in their love more.

Her father in law and his magical pregnancy unicorn of a trophy wife weren't super interesting, but they were amusing for a bit of side comic relief.

The dad group was the weak point of the movie, but still amusing. More importantly, it was constantly livened up by the appearance of Super Hot Shirtless/Chest-Waxed Joe Manganiello, who is unfairly hot, especially while doing casual one-armed pull-ups. Actually unfair -- he should not be that hot when he has such huge arm and pectoral muscles, but it's like...DAMN. You could get dehydrated just looking at him. HOW. WORDS DO ARK al;skjfasl;dkjfasdf

The only relationship I didn't like was J.Lo and her whiny doorwipe of a husband, whose extra strong vibes of "FINE, I GUESS I'll do this for my baby crazy wife, but just so you know, I really really really don't actually want to and this sucks" was so gross I was really hoping he'd just walk out on her so she could be an awesome Sandra Bullock style mom (and maybe trip over a new husband via the adoption agency, idk). That said, I once again have to grudgingly admit to the acting prowess of Lopez, because even though I really don't like her in real life or enjoy her face, she always completely disappears into the characters she plays. This struggling freelance photographer was really, really sweet and likable, and I wanted her to have all the good things in life.

BONUS: her boss at the aquarium, who interestingly enough sounds exactly like Allison Janney, was played by...what's-her-face, Russell's temporary wife with all the cats on Rules of Engagement, whom I think is really funny and engaging. Also, the dude I really only know as Victoria's ex-bridegroom on How I Met Your Mother. I spent the whole movie picturing him speaking in a high-voiced German accent and wrangling ferrets just off screen.

NOW CAN WE TALK SOME MORE ABOUT HOW RIDICULOUSLY HOT CRAWFORD/KENDRICK IS AS A SCREEN PAIRING? Is there fic? I will even read bad fic. For the characters, of course; not RPF.
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Also, I went to the dollar store today for just a couple of basic things, and I was very pleased by the unexpectedly high number of unexpectedly high quality things I found. I don't often buy anything other than basic household products and snacks, but today there was just fun stuff EVERYWHERE. Among them:

-Fake My Little Ponies that, while obviously fake, were rather good fakes that I would have bought in an instant if they looked like G1 instead of G3 style ponies.

-Scratch and sniff stickers in such varieties as strawberry, popcorn and cola. I don't really know why you'd need or want cola-scented stickers, but the cola can/bottle stickers themselves were really adorable. I did not buy any and I regret that decision.

-LISA FRANK STICKERS. 300 per package. Obviously I bought two.

-A bunch of cute little individual Disney/Pixar movie character figurines,

-Taylor Swift college-ruled notebooks. She was just so pretty on the covers, and they were extra-large and spiral bound to boot. It's weirdly hard to find spiral bound notebooks that don't have perforated edges. I may or may not have bought two. I may or may not have had an imaginary niece story all locked and loaded after I looked at the state of my shopping basket.

-4-packs of ballpoint pens in multiple colors

-Incredibly adorable thank you notecards -- puppies and kittens peeking out of gift bags.

-Generic Midol-type pain relievers, which is AWESOME, because I really need them and I've been hoping to find these at the dollar store since forever, since the cheapest kind I have otherwise found anywhere are $4 for 40. This one was half the price per unit.

-All sorts of glitter glue, paints and bead packages that made me want to spontaneously start an arts and crafts project

-Window markers. I've never written anything on a window in my life, but now I'm like I NEED TWELVE. (I did not buy twelve. Or even one, which it's possible I regret.)

I spent what must have been a record-breaking 35-40 minutes just looking at everything there was to see.

In conclusion, I am a spendthrift, but a very content one for now. (I honestly don't even want to think about how much money I spend at that place per year, given that I go there at LEAST once a week...)

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
pianogurl330
Mar. 1st, 2014 02:58 pm (UTC)
Going through old stickers from when I was a kid to grade my students' tests I found some old school Lisa Frank stickers!!! I used to have all that stuff for my school supplies lololol.
But awesome finds at the dollar store!
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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