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CSI: Miami - "Just Murdered"
The fact that I laughed straight through the teaser told me I was going to hate this episode. It wasn't the funny kind of laughter I got out of the quips on CSI last week, but rather unrestrained "Hahaha *wipes tears from eyes* WHEN DID THIS SHOW GET SO AWFUL?!"

By the way, I firmly believe that if we can't do away with the end-of-teaser pun every episode, we should at least take it away from Horatio and let Alexx say it, at least part of the time. Nothing she says ever sounds forced or rehearsed. (case in point - "if the shoe fits." Hee.)

The cases (and casework) this week were slipshod at best. Things that irked me:

  • Why the hell was Horatio even there at the scene of the "domestic disturbance"? It is not your job to interfere on domestic disturbance calls. It is your job to poke around the mess if and when those disturbances go sour. Until then, the police and detectives can handle it.
  • So Alexx warns Ryan that she wouldn't be suprised if these lasers result in some sort of electrocution...and Ryan decides to put his hand through anyway. IDIOT BOY.
  • The guy that killed his wife confessed just because the drywall on his shoulder matched the stuff in the house? a) how would you not notice that on your shoulder and brush it off, and b) does drywall have DNA like plant material, or something? How could you match it to that particular house? Well, maybe it's got some signature composition, so I guess I buy that. Which still doesn't prove he killed her, by the way. At best, it proves he was there.  He could probably argue that she got mad and SHE threw the vase that made the dent in the wall.  They didn't find his fingerprints on it, now, did they?
  • How, exactly, did Horatio have a viable case against Sleazerella? (a/k/a "how I shall refer to the sleazy lawyer lady from now on") Where's his proof that she betrayed her clients? Is the crime lab bugged with microphones and recording devices every 10 ft? Does Horatio secretly carry a Dictaphone in his pocket? It's his word against hers. Now, admittedly, his word is golden, but...the man has way too much power.
  • Stupid, stupid criminals. *headdesk* How stupid do you have to be to wear the accessories you claim were stolen - while in the presence of people whose jobs revolve around their observational and critical reasoning skills, no less? They'd have actually gotten away with it if not for that one lousy detail. Although frankly, I don't see why they needed to commit murder at all. It's not like the man's lawyer was twirling a handlebar mustache and sneering "Ha-ha-ha! You vill nev-ar find vhere I have hidden your precious jewels!" He had the frickin' stuff laid out for them and ready to go. Honestly.
  • Also, another utterly stupid ending montage. What was the purpose of those stupid black-and-white flashbacks of the couple then v. now? TIME WASTING.
  • And while I'm sniping about annoying things, even though this isn't case-related, STOP IT WITH THE EFFING FLASHBACKS TO SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TEN MINUTES AGO.
HOWEVER. If you can get past the stupid case details, there were plenty of personal storylines to focus on this week, and they are what's going to help pull this one up into the top half of the list when I rank the season's episodes at the end of the year.
  • Oh wow - having the sue-happy whore show up demanding her check was an absolutely solid piece of writing and acting all around. I can definitely see how that's something he wouldn't remember; it happened right before he was shot and his wages haven't been garnished yet, so yeah...I can see how that might be a memory that stays lost. Poor thing was so completely clueless...and I love that Calleigh swept in to rescue him, and how she kept emphasizing that he hadn't done anything wrong. I always forget how much I love their dynamic. They've been there together through thick and thin for the last five years, and nobody's ever going to replicate that.
  • Ah, filling in another hole in the Calleigh backstory...well, it's not really a hole, just a little confirmation; her parents divorced 15 years ago. I don't think we knew that before, did we? Now, if only we could get something to convince the fandom that her daddy was less an abusive drunk and more a babbling-fool drunk.
  • #1 pressing concern: ALL RIGHT, who blew the spoilers out of proportion? Ausiello, Talk CSI, and CBS promo department, you've got some explaining to do. "Sparkage"? I KNOW somebody used the word sparkage in connection with Eric and Calleigh, and as soon as I find you I'm going to slap your hand with a ruler. Since when does a cheek kiss constitute blossoming romance? It's one thing when you've got Horatio and Yelina out there after the most emotional day ever. But this was just a sweet gesture of affection; I love Calleigh for it but see nothing more. See also: Mac and Stella, not to mention Gibbs kisses Abby every other week. Was that supposed to be Eric's "smitten" look? Come on, any guy would look pleased if someone that lovely and charming gave him a peck.
Or wait, maybe I was supposed to notice how gruffly he denied "that" being anything as soon as Natalia asked him about it. Speaking of which, why are you even asking, MOLE? Not only is it clearly nothing, you are way too interested in his personal life. You're too interested in everyone's personal life, really. No wonder they picked you for a mole; your love of gossip is astounding. And that's how I'm going to read Eric's reaction, unless the show is planning to further this storyline in coming weeks. That would be good, although they're still stupid for running such a dramatic promo so early.
  • Dear Show: didn't I warn you about dropping Eric's problems out of sight? I knew you were going to have this courtroom scene in a future episode, which is why I warned you that his injury needed to be kept at the forefront at all times. Odd choice to bring this up now when he's suddenly been 2 episodes without problems. That being said, kudos. It was actually quite moving to see him struggle on the stand
  • Almost-worthwhile Horatio/Eric interaction! Finally! Those two were long overdue for a serious conversation. About the only time I ever see the former's human side anymore is when he's talking to a team member about something not strictly related to evidence. It was still way too short, but I'll take what I can get. And I love how pleased Eric looked at the end when he gleefully told Calleigh "Horatio's having her disbarred."
Random Fashion Watch Notes:
  1. FRANK. What was that suit? You were wearing olive green with orange plaid stripes. NEVER AGAIN PLEASE.
  2. Natalia, as usual, I desire to raid your wardrobe. Can I have that top when you get tired of it?
  3. All right, camera people, who ordered the shot from behind of Alexx kneeling over the body by the car? Shame on you.
Next week: *squees off the hook* YELINA! And THE RICKSTER! Jeeze, I don't know which one I'm more excited to see. Although I love how Stetler is collecting their badges like trophies, working his way through the whole team. He just has to get Calleigh, and his shield of triumph will be complete.
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Idol Pretends It Invented The Idea of Charity Night:
What wretched "inspirational" songs they chose - I'd only ever heard of one of them. And we didn't even see Bono mentoring the contestants! Nope, we cut all that out in favor of endless clips of impoverished children, which is what I really want to talk about. However, the performances tonight were practically an afterthought, so I will run through them first.

Chris: Still don't like him, but he did pretty well. Except for the part where his voice wobbled in a poor attempt at vibrato that sounded like a sick and/or dying cow. How the judges didn't hear that I don't know.

Melinda: YAWN. Pretty necklace. That is all. Though Mom could be heard whooping and cheering for the message her song sent, which is all about having faith in God without being an overbearing and preachy gospel-type song.

Blake: In addition to looking like a fish, Blake sings - as Mom informed me - a Lennon song that negates everything Melinda just sang about, in which he somberly advocates nihilism. Imagine no more heaven, no more hell, no religion, and no countries. ("oh wait, we're already halfway there - Soviet Russia had no religion, and the European Union is working hard on getting rid of countries").  How inspiring!  If there's no afterlife (and apparently no right and wrong), then what's the point of being nice to other people? If this is all you get, then you might as well cut throats to get ahead and live it up, no? This is a truly terrible - and boring - song masquerading as something profound. Oh, and as previously mentioned, Blake looks like a fish when he tries to croon at the camera. Ugh. Does the competiton really need to be strung out another month? Just put Melinda and Jordin in a death vote battle and be done with it.

Lakisha: How does someone so boring get voted along so far? But as much as I don't like her, I like Fantasia even less, so come on now Paula. If anybody shouts and screams their songs, it's Fantasia. Why do you think I hate her so much? On the bright side, Lakisha had a very flattering dress. I didn't know strapless could be a flattering look on heavy women, but apparently sometimes it can.

Phil: Ooh, country song for the second week in a row, SMART. Not as good as last week, and still as boring as everybody before him, but I've decided I kind of like him. 2 votes because his personality is kind of starting to grow on me against my will. At least when he comes on, he doesn't make me want to run from the room. Anymore.

Jordin: This was the only song I recognized ("Never Walk Alone"), and I only recognize it because my jazz dance one year was done to a super fast and upbeat version of it. I didn't even know there WAS a slow version. Now I do, and I also know that it sucks. Not even Jordin could keep me interested, although I did repeatedly vote for her during a full 15-minute segment of House until I lost count of how many times I'd hit "redial."

Funniest line of the night -
Ryan: Where's your button?
Simon: Stop looking, Ryan!


Hee. But really, I've been asking that question for weeks. Simon, I don't want to see your chest hair. Really. It's not that you're unattractive, exactly, it's just that you're more attractive when you're dressed properly - a word which here means "having your shirt buttoned all the way up."

I don't even know if I can describe how sick to death I am of their nausea-inducing clips where the Big Caring Celebrities wander through poverty-stricken areas and look aghast at being confronted with this. Really, Simon had "no idea" there were poor people in America? None? How sheltered a life does HE lead? There are poor people everywhere, in every nation, and there always will be no matter how much money you throw at the cause. His incredulity is much worse than Melinda's old "who, me?" looks of surprise.

But still, none of it's as bad as the footage of the (*SOB!*) little African children, including the one young boy with the Solitary Tear of Sorrow trailing down his cheek as he stares balefully into the camera lens until your heart weeps and you wrench open your wallet. God, Ryan, you've changed my life! Thank you so much for being this ANGEL of MERCY who opened my eyes to the horrors of the squalor and tragedy!
Ugh. How are you not all seeing straight through this disgusting schmaltz? Ask Idol how much money it raked in from this single night of programming. Compare it to the check they write for charity. Then see how sincere it all feels. God, I just want it to be over.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
lessthangreat
Apr. 25th, 2007 03:52 pm (UTC)
Uh, we're supposed to see Bono tonight because he was mentoring them for a song they're all singing together tonight.
lieueitak
Apr. 25th, 2007 05:34 pm (UTC)
in which he somberly advocates nihilism. Imagine no more heaven, no more hell, no religion, and no countries. ("oh wait, we're already halfway there - Soviet Russia had no religion, and the European Union is working hard on getting rid of countries"). How inspiring! If there's no afterlife (and apparently no right and wrong), then what's the point of being nice to other people? Dude. Someone sang "Imagine"? I shudder to think, especially if you got nihilism from it. Naturally John Lennon didn't live to see the fall of communism, and the EU isn't anymore for getting rid of countries than the US is for getting rid of states. My personal take on "Imagine," given Lennon's beliefs and such, is imagine we all set aside the labels and the base politics. Why be nice to people? Because Lennon was advocating we each find things to relate to in other people - "a brotherhood of man." You'd be nice to someone because in this imaginary world, the things that divide us don't exist.

But we're not in that utopia, so let me ask you a question: do you think any of the American Idol contestants really truly deserve that title? Because all of the performances I've seen are just way boring and lame. And if AI wanted to make a political statement or something, wouldn't it have made more sense for them to do something like "Rock the Vote" as their show is all about the democratic process (sort of) and stuff?

Oh. *looks around and hands you back your LJ* Sorry for stealing your entry, lol.
stunt_muppet
Apr. 27th, 2007 09:01 pm (UTC)
It's not like the man's lawyer was twirling a handlebar mustache and sneering "Ha-ha-ha! You vill nev-ar find vhere I have hidden your precious jewels!" Hee. Yeah, I didn't get that either. But I didn't really get why we needed to have three cases this week either.

Nobody should ever sing "Imagine" but Lennon. Ever. I kind of like the song, but that's only because Lennon sings it the way he does. Every cover of it I've ever heard sounds whiny and obnoxious.
rainbowstevie
Apr. 29th, 2007 12:11 am (UTC)
Geeze, am I the only person in the world who'd never heard of "Imagine" before it appeared on American Idol?! I feel so inadequately educated.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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