RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

Much like the show itself, Idol reviews are quick and easy to produce.

Which is why they get written up before the dramas do.  So, I'm writing this all from memory and scribbly notes for the second week in a row, which is an effective way to conserve tape space but which makes me nervous because I prefer to spin back through episodes as I write to make sure I don't forget anything I wanted to mention.  This may explain, in part, why my reviews have quadrupled in size from what they were a year ago.

Antonella is in the audience!  (And Gina too, but by comparison, she matters not)  Also, Ryan needs to shave.  He looks like a dirty homeless bum when he's not smooth-faced.

Wait, Bon Jovi's a band?  I thought he was just the one guy!  Speaking of which, I have a digression for you.  You know how certain songs get lodged in your memory and always remind you of one specific place?  I have a ton of songs like that, and this isn't a really profound story, but every time I hear "It's My Life" I flash back to middle school gym, during our weight room circuit.  We had the radio on, and it was the first time I'd ever heard the song...the girl across from me on the stair stepper was lip-synching in as exaggerated a manner as possible, and matching her steps to the melody.  It was funny at the time.  And so every time I hear this song, that's what I see.  Incidentally, it's my favorite Bon Jovi song, and I am highly disappointed that nobody sang it.  Unless HE performs it tonight...that would be pretty cool.

Also, the major component of my Jon Bon Jovi love, comes from his guest-star role on Ally McBeal as Victor the plumber.  God, I loved that character.  He and Ally made such a sweet couple... *gazes off into the distance* Is that show on DVD?  Someday I should tell you about my early high school experience with Fox dramas.  They were good times.  Okay, back to Idol.   On to songs.

Phil: ...crap, he looks even creepier and lizardy than ever when sitting side-by-side with the hotness that is Jon.  It's kind of mesmerizing how good the latter looks.  Insert further fawning here.  As for Phil...oh MAN.  "Goin' down in a blaze of glory"?  Now he HAS to go tonight on this song!  IT IS TOO PERFECT.  He is asking to be ejected.

Jordin: Oh, God, her hair.  It's like Diana Ross went to Gina's stylist for highlights and came out like this.  It is just...oh, her looks are atrocious and her singing isn't much better.  Even though I adore "Livin' On a Prayer," I didn't like the performance.  First she didn't seem to be into it at all, and then by the end she just seemed to be screaming, which is too bad because she might not be a designated Rock Chick, but I thought she would do okay tonight - the way Kelly Clarkson can sing stuff like "Since U Been Gone."  But no.  And it worries me that not only was she the worst of the batch tonight, it's the third week in a row I haven't loved her style.  Feeling guilty about not voting for her enough last week, though, I sent all my votes tonight in her direction.  And there were a lot.  I'd guess around 50.  (I was feeling dedicated.  And I love the sound of the phone redialing.)

Lakisha: First she makes a fool out of herself by refusing to sit so the camera can get her "slim" side.  I think she was trying to be cute about it.  But you know what?  If your pant size is in the double digits, you should not call attention to attention to your weight.  I'll ignore your size if you do, but if you try to be giggly like a skinny (a/k/a pretty) girl, I will ream you out.  LOOK IN A MIRROR.  HI.  STILL FAT.  NOT HOT. 

And then when she went over to kiss Simon...I groaned and blocked my view of the screen with my notebook.  "Stop taking everything literally!" I shrieked, busy dying of embarassment for her.  However, I caught the tail end of it, and in retrospect it was probably really super cute, so now I'm kicking myself for not taping the show so I could play that bit back later.  Hey, whatever gets Simon to be all sweet and smiley is fine by me.  My favorite part of this series is when he seems genuinely fond of a contestant, and I definitely saw that here, which nullifies the embarassment quotient.

I can't even remember what she sang or what she sounded like, though I did think her hair was looking fantastic.  

Blake: Killed another one of my favorite Bon Jovi songs, NICE GOING.  ("You Give Love a Bad Name") First of all, hideous hair.  Second of all, I despised that performance.  It was just stupid and random and there were like, bits of rapping involved in a song that has a most fantastic bunch of verses... BOO.  Or actually, here's what my notes say:  "I forgot he was a beatboxer!"

"I was happy to forget."

Chris: I have heard this song on the radio maybe a couple of times on the radio, but never knew it was by Bon Jovi.  Also, I learned its title is "Dead or Alive" Hah!  And here I was pretty sure it was "Ghetto of Life."  No, I don't know why.  Anyway, Chris sang it pretty well...I interest is waning.

Melinda: See Jordin!  MELINDA didn't do one single funky rockstar thing to her appearance!  And everybody still thought she was fantastic.  I don't know.  I was bored.  As usual.  We've reached a point where I don't even care who goes home because they're all so boring and expendable, with the possible exception of Jordin.  On a random note, is this the first week this season where their song choices have been limited exclusively to songs sung by the mentor-of-the-week?  Oh, and my picks for tonight, considering that this week's votes are combined with last week's...I call Chris and Lakisha.  Don't ask why.  I just do.  I want to make a last-minute switch and name Phil over Lakisha, except that whenever I do last-minute switches I'm always wrong, so this week I'm trusting my instincts.

[Edit: SEE?  I told you I'd forget things - like the little thank-you video clip from George & Laura Bush!  Sweethearts.  *hugs* Why do I still have the bad feeling that the people who couldn't find a single snarky thing to say about the entirety of Idol Gives Back will rip this to shreds, just because it's Bush?  I don't understand.  It should not be possible to hate the president any more than his wife when they are so adorably sweet and smiley and just...*sighs contentedly* I don't say this often enough, but I really love my president.]
Tags: american idol
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