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One last weekend until all hell breaks loose in the work world again (a/k/a I go from the blissful 2 weeks of "basically vacation" I've just had, with barely any work being assigned, to a bunch of clients coming back and TPTB calling for all hands on deck, full steam ahead), so I am sucking up these last precious moments of freedom whilst I can. By writing about TV, as I do.

Sleepy Hollow, 2x06, The Skinwalker "The Abyss Gazes Back"

That was kind of fun; not my favorite monster ever but suitably disturbing-looking. Took some delight in Crane's floofy, free-flowing locks and his distaste for both yoga and the word "buns." (For the record, to quote Abbie, "double jug" is much weirder.) Mostly, though, I took delight from his dialogue in that scene, the reluctant admission of feelings that are neither understanding nor cheerful. "Yes, I am...peeved. I'm disappointed. I'm hurt." Ending bonus: Crane in a headset, playing video games over the internet.

Hawley continues to be a hot menace and I love him more than Abbie at this point. WATCH OUT, CRANES, HE'S GUNNING FOR YOUR TITLES. Although I did quite like Crane casually interfacing with the Shawnee gang for him, especially his most polite interjection of "Big Ash -- Big Ash? *decisive nod* Big Ash..."

Also, I would "what the damn hell" at Henry, but this Yahoo review helpfully informed me that the past 3 episodes have deftly tied together him setting up exactly what he puts in play at the end of this one, and next week is so infinitely many levels of OMGWTFBBBQ GIVE IT TO ME NOW DO WANT levels of shipper excitement that I am going to bowl myself over in my haste to get to it.

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2 Broke Girls and the Season Premiere With Kim Kardashian

WHAT THE DAMN HELL, SHOW. I talk you up all over town, practically throw a party in honor of your return, and you repay me by cutting off Caroline's signature locks and making her almost instantly fine with it? Despite a devastating speech about how her hair is her identity and the only thing that's helped her survive her miserable life of poverty thus far?

The only reason I am legit not flouncing out the door is that by midwinter you will be the only purebred comedy left in my life that doesn't suck. Also a little bit because Max still has her lucious locks and Caroline's hair is not too...well, it's not all the way up into what we refer to as the Hell/Nightmare Zone, so I can issue it a legal residence visa. (Its length does allow it to have a nice bit of bounce and curl, I will begrudgingly admit.) However, I would have preferred 2-3 episodes of increasing melodrama until a compliment from a hot guy or some respectable famous woman turned it around. Perhaps some sourt of elaborate mourning outfit, or crass appropriation of a black ribbon pinned to her uniform. Or increasingly zany schemes to drum up the money for a real hair wig.

But seriously, Beth Behrs why would you do the thing. Did you even pay attention to how many years Pauley Perrette has been legit damaging her hair to stay faithful to her character? I think you can manage the hardship of using extra shampoo.

P.S. Beth is forgiven for this segment of this adorable Hollywood Reporter article:
"We have a horse on the show who plays Chestnut — love him. His real name is Gunner and his trainer has a ranch, so he lets me come ride sometimes. It's up north, around Ventura County. It's awesome."
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In actual episode review notes...prior to The Bad Thing, I was just so giddy with relief to have my show back and free of deadweight love interests that I pretty much fawned at its altar, enjoyed everything and hardly even remembered to be annoyed by Kim Kardashian's presence. I especially loved Max's Homemade Hatecakes, her random listing of weird names that start with K, and her takedown of the Hipster Holdup. (For the record, that is totally how I think I would respond to a gun in my face threatening something I held dear. Or at least the "I have a death wish and zero fear of bullets" part.)

I would like to take issue with the use of "hand condom" seven seconds into the season, though (and half of those seconds were intro music). I don't know why I'm constantly surprised by your need to make unnecessary crass jokes, but I am. (In non-crass jokes: that one about Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber getting in a fight was outdated 5 minutes after it happened in real life.)

I would also like to take issue with how Max ended up wearing a shirt with a cat on it, apparently unironically, with zero mention of how that happened or a single comment on her Crazy Cat Lady/Grandma/third grade attire from anyone.

Ignore the text. Nabbed first still photo I found on Tumblr 'cause I'm lazy.

Still, overall, very excited! Looking forward to more.
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Criminal Minds, 8x05, "Boxed In": Last week I had to take a call about eight minutes into the episode, which was fine with me because I definitely did not want to watch anything that involved copious amounts of live bugs, so I never caught up. This week, though, was AMAZING. The plot moved at lightning speed, even without any false twists and turns. Every time something happened, I kept thinking "oh, it's way too early for that to be a real answer -- WAIT BUT IT IS??" Good backstory, good present-day story; the slowest parts were Hotchner and his dumb kid. (of course he won the costume contest. You cheated with a professional-grade outfit.) Also, I just accidentally called him Jack, because his oppressive annoyance is apparently as bad as Jack Malone's at this point, despite a greater ability to follow the rules/law.

Also, I know I am a bad person because if some bratty child egged my house for no reason and I later found out that kid was missing, I would have a very hard time mustering up a feeling of shock or sadness as opposed to being like "YES!" in a way that made me a suspect.

P.S. How come on TV, the streets are always loaded with other kids trick-or-treating? I don't think I've ever seen more than 2 or 3 other parties at a time. Is this a real thing? Does it happen in those tacky places with houses that all look alike? Or does it belong on a list of TV tropes somewhere?

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Stalker And The Creepy Clown/Haunted House (or an even better title: "The Haunting")

1. A+ very good EXCELLENT opening scene, with the suddenly-abandoned costume shop and the creepy, almost ghostly ball-bouncing clown. I thought I was watching a promo for American Horror Story at first. They didn't even need to squander that on Halloween, that could have been used any time as either a running theme or the climax of a storyline any time.

2. I don't get why she declined to press charges after he whipped the ball so hard it broke the mirror, though. The rest I can see writing off, but that throw was inteded to hurt. It could have easily given her a black eye or maybe even damaged a tooth if she hadn't ducked. Freaking psycho. And again, I was kind of disappointed that the ex-boyfriend was pretty much the definition of a normal stalker, the kind that should be getting focus if it didn't have to be so sensationalized.

3. I loved the actress playing the starring guest spot. She was very pretty, would like to see more of her.

4. Rule #1 when you have a stalker/potential stalker: don't throw a Halloween party where people are allowed to wear masks.

5. The ultimate reveal of "house's former and mentally disturbed owner is living in a secret basement room he built" freaked me the hell out. Not least because I was at an estate sale in this beautiful old home earlier in the day -- the new owner moves in next week -- and the basement had this large 3x2 foot section cut out of a stone wall in one room, which led to some kind of spooky-looking crawlspace (possibly for storage) behind it. I immediately flashed back and thought THAT IS EXACTLY WHERE SOME CREEPY PERSON WOULD HIDE OUT AND/OR STORE A BODY. Not least because in another storage space on the porch, I noticed a spare key hanging from a hook beside the door inside, and I don't know if it was specifically for the house or if it was for that space/a shed or something, but it seemed unwise to have that lying around out of view of the people in charge.

I watch a lot of crime shows, okay? They give me ideas about the worst case scenario, that's all.

6. I still love the slowly unfolding arc of Beth's "stalker boy" storyline. Wish I could have paused and read that article on her under her former name more closely. No, wait, I'll get TVEquals.com to do it for me: "It seems that Michelle was the victim of an arsonist who set fire to her parent’s house when she was in her early twenties and killed them and her sister, not to mention her dog. The arsonist in question was caught and institutionalized, which Beth confirmed later on in the episode, along with whether or not he’d had any visitors, which he hadn’t- yet."

7. In case anyone (like my mother) is unclear why I still do not like Jackass, the issue was not helped by him merrily faking hearing probable cause to illegally enter a(n innocent) suspect's house. 'Cause nothing turns me on like abuse of power, right?
Voice: unless it's a teacher and then all bets are off, if I recall correctly.
RS: Go back to retirement.

8. I still hope his ex-wife nails his ass to the wall, though I also think maybe she should stop warning him so often and giving him time and incentive to build his defenses against her attack.

9. Where is the show finding all these extra-creepy covers of stalker songs to close out episodes? Because I'm impressed.

10. Overall rating: super scary, exactly what I always dream of getting from Halloween episodes.

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Warning: So Much Text Ahead
Since I last checked in with Survivor, the teams have switched it up and created one tribe of mostly-singletons + Advocates for Marriage Equality and another tribe of pairs + Keith. I know I have previously professed dismissal with extreme prejudice toward Josh, but in true Kurt fashion, he has grown more tolerable in the presence of a bright-eyed and charismatic partner. It doesn't help that my heart has grown weak in the absence of Klaine, and vulnerable to an onslaught of footage featuring hugs, declarations of love and quick pecks (also in true Klaine fashion).

I didn't expect it would, and to be sure it's something I have to view more in glancing blows, but its guerilla attacks are growing more effective. Especially after that quasi-TMI moment about ~waiting for marriage~, which was clearly dreamed up specifically to placate me in the weirdest and most awkward way.

In related news, this exists, complete with slo mo, soft focus and dreamy blurred lines edges. I don't know whether to laugh or laugh hard.

I grow more fascinated by Jaclyn's resemblance to Heather Morris every day, which (along with the above) makes it increasingly easy to imagine this game being composed of Glee characters. One day I'm going to work it out for real. ...and apparently that day is today. Check it out!
[a quick mock-up]
See, now I have a framework to follow based on voting-out order, and can make up my own stories for how they got that way.

Reed = Blaine
Josh = Kurt
Jaclyn = Brittany
Jon = Sam
Jeremy = Jake
Val = Mercedes
Natalie = Santana
Nadiya = Kitty (doesn't matter, she's out so fast -- these could be switched as well)
Wes = Puck
Keith = Burt (*amended* I feel they have very similar qualities in both personality and approach to parenting)
Missy = Shelby
Baylor = Rachel
John Rocker = Brody
Julie = April, or perhaps Cassie July
Dale = Will
Kelley = Quinn (blonde) or Marley (quietness) -- haven't decided
Drew  and Alec = Finn and Ryder (these two don't fit as well, beyond being 'athletic dudes,' but I want them in the game and these guys are what's left)

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Ahem...what I was going to say about Jaclyn was that I love her and Jon's kissyface even more, and her innocent "we get to sleep together!" excitement was adorable. I am really starting to be sold on them as this golden All American couple. It's making me want to read a lot of 1950s romances, preferably of the classic football star/cheerleader variety. Sadly, they do not have a dreamy shipper video anywhere on YouTube, but there are a boatload of moments packed into this clip. Of the two dating couples, they are being way more PDA about their love and I am totally okay with that.

I secretly loved how the New Blue tribe came from behind to win -- and no, not just because Reed & Josh saved themselves from surefire condemnation if they had lost as a unit -- because it was very exciting. (Although Reed has probably put a target on his back for post-merge after successfully blazing through two challenges in one voting period)

I'm amused by the vague attempts to paint Jeremy as homophobic with his glowering in the background (unless he gets a pass due to being non-white?), even though he is clearly just displeased by the sheer ostentatiousness of displaying that you are with a romantic partner (while no one else is) on a constant basis. I imagine that would bug if you're not Baylor.

The challenges are still mighty excellent. My jaw literally fell open watching Jeremy easily shoot himself over vertical walls and spring-climb to the top of the cube on that last challenge as if unable to experience gravity. It was like watching an Olympic gymnast. I would like to watch a web series that is nothing but Jeremy climbing all over jungle gyms and playing The Ground Is Lava on an epic scale, please and thanks.

I was sorry to see Dale and his daughter at odds with Missy and hers, because I liked both couples almost equally and I am now imagining stories where they're friendly neighbors and very sociable. I also thought it was interesting that the Golden Couple declined to actually side in their votes last week, tossing one to each party and leaving Keith as the technical swing/deciding vote.

And I thought it was cute that Natalie cheerfully volunteered to hang out at Exile with Baylor, making it a sort of Girls Day Out. Probably will only have good consequences for her, too.

As for the Dramatic Rice Shakedown, giving up comfort was pretty much what I expected. And I don't know why Jeremy was so grumpy, since not every challenge is going to be a food reward, even if you win. I mean, I know most of them are, but...

Last but not least, probably, at this point I just feel sorry for Julie. Her ticket onto the show was also a huge handicap, and she reminds me of, I dunno, a half starved cart horse in the days before cruelty laws, dispirited and just waiting for it to be over. She isn't successful at anything, she doesn't really seem to have made close friends, and I feel a subtle undercurrent of people thinking "John Rocker is gross, why are u dating him #judgingyou."

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